MidLifeCrisis Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Steve, Do you have the address of this site. That R U A terrorist with a heart living in a cave is just kickin and I got get me some of that. If you think she is hot, go check out the goat section. Some killer hoofs on a few of them. :grin: Quote Steve A Lifetime of Peace, Love and Protest Music www.rock-xtreme.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linwood Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MidLifeCrisis Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Why I fired my secretary Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought...Well, that's marriage for you,but the kids....They will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jeanne said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday! "It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jeanne knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jeanne, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!" We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jeanne said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?" I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner." After arriving at her apartment,Jeanne turned to me and said, " Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake. Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday.And I just sat there.. On the couch... Naked. Quote Steve A Lifetime of Peace, Love and Protest Music www.rock-xtreme.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 "I really do believe that in certain parts of America now... people have started to mate with vegetables." :grin: This video is too funny. Klonk Here Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gismo Recording Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 "I really do believe that in certain parts of America now... people have started to mate with vegetables." :grin: This video is too funny. Klonk Here Unfortunately: This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by British Broadcasting Corporation Quote Ken Denny Gismo Recording So Cliché Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 "I really do believe that in certain parts of America now... people have started to mate with vegetables." :grin: This video is too funny. Klonk Here Unfortunately: This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by British Broadcasting Corporation Bummer. It was pretty funny. It got written up in an article on MSNBC.com, I believe. I guess it just got too darn popular. OK. Here's a Little Johnny joke, just for you, Mr. 149 Keys... Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..." At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army." Mommy fainted. Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt. Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish. :grin: Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K K Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish. :grin: :grin: :grin: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Link Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 WARNING: MATURE HUMOR Here's a good Valentine's joke: A woman gets a dozen red roses at work. Her blonde co-worker is all excited and goes on about how lucky the woman is to have such a romantic husband. "To tell you the truth," the woman says, "it's hardly worth it- since this usually means I'll have to spend the weekend on my back with my legs apart." The blonde looks puzzled and asks, "Do you mean to tell me you don't own a vase?" Quote aka âmisterdregsâ Nord Electro 5D 73 Yamaha P105 Kurzweil PC3LE7 Motion Sound KP200S Schimmel 6-10LE QSC CP-12 Westone AM Pro 30 IEMs Rolls PM55P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linwood Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Rockitt http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTCAVIMCE5g Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProfD Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 A Man and his Wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a Drunken Stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the Husband, "It is three o'clock in the morning." He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his Wife! "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "Are you kidding? No, I did not! It is three o'clock in the morning and its pouring rain outside!" His wife said, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The man does as he is told (of course!), gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello! Are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes! Please!" comes the reply from the darkness. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk. Quote PD "The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return."--E. Ahbez "Nature Boy" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk. :grin: A while ago I visited my local hardware store to buy some pesticide. I had a bad beetle infestation Since I didn't ask for a discount and was paying full list price, I figured I could get some friendly advice. So I calmlly asked the guy at the counter, "Is this good for Beetles?" And he said... [font:Comic Sans MS]"HELL NO. IT'LL KILL 'EM!"[/font] Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delirium Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 3 minute management course Lesson One! An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not" So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. Lesson Two: A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull." They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day he reached the second branch and, finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. Lesson Three: A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He laid there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Management Lesson : (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut! This ends the three minute management course. this is the best MBA course I have ever attended :grin: Quote ♫♫♫ motif XS6, RD700GX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K K Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 What's the difference between a violin and a viola? The viola burns longer. :grin: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Iverson Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 Quote: What's the difference between bagpipes and onions? People will cry if you chop up onions. G Oops sorry, I missed the one above about the oboes, but I like the sound of an oboe. ----------------------------------------- Stay out of New York City on St. Patrick's Day if you don't like bagpipes. There are hundreds of pipers out there and it sounds like an army of cats in heat! Oddly enough some of them do use electronic tuners, but it doesn't make any difference! Though what it does to the tuner is anybody's guess! Does using a tuner to try and tune bagpipes void the warranty? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProfD Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith. The midget." Quote PD "The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return."--E. Ahbez "Nature Boy" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverDragonSoun Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith. The midget." I enjoyed this. It gave my friend and I are good hearty laugh. Quote Begin the day with a friendly voice A companion, unobtrusive - Rush Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legatoboy Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Hope this doesn't ruffle anybody's feathers too mucho!, I have come to understand the diversity of thought out there and I have also come to respect how different folks feel about things, so! If so, I will remove it! http://www.thewinnipegpages.com/forum/uploads/post-2-1139930113.jpg lb Quote CP-50, YC 73, FP-80, PX5-S, NE-5d61, Kurzweil SP6, XK-3, CX-3, Hammond XK-3, Yamaha YUX Upright, '66 B3/Leslie 145/122 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legatoboy Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 hope this is allowed, if anybody has any problem, I will remove it! http://www.jokesbee.com/graphx/clintonbill.gif lb Quote CP-50, YC 73, FP-80, PX5-S, NE-5d61, Kurzweil SP6, XK-3, CX-3, Hammond XK-3, Yamaha YUX Upright, '66 B3/Leslie 145/122 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delirium Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 http://www.thewinnipegpages.com/forum/uploads/post-2-1139930113.jpg lb :grin::grin::grin::grin::grin: exactly right, they are biggest ones I heard of the ...! Quote ♫♫♫ motif XS6, RD700GX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverDragonSoun Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Such illicit photos and colorful metaphors, I'd complain but I like it. Quote Begin the day with a friendly voice A companion, unobtrusive - Rush Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Nightime Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 I'm not complaining, I like it. But remember some of us actually read these at work. Quote "In the beginning, Adam had the blues, 'cause he was lonesome. So God helped him and created woman. Now everybody's got the blues." Willie Dixon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K K Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 You're not supposed to be simultaneously working and surfing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delirium Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 You're not supposed to be simultaneously working and surfing. why not? are we not multitasking ? we use to play each hand completely different thing right? :grin: Quote ♫♫♫ motif XS6, RD700GX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K K Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Well, when I post a pic of that girl working at the nearby boutique, can you simultaneously work and look at her? :grin: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Griffinator Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 You're not supposed to be simultaneously working and surfing. Pfft. I work at a call center, taking inbound CS calls. I can do anything I want between calls except play games.... Quote A bunch of loud, obnoxious music I USED to make with friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Griffinator Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Now, for another round of humour... Former Pres. Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill . At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head "no." The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy." Bill hesitates... but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it! Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C'mere Hilly baby.." With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field. She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, " Bill you !^$ #@&!" The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up and down, cheering, hooting and hollering, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!" Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong. The agent replies, "Sir, I said they wanted you to throw out the first Pitch!" Quote A bunch of loud, obnoxious music I USED to make with friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delirium Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Well, when I post a pic of that girl working at the nearby boutique, can you simultaneously work and look at her? :grin: probably I could do one thing simultaneously while looking at her, but I don't want to post it... :grin: Quote ♫♫♫ motif XS6, RD700GX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Nightime Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I was more concerned by people looking over my shoulder. I can play piano with the right hand, bass with the left, sing, and ogle the cute girls, all at the same time. Multi-tasking? PFFFFT No Problem. Quote "In the beginning, Adam had the blues, 'cause he was lonesome. So God helped him and created woman. Now everybody's got the blues." Willie Dixon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delirium Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 music is for everyone. http://www.worth1000.com/entries/218000/218414YEgd_w.jpg Quote ♫♫♫ motif XS6, RD700GX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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