Durockrolly Posted March 26, 2006 Share Posted March 26, 2006 What do Michael Jackson and the San Francisco Giants have in common? They both wear a glove on one hand for no apparent reason! Quote Fernando If you can't say it in 12 bars... then it can't be said! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trill Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favourite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help! Thanks, Troubled User. (KEEP READING) _____________________________________ REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of luck, Tech Support Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phred Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do." But I bet more people die in thier sleep than either of these (or both combined). Therefore sleeping is more dangerous than both doctors and gun together. Wow - don't go to sleep people... Also, Quote I'm just saying', everyone that confuses correlation with causation eventually ends up dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trill Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 http://img463.imageshack.us/img463/7530/helicopterhair7zn.png Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andre Lower Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Originally posted by Trill: http://img463.imageshack.us/img463/7530/helicopterhair7zn.png Hey isn't that Herky from "Jay Jay the Jet Plane"? Quote "I'm ready to sing to the world. If you back me up". (Lennon to his bandmates, in an inspired definition of what it's all about). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeep Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Hey, Hey! The Weekend's just about here! http://www.londonstimes.us/toons/cartoons/organ.jpg http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/joke1.gif http://www.markstivers.com/Cartoons/Cartoons%202003/Stivers-6-4-03-I-got-tired.gif http://www.offthemark.com/Images/music/bbmusic09.gif http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_mar2003/PianoMover.jpg http://www.offthemark.com/Images/music/bbmusic04.gif http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mba/lowres/mban324l.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lerber3 Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 http://www.eteamz.com/camping/images/Folk_music_joke.GIF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lerber3 Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 http://www.blarneyparty.com/RECORD%20COVER%20W%2001.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lerber3 Posted April 1, 2006 Share Posted April 1, 2006 http://www.geocities.com/randyone-nc/fights.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Senior Citizen and the State Trooper A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Corvette convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rearview mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing. "He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him. The trooper pulled in behind the Corvette and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper... I thought you were bringing her back". "Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper. Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Nightime Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Oh, come on now, that could never happen. The old people in Florida can't get above 35 in a 55, even in a new Corvette. Quote "In the beginning, Adam had the blues, 'cause he was lonesome. So God helped him and created woman. Now everybody's got the blues." Willie Dixon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real MC Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Originally posted by Cydonia: Anyone succeeded at licking his/her elbow yet? *licks fingers* *wets elbow with fingers* YES How many nude groupies does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know about you, but if I'm in a room full of nude groupis I'm not worried about the lights. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twistedtom Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Q. You have a DJ and a rap star in a car, who is driving? A. A cop. A city boy knocks on a farmers door and asks the farmer I see you have milkweed in your field mind if I get some milk? The farmer says you get milk from cow not milkweed. City boy says can I try? Farmer says go ahead So the city boy dose and comes back with a bucket of milk The farmer looks on in amazement. Next day city boy is back and asks I see you have some buttercups down in your field mind if I get some butter? Farmer says butter comes from milk but give it a try. City boy comes back with a bucket of butter. Next day city boy comes again and asks I see you have some pussy willows down in your field. Farmer says I am coming with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linwood Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7nf4XAVjZk&search=elephant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still Learning Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 linwood, That is TOTALLY DISGUSTING!!! I will never say that I'm having a bad day again! Quote When most people go to work, they work. When musicians go to work, they play. Which do you prefer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linwood Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 I saw that on one of those America's Funny Vid's shows. Give that man a tic tac. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeep Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 http://www.doowopcaferadio.com/Louielep.jpeg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Root Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Hey jeep is there somewhere online where you can go and read far side comics? I've tried looking and can't find anything. Far side is my absolute favorite and I would love to just be able to look at them online. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeep Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Root: agreed. There seems to be no particular "motherlode" of Don Larsen's deservedly legendary work on the 'Net. However, some diligent prospecting and mining will turn up the odd gem here and there. http://www.doowopcaferadio.com/BookOfLove.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 CLONK HERE FOR FAR SIDE Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeep Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Ha-HAR!! Good work, Gas! OK.....I'm played out now.....but.... but...waitaminnit...here's...here's one more... http://www.doowopcaferadio.com/BLUEHILL.JPG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 OK, OK... since everybody seemed to enjoy Trill's little Photoshop trickery he played on me earlier in the week, here's another shot of me when I was just a baby. This, and the other one, were crafted by none other than my MANAGER. (I've got a great manager.) CLONK HERE Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trill Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Gas, thanks for posting that link. Good stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trill Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Check out this incredible street art. Clonk here for realistic looking street art Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa: "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake". Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Force Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Originally posted by Is There Gas in the Car?: OK, OK... since everybody seemed to enjoy Trill's little Photoshop trickery he played on me earlier in the week, here's another shot of me when I was just a baby. This, and the other one, were crafted by none other than my MANAGER. (I've got a great manager.) CLONK HERE That, my friends, is SCARY! Quote Steve Force, Durham, North Carolina -------- My Professional Websites Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 OH YEAH? Let's see some of YOUR baby pictures, Steve. We have department meetings at the first of the year. Unfortunately, my manager is always on the lookout for fodder to amuse the crowd. So he combined the head shot with pictures of two guys and their wives in our group who recently had babies. It was scary then - it's still scary today. But it can't come close to the Photoshop work that Trill did. That's classic. And folks, my stomach is not quite that big. I've even been working out with 12 ounce weights. They're manufactured by an outfit that's new to the physical phitness industry. I'd tell you the name, but I scratched the label off. All I know is that it starts with BUDWEIS... don't know the rest. Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K K Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Originally posted by Is There Gas in the Car?: Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake". Hahahahaha. Good one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoomer Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 A musician wins a million dollars in the lottery. As he is presented with the big publicity check, he is asked, "What are you going to do with the money?" He replies, "I guess I'll keep playing music until its all gone." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 Originally posted by zoomer: A musician wins a million dollars in the lottery. As he is presented with the big publicity check, he is asked, "What are you going to do with the money?" He replies, "I guess I'll keep playing music until its all gone." If there wasn't some truth to it, that joke wouldn't be funny. Unfortunately, that joke is funny. Quote "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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