Jump to content
Please note: You can easily log in to MPN using your Facebook account!

OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others!


Recommended Posts

Guy walks into a muso store and asks the shopkeeper for the white amp & the red saxophone.

Shopkeeper says" you're a drummer, aren't you"?

"How do you know"

"Cos the red saxophone is a fire extinguisher & the radiator is not for sale"!

 

What's the difference between a drum machine & a drummer? You only have to punch the song into a drum machine once.

 

How do you know that there's a singer at the door? He can't find the key & never knows when to come in.

Gig rig: Motif XF8,Roland A37~laptop,Prophet 08,Yam WX5~VL70m.

Studio: V-Synth GT,Korg DW8000,A33,Blofeld,N1R,KS Rack,too many VSTs

Freefall www.f-music.co.uk

Link to comment
Share on other sites

AMEN ANDY ROONEY !

 

Andy Rooney said on "60 Minutes" a few weeks back:

 

 

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

 

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?

 

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

 

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

 

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.

 

I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

 

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

 

I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry a-- if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

 

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

 

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.

 

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

 

I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.

 

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building.

 

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"

 

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!

 

I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD,

INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!

 

It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having "In God We Trust" on our money and having "God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to Shut Up and BE QUIET!!!

Steve

A Lifetime of Peace, Love and Protest Music

www.rock-xtreme.com

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally posted by MidLifeCrisis:

Originally posted by Rahsaan:

AMEN ANDY ROONEY !

 

you do realise that Andy Rooney never actually said any of this, right?

Still makes for fun and controversial reading. :D
HE SAID IT ALRIGHT!... or my name's not Bob. :freak:;)
"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please."

 

The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there."

 

After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner."

 

The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?"

 

The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?"

 

The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."

Steve Force,

Durham, North Carolina

--------

My Professional Websites

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally posted by Cydonia:

Anyone succeeded at licking his/her elbow yet? :)

 

http://www.lifeteen.org/static/newsbox/elbowlick.jpg

Nice find Cydonia,It amazing to find that we take these humourous post seriously enough to do research on them :D

 

The girl must be able to dislocate her shoulder...ouch!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(Believe it or not)

Guitar player gets a free calculator for opening a bank account,

and was pee'd off about the whole deal:

"Aw, man, I just don't get it ! "

Turns out he spent all day trying to get it into his effects chain.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Three surgeons playing golf argued about who was the most skilled surgeon.

 

The first told of a patient who had a leg severed. He reattached the leg and the fellow ran the Boston Marathon two years later.

 

The second boasted of a patient who had both arms severed. Only a year later, he played a Liszt solo piano recital at Carnagie Hall.

 

The third said. "That's nothing! I had a drunken cowboy ride his horse head on into a train. All I had to work with was an empty cowboy hat and a horse's ass. And now he's the President."

--wmp
Link to comment
Share on other sites

http://mail.google.com/mail/?view=att&disp=emb&attid=0.1.3&th=10a2c99302876612

 

 

Thought for the day::

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice:

When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together

it spells "THEIRS"?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

FACTS TO PONDER: (with apologies to the physicians and lawyers on the forum)

 

 

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

 

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.

 

© Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

 

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.

 

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. (Yes, that's 80 million..)

 

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.

 

© The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 000188.

 

Statistics courtesy of FBI

 

So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

 

Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do."

 

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,

 

BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

 

Out of concern for the public at large, I withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.

Steve

A Lifetime of Peace, Love and Protest Music

www.rock-xtreme.com

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally posted by MidLifeCrisis:

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.

 

© Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

 

Geeez. Looks like many US doctors got their diplomas at Dr. Nick Riviera's school. :)

 

"Hi everybody!"

 

http://www.rob-clarkson.com/duff-brewery/nickriviera/01.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A Texan, A New Yorker, and a Russian are seated at a restaurant. The waiter says. "Excuse me, there are no steaks tonight. There's a shortage."

 

The Russian asks, "What's a steak?"

 

The Texan asks, "What's a shortage?"

 

The New Yorker asks, "What's excuse me?"

--wmp
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, running the risk of this being known already (I still find it interesting): Back in the middle ages, food was rather scarce, communities were small and therefore the control over reproduction was tight. In order to have "lawful" sex, which more often than not would yield another mouth to be fed, peasants should procure the previous authorization of their King. In order to let it be known that what was going on inside a newly-married couple's house was legal, the inscription F-U-C-K was posted on their front door: Fornication Under Consent of the King. Practical origin of the much maligned word of our days...
"I'm ready to sing to the world. If you back me up". (Lennon to his bandmates, in an inspired definition of what it's all about).
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally posted by Andre Lower:

Well, running the risk of this being known already (I still find it interesting): Back in the middle ages, food was rather scarce, communities were small and therefore the control over reproduction was tight. In order to have "lawful" sex, which more often than not would yield another mouth to be fed, peasants should procure the previous authorization of their King. In order to let it be known that what was going on inside a newly-married couple's house was legal, the inscription F-U-C-K was posted on their front door: Fornication Under Consent of the King. Practical origin of the much maligned word of our days...

Having sex with your spouse isn't fornication. Having sex with MY spouse is. Also, check our snopes.com for a host of other reasons why this is not true.

 

http://www.snopes.com/language/acronyms/fuck.htm

aka âmisterdregsâ

 

Nord Electro 5D 73

Yamaha P105

Kurzweil PC3LE7

Motion Sound KP200S

Schimmel 6-10LE

QSC CP-12

Westone AM Pro 30 IEMs

Rolls PM55P

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...