OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others!

[d halfnote]

How is a show-biz agent like a sperm cell?

 

Both have a 1-in-a-million chance of becoming human.

[SilverDragonSoun]

HERE ARE A FEW IRISH JOKES:

 

 

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

 

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

 

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

 

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

 

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

 

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

 

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.

 

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

 

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

 

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

 

The priest said, 'I don't believe this.. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

 

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

Paddy was in New York .

 

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

 

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

 

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

 

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

 

'Just water,' says the priest.

 

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

 

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

 

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

 

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

 

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

 

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

 

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

 

Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

 

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

 

In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

 

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

 

Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

 

'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ..... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

 

[Chris Link]

The local constable pulls Paddy over late one evening and asks if he'd been drinking. Paddy admits that he may have had a pint, maybe two.

 

"I thought so." says the cop, "When you rounded that last corner too fast, your wife Mary Katherine fell out of the car."

 

"Oh thank the Lord!" says Paddy, "And here I thought I'd been suddenly struck deaf."

[Chris Link]

Two buddies are out late after their bowling night and are talking the next day. The first says, "I cut the engine on the car and coasted into the driveway, unlocked and opened the door as quietly as is humanly possible, took off my shoes and tiptoed upstairs, undressed in the bathroom and slid into bed. My wife snapped on the light and starts reading me the riot act for being out so late and ruining her nights sleep."

 

"Oh hell," says the other, "You're going about this all wrong. I toot the horn a couple of times, dash upstairs while undressing on the way, slap her on the butt and say 'How about a little lovin', sweetie?' "

 

"She always pretends to be asleep."

[Chris Link]

WARNING: EXTREMELY TASTELESS JOKE

 

The local priest is walking along the cliffs high above the ocean far from town one sunny day and comes upon a little boy sitting on the ground sobbing.

 

"Whatever's the matter, my child?" he asks.

 

In between sobs, the boy manages to say, "My Mom and Dad and sister and I were coming out to have a picnic. My Dad and I had gotten out of the car when a moment later he saw that it was rolling toward the cliff. He managed to get to the car and get in, but it was too late and it went over the cliff and crashed and burst into flames."

 

The priest then sees the smoldering wreckage far below on the rocky beach, turns back to the boy and says as he starts to unbutton his cassock, "Well little boy, I guess this just isn't your day."

[Mike Davis]

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1unXXB17O6o

 

I had a band mate who did this same exact thing with a flashpot...

[Ian Sharrock]

Genuine story.

My dad was a security guard many years ago watching a yard full of large heavy duty cable drums. One day there were guys digging up the tarmac upthe top of yard. One of the workmen knocked on the the guardroom door and informed my dad in a thick Cork accent, "Excuse me mister, I just cut your talking rope"

[kanker.]

Probably not good for work or if your kids are around....

 

[video:youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmpisOn4FmE

[ITGITC]

 

 

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

 

'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

 

'Actually, no,' he replied.

 

'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

 

'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there anything I can do?'

 

'Yes. I need you to give him a message,' she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

 

'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.

 

'Tell him,' she whispered, 'There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.'

 

 

 

 

[Mr. Nightime]

Boudreaux live across de bayou from Clarence , who he don

like at all. Dey all de time yell across de bayou at each

other. Boudreaux would yell to Clarence , "If I had a way to

cross dis bayou, I'd come over dere an beat you up good,

yeah!"

 

Dis went on for years. Finally de state done built a bridge

across dat bayou right by dere houses; and Boudreaux's wife,

Marie , say, "Now is you chance, Boudreaux. Why don you go

over der an beat up dat Clarence like you say?"

Boudreaux say, "OK," and start across de bridge, but he see

a sign on de bridge an he stop to read it and den he go back

home.

 

Marie say, "Why you back so soon?"

 

And Boudreaux say, " Marie , I dun change my mind 'bout

beatin' up dat Clarence . You know Marie , dey got a sign on

dat dere bridge dat say, ' Clarence 13 ft. 6 in.'

 

You know, he don look near dat big when I yell at him across

de bayou."

 

[ITGITC]

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,

 

'Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?'

 

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

 

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

 

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

 

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

 

 

Happy Friday Gentlemenz!

 

 

[Garrafon]

Happy Friday Gentlemenz!

 

 

Dude, what calendar are you using? You DO know you have to go to work tomorrow, right???

[ITGITC]

Happy Friday Gentlemenz!

 

 

Dude, what calendar are you using? You DO know you have to go to work tomorrow, right???

 

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that I was taking Friday off. So Thursday was my Friday.

 

All I can say is, "The Future ain't what it used to be."

 

You seem to be a bit grumpy these days, Mr. Garrafon.

 

So here's some humor for ya...

 

Tom

 

PS - What about that beer you were gonna buy me?

=========

 

 

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:

 

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

 

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 

COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

 

ABBOTT: Mac?

 

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

 

ABBOTT: Your computer?

 

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

 

ABBOTT: Mac?

 

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

 

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

 

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

 

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

 

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

 

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

 

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

 

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

 

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

 

ABBOTT: Office.

 

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

 

ABBOTT: I just did.

 

COSTELLO: You just did what?

 

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

 

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

 

ABBOTT: Yes.

 

COSTELLO: For my office?

 

ABBOTT: Yes.

 

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

 

ABBOTT: Office.

 

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

 

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

 

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal . What do I need?

 

ABBOTT: Word.

 

COSTELLO: What word?

 

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

 

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

 

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

 

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

 

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

 

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

 

ABBOTT: Money.

 

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

 

ABBOTT: Money.

 

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

 

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

 

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

 

ABBOTT: Money.

 

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

 

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

 

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

 

ABBOTT: One copy.

 

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

 

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

 

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

 

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

 

(A few days later)

 

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

 

ABBOTT: Click on 'START'.............

==================================

 

 

 

 

[Chris Link]

A guy meets this woman at a party and is engaging in some small talk.

 

"So, what is your name?" he asks.

 

"Carmen Diamond," she replies.

 

"Well, that's an interesting name."

 

"I had it legally changed. You see those are my favorite things. Cars, men and diamonds. And I didn't catch what your name is." she said.

 

"It's Bob Smith," he answered, "but I'm in the process of having it changed to B.J. Tittzenbeer."

 

[Dave E]

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive

Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I'm 51)

 

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, Do

you think I'll live to be 80?

 

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'

 

'Oh no,' I replied...  'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

 

Then he asked, 'Do you eat a lot of steaks and barbecued ribs?

 

'I said, 'Not much.'

 

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking,

or bicycling?'

 

'No, I don't,' I said.

 

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'

 

'No,' I said.

 

He looked at me and said, Then, why do you even give a shit?

 

 

 

 

[ITGITC]

 

I woke up feeling pretty good today and then someone sent me this . . .

 

http://www.allfordmustangs.com/forums/attachments/mustang-lounge/24975d1173794465-eddie-haskell-beaver-wally-leave-beaver.jpg

 

Eddie Haskell, The Beaver and Wally!

 

 

Oh CRAP!! Are we REALLY THAT OLD!!??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ITGITC]

Sticking with the theme...

 

 

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

=====

 

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

=====

 

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"

=====

 

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "arthritis."

=====

 

 

[ITGITC]

For BluesKeys who celebrated a birthday last week...

 

Signs that you are getting old:

 

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

 

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

 

It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

 

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

 

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

 

It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

 

Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

 

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

 

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

 

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

 

The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.

 

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

 

The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

 

The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

 

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

 

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

 

Things you buy now won't wear out.

 

When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

 

When happy hour is a nap.

 

When tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.

 

When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.

 

When you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

 

When you have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.

 

When you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

 

When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.

 

When you stop buying green bananas.

 

When you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

 

When you were in school there was no history class!

 

When your birth certificate says expired on it.

 

When you're told to act your own age, and you die.

 

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

 

You are 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, 96 around the golf course.

 

You are proud of your lawn mower.

 

You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

 

You burn the midnight oil until 9:00 P.M.

 

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

 

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

 

You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

 

You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.

 

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

 

You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.

 

You don't remember being absent minded.

 

You don't remember when your wild oats turned to prunes and all bran.

 

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

 

You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.

 

You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.

 

You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

 

You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

 

You get exercise acting as a pallbearer for friends who exercise.

 

You get winded playing chess.

 

You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.

 

You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.

 

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

 

You just can't stand people who are intolerant.

 

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

 

You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."

 

You look both ways before crossing a room.

 

You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.

 

You look forward to a dull evening.

 

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

 

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

 

You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.

 

You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

 

You sing along with the elevator music.

 

You sink your teeth into a steak ...and they stay there.

 

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

 

You start video taping daytime game shows.

 

You take a metal detector to the beach.

 

You turn off the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

 

You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.

 

You wear black socks with sandals.

 

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

 

You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé.

 

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

 

Your back goes out more than you do.

 

Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.

 

Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

 

Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.

 

Your ears are hairier than your head.

 

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

 

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

 

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

 

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

 

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

 

Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

 

Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.

 

Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.

 

Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

 

Your pacemaker raises the garage door when you see a pretty girl go by.

 

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

 

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

 

You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

 

 

========================

 

[ITGITC]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale'

 

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

 

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

 

'You talk?' he asks.

 

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

 

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

 

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

 

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

 

The guy is amazed.. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

 

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

 

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

 

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that schtuff.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ITGITC]

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

 

Oh my.

 

 

[ITGITC]

Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

 

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.5 on FM dial in Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

 

Read his letter below.

 

 

~Hi Sue,

 

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

 

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

 

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit.

 

This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea.

 

It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

 

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

 

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.

 

I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.

 

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

 

Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

 

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

 

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't crap for two days because my ass was swollen shut.

 

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.

 

Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'

 

Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

 

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day! !!!!

 

Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

 

 

Regards, Bob

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[NewImprov]

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

 

Oh my.

 

 

Must...stop...looking...

[Threadslayer]

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

 

Oh my.

 

 

Must...stop...looking...

 

Man, I hear you. It's totally addicting.

[The Real MC]

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

 

Oh my.

 

 

Judas that was creepy

[ITGITC]

 

 

People send this stuff to me.

 

I figure that it just wouldn't be right for me not to share it with all of you...

 

 

=======

 

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

 

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward him. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

 

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

 

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

 

So they enjoy a wonderful dinner together. Afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens, they stay out all night just talking and she pays for everything.

 

She asks him if he would like to come to her place for breakfast. He of course, says yes. She cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings...

 

The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

 

'No,' she replies. . .

 

 

 

(Wait for it...)

 

 

 

'You just happened to catch my eye.'