OT: a bit a humor, chime in with others!

[linwood]

wmp, that story reminds me of one from my past. When I was maybe 20 or so I was dating a girl who had a step father very much like this guys wife. When he would drink, he'd get mean. Really mean. One day he was so blasted and mad that he took a bunsen burner and torched her mother pretty bad. When the cops got to the house he told them that she tried to commit suicide by jumpin' in the fireplace. That's drunk.

[The Real MC]

What do you call a man with no arms or legs (MWNAOL) at your doorstep? Matt.

 

What do you call a MWNAOL floating in the water? Bob.

 

MWNAOL on a wall? Art.

 

MWNAOL in a dirty movie? Dick.

 

What do you call a dog with no legs? Nothing, he won't come anyway.

[Leberwurst]

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend.

 

They make love for hours and, afterwards, while they're just lying there, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

 

"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful.... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

 

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

 

"Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

[zahush76]

Ok guys. Two jokes (pg 18):

 

First joke:

 

A farmer gets up in the morning, walks out the door into his yard, and notices that his cow is dead. He screams: "Oh, what am i gonna do now? How will i be able to provide for my family? I'm not a man anymore..." - and he shoots himself in the head. The sound of the gunshot wakes up his wife. She walks out the door into their yard where she finds their dead cow and her dead husband. She cries and screams: "Oh no! What am i gonna do? I have no one to take care of me - and the cow is dead so i can't earn any money..." - and she takes her husband's gun and shoots herself in the head as well.

Their 16 year old sun gets out the door and sees his dead parents and the dead cow. Out of despare he walks towards the river to drown himself. In the water he meets a mermaid that says to him: "I can reverse everything back, but on one condition. Are you interested?", and the boy says: "Yes! What's the condition?". So the mermaid replies: "If you can fuck me in the ass for 5 times without stopping - i'll bring your family back and everything will be as it was. But - if you can't make it 5 times i'll drown you". And so he begins. Once, then again - but after the third time he simply just can't take it anymore, and so the mermaid drowns him in the water. Then comes their 12 year old sun, gets out the door and sees his dead parents and the dead cow, and his older brother floating lifeless in the river. Out of despare he also walks towards the river to drown himself. In the water he meets the mermaid that say to him: "I can reverse everything back, but on one condition. If you can fuck me in the ass for 10 times without stopping - i'll bring your family back and everything will be as it was. But - if you can't make it 10 times i'll drown you". Without much choice, the 12 year old brother begins. Once, twice, five times - but he can't fuck her more than 8 times, and so she drowns him.

Finally, comes their 7 year old sun, gets out the door and sees his dead parents and the dead cow, and both his brothers floating lifeless in the river. Out of despare he also walks towards the river to drown himself. In the water he meets the same mermaid that say to him: "I can reverse everything back, but on one condition. If you can fuck me in the ass for 15 times without stopping - i'll bring your family back and everything will be as it was. But - if you can't make it 15 times i'll drown you". The little brother replies: "Make it 20 times". The mermaid replies in return: "25 times". The little boy replies: "How about 30 times?". The mermaid looks at him, amazed, and finally says: "Fine! 30 times it is". And the brother replies: "Ok... But, you're not going to drop dead on me after 12 times like the cow did, are you?"

 

 

Second joke:

 

A hunter goes out to the forest to hunt. He explores the forest, untill he finds a good spot, and he lies down, waiting for deer to come near. Suddenly he feels big paws on his shoulders. He looks back, and there he sees a big bear. The scary bear says to him: "You've got two choices: either you let me fuck you in the ass - or i'll kill you!". The man thinks about it for a minute or two, and replies: "I don't really have a choice, do i? I really want to live, so... go ahead. What can i do?". And so the big bear grabs him and fucks him up his ass so hard - the hunter barely manages to make it back home.

Two weeks later, the man goes to the forest again. This time to a different spot. He finds a good place to hunt, and so he waits for deer to come by. Suddenly - the feel of great big paws on his shoulders again. He turns around - and there's the big bear from two weeks before. The bear says: "You again! Well, you've got two choices: either you let me fuck you in the ass - or i'll kill you!". And so the hunter chooses to live - and the bear fucks him in the ass so hard that his asshole becomes like a schnitzel. The hunter returns to his town, and goes to the nearby hospital.

Two weeks later - he goes out to hunt again. After exploring the forest for a couple of hours he finds a good spot and waits for deer to come by. And again - he feels the familiar big paws on his shoulders. He turns around and sees the big brown bear in front of him. The bear looks at him. He looks at the bear.... awkward silence... Finally the bear says to the hunter: "You don't really come here to hunt, do you?"

[wmp]

I don't know why, Linwood, but your story reminded me a funny tale involving no alcohol an honest answer about injuries. I guess it proves you don't need alcohol to be crazy.

 

A neighbor knocked on my door with a badly bruised and swolen forearm asking for ice to treat his injury. I asked him what happened and he told me he got whacked with a baseball bat.

 

me: I hope you punished the bastard.

 

Nah, it was a friend of mine. It was an accident.

 

me: How the hell does your friend accidentally whack you with a baseball bat?

 

I was holding the guy he was hitting.

 

 

 

You don't have to make this stuff up. Humor is everywhere. This gem is freshly picked from today's news.

 

An autopsy has not confirmed whether the girl was killed.

 

Mighty damn inconclusive autopsy.

[Leberwurst]

fuck me in the ass

fuck me in the ass

fuck me in the ass

fuck you in the ass

fucks him up his ass

you let me fuck you in the ass

the bear fucks him in the ass

 

you're not obsessed with something, are ye?

[zahush76]

fuck me in the ass

fuck me in the ass

fuck me in the ass

fuck you in the ass

fucks him up his ass

you let me fuck you in the ass

the bear fucks him in the ass

 

you're not obsessed with something, are ye?

 

Of course i am. Fuck ass jokes. They usally come in groups - you know, when you sit with your friends and someone starts with one joke, then another one on the same subject - and so on. What's the matter? Can't handle it?

[SilverDragonSoun]

 

Nursery Rhymes we didn't have as kids.......

 

 

 

Mary had a little pig,

 

She kept it fat and plastered;

 

And when the price of pork went up,

 

She shot the little bastard.

 

********************

 

 

 

Mary had a little lamb.

 

Her father shot it dead.

 

Now it goes to school with her,

 

Between two hunks of bread.

 

********************

 

 

 

Jack and Jill went up the hill

 

To have a little fun.

 

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

 

And now they have a son.

 

********************

 

 

 

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

 

Said Simple Simon to the pie man,

 

'What have you got there?'

 

Said the pie man unto Simon,

 

'Pies, you dumb ass' !!

 

********************

 

 

 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

 

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

 

All the kings' horses,

 

And all the kings' men.

 

Had scrambled eggs,

 

For breakfast again.

 

********************

 

 

 

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,

 

All over the bedside clock.

 

The little dog laughed to see such fun.

 

Then died of electric shock.

 

********************

 

 

 

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,

 

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

 

And when the boys came out to play,

 

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

 

********************

 

 

 

There was a little girl who had a little curl

 

Right in the middle of her forehead.

 

When she was good, she was very, very good.

 

But when she was bad........

 

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

 

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

 

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

 

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

 

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

 

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

 

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

 

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . .. . ..

 

'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

 

LITTLE BOY AT NUDE BEACH

 

 

 

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach in Tampa.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he asked his mother why.

 

 

 

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

 

 

 

She replies, 'The bigger THEY are, the dumber the man is.

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.

 

 

 

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns again, and promptly tells his mother:

Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he

talks, the dumber he gets

 

[S_Gould]

The 'Man with no arms or legs' ( MWNAOL) are classic, and got me thinking of some less common ones - What do you call :

 

MWNAOL in a leaf pile? Russell

 

MWNAOL in a hole in the road? Phil

 

2 MWNAOL on your wall? Curt 'n' Rod

 

and finally, what do you call a leper in a Jacuzzi?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

STU!

 

 

 

[Leberwurst]

Can't handle it?

 

An ass?

 

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

 

How many blonde jokes are there?

 

 

One, the rest are true stories.

[lerber3]

MWNAOL with a cough? Flemming

 

MWNAOL who fell in a fire? Bernie

 

MWNAOL and no torso? Dick

 

MWNAOL hanging on a wall? Art

 

Waterskiing MWNAOL? Skip

 

 

... I'm reliving grade 3.

[gangsu]

MWNAOL hungover: Ralph

[Chris Link]

The MWNAOL jokes reminded me of these:

 

Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

 

A: Eileen

 

Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?

 

A: Irene

[ITGITC]

 

 

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

 

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

 

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

 

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

 

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

 

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

 

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.

 

S: Something tightened in cockpit

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

 

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

 

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

 

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

 

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick.

 

S: That's what friction locks are for.

 

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

 

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

 

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

 

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

 

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

 

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

 

S: Cat installed.

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

 

S: Took hammer away from midget

 

 

[DeepEddieZilker]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=bgxbx9HoGUw&feature=related

[EdMusic]

 

A lot of women get themselves a seashell tatooted

on their inside thigh.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

......so that when you put your ear on it, you can smell the sea...

[ITGITC]

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/128285273125156250diswunisf.jpg

 

 

 

[SK]

Groaner. Puns intended...

 

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony

wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

 

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you,

but don't start anything.'

 

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

 

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says:

'A beer please, and one for the road.'

 

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this

taste funny to you?'

 

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That

sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not

Unusual.'

 

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to

Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe

you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

 

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to

look at either.

 

10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't

find any.

 

11. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

 

12. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and

says, 'Dam!'

 

13. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the

craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have

your kayak and heat it too.

 

14. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing

in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an

hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.

'But why,' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't

stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

 

 

[ITGITC]

To my lawyer friends on the forum... I apologize for this (maybe).

 

 

Policeman being cross-examined during a felony trial by a defense attorney trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

 

 

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

 

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

 

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

 

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

 

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes sir, I do.'

 

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes sir.'

 

Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

 

 

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

 

The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

 

 

[ITGITC]

All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady...

 

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'

 

80% held up their hands.

 

The Minister then repeated his question.

 

All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

 

'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'

 

I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly.

 

'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?'

 

'Ninety-eight.' she replied.

 

'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?'

 

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:

 

'I outlived the bitches.'

 

 

 

[ITGITC]

THE FUNERAL

 

 

Steve died. His Will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral.

 

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sarah turned to her oldest and dearest friend. "Well, I'm sure Steve would be pleased" she said.

 

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"

 

"All of it," said Sarah. "Forty thousand."

 

"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?"

 

Sarah answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The whiskey, wine and food were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."

 

Jody computed quickly. "$34,500 for a Memorial Stone? My goodness, how big is it?"

 

"Four and a half carats."

 

 

 

 

 

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

 

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. .

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

 

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

 

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

 

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

 

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

 

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

 

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

 

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

 

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

 

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

 

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

 

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico.

 

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

 

Abortion clinics now available in every

High School in United States .

 

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

 

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

 

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

 

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

 

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.

 

 

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

 

Florexico voters still having trouble with voting machines.

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

Dear computer friends.......

 

This year is going quite well and I would just like to thank you all for the e-mails that have been sent........

 

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

 

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown), who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

 

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

 

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

 

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

 

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

 

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

 

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

 

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

 

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

 

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

 

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

 

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

 

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

 

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQs who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

LEARN CHINESE....SAY WORDS OUT LOUD FOR GREATER MEANING:

 

 

 

English

Chinese

 

That's not right

Sum Ting Wong

 

Are you harboring a fugitive?

Hu Yu Hai Ding

 

See me ASAP

Kum Hia Nao

 

Stupid Man

Dum Bum

 

Small Horse

Tai Ni Po Ni

 

Did you go to the beach?

Wai Yu So Tan

 

I bumped into a coffee table

Ai Bang Mai Ni

 

I think you need a face lift

Chin Tu Fat

 

It's very dark in here

Wai So Dim

 

I thought you were on a diet

Wai Yu Mun Ching

 

This is a tow away zone

No Pah King

 

Our meeting is scheduled for next week

Wai Yu Kum Nao

 

Staying out of sight

Lei Ying Lo

 

He's cleaning his automobile

Wa Shing Ka

 

Your body odor is offensive

Yu Stin Ki Pu

 

Great

Su Pa Du Pa

 

 

 

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

MID-LIFE CRISIS SOLVED

 

 

 

After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one

day and said, 'Honey, 40 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap

car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but

I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal.

 

 

'Now I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, nice big bed and plasma big

screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me

that you're not holding up your side of things.'

 

 

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a

hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be

living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa

bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

 

 

 

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve a mid-life

crisis.

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

 

 

 

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

 

 

 

I know I'm not going to understand women.

 

 

 

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

 

 

 

pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

 

 

 

and still be afraid of a spider.

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

 

 

 

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

 

 

 

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

 

 

 

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

 

 

 

She directs him down the correct aisle.

 

 

 

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

 

 

 

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

 

 

 

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

 

 

 

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

 

 

 

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

 

 

 

So,

 

I figure if I have to roll my own ........... so does she.

 

 

 

(I figure this guy is on the side of a milk carton!)

 

[SilverDragonSoun]

WHO DOES WHAT

 

 

 

A man and his wife were having an argument about who

 

 

 

should brew the coffee each morning.

 

 

 

The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,

 

 

 

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

 

 

 

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and

 

 

 

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

 

 

 

Wife replies, "No,

 

you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

 

 

 

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

 

 

 

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says "HEBREWS"