Craziest thing ever said to you at a gig

[Eric Iverson]

Part of the problem may be that not all black musicians like or play classical music. Not all white musicians do, either, of course, LOL.....

 

Oddly enough, there was a black lady who played viola beautifully at my sister's wedding a year or so ago. She told me with great pride that she was the first African American viola section leader in that orchestra. Well deserved pride. She's a very fine musician!

----------------------------

 

Back to the topic - I've never played in bars, except to sit in on rare occasions, so I've never had to deal with drunks or ladies trying to come on to the band. Mostly I've been a church mouse all my life, now trying to let my inner RAT come out. Most of the bizarre comments have been from junior pastors who couldn't understand why we wanted to know what songs we were going to play BEFORE the service, so we could run through them quickly and at least agree on a key and tempo, or remember them at all, if we only practiced it once 6 months ago. Or why we didn't want to run upstairs, then downstairs again, then upstairs again with our equipment, while they decided where we were going to play that morning.........

There is no more arrogant creature on earth than a junior pastor, I think.....

[wineandkeyz]

Back in the 80s, I had to leave a band because I was moving out of state. I gave them plenty of notice, though, and they found another keyboard player to take my place after I left. He came out to several of our gigs to get a feel for what I played, etc. After one gig, he came up to me and said, "Gee, you play a lot of stuff with your left hand."

 

Needless to say, he didn't keep the job long.

[ProfD]

"Please, Madam" I exclaimed; "this is a finely tuned instrument!" to which she pulls her skirt up and says "So's THIS, Buddy!"

 

I went on break.

 

There goes my morning coffee

Hopefully, it led to a Happy Ending for Lonnie.

[StanC]

"Please, Madam" I exclaimed; "this is a finely tuned instrument!" to which she pulls her skirt up and says "So's THIS, Buddy!"

 

I went on break.

 

There goes my morning coffee

 

I am surprised no one comnfirmed the implication! So I must.. Well, what exactly did you do on break?

 

 

[ELP71]

2001 - just finished a set at a bar in Lexington, KY. Mostly originals...but we threw in the occasional self-indulgent cover. In this instance it was 'Movin' Out - Anthony's Song'. Walk over to the bar...the bartender is thrilled that we played his 'favorite Billy Joel song'. Here's the rest of the convo:

 

Him: "That took some nerve, you guys playin' that."

 

Me: "Huh?"

 

Him: "Yeah, that was a real controversial song when it was out."

 

Me: "Oh yeah." (wanting to see where in the hell this was going)

 

Him: (completely serious) "Yeah, that one line 'ni***r can't drive with a broken back/at least he can polish the fenders'...that was real controversial back in the day"

 

Me: (astonished) "yeah....yeah...that was...something."

 

Not quite 'scuze me while I kiss this guy' but pretty wild to hear someone seriously say...and back it up with imagined 'controversy'

[dazzjazz]

There is no more arrogant creature on earth than a junior pastor, I think.....

 

A recent study found most 'pastors' haven't finished high school, so they're likely to be ignorant too! What a good combination.

[Marzzz]

Pretty sure even Jon Lord didn't travel with a rig like that!! Seriously, 4 Leslies?

 

yeh, we were crazy back then. No wonder we never made a cent. We were a 5 man band with a 6 man crew.

Anyhow, the guitarist had 4 quad boxes, I had to have 4 leslies, right?

 

Actually, your guitarist had two full stacks.....

[S_Gould]

There have been a lot of crazy thing said to me at gigs since the 60s, but for some reason, the one that sticks out is:

"Wow, that was GREAT!! Is that a REAL song or just something you guys made up?"

 

Scott

[marino]

I get a lot of the opposite too:

 

- What you mean "improvisation"? You thought of all those notes on the spot?! You're kidding me?!?

 

 

[Bridog6996]

I can't really compete with most of these stories, but one really odd event jumps to mind where someone made a request that defied expectations. Probably one of those "had to be there" moments, but anyway...

 

In college, myself and a few other guys had a weekly gig at this small bar that decided they wanted to have jazz one night a week. It was a pretty loose affair, musically speaking. We played a lot of weird shit, basically whatever we wanted to do. The kind of stuff you never get to play at most jazz gigs. We just played for free drinks because it was a fun outlet. That kind of thing.

 

Anyway, this one night we were just killing some tune to the point where it was practically atonal. I was playing Cecil Taylor shit. We were just going insane. I'm sure nobody enjoyed it, but we were having a blast. This absolutely smoking hot blond in an expensive-looking dress walks up me in the middle of the "song" with this look in her eyes like she wants me to nail her right there on the piano bench. She reaches over and gently wraps her arms around my neck. At this point, I'm already thinking about the letter I'm going to write to Penthouse Forum. She kind of flips her hair back, gets real close, and whispers in my ear (in the middle of this chaotic music, mind you) "do you know any James Blunt?"

 

There was something so surreal about it, like it was straight out of a David Lynch film. I don't remember what I stammered in reply, because it was fairly evident from what we were playing that James Blunt tunes are not in our repertoire, but for her...man, I've never wished I listened to wussy soft rock until that night.

[ksoper]

"Don't go on the bus. The FBI is on there."

[frogmonkey]

"The bar did really well tonight. Here's some extra for the band"

[Merlin Zener]

One time I was playing in an Elvis tribute show.

There was the lead guy in complete costume doing all the usual - Hound Dog, Viva Las Vegas etc etc, and this guy walks up and asks our Elvis guy: "can you play Hotel California?"

[BluesKeys]

Can you play Freebird?

[allan_evett]

Request recently made to the all guy, country band that I'm with: " Can you play any Heart ? "

[User_35092]

i Girl gets in front of my keyboard and say's to me

 

can you play "toch me this" saying it with some sex tone on it. LOL its a latin song.

 

 

[User_35092]

oo o hh and

 

one time i was playing on a disco......

 

and this bad looking guy comes and says ..

 

heres some money play this song ......

 

and i said to the gruop here some money this guy gave me

 

we wants this song ......

 

soo he played it .....

 

then latter he comes to me ....

 

a little drunk or maybe a lot

 

with a mad face

 

THATS NOT THE SONG I TOLD YOU TO PLAY!!

 

Gulp....

 

i dint know what do to becuase we played the song he said ..

 

and he looked a little dangerous.

 

i think that was the most scary moments for me while playing

[Eric Iverson]

"That's not the song I told you to play...."

So give the mofo back his money, and then play "Don't Worry, Be Happy" for him. Or maybe "Zippa Dee Do Dah..." or however it's spelled...

[VLH]

She: (Dancing right next to me while I'm playing) So, do you guys get paid much?

Me: (Trying to ignore her) Um...

She: (Still dancing, badly and too close) No, really, do they pay you much for this gig?

Me: (Trying to be polite) We do OK.

She: No, I want to know how much they pay you here.

Me: Look, I'm not going to tell you.

She: (Still dancing)C'mon, you can tell me.

She:(Dances some more; stops a minute, then continues) Look, I'm so drunk, I won't remember anyway.

[Jon G]

Not the craziest thing but one I actually remember from @ 4 years ago. It was the end of night. The bar was mostly empty and the band was about ready to pack up. This really drunk redneck (his breath smelled like vomit) walked up to us, dropped a $100 bill on the stage and said, "play 'Take On Me' by A-ha!" We said "okay!" None of us knew the song at all. I started butchering the synth line in the verse for a few seconds before we went to a badly played chorus. The guy liked it - at least he appreciated the effort.

[Moonglow]

"What do you say we go out and try to pop the hub caps off your car?"

 

.....Actually, this was something I heard one of our guitar players say to some fine young thing back in our rock star days. Sorry for reversing the emphasis.

[mcgoo]

"Y'all are pretty good, but ya kinda suck".

 

Isn't that a line from a song or something? Either way, some redneck didn't appreciate our prog flavored rock & said that to the drummer & myself while on break (many years ago).

[Odyssian]

"Oh man! Ya'll are GREAT! I hear your songs on the radio and CRANK IT!"

 

I was in a cover band when a fan said this to me after the show.

[kicker]

Back in the mid '60s, in my college band, while belting out a Stones tune at the local Sat. nite bar gig (Brattleboro, VT), a loco local staggers up to the bandstand, looks at me cross-eyed drunk, starts to drool the longest thread of drool I've ever seen in my life, and just as it's about to reach the floor, sucks it all up and yells in my ear (as I'm still trying to sing), "Can you play 'King of the Road?'" It was beautiful, just beautiful :>)

[MuzikTeechur]

"Please, Madam" I exclaimed; "this is a finely tuned instrument!" to which she pulls her skirt up and says "So's THIS, Buddy!"

 

I went on break.

 

There goes my morning coffee

 

I am surprised no one comnfirmed the implication! So I must.. Well, what exactly did you do on break?

 

 

As much as I'd like to tell you that I scored one for piano players everywhere... alas, I went out to another room where the bar was set up. I got a drink, and then spoke with the host (a friend), who was chatting with another gentleman: "Someone's got to keep that drunken bitch away from me!" Unfortunately, for me, the "other gentleman" was the cougar's husband.

Nothing was said (at the time - I found out later he was the hubby), but Mr. & Mrs. Cougar left the party soon after.

I was, I thought, happily married at the time. In retrospect, I should have banged her like a screen door in a hurricane, hubby notwithstanding.

[ITGITC]

Back in the mid '60s, in my college band, while belting out a Stones tune at the local Sat. nite bar gig (Brattleboro, VT), a loco local staggers up to the bandstand, looks at me cross-eyed drunk, starts to drool the longest thread of drool I've ever seen in my life, and just as it's about to reach the floor, sucks it all up and yells in my ear (as I'm still trying to sing), "Can you play 'King of the Road?'" It was beautiful, just beautiful :>)

 

Now THAT'S funny.

 

 

[SK]

Funny stuff.

 

Strange things happen in Baltimore (this may not work without a video of it.) Playing with my trio, and we were set up very close to the front door of this club.

 

In the middle of a solo, my head down, eyes closed... heard someone say "10 bucks"... opened my eyes, and about 6" from my face were a pair of what looked like green elf shoes (with the long turned up toes and bells on it) on some sort of platter. :freak: Completely confused, I look up... there's a very drunk guy holding this tray with shoes over the keyboard in front of me, saying "10 bucks, 10 bucks" while I'm playing. He'd come in the door from the street - the band is right there when you walk in.

 

I just said "sorry, not my size" and kept playing. A manager quickly escorted him back out the door. No idea where he found those things in the first place, although it was jazz night at an Irish club.

[Jon May]

Perhaps they had once belonged to Nooky Green?

 

(a favourite joke buried somewhere in the "a bit of humor.." thread)

[SK]

I missed that joke, but you might be on to something.

[Griffinator]

I was fronting a cover band, probably had to be around 1995 or so, when I was still pretty well young, dumb, and full of... energy

 

I had been recruited for this band, mind you, because of my uncanny ability to mimic Jim Morrison, which gave the rather egomaniacal old guitar player plenty of opportunities to solo over simple blues progressions (which he MORE than took advantage of). As you might guess, a New Hampshire boy with a voice like Jim Morrison doesn't do a great southern rock impersonation.

 

Sure enough, though, as much as I hated him for it, the guitarist also demanded we play "Simple Man". One particular show, during a set break, a guy pulled me aside and, in a potent drawl, said "You do great on them Doors tunes son, but I swear, if you ever sing Lynyrd Skynyrd again, Ronnie Van Zant's ghost is going to haunt you the rest of your life."

 

I was completely speechless.