Craziest thing ever said to you at a gig

[Les Mizzell]

I started playing in clubs when I was around 15 or 16, so legally I guess I wasn't actually supposed to be there. I dunno! Anyway, I was around 16 and during a break I was sitting at a table with the rest of the band. Some guy came up to us "WOW!!! You guys are GREAT!!! Let me buy everybody a beer"!!!

 

The certainly made everybody happy for the moment ... he started at the drummer sitting next to me a worked his way around the table. When he lastly got to me ...

 

"I'll have a sprite please"

 

"Sprite? SPRITE?"

 

"Sorry, I don't drink beer. Not legal age yet."

 

He stood there for a second and looked at me, then exclaimed loudly "F*CKING PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!" and walked off, not buying a beer for anybody.

 

Rest of the band didn't speak to me for the remainder of the evening.

[SK]

One particular show, during a set break, a guy pulled me aside and, in a potent drawl, said "You do great on them Doors tunes son, but I swear, if you ever sing Lynyrd Skynyrd again, Ronnie Van Zant's ghost is going to haunt you the rest of your life."

Good one Griff. Reminds me when I first got my Mini-Moog, which was supposedly the first one available in Virginia. No one around the area had ever heard one before.

 

I decided to try it out for the first time with a rock band at a total dive - a good place to experiment since I wasn't used to it yet. I was playing it pretty loud, and it caught the attention of an old guy sitting at the end of the bar, who watched me with a disturbed look on his face. When the gig ended and I was packing it up, he yelled over to me "I tell you one thing... I wouldn't want to be high and listen to that spooky MF'er."

[User_35092]

Why did he said pervert to you?? I didnt really get it

 

btw i started playing but at weddings and other events at 14 or 15

[SK]

.

[Les Mizzell]

Why did he said pervert to you?? I didn't really get it

 

The only reason I could ever come up to explain the comment was that I didn't drink beer!!!

 

Hmmm - still don't! Guess I'm still a pervert!

[ITGITC]

The only reason I could ever come up to explain the comment was that I didn't drink beer!!!

 

Hmmm - still don't! Guess I'm still a pervert!

 

Ummmmm, Les?

 

Iz there something you're not telling us?

 

Abstaining does not make you a pervert.

 

It may make you thirsty though.

[Les Mizzell]

Abstaining does not make you a pervert.

 

Dude thought it did! I'll stick with a tall glass of ice tea please.

 

Other odd things said at one point or another:

(some guy speaking to someone in the horn section while looking at the keyboards which didn't quite fit on the stage) - "Do you REALLY need any of that stuff sitting over there for this gig? I'd just put it back in the truck. Takes up too much room".

 

(We're sitting at a table getting ready to start. I'm only 5'3") Someone - "What do you guys do with the hobbit?"

Someone else looking at whatever I had stacked on top of the B3 - "You can reach the keys all the way up there?"

Yet some other idiot - "Must be great walking around with boobs right in your face all the time!!!"

 

Luckily I have a pretty good sense of humour about such things. Otherwise I'd have kicked his shins!

[Seannn]

Reminds me when I first got my Mini-Moog, which was supposedly the first one available in Virginia. No one around the area had ever heard one before.

 

I decided to try it out for the first time with a rock band at a total dive - a good place to experiment since I wasn't used to it yet. I was playing it pretty loud, and it caught the attention of an old guy sitting at the end of the bar, who watched me with a disturbed look on his face. When the gig ended and I was packing it up, he yelled over to me "I tell you one thing... I wouldn't want to be high and listen to that spooky MF'er."

 

That's a cool story, alright! I've always imagined what the reactions of those around me would be upon hearing a synthesizer for the first time.

[iLaw]

High school playing in a rock band at an animal club, using a B3 with two Leslies stacked. A drunk walked up to the stage, took a look at the stacked Leslies with their horns spinning (I played with the backs forward and the horns exposed) and he says:

 

"That's the biggest damn dehumidifier I ever seen"

 

Larry.

[kanker.]

Other odd things said at one point or another:

(some guy speaking to someone in the horn section while looking at the keyboards which didn't quite fit on the stage) - "Do you REALLY need any of that stuff sitting over there for this gig? I'd just put it back in the truck. Takes up too much room".

I did a gig where, after meticulously soundchecking everything on the stage, the soundman finally got to me and after about 5 seconds asked through the talkback "Are the keyboards really necessary for what you guys do?"

 

I did a wedding once - absolutely epic wedding featuring an 8 hour reception and bands playing in shifts. As the last half hour or so draws to a close, I see the bride down a couple of Long Islands, a couple shots and at least one beer. The girl could throw down some serious drinks - I think her liver had a little practice, because she wasn't anywhere near as loaded as a normal person would be. After I get done loading my gear out, I go back in and lead our blind trumpet player out of the hall. On the way out, we get stopped by the bride and groom. Somehow, the conversations split and the groom is talking to the trumpet player while I'm standing there with the bride who says "No, I can't..." To which I say "Excuse me?" The bride then says "I just wanna...." and then she motions like she's going to grab me by the hair and drag my face to her freshly married crotch.....

[B3Nut]

Overheard from a table of people who were looking confusedly at my Leslie:

 

"What is that thing?"

"Oh I dunno, I think it's a cord winder."

 

Best wrong guess ever, I think....

 

TP

[ITGITC]

and then she motions like she's going to grab me by the hair and drag my face to her freshly married crotch.....

 

OK. I take back all that stuff I listed in ProfD's post about getting his mojo back.

 

This is reason enough to keep playing music - even if you've gotta fake that mojo-thing.

 

 

[EscapeRocks]

This past Friday night in my Journey trib., we played an "encore" of two songs. "Line of Fire," and "Party's over."

 

Right after we take our bow and leave the stage, a mostly inebriated blonde walks up to me and asks, "That second to last song...isn't that a KISS song?" I asked if she was thinking of Heaven's on Fire by KISS. She said "yes, you guys played it great!" I simply said thank you, and went about tear down and load out.

 

 

[Josh Paxton]

The bride then says "I just wanna...." and then she motions like she's going to grab me by the hair and drag my face to her freshly married crotch.....

 

I knew a pianist whose claim to fame in his local scene was that he had once shtupped the bride at a wedding gig, in the bathroom or coat closet or something. I never heard a single other thing about him, didn't know if he was a good player or a hack, nice guy or psycho. He was just known as the guy who did the bride.

[Bill Spencer]

A guy walked up to us after a set... "You know, I don't like most bands, and I really don't even like music... but I like what you guys are doing!"

[area51recording]

The bride then says "I just wanna...." and then she motions like she's going to grab me by the hair and drag my face to her freshly married crotch.....

 

I knew a pianist whose claim to fame in his local scene was that he had once shtupped the bride at a wedding gig, in the bathroom or coat closet or something. I never heard a single other thing about him, didn't know if he was a good player or a hack, nice guy or psycho. He was just known as the guy who did the bride.

Dosen't matter if he sux or not....the dude's a GOD IMO....

[DanL]

Not said to me, but to a guitar player in a band long ago- drunk biker type guy comes right up to the stage area, while the guitar player is doing a solo, and says "you play like a pussy".

 

Friday night, the place we play has a small stage in the corner that is like a quarter of a circle and my keys are right at the edge. People are packed right up to the edge of the stage, which is only about a foot high. Drunk girl starts banging on the top end of the keyboard while I'm playing. I say don't do that, and she says "It's ok, it's my birthday!"

[Eric Iverson]

Pussies have a right to play guitar, too - it's a free country!

[Keymosaby]

In 40+years of playing I've played just about every kind of venue a mind can dream up covering just about every kind of music but I think the maddest I ever was at a patron was one night a Mom had obviously been bragging to her 19 year old son about my playing and he was obviously stoned when he came to hear us and he ambles up to the bandstand and says with a smirk on his face "Okay impress me". I never wanted to hit anybody as bad in my life. I thought "it's why I was born". Here's a couple of funnies I heard from a couple of friends of mine. One of Nashville's premier fiddle players said one night they were playing in New England (no offense New Englanders) and a guy came by the stage and say's "How late daya's guys playtle"? Now that's funny to a couple of hillbillies. We're a accused of having a brogue. Every time I go in where this fiddler is playing I say those famous words."How late daya's guys playtle"?

Another is a true story of Don Helms: Legendary steel guitar player in Hank Williams Sr. band who played on almost all of Hank's records is playing with another legend Ray Price after Hank passed away. After the show a guy walks up to Don and sticks out his hand and (obviously not hearing the introduction) says "HI I'M DON HELMS AND I USED TO PLAY WITH HANK WILLIAMS".

Don say's "Well it's a small world, what a coincidence."

[blake63]

I was playing Monks in San Diego an R&B club in the mid eighties, when 15 minutes into a break between the 3rd and 4th sets this good looking very drunk girl grabs me by the sleeves with her hands and attempts to force me out the front door to her car. I told her several times I needed to get back on stage but she wouldn't let go. She kept yelling at me "I am going to F*** you brains out".Finally when she lost her balance and footing down she went flat on her back.

I first started gigging Rock in clubs at 18 on a military base in the seventies. One time this very drunk marine came close to the stage and acted like he was really groovin and screamed out "I love this music, I love this Music" when all of a sudden he whips it out and starts peeing on the guitar players amp.

[dazzjazz]

Just a few weeks ago I'm playing with my quartet. This women I've never met comes up to me mid-song and says "I'm going to sing the next song!"

 

I said "NO" to her fairly emphatically. During the break it took 15 minutes as to why we don't allow sit-ins from unknown people...

[Josh Paxton]

You wasted 15 minutes of your life on such a person? That's about 14.8 more minutes than I would have given her. How long does it take to say "Because they almost always suck. Now excuse me..." and walk away?

 

That said, I had a pleasant surprise a couple weeks ago. We had some girls onstage dancing for a song, and I stopped paying attention long enough for one of them to grab my mic and start singing. (Note: this virtually never happens, as I've gotten very good at making it impossible to reach, but damn, she was quick.) I was about to physically take it away from her when, to my complete shock, she started singing very competent backup vocals. So we harmonized through the rest of the song.

[Josh Paxton]

Bumping this thread in honor of my first onstage marriage proposal, received just last weekend. Girl in the front was making eyes at me, came up onstage mid-song, sat down on the bench next to me, and we had the following conversation:

 

HER: You know I want to marry you, right?

 

ME: Oh yeah? Why's that?

 

HER: 'Cause you're good with your fingers!

 

ME: Well, all right, you got me there.

 

HER: And you're just dirty! I can tell!

 

ME: Sweetie, you have no idea.

 

HER: [giggling]

 

ME: But what does he think about that? [pointing to the guy she was there with, who was now taking pictures of us]

 

She just laughed, waved to the camera, gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek, walked back offstage, and left with the guy a few minutes later.

[Joe Muscara]

Pics or it didn't happen!

[Dave Weiser]

"I liked what you guys were trying to do up there" - From a blues cover band gig when I was in college.

 

"Man that song was great - sounded like a funky James Taylor" - From a well-meaning (but disastrously misguided) fan at one of my old original funk band's gigs in Boston in the 90s. I endured my new title, "Funky Taylor", which my bandmates enjoyed to no end, for the ensuing next 6 months.

 

And the best of all:

 

"I play strap-on." - From a rather competitive, rooster-mullet-sporting keyboardist who was in an opening band in response to my question "what do you play?". I was young and at the time had not developed the necessary laughter-supression skills that such a situation demands.

Afterwards, during our set, in between songs I may or may not have blurted out "strap on" into the mic in every imitative voice I had at the time, from GWAR to Fred Schneider to Frank Zappa.

 

 

 

[Threadslayer]

I gigged for several years with a really good female vocalist and every couple of months I'd get this one from some dude during a break.

 

Dude: Hey your singer is awesome - you guys are really lucky to have her."

 

Self: "Yeah, we just love her".

 

Dude: "Yeah but you guys are really LUCKY to have her. You know what I mean?"

 

Self: "Hey thanks man. Glad you like the show."

 

Dude: "But what I mean is..."

 

I could keep it up all night - ignoring the implicit insult - without giving the guy the satisfaction of pissing me off. They would eventually walk off looking unfulfilled and confused.

[Bridog6996]

Just a few weeks ago I'm playing with my quartet. This women I've never met comes up to me mid-song and says "I'm going to sing the next song!"

 

I said "NO" to her fairly emphatically. During the break it took 15 minutes as to why we don't allow sit-ins from unknown people...

 

Any time that has ever happened, I always say "let me hear what you sound like. Sing something acapella right now." Most people, when put on the spot like that, tend to chicken out. Then no explanation is necessary.

[J. Dan]

There was a group of gals looking over the stage as I was loading the set list in my keyboard last weekend. I just figured they were checking out the giant rubiks cube or other 80s paraphanlia on stage. Then I hear one say "there it is" and I could see the mischievous looks of a girl contemplating jumping on stage. I just gave them a "don't even think about it" glare. One of them says "I'm a tambourine player".

[DanL]

Just a few weeks ago I'm playing with my quartet. This women I've never met comes up to me mid-song and says "I'm going to sing the next song!"

 

I said "NO" to her fairly emphatically. During the break it took 15 minutes as to why we don't allow sit-ins from unknown people...

 

Any time that has ever happened, I always say "let me hear what you sound like. Sing something acapella right now." Most people, when put on the spot like that, tend to chicken out. Then no explanation is necessary.

 

that's a great tool for auditioning singers too. One time this original project I had was going to have 3 backup girl singers. We put ads out and word of mouth and had a bunch of girls come in over a couple weeks. We'd talk to them for a minute or 2 and then say, ok, let me hear you sing something. It blew me away that hardly any of them would agree to sing without any music behind them. A few said sure and belted out something. We picked the 3 most enthusiastic ones and they worked out great.

[Bridog6996]

Yeah, ultimately it's about confidence. If you don't have the confidence to belt something out on cue, then you're probably gonna suck on stage. On the other hand, if your voice isn't the greatest, then having that enthusiasm can make up for it. After all, there are a ton of singers (especially in rock music) that don't have the greatest singing ability. Confidence goes a long way.