Way, Way, Way OT: Divorce

[BWood]

Many are not getting the subtlety of MOI's post.

 

I knew going in it was a high-risk mission.

 

I *almost* fell for it, but then I remembered this little bit.

 

I'm pretty slow but NOW I get it! Keep that sense of humor MOI.

[Threadslayer]

I can't do anything without being reminded of her,

That is a given. And it is tough. But it will eventually fade. Time wounds all heels heals all wounds. A year after my divorce my ex decided she had changed her mind and wanted to get back together. By that time I was "really...Who are you again?"

[Lindaru]

For me, even though there were a lot of intertwined memories, especially with music, I got to a point where I could think of him as "just one of the band members" or someone who came along for the ride to somewhere.

 

Of course, this was many years after the fact, but it slowly becomes less personal when those memories arise for me.

 

I can isolate the event which was positive from the all around situation which was negative.

 

I hope that makes sense.

 

 

[The Real MC]

No kids and I was the sole wage earner with a good job and five digit income. The marriage never lasted five years, yet the separation and divorce process tied me down for six years - LONGER than the marriage!

 

Her modus operandi was delay. I knew I was dealing with a master manipulator and this was no longer the same person I married. She was trying to stretch the marriage on paper long enough to quality for social security benefits (ten years). She got word through her buddies in the sheriff's office that she was to be served divorce papers. Dodged the process servers, wore disguises in public, and other evasive tactics all skillfully recorded by my lawyer. Eventually my lawyer found justification to serve papers on her mother, and SHE didn't even know we were having relationship troubles!

 

She was throwing so many legal speedbumps in the process to delay the divorce that it took four years to drag that broad in a divorce court.

 

My divorce was the worse case my lawyer had seen in his 25 years in the practice. He had never seen a client like her abuse the process so bad, and as the trial was approaching he realized who the real victim was and a fire was lit under him. He wanted that broad so bad that he gave me a cut on his court rate (it didn't hurt that I was very good with the debts). Her attempt to argue for lifetime alimony (for a marriage less than five years!) was trumped by my lawyer brilliantly exposing her abuses before a very impressed judge.

 

During that whole episode, she was downright vindictive but I refuse to lower myself to that behavior. When I uncovered an unknown credit card that she tried to apply for - in my name behind my back using my personal information - with a $13,000 limit, a tiger was awoken in me that even I didn't know existed. I was cool and cunning and professional (and patient) during the whole process, and I refused to take any BS. When that trial day arose, I was determined to be vindicated and her lawyer didn't know what a tiger he had by the tail as I dodged his bullets. My facial expression that day was such that I even startled the county DA I crossed in the hall, whose office was in the same building as my lawyer. Many times I wished that trial had been videotaped.

 

There were times when I felt like taking a swing at somebody or had lashed out verbally (and I quickly apologized). Yeah I was greatly stressed. It took some serious restraint to endure that episode.

 

In the end I made out like a bandit, but I retreated to a life of seclusion for eight years to heal the scars. During the discovery process I also learned that she was plotting to file a false case of domestic abuse - her doctor told her she didn't have a case, the authorities told her she didn't have a case, even her lawyer told her she didn't have a case. That left a pretty big scar that I am still healing.

 

After my two year alimony obligation was over I told her to get out of my life and stay the f--- out, then I changed all my contact info and cut her off for good. I still don't look forward to any intimate relationship as I see too many women like her out there and I am tired of separating them from the few good ones. Divorcing a gold-digger was bad enough.

 

Ten years after the divorce I ran into one of her relatives. I always had a good relationship with the in-laws. I told him I really missed his family - I saw the lies she was telling her friends, Lord knows what lies she was telling her family so I felt it was better not to re-connect with them. They filled in the gaps through an unlikely source: her niece started dating the nephew of a friend of mine, neither knowing the connection. They were about to move into an apartment that her mother owned and she had just kicked out a tenant. The tenant was my ex (after the alimony was finished), and when her name was mentioned the nephew said he knew that name. Being familiar with my case, the family asked the nephew a lot of questions about what happened and he filled in a lot of gaps that she left out. That's when they realized why she stopped including me at family events and that she had been manipulating them. I'm not the vindictive type nor do I seek revenge, but that was divine intervention to bring the wrong two people together and her family learning the truth that the ex tried to conceal from them. From then on, she was the black sheep (which is a Bad Thing in her family) and her family felt really bad for what I had gone through.

 

After the divorce, she was in legal debt with her lawyer to the damage of $30,000 and tried to convince the judge that I should pay it all - the judge denied it outright citing her abuse of process. She ultimately stiffed her lawyer by refusing to settle her debts. We're not talking small claims cases here, if you want to make a lawyer angry then stiff him out of $30,000 in legal fees. I foresaw her debt troubles and when I moved to a new job after the divorce I got an unpublished phone number. Sure enough, my family got calls from debt collectors. One even managed to call me, and after reading him the riot act I never heard from another one.

 

I spent twelve years putting that tribulation behind me, and I still feel the angst recalling the events of that period.

 

Like I said, she didn't get married for the relationship; she got married for the entitlements. Beware these brood of vipers.

[Lindaru]

Wow! So sorry you had such a lengthy clawing manipulative ex, but I am glad the truth finally won out.

 

In my case, I will never know if it did or not. I got out of paying my ex's debts when he got remarried and she was a stripper at a club making fairly good money.

 

He told his family lies about me, too. I encountered some of those people at the grocery store and they lit into me. I guess he told them that I had been having affairs with the other keys player of the band he left and also one of the actors in one of the plays I was in.

 

 

The irony about the actor is that he was in a gay relationship.

 

I have to say that that weighed heavily on me, not knowing who I would run into next or what would be said, but that got alleviated when I moved away about a year later to the west coast. I also had an unpublished number. My Aunt who lives in the same town that family does would keep me advised sometimes about what was going on which was how I found out about him getting remarried.

[I-missRichardTee]

No kids and I was the sole wage earner with a good job and five digit income. The marriage never lasted five years, yet the separation and divorce process tied me down for six years - LONGER than the marriage!

 

Her modus operandi was delay. I knew I was dealing with a master manipulator and this was no longer the same person I married. She was trying to stretch the marriage on paper long enough to quality for social security benefits (ten years). She got word through her buddies in the sheriff's office that she was to be served divorce papers. Dodged the process servers, wore disguises in public, and other evasive tactics all skillfully recorded by my lawyer. Eventually my lawyer found justification to serve papers on her mother, and SHE didn't even know we were having relationship troubles!

 

She was throwing so many legal speedbumps in the process to delay the divorce that it took four years to drag that broad in a divorce court.

 

My divorce was the worse case my lawyer had seen in his 25 years in the practice. He had never seen a client like her abuse the process so bad, and as the trial was approaching he realized who the real victim was and a fire was lit under him. He wanted that broad so bad that he gave me a cut on his court rate (it didn't hurt that I was very good with the debts). Her attempt to argue for lifetime alimony (for a marriage less than five years!) was trumped by my lawyer brilliantly exposing her abuses before a very impressed judge.

 

During that whole episode, she was downright vindictive but I refuse to lower myself to that behavior. When I uncovered an unknown credit card that she tried to apply for - in my name behind my back using my personal information - with a $13,000 limit, a tiger was awoken in me that even I didn't know existed. I was cool and cunning and professional (and patient) during the whole process, and I refused to take any BS. When that trial day arose, I was determined to be vindicated and her lawyer didn't know what a tiger he had by the tail as I dodged his bullets. My facial expression that day was such that I even startled the county DA I crossed in the hall, whose office was in the same building as my lawyer. Many times I wished that trial had been videotaped.

 

There were times when I felt like taking a swing at somebody or had lashed out verbally (and I quickly apologized). Yeah I was greatly stressed. It took some serious restraint to endure that episode.

 

In the end I made out like a bandit, but I retreated to a life of seclusion for eight years to heal the scars. During the discovery process I also learned that she was plotting to file a false case of domestic abuse - her doctor told her she didn't have a case, the authorities told her she didn't have a case, even her lawyer told her she didn't have a case. That left a pretty big scar that I am still healing.

 

After my two year alimony obligation was over I told her to get out of my life and stay the f--- out, then I changed all my contact info and cut her off for good. I still don't look forward to any intimate relationship as I see too many women like her out there and I am tired of separating them from the few good ones. Divorcing a gold-digger was bad enough.

 

Ten years after the divorce I ran into one of her relatives. I always had a good relationship with the in-laws. I told him I really missed his family - I saw the lies she was telling her friends, Lord knows what lies she was telling her family so I felt it was better not to re-connect with them. They filled in the gaps through an unlikely source: her niece started dating the nephew of a friend of mine, neither knowing the connection. They were about to move into an apartment that her mother owned and she had just kicked out a tenant. The tenant was my ex (after the alimony was finished), and when her name was mentioned the nephew said he knew that name. Being familiar with my case, the family asked the nephew a lot of questions about what happened and he filled in a lot of gaps that she left out. That's when they realized why she stopped including me at family events and that she had been manipulating them. I'm not the vindictive type nor do I seek revenge, but that was divine intervention to bring the wrong two people together and her family learning the truth that the ex tried to conceal from them. From then on, she was the black sheep (which is a Bad Thing in her family) and her family felt really bad for what I had gone through.

 

After the divorce, she was in legal debt with her lawyer to the damage of $30,000 and tried to convince the judge that I should pay it all - the judge denied it outright citing her abuse of process. She ultimately stiffed her lawyer by refusing to settle her debts. We're not talking small claims cases here, if you want to make a lawyer angry then stiff him out of $30,000 in legal fees. I foresaw her debt troubles and when I moved to a new job after the divorce I got an unpublished phone number. Sure enough, my family got calls from debt collectors. One even managed to call me, and after reading him the riot act I never heard from another one.

 

I spent twelve years putting that tribulation behind me, and I still feel the angst recalling the events of that period.

 

Like I said, she didn't get married for the relationship; she got married for the entitlements. Beware these brood of vipers.

 

Offered to you to help you distance yourself from this nightmare

[video:youtube]

[I-missRichardTee]

Maturity ( a word that has generally annoyed me ) needs to be brought into play.

Situations are not all cookie cuter, people. Some former mates are ok .. and some are NOT ok. Each marriage is unique. No broad brush approach to forgetting someone ever existed.

I am sorry for Groove58 very sorry. This sounds very painful and long lasting as long, and for as long as it takes to diminish that pain. My prayers are with you, not necessarily for her to return but rather, for you to feel less and less pain to the point of joy coming to you.

 

This confusion that arises from labeling women are whores or men as pedophiles, is extreme and not true. SOME women are gold diggers, hopefully a smaller % than the average gal. And even more so, very few men rape, and even less are insane about little kids.

So we need perspective when we hear these worst of the worst stories

Most people are cool, at least not whores, pederasts and rapists!

[Legatoboy]

Check out the MGTOW stuff, it's Canadian, it's good!

There are a lot of them on You Tube:

 

 

 

[Legatoboy]

 

More MGTOW . . . .

 

English Men MGTOW.

[Philip Clark]

Check out the MGTOW stuff, it's Canadian, it's good!

There are a lot of them on You Tube:

 

 

 

 

Tom Leykis probably also bears mention at this point.

[I-missRichardTee]

I find MGTOW of interest it's a reaction to feminism gone amok. But not marrying, hmmm.

Tom Leykis used to make my blood boil back in the early 90's

He disgusted me as no talk guy could.

[ademus]

Is there an echoplex on this board? I suggested MGTOW on the first page. And if I were to meet Tom Leykis in person I would likely punch him.

 

I've found that all people judge relationships on a basis of how they can benefit from them. Unfortunately, most times, not on the basis of loyalty or decency or effort. But, on monetary and social rewards. Sandman is much more eloquent on this subject than myself.

 

Tee. Why do you require marriage. Yeah, it's nice to have a steady piece around. But, as I've found. It comes at a price I'm not willing to pay.

 

Sex is not hard to get. Especially, as a musician. Get a dog. Never betray you. Never!

[slowtraveler]

Sex is not hard to get. Especially, as a musician. Get a dog. Never betray you.

Wait, what?

[Threadslayer]

Sex is not hard to get. Especially, as a musician. Get a dog.

Ahem.

[The Real MC]

Sex is not hard to get.

 

STDs are not hard to get, either. And no contraceptive is 100% protection.

[MotiDave]

Sex is not hard to get.

 

STDs are not hard to get, either. And no contraceptive is 100% protection.

 

STDs are alot harder to get if your plan to fill this need involves a dog. not recommending, not even condoning, ... just sayin' ...

[Joe Muscara]

Tee. Why do you require marriage. Yeah, it's nice to have a steady piece around. But, as I've found. It comes at a price I'm not willing to pay.

Wow.

[Philip Clark]

Tee. Why do you require marriage. Yeah, it's nice to have a steady piece around. But, as I've found. It comes at a price I'm not willing to pay.

Wow.

 

Actually, I feel exactly the same way. Just got out of my first and last marriage, and I'm never doing it again.

[ademus]

I appreciate your contributions to the community Joe, very much. But, I am entitled to my opinion. And to the person that intentionally misunderstood my reference to "getting a dog" as a substitute for female sexual companionship. I don't screw my dogs, they provide me honest friendship, and would never betray or abandon me, as I hear so many folks lament that their woman has done to them.

 

I am not politically nor socially correct. I simply offered an option and an opinion. As others have.

 

You are not the first person that I've inspired to utter the word "wow". In fact, a 35 year old gal will be screaming that word at about 11 pm western time.

 

Again, I greatly appreciate your contributions, Joe. Many thanks!

Cheers!

Howwwwlllllll

[Philip Clark]

 

You are not the first person that I've inspired to utter the word "wow". In fact, a 35 year old gal will be screaming that word at about 11 pm western time.

Howwwwlllllll

 

He shoots, he scores!

[Lindaru]

You are not the first person that I've inspired to utter the word "wow". In fact, a 35 year old gal will be screaming that word at about 11 pm western time.

 

Howwwwlllllll

 

Okay. Left you guys snacks and drinks. I will shut the door when I leave.

 

 

[MotiDave]

I appreciate your contributions to the community Joe, very much. But, I am entitled to my opinion. And to the person that intentionally misunderstood my reference to "getting a dog" as a substitute for female sexual companionship. I don't screw my dogs, they provide me honest friendship, and would never betray or abandon me, as I hear so many folks lament that their woman has done to them.

 

I am not politically nor socially correct. I simply offered an option and an opinion. As others have.

 

You are not the first person that I've inspired to utter the word "wow". In fact, a 35 year old gal will be screaming that word at about 11 pm western time.

 

Again, I greatly appreciate your contributions, Joe. Many thanks!

Cheers!

Howwwwlllllll

 

please don't worry about your reputation here. this is a serious thread about emotions, pain, trauma, recovery and healing. nobody here cares how many dogs you shag in your journey to self discovery. we're a safe and supporting environment here.

[MathOfInsects]

I appreciate your contributions to the community Joe, very much. But, I am entitled to my opinion. And to the person that intentionally misunderstood my reference to "getting a dog" as a substitute for female sexual companionship. I don't screw my dogs, they provide me honest friendship, and would never betray or abandon me, as I hear so many folks lament that their woman has done to them.

 

I am not politically nor socially correct. I simply offered an option and an opinion. As others have.

 

You are not the first person that I've inspired to utter the word "wow". In fact, a 35 year old gal will be screaming that word at about 11 pm western time.

 

Again, I greatly appreciate your contributions, Joe. Many thanks!

Cheers!

Howwwwlllllll

 

please don't worry about your reputation here. this is a serious thread about emotions, pain, trauma, recovery and healing. nobody here cares how many dogs you shag in your journey to self discovery. we're a safe and supporting environment here.

 

That's why she's going to say "wow." It always comes right after "bow-".

[I-missRichardTee]

Is there an echoplex on this board? I suggested MGTOW on the first page. And if I were to meet Tom Leykis in person I would likely punch him.

 

I've found that all people judge relationships on a basis of how they can benefit from them. Unfortunately, most times, not on the basis of loyalty or decency or effort. But, on monetary and social rewards. Sandman is much more eloquent on this subject than myself.

 

Tee. Why do you require marriage. Yeah, it's nice to have a steady piece around. But, as I've found. It comes at a price I'm not willing to pay.

 

Sex is not hard to get. Especially, as a musician. Get a dog. Never betray you. Never!

 

May I hold Mr Leykis in place as you bang his head? But you hold Chris Mathews or Bill Maher as I bang away on them, ok?

On a more realistic if transcendent level- I am a hypocrite for saying this because I have never even come close to this ideal, but

marriage is not just about the biologic urges being temporarily satisfied. There is a much higher purpose beyond shagging and child making I won't bother going any further into it. besides I am a hypocrite on this score.

 

Any idea why we dislike 90's Leykis so much? It was visceral, I really wanted to mess his face up.

 

I am pleased to know we at least share a passionate antipathy towards being told what we can and cannot say.

[Lindaru]

MotiDave and MOI . . .

 

[Joe Muscara]

Thanks, Ademus? LOL Yes, you are entitled to your opinion. I guess it was the "steady piece" part that got to me. The dog shit you got from the following comment was just funny.

[MathOfInsects]

Moving out this week.

 

Kids are gems, but feeling it.

 

Funny, but I've made some interesting friends as "divorcing" dude, that I wouldn't have made as "married but secretly miserable and considering divorce" dude.

 

She sent an inside-baseball email to all our mutual friends literally within minutes of our telling the kids, putting her/"our" cards on the table, in an attempt to "win" the just-barely-official-even-to-our-kids divorce. (Since I filed, not her, it's safe to say she left a card or two out...).

 

Interesting days coming up.

[RudyS]

I wish you a lot of strength coming period. Sincerely hope your kids will do ok in this situation. Best wishes!

[Joe Muscara]

Stay positive! Best wishes to you, man.

[xKnuckles]

So sorry to hear this MOI. It is a tunnel you must travel through, but you will eventually emerge on the other side and the pain will subside. I wish you strength and lots of music to lose yourself in. Very best wishes.