marino Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 Gosh, 95% of these jokes are the same ones that I have first heard in the 80s..!! Sometimes in slightly different versions, but basically it's the same stuff. And like in the old times, there are very few jokes about piano and keyboard players. My theory, just like in these times, is that keyboard players are the ones who come up with all the jokes about the others! I myself have created a couple... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzpiano88 Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos. - - Victor Borge 3 Quote J a z z P i a n o 8 8 -- Yamaha C7D Montage M8x | CP300 | CP4 | SK1-73 | OB6 | Seven K8.2 | 3300 | CPSv.3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bill5 Posted September 3, 2023 Author Share Posted September 3, 2023 1 hour ago, marino said: Gosh, 95% of these jokes are the same ones that I have first heard in the 80s..!! Sometimes in slightly different versions, but basically it's the same stuff. And like in the old times, there are very few jokes about piano and keyboard players. My theory, just like in these times, is that keyboard players are the ones who come up with all the jokes about the others! I myself have created a couple... That's because we're the smart ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
analogika Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 4 hours ago, ksoper said: Q: What has three legs and a d*ck? A: A drum throne. I know that one as "three legs and an asshole". 🙂 Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra? A: A bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back. 2 Quote "The Angels of Libra are in the European vanguard of the [retro soul] movement" (Bill Buckley, Soul and Jazz and Funk) The Drawbars | off jazz organ trio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Link Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 1 hour ago, analogika said: I know that one as "three legs and an asshole". 🙂 Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra? A: A bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back. I’ve heard that with Lawrence Welk in the setup. It seems he was notoriously difficult to work for. Quote aka âmisterdregsâ Nord Electro 5D 73 Yamaha P105 Kurzweil PC3LE7 Motion Sound KP200S Schimmel 6-10LE QSC CP-12 Westone AM Pro 30 IEMs Rolls PM55P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MathOfInsects Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 What do you call the hot woman on the keyboard player's arm? A tattoo. 1 Quote Now out! "Mind the Gap," a 24-song album of new material. www.joshweinstein.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Docbop Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 What's the difference between an accordion and a trombone? At least you can sell an accordion on Craigslist. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bucktunes Posted September 3, 2023 Share Posted September 3, 2023 Don’t believe I’ve seen this one yet; 😁 How do you get a guitar player to turn down? Put a chart in front of him. How do you get him to stop playing? Put notes on it. Quote ><> Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenWaB3 Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 4 hours ago, analogika said: I know that one as "three legs and an asshole". 🙂 Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra? A: A bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back. I had heard it as what do a moose and the Buddy Rich Orchestra have in common? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
o0Ampy0o Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 How many guitar players does it take to adjust a volume knob on an amp? Zero A guitar player's amp is always on max. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Williams Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 6 hours ago, Chris Link said: I’ve heard that with Lawrence Welk in the setup. It seems he was notoriously difficult to work for. Huh. I don't think he was perfect, but I don't think he was in the "difficult" category in the way that, say, Buddy Rich and Paul Anka were. A lot of his band members stuck with him for years and even decades, despite having at-will employment (people could be fired, or could choose to leave, at any time). 1 Quote -Tom Williams {First Name} {at} AirNetworking {dot} com PC4-7, PX-5S, AX-Edge, PC361 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old No7 Posted September 4, 2023 Share Posted September 4, 2023 15 hours ago, MathOfInsects said: What do you call the hot woman on the keyboard player's arm? A tattoo. And we have A WINNER with that one!!! Old No7 Quote Yamaha MODX6 * Hammond SK Pro 73 * Roland Fantom-08 * Crumar Mojo Pedals * Mackie Thump 12As * Tascam DP-24SD * JBL 305 MkIIs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
o0Ampy0o Posted September 5, 2023 Share Posted September 5, 2023 Lawrence Welk: A one and a two... Lawrence Welk's father sold a cow to purchase Lawrence's first accordion. Lawrence turned over all of his gig money to pay him back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viv Savage Posted September 7, 2023 Share Posted September 7, 2023 “How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?” [hipster voice]: “It’s like a really obscure number, you’ve probably never heard of it …” 2 Quote "Have a good time ... all the time. That's my philosophy, Marty." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FuzzyPants Posted September 29, 2023 Share Posted September 29, 2023 Just came across this one on Reddit: A guy walks into a bar carrying a suitcase. He sits down at the bar and sets the suitcase down in front of himself, opens it and takes out a tiny piano. A tiny man climbs out of the suitcase, sits down at the piano, and begins playing flawlessly. The bartender exclaims that this is an amazing display, and asks the man how he came to have this setup in his possession. The man takes an old brass lamp out of the suitcase and shows it to the bartender, saying, "I found this magic lamp, it grants wishes, but it doesn't really work right. You can try it if you want," and hands it to the bartender. The bartender rubs the lamp and says, "I wish for a million bucks!" Suddenly, there are ducks everywhere. They're on the tables, sitting on peoples' heads, all over the place. The bartender shouts, "What the hell? This is not what I wanted!" The guy says, "I told you, it doesn't really work right. Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?" 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Emm Posted October 1, 2023 Share Posted October 1, 2023 I just looked up and saw a memorable "King of the Hill" moment. Dale is playing his portable keyboard in the alley. Boomhauer says "Sounds like ol' Rick Wakeman, 'cept instead o' yes, they shoulda said no." 2 Quote An evangelist came to town who was so good, even Huck Finn was saved until Tuesday. ~ "Tom Sawyer" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
o0Ampy0o Posted October 1, 2023 Share Posted October 1, 2023 On 9/29/2023 at 6:06 AM, FuzzyPants said: Just came across this one on Reddit: A guy walks into a bar carrying a suitcase. He sits down at the bar and sets the suitcase down in front of himself, opens it and takes out a tiny piano. A tiny man climbs out of the suitcase, sits down at the piano, and begins playing flawlessly. The bartender exclaims that this is an amazing display, and asks the man how he came to have this setup in his possession. The man takes an old brass lamp out of the suitcase and shows it to the bartender, saying, "I found this magic lamp, it grants wishes, but it doesn't really work right. You can try it if you want," and hands it to the bartender. The bartender rubs the lamp and says, "I wish for a million bucks!" Suddenly, there are ducks everywhere. They're on the tables, sitting on peoples' heads, all over the place. The bartender shouts, "What the hell? This is not what I wanted!" The guy says, "I told you, it doesn't really work right. Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?" From a bumper sticker: "I wish I had more money instead of this big piano" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niacin Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 WARNING: Adult content: What’s the difference between a flute player and a French horn player? The flute player wants to give you a blow job, the French horn player wants to stick her fist up your ass. Quote Gig keys: Hammond SKpro, Korg Vox Continental, Crumar Mojo 61, Crumar Mojo Pedals Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
o0Ampy0o Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 Pete Barbutti: 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real MC Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 2 hours ago, niacin said: WARNING: Adult content: What’s the difference between a flute player and a French horn player? The flute player wants to give you a blow job, the French horn player wants to stick her fist up your ass. As long as we're playing... What the difference between a bull and the Guy Lombardo Ensemble? In the Guy Lombardo Ensemble, the horns are in the back and the asshole is up front. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stoken6 Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 7 hours ago, niacin said: What’s the difference between a flute player and a French horn player? That escalated fast. Reminds me of the story of the pianist playing in a swanky bar - when he comes back from break somebody has left a long-stemmed red rose in a slender vase on his piano alongside a note: "8pm. One rose on your piano. Midnight. Tulips on your organ". Cheers, Mike. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenWaB3 Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 11 hours ago, o0Ampy0o said: Pete Barbutti: Ah Pete Barbutti - one of the most naturally funny people alive!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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