SpaceNorman Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Saw this in the Huffington Post this morning and thought some may enjoy it. If you've played in a working band, you've been through the routine a thousand times. Pull in at a club, haul your gear in, set up and hope you have time to check the sound before downbeat. Below is a list of things no participant at a sound check said. Ever. From the band leader: The levels are perfect! Wow, that didn't take long! Whatever it says on the sound plot I sent you is exactly what we need. No worries, we can skip the sound check. I trust you to get it right on the fly. No thanks. I don't drink. From the singer: My mic is too hot. Can you turn it down? I can't hear enough lead guitar. Too much reverb! No thanks. I don't drink. From the guitarist Of course I can play quieter. Turn up the singer's mic. She's our real focal point. The drums need to be louder. MUCH louder. No thanks. I don't drink. From the drummer Yeah, that was me speeding up. Sorry. Wait. I need to check my charts. No thanks. I don't drink. From the bass player Thanks for adjusting the amp while I was gone. It sounds way better now. Hey, can someone get these groupies outta here? No thanks. I don't drink. From the sound crew: The sound plot you emailed last month? I have it right here. We'll be happy to help you load in. Wow, thanks. I could really use your help running the board. Take as long as you like to get your guitar sound perfect Go ahead and move the mic's wherever you want them. No thanks. I don't drink. From the club owner: No problem if your crowd doesn't show, our regulars usually fill the house. Of course, drinks are free for your girlfriends/boyfriends too. Play for however long you want. We'll pay you for the extra time. Thank you. The SpaceNorman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synthoid Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 From the guitarist Of course I can play quieter. Never heard, never! I'd just be happy if they said, "Sure, I won't use my distortion pedal for this set." When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Moray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. Dan Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 LOL One exception to a lot of these...in my old band when we played at one of the local casinos. 1) The sound techs loaded our gear. You call the A/V Tech cell phone 5 min before arrival and whoever's on duty meets you at the front door with carts. They take your stuff in and put it on stage while you park. 2) They had a digital mixer and saved mixes from previous performances. We ran everything direct so levels never changed. We didn't even line check, much less sound check. Plug in, they recall the mix, and we played. Actually, most places we played with house sound didn't sound check, just line check for gains. Most of the guys were good enough to have the sound spot on before the end of the first song. 3) Playing casinos, you're a "vendor" and as such are not allowed to drink or gamble. So...no drinks. 4) Since we were all direct with IEM's, nobody ever asked for more or less of anybody else. Dan Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allan_evett Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 From the keyboard player: * Nice onstage mix. I can hear myself clearly. * (To the guitarist) Those pedalboard patches all sound great; and the levels are balanced. * That bass cabinet is amazing; such clear tone. * Those drums... Wow, you must have spent hours tuning them. 'Someday, we'll look back on these days and laugh; likely a maniacal laugh from our padded cells, but a laugh nonetheless' - Mr. Boffo. We need a barfing cat emoticon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tonysounds Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 From the club owner: No problem if your crowd doesn't show, our regulars usually fill the house. Of course, drinks are free for your girlfriends/boyfriends too. Play for however long you want. We'll pay you for the extra time. Thanks. No thank you, I don't drink or do blow. Fixed. Hitting "Play" does NOT constitute live performance. -Me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tonysounds Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 From the keyboard player: *can you turn the keys DOWN in the mix? *I need more guitar. *Hell yeah, I love playing Mustang Sally. *I think the guitar solo needs to be longer. *My wife AND my girlfriend will be here tonite! *We NEED to do this free gig for the exposure! *Yes, I love playing sax parts on the keys. *Don't sweat it, I love playing guitar parts on the keys. *We need more "A" list songs, like Sweet Home Alabama, Sweet Jane, Cat Scratch Fever and Jessie's Girl. *Are you sure you don't want to move the amps a little bit, because I have a TON of room over here. And finally...... *Let me help you carry your gear out to the car. Hitting "Play" does NOT constitute live performance. -Me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. Dan Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 *Are you sure you don't want to move the amps a little bit, because I have a TON of room over here. +1 Dan Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 *My wife AND my girlfriend will be here tonite! Ouch. Unfortunately, for some guys I know on this forum, this could be true. Lucky bastids... YOU know who you are. "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanL Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 lol at the stage plot one. We did a multi band cancer benefit on Sunday. 2 weeks ago the sound guy asked me for a stage plot/input list and anything unusual. I said our drummer uses IEMs and needs a line from the monitor mixer to his personal mixer he uses for his IEMs. "No problem". There is a 15 minute changeover between bands. I get my rig set up in 10 (a feat in itself). The next 20 minutes are wasted because there was no IEM send as promised, and when the sound guy finally ran it, he gave the drummer the wrong end of the mic cord. He finally put his own mic onto one of the floor wedges. And as far as the stage plot went- "can you set up on the other side, that's where all the keyboard lines are". Easy enough, but basically, nothing I sent was provided, it was a waste of my time to even reply to the guy. Live: Korg Kronos 2 88, Nord Electro 5d Nord Lead A1 Toys: Roland FA08, Novation Ultranova, Moog LP, Roland SP-404SX, Roland JX10,Emu MK6 www.bksband.com www.echoesrocks.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marino Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Things that I *really* have heard from sound men: - "Why should I turn up the keyboards? They should be felt, not heard". - Dancing around and playing air guitar during a KEYBOARD solo: "This guitarist is damn hot!" - "Keyboardist? Oh yeah, the one playing string chords". - "I know what I'm doing; I did it in the same way for the last 20 years". Etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marino Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Btw I have had the great pleasure to collaborate with a great guitarist which insisted to lower his volume regularly, both at reharsals and on stage. This way, he forced the whole group to play softer. He was the last soloist in my electric jazz group, and a good friend to this day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. Dan Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 We've been taking measures to keep our stage volume as low as possible lately. During sound check at our last gig, the sound guy asked our guitar player to turn up his amp. He turned it up. "can you give me any more? It's still really week". He ended up basically turning it up all the way (it's one of those low-power boutique amps". Subsequently same thing with the bass amp, keyboards...which are direct, I had to crank the volume, which meant I ran out of gas on some of the quieter patches. Not sure what was going on at FOH - but he needed REALLY hot signals from everything which meant stage volume was a lot higher than we like. People out front said it sounded great. Actually, we had 2 drummers that switch off. The one said it sounded great out front, then he got up on stage and was blown away by the volume. Dan Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fusker Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Spot on! Though, the guitar player I've been working with the last 2 years, she tends to need to be louder, and she uses zero pedals. Clearly the exception to the rule. Steinway L, Yamaha Motif XS-8, NE3 73, Casio PX-5S, iPad, EV ZLX 12-P ZZ(x2), bunch of PA stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vanderSchoot Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 What a funny topic.....thanks, I had some good laughs. From personal experience..... From the guitarist: I will sort out all my effect settings at home I will bring the same equipement to similar gigs Hey that guitar patch on your synth sounds quite real ! From the drummer: I decided to use less crash cymbals, because I think it will be better for the overall mix. I will dampen my bassdrum. In this limited venue it will otherwise collide with the bassguitar's sound from the female singer: What a smokey place,ah well,... as long as our audiance is having a great time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synthoid Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 the guitar player I've been working with the last 2 years, she tends to need to be louder, and she uses zero pedals. Now that's amazing! When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Moray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
area51recording Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 From the bass player "on further reflection the distortion/ring mod/auto wah effect I've been using on this tune is really inappropriate" "I think a 4 string bass will be just fine for this gig" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DulceLabs.com Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 From the keyboard player: - "Jump"? It's my favorite song! Want me to play it for you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bif_ Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 From the bass player: "Hey, I think I'll use all four (or substitute 'five') strings tonight." From the audience: "Crank up the accordian!" From your wife/girlfriend: I'm really glad I'm here right now." From the roadies: "Yes, I did drop your expensive (__________) but I'll cover the cost of repairs." Kurzweil Forte, Yamaha Motif ES7, Muse Receptor 2 Pro Max, Neo Ventilator Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baldwin Funster Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Things you've never heard a keyboard player say at a gig: You can pay me for the gig next week or whenever I see you. FunMachine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wmp Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Feedback. You never hear feedback at soundcheck. --wmp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Muscara Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Feedback. You never hear feedback at soundcheck. I think we have a winner. "I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck "The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allan_evett Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 the guitar player I've been working with the last 2 years, she tends to need to be louder, and she uses zero pedals. Now that's amazing! Almost sounds like the country/rock scene out here. The two guitarists with whom I work the most have very inconsistent levels, and they're almost never loud enough - especially on the rock and modern country stuff. So I end up riding my stage cabinet level all night, which is a regal pain in the ass. I've only had two, good guitar player experiences in the past five years. One guy, whom I work with from time to time, is a road veteran - formerly based in Austin; 'nuff said... The other was a guy who sat in for a couple of numbers with one of the country bands. He got up there, plugged in, called the tune, then proceeded to paste my ears back. My first thought was: " Ah, that's what it used to sound like" .That was one of the few times with that band I could actually cut loose and slam it out - without having to babysit. 'Someday, we'll look back on these days and laugh; likely a maniacal laugh from our padded cells, but a laugh nonetheless' - Mr. Boffo. We need a barfing cat emoticon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Wright Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Things that I *really* have heard from sound men: - "Why should I turn up the keyboards? They should be felt, not heard". Etc. I have heard this too! Then why am I here? :idk "I cried when I wrote this song Sue me if I play too long" Walter Becker Donald Fagan 1977 Deacon Blues Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HammondDave Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 From the keyboard player: "Wow, look at all those girls lining up to meet me!" "There is no more room on stage for my equipment? No problem. I will just set up in the bathroom." "I just love playing brown eyed girl. Can we play it again?" "I have no problem with the crappy harmonica player making as much money as I do." "Who really needs to read the contract before we sign it?" '55 and '59 B3's; Leslies 147, 122, 21H; MODX 7+; NUMA Piano X 88; Motif XS7; Mellotrons M300 and M400’s; Wurlitzer 206; Gibson G101; Vox Continental; Mojo 61; Launchkey 88 Mk III; Korg Module; B3X; Model D6; Moog Model D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opdigits Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 From the keyboard player: "Yay! Stairs!!!" Nobody told me there'd be days like these... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marino Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
area51recording Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 From the keyboard player: "Wow, look at all those girls lining up to meet me!" Yeah.....they want to ask me if the guitar player is single..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synthoid Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 From the keyboard player: "Yay! Stairs!!!" I refused to join a band several years ago when I found out the rehearsal space was in someones attic! Only climbed the (steep) staircase one time and that was it. When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Moray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allan_evett Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 From the keyboard player: "Wow, look at all those girls lining up to meet me!" Yeah.....they want to ask me if the guitar player is single..... Something like that actually happened to me. Back in the day, when I was single, again, I was on a gig and noticed a girl who appeared anxious to talk to me. As I came off the stage for the second break of the night, the girl approached me, introduced herself, etc.. After about five minutes of talking, she asked me a favor: Would I personally introduce her to the lead singer ? Apparently she was frustrated by the long line of girls waiting to talk to him, and wanted a shortcut... 'Someday, we'll look back on these days and laugh; likely a maniacal laugh from our padded cells, but a laugh nonetheless' - Mr. Boffo. We need a barfing cat emoticon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opdigits Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 From the keyboard player: "Wow, look at all those girls lining up to meet me!" Yeah.....they want to ask me if the guitar player is single..... Something like that actually happened to me. Back in the day, when I was single, again, I was on a gig and noticed a girl who appeared anxious to talk to me. As I came off the stage for the second break of the night, the girl approached me, introduced herself, etc.. After about five minutes of talking, she asked me a favor: Would I personally introduce her to the lead singer ? Apparently she was frustrated by the long line of girls waiting to talk to him, and wanted a shortcut... Gotta give her points for ingenuity. Or perhaps cunning. Nobody told me there'd be days like these... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.