Dan O Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 Or Henny Youngman ? RD: I get no respect . I asked a girl to rate me from 1 to 10 . She looked at me and said " your an 8 " . Than she pissed on my shoes . www.esnips.com/web/SongsfromDanO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joegerardi Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 I tell ya, I tell ya... My wife likes to talk to me during sex. The other day she called me from the motel... The other day my wife met me at the door in a really skimpy negligee. I said: "Get in here: It's freezing out... I asked a cab driver to take me someplace where the action is. He drove me to my house... I just don't understand it: We moved from NYC to Florida, and I still have the same mailman... God, I LOVE Rodney! Setup: Korg Kronos 61, Roland XV-88, Korg Triton-Rack, Motif-Rack, Korg N1r, Alesis QSR, Roland M-GS64 Yamaha KX-88, KX76, Roland Super-JX, E-Mu Longboard 61, Kawai K1II, Kawai K4. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan O Posted December 6, 2002 Author Share Posted December 6, 2002 Originally posted by joegerardi: I tell ya, I tell ya... God, I LOVE Rodney!"Back to school" would rank as one of my favorite comedy's . www.esnips.com/web/SongsfromDanO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slowly Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 I was in this hotel you see, I found this matchbook. It read: "If you have a drinking problem call this number". So I called the number, it was the liquor store across the street.Kcbass "Let It Be!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee Tyler Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 I tell ya', I get noooooo respect. My parent's used to tell me to look both ways before you cross the street.......UP AND DOWN. Joe Pine (60's talk show host who sported a wooden leg) to Frank Zappa -- "So, with your long hair, I guess that makes you a woman." Frank Zappa's response -- "So, with your wooden leg, I guess that makes you a table." http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/album.php?aid=2001&alid=-1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linwood Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 My girl friend is so fat. She's so fat that when I reached in her blouse, I felt her chin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linwood Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 My girl friend is so fat. She's so fat that when I reached in her blouse, I felt her chin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tedster Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 I tell ya, when I was born, I was so ugly, my mother used to diaper my head, put a hat on my rear end, and tell everyone I had the mumps. I went to my dentist and said "Doc, my teeth are yellow". He told me to wear a brown tie... "Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nowak Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 "Somebody Step on a duck?" "Hey lady, you must've been somethin before electricity" 2 chestnuts from Caddyshack http://www.groovetown.com.au Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bucktunes Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 My psychiatrist told me I was going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion". He said, "Alright, you're ugly too!" Then he told me to lie down on the couch face down. But I was an ugly kid, too. I kept getting offers to be a poster boy for birth control. For a while I worked in a pet store. People kept asking how big I'd get. I got lost in a department store once. I asked the security guy, "Do you think we'll ever find my parents?" He said, "I dunno kid, there's so many places they could hide." No respect at all... Peace all, Steve ><> Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoundWrangler Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 I tell ya, the other day I come home, and there's some guy in bed with my wife. I asked him, "Hey, who told ya you could sleep with my wife?" He said, "Everybody!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Zeger Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 I get to my hotel room. I call the manager and say "Hey, I got a leak in the sink". He says "Go ahead". Here's the link to Esquire Magazine's "What I've Learned" with Rodney. http://www.esquire.com/features/learned/001001_mwi_rodney.html This one is from George Carlin:People tell me all the time, "Bye, have a good one". I tell them "I already have a good one. What I need is a bigger one." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebonn Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 My leg fell asleep, now it'll be up all night. I was over in the... Wait a minute, that wasn't me. www.blairsdevillestudios.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Zeger Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 Originally posted by SoundWrangler: I tell ya, the other day I come home, and there's some guy in bed with my wife. I asked him, "Hey, who told ya you could sleep with my wife?" He said, "Everybody!"I come home, and my best friend is in bed with my wife. I tell him "Stan, I HAVE to...but you?!?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bucktunes Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 Originally posted by rebonn: My leg fell asleep, now it'll be up all night. I was over in the... Wait a minute, that wasn't me. That's not Rodney, that's Stephen Wright. Peace all, Steve ><> Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Klopmeyer Posted December 6, 2002 Share Posted December 6, 2002 RD: "What are you doing tomorrow night?" Lady: "I have a class." RD: "How about Saturday?" Lady: "I have a class then too." RD: "Why don't you call me some time when you have no class?" - Jeff Marketing Communications for MI/Pro Audio My solo music and stuff They Stole My Crayon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Pierce Posted December 7, 2002 Share Posted December 7, 2002 How about Scott Adams? Dogbert: From now on, I will dismiss the idiots who disagree with me by waving my paw and saying, "Bah". Dilbert: You know, Dogbert, just because someone disagrees with you doesn't make them an idiot. Dogbert: Bah. --Dave Make my funk the P-funk. I wants to get funked up. My Funk/Jam originals project: http://www.thefunkery.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan South Posted December 8, 2002 Share Posted December 8, 2002 The bartender said, "What'll ya have?" I said, "Surprise me." He pulled out a picture of my wife, naked. I told my son, "You're young. You ain't got it upstairs." He said, "You're old. You ain't got it DOWNSTAIRS." My wife...she's such a bad cook, the roaches HANG themselves. I'll tell ya, my daughter, she's no bargain, either. She's been picked up so many times she has HANDLES. I had a blind date once. A woman comes up to me and says, "Are you Rodney?" I said, "Yeah." She said, "I'm not Jennifer." The Black Knight always triumphs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Azzarello Posted December 9, 2002 Share Posted December 9, 2002 Originally posted by Nowak: "Somebody Step on a duck?" "Hey lady, you must've been somethin before electricity" 2 chestnuts from Caddyshack A few more Caddyshack pearls... "Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it." "Come on, Wang, it's a parking lot!" "That's why some animals eat their young." Pat http://www.patazzarello.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan South Posted December 9, 2002 Share Posted December 9, 2002 "Check out this hat, will ya? Boy, ya buy one of THESE, they give you a bowl of SOUP." (Looks over at Ted Knight who's wearing the same hat.) "Oh, well it looks good on YOU!" The Black Knight always triumphs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan O Posted January 8, 2003 Author Share Posted January 8, 2003 bump for laughs . Any more to add ? Dano www.esnips.com/web/SongsfromDanO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sysexguy Posted January 8, 2003 Share Posted January 8, 2003 please forgive me as I am paraphrasing from memory: BTS, In the hot tub with 2 beautiful collegians: RD: So what's your major?Blonde #1: ...like poetry!RD: perhaps you could help me straighten out my Longfellow LOL! Andy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linwood Posted January 8, 2003 Share Posted January 8, 2003 My girl is wild I tell ya.She's so wild, when she eats a banana, it gets bigger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan O Posted October 6, 2004 Author Share Posted October 6, 2004 A bump from the past in honor of Rodney Dangerfield. Maybe he'll get some respect in heaven...? Old School is still one of my favorite movies www.esnips.com/web/SongsfromDanO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synthmatic Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 I don't remember the whole scene, but on The Simpsons, RD's character is in a restaurant and he's putting down the chef. The capper line was: "...and give my best to Mrs. Boyardee. Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan South Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 My daughter's like Federal Express. Every time she goes out she "absolutely, positively has to be there overnight." With my wife, I don't get no respect. One night I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it. It's a sad day in Rodney fan land. The Black Knight always triumphs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Horne Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 True story - I worked with a trio back in the early 1970's and the manager of the singer got us booked into Dangerfield's for a week. While Dangerfield was doing his act on stage the waiters would be mouthing his act along with him. He pretty much did the same exact act night after night. No guitarists were harmed during the making of this message. In general, harmonic complexity is inversely proportional to the ratio between chording and non-chording instruments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tedly Nightshade Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Originally posted by Dave Horne: True story - I worked with a trio back in the early 1970's and the manager of the singer got us booked into Dangerfield's for a week. While Dangerfield was doing his act on stage the waiters would be mouthing his act along with him. He pretty much did the same exact act night after night.Man, he really didn't get no respect, did he! Reminds me of the guy in high school jazz band with the composed trumpet solo- we were all improvising and a bit snobbish about it. Then one day the lead trumpet played his solo in perfect unison with him... Meanwhile I'm laughing 'til I'm crying over some of these one liners and also those up at Craigs place on the thread "losing Rodney". Man it does me good! A WOP BOP A LU BOP, A LOP BAM BOOM! "There is nothing I regret so much as my good behavior. What demon possessed me that I behaved so well?" -Henry David Thoreau Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFunkman Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 "Yeah, I was from a rough neighborhood...When I put my handprint into some fresh concrete, I felt another hand!!" "If more of us valued food, cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world." - J. R. R. Tolkien Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J0nathan Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 And with style. I always wondered how dogbert could type, without any fingers... Originally posted by Dave Pierce: How about Scott Adams? Dogbert: From now on, I will dismiss the idiots who disagree with me by waving my paw and saying, "Bah". Dilbert: You know, Dogbert, just because someone disagrees with you doesn't make them an idiot. Dogbert: Bah. --Dave "You have seen as to do, dude, isn't it?" -Korg PA80 manual Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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