Backing out of a gig last minute (am I the asshole?)

[BluMunk]

I don’t think I’ve ever backed out of a music commitment, but I just did today. I feel like a jerk, and want reinforcement that I was appropriate (or let me know if I was out of line!).

 

About three weeks ago I was approached by a friend/colleague to see if I’d be willing to do an “easy” gig… pull a small band together to play as background for acts in a one hour burlesque/cabaret show. No rehearsals, and minimal demands: pull together some jazzy tunes and see what happens in the spur of the moment. $100 per musician.

 

I agreed, and pulled together a trio with myself, a bass player and drummer. I got an email from the coordinators with a few song requests, and beyond that no details.

 

Four or five days ago I got a poster for the evening… turns out it it’s a 2 hour event. Ok. 
 

I still hadn’t gotten any tech or logistics details so reached out yesterday.

 

This morning I had a message in my inbox with a schedule that included load-in 2.5 hours before the gig, a sound check 1.5 hours before, and had the band playing for 1/2 hour before the scheduled start time as an “intro” as well as during an intermission. And, a detailed list of about 15 specific musical numbers/cues that were expected to be coordinated with various specific events and acts over the course of the evening, including some accompanying singers on songs. None of which I necessarily have charts for or have played.

 

Anyway, the bassist was overwhelmed, and I am overwhelmed, and sent a note explaining that there was no way I would be able to meet the expectations on such short notice with no rehearsal and that they should play tracks for the show if they really needed the music. 
 

Now I’m fielding messages about them being “flexible” and willing to work with whatever. In my gut I just don’t want to go back and forth on figuring out something that is going to work for all. I feel bad backing out so late, but also didn’t get the scope of the project until today.

 

Am I the asshole? 

[jazzpiano88]

Nope.  The organizers dropped the ball

6 minutes ago, BluMunk said:

Am I the asshole? 

 

Nope.  The organizers clearly dropped the ball.  The requirements sent to your email would definitely require a rehearsal to avoid a trainwreck, even if you all knew the musical numbers.

[MAJUSCULE]

You are not the asshole. You are a responsible bandleader.

[dazzjazz]

No you did the right thing bailing.  I feel your pain - I am overwhelmed by repertoire this week and it’s causing me a lot of stress. You did the right thing looking after yourself and band mates. Given the scope of work that arrived too late, you’d have been justified increasing your fee ten-fold. In m experience music theatre types can be totally clueless when it comes this sort of thing. 
 

stay at home and play a blues - you’ll feel a lot better about the world and your place in it. 

[Baldwin Funster]

I call that being ambushed. You should run, hide, and hopefully never hear from them again.

[bill5]

Agreed. That's just poor management and handling of the gig by the obvious amateurs running it (well I guess you can't expect too much from a burlesque gig). Everything should have been clearly stated up front. As soon as they doubled the play time, I would have said "OK so then we're getting $200 each, right?" If the answer was no, bye. 

[Michael Wright]

No worries, you were sandbagged by the organizers.  They obviously have very little experience dealing with artists, and the requirements for staging an event.  

[KuruPrionz]

Your intentions were good and you prepared for the event as notified. 

They changed the game last minute, that's on them, not you. 

I would have bailed too, it's obvious they don't have their sh*t together. 

Who knows if they even have the money to pay you?

What if nobody shows up or just the people who got free tickets and they don't have funds set aside?

 

No dings on you, they blew it big time. 

 

[El Lobo]

No.

2 hours ago, BluMunk said:

Am I the asshole? 

No.

[timwat]

No, you are not the asshole. 

 

HOWEVER.

 

As a businessperson, there is another way to look at this situation.

 

1) Client has an entertainment need. Whoever was in charge of communication with talent (you) dropped ball.

2) This does not change the fact that client has an entertainment need.

3) You might counter back something that you feel comfortable pulling off

4) Such a counter would of COURSE include a healthy and substantial increase in compensation for the entire trio.

5) You might suggest that you can certainly play cues OF YOUR CHOICE where cues are absolutely necessary, and the "nice to haves" need to be punted.

6) By not completely pulling out of the gig, you are demonstrating willingness to still meet their overall need...albeit on your terms, and suitably compensated for your talent, value, trouble, and willingness to remain professional in the midst of their unprofessionalism.

 

Just my 0.02

 

Tim

[stillearning]

43 minutes ago, timwat said:

No, you are not the asshole. 

 

HOWEVER.

 

As a businessperson, there is another way to look at this situation.

 

1) Client has an entertainment need. Whoever was in charge of communication with talent (you) dropped ball.

2) This does not change the fact that client has an entertainment need.

3) You might counter back something that you feel comfortable pulling off

4) Such a counter would of COURSE include a healthy and substantial increase in compensation for the entire trio.

5) You might suggest that you can certainly play cues OF YOUR CHOICE where cues are absolutely necessary, and the "nice to haves" need to be punted.

6) By not completely pulling out of the gig, you are demonstrating willingness to still meet their overall need...albeit on your terms, and suitably compensated for your talent, value, trouble, and willingness to remain professional in the midst of their unprofessionalism.

 

Just my 0.02

 

Tim

All of the above, especially #1. 

[TommyS]

Don't think twice... it's all right ......

[AnotherScott]

5 hours ago, BluMunk said:

Now I’m fielding messages about them being “flexible” and willing to work with whatever. In my gut I just don’t want to go back and forth on figuring out something that is going to work for all. I feel bad backing out so late, but also didn’t get the scope of the project until today.

I suppose you could tell them that all you could do for the agreed upon price is what had been specified up to that point... background music for one hour, music of your choice (since there had been no requests at that point); and you'd arrive x minutes before the gig as is typical. Anything after that was an additional request beyond what you had agreed to, and those requests could be met with your choice of "yes", "no", or "yes for an additional fee", as you feel is appropriate. If all you're willing to do (or all you're wiling to do for the price they're willing to pay) is what was encompassed in their original request, then that's all they get, and then it's up to them to say yes or try to find someone else.

[AUSSIEKEYS]

"Tell them theyre dreamin, unless it comes with Jousting sticks."

 

Old Aussie saying.

[The Real MC]

Poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on your part.

They are the assholes, not you.

[stoken6]

If you had confirmation of "one hour duration, music of your choice, arrive x minutes before downbeat" then you are categorically not the asshole. 

 

This is the kind of nightmare situation that makes me always ask, for any gig:

- Address, arrival time, parking?

- What songs/pieces, in what keys?

- Dress code?

- What does the gig pay?

 

Cheers, Mike.

[AnotherScott]

4 hours ago, stoken6 said:

This is the kind of nightmare situation that makes me always ask, for any gig:

- Address, arrival time, parking? {etc.}

Once a client verbally agrees to hire us for a private event, the first thing we do is send out a contract, which they must sign and return with a deposit (non-refundable once we are within x days of the event). Experience has taught us to put more things into the contract over time, as there have been occasional surprises, but we still keep it short and simple. Certainly, the hours and the address are there, and it says when we will arrive, so if the client sees that and says "oh no, that won't do," they can call and explain they need the band there earlier, and we can explain that, playing or not, x hours of someone's time costs more than y hours of someone's time (though we do give them a lower rate for the non-playing time). Sometimes they pay, more often they miraculously realize they don't need the band to get there that early after all.

[DrEsophagus]

Last time I backed out of a gig the organiser kicked me in the balls

[Delaware Dave]

Dear Mr. Asshole......

 

Ah, F them ....  

[Adan]

Viewed by itself, I think you're in the right.  But Burlington is a small community.  One should always think about how one event plays into the next and beyond.

[Adan]

1 hour ago, DrEsophagus said:

Last time I backed out of a gig the organiser kicked me in the balls

If you can't be serious or useful, at least be funny.  Funny would be good . . .

[stoken6]

31 minutes ago, Adan said:

Viewed by itself, I think you're in the right.  But Burlington is a small community.  One should always think about how one event plays into the next and beyond.

Reputational risk is a valid concern. On the flipside, the OP's reputation may be equally/more damaged by having a poor gig caused by not knowing the material/cues etc.

 

Cheers, Mike.

[Dockeys]

It’s a tricky one on a few levels. Sounds to me like your colleague was completely misinformed or else misinterpreted the demands of the gig? I’d have had words with them as well as the coordinators saying you took the gig based on the original demands requested. If they changed then that’s not your fault. They talk about being flexible but sounds like they aren’t interested in being flexible on their side. Someone somewhere got this very wrong. 
 

I’ve never pulled out of a gig but I have voiced my displeasure at being told stuff last minute. And stuff like an early load in is a no no for me unless given prior warning. Unfortunately it sounds like you’re being treated as the musician who’ll be happy to take any gig at any price. If they want a professional they need to treat you as one. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over this one. 

[Bobbo Fett]

Are you the asshole? No, not at all. You signed on to do a gig, and that gig turned into something that you never signed on for. Not your fault. As I always like to say, "Poor planning on YOUR part does not constitute an emergency on MY part".....

[Delaware Dave]

 

[MathOfInsects]

I wanted to read through the responses for a change before I gave my thoughts. Tim, Scott, and Adan are closest in the aggregate to my gut response, which was this:

You are NOT an asshole for accurately noticing that they wanted something other than they'd communicated. But IMO a flat-out cancellation was not called for. A very matter-of-fact reply that said, "For the money and arrangement we discussed, I can do X over a timeframe of Y. For longer or different requirements, we'd have to charge X, and at this point I would likely want to spin tracks for the requested songs," would have gone a lot farther, professionally and personally, than the perhaps asshole-adjacent move of stiffing them completely the day before.

 

My impression is that whoever hired you just didn't know what was going to be involved. I feel you had an opportunity to keep that person looking like a genius (a very underrated career move, IMO), while also making sure you didn't get shafted by the now-unreasonable terms of the job that your friend was probably figuring out in real time. Most of the time, people just need the language they would need to use to go back to their bosses/money and explain why something is different now. IMO you had a chance to provide that while keeping the job to a format you could handle, or at least at a price for which you could make other aspects work. 



 

[DrEsophagus]

On 9/17/2022 at 10:28 AM, Adan said:

If you can't be serious or useful, at least be funny.  Funny would be good . . .

Ok Karen

[Steve Nathan]

I'm with you 100%.  This is why I run, every time the conversation begins with, "It's just a few cool songs. we'll have so much fun".  That always waits til the day before, &then turns into "we're gonna back up so and so and so and so", 3 -4 hours, 30 + songs, and they need me to chart them!

[RABid]

On 9/16/2022 at 6:56 PM, BluMunk said:

This morning I had a message in my inbox with a schedule that included load-in 2.5 hours before the gig, a sound check 1.5 hours before, and had the band playing for 1/2 hour before the scheduled start time as an “intro” as well as during an intermission. And, a detailed list of about 15 specific musical numbers/cues that were expected to be coordinated with various specific events and acts over the course of the evening, including some accompanying singers on songs. None of which I necessarily have charts for or have played.

Sounds line someone in charge has absolutely no respect for the musicians and are piling on without thought. I would respond that the initial agreement equated to $100 per musician per hour. Total it up with the new time frame and demand payment in advance.

[BluMunk]

Thanks all for the feedback. I ended up jumping slightly off the "high road" by eventually not responding to further requests to figure something out. I had already said it wasn't going to work out, and didn't have interest in continuing with unpaid communication to end up with some in-between version of what they wanted and what I wanted.

A few specific responses:

Firstly, @dazzjazz, I totally <i>am</i> the musical theater type   . That said, you're right- more often than not others in the business have no concept of what it takes to do some of what they want <i>and do it well so neither the actors nor musicians look like idiots</i>.

@bill5, I will stand up a little for "burlesque" folks- I spent 5 years music directing a troupe with some of these same people and they can accomplish some really cool things. I was expecting chaos and unpreparedness- I wasn't expecting a long and detailed list of unachievable requirements 48 hours before the gig.
 

@timwat, well said. And maybe a less stressed out version of me might have followed exactly those steps. But I've got a lot going on in life at the moment, and I'm trying to more aggressively protect my own time and value and joy these days. I'm 20 years into this world and still have to remind myself that I don't need every gig, I don't need to be everyone's friend, and if I do my best to act with integrity I don't have to fix other people's problems, nor go down with their ships.

 

@Adan, you're right, it is a small town. And I've worked with both of the people running this event, as well as many of the performers. That said, even if this somehow spins to "blumunk totally screwed us and was such and unreasonable jerk!", no one whose patronage or collaboration matters to me is going to be moved by that story.

 

@MathOfInsects, you're probably right about everything in your post. Like I said, for reasons unrelated to anything the organizers did, I just have/had limited capacity for negotiating (in both senses of the word) unplanned expectations for this gig between the organizers, band members and myself. From my end, with a packed schedule between receiving the surprise requirements and the gig itself, it just wasn't worth the attempt. Really, knowing how busy I am along with the reputation the folks planning this have for . . . last minute organizing . . . I probably should have declined in the first place (which was only 2.5 weeks ago).

Anyway, not necessarily a proud moment, but I also feel strongly that my ability to solve your planning problems is a valuable skill, and sometimes the gig isn't worth it. There's a fine line between 'being a professional and seeing things through' and 'giving unappreciated free labor so that people like me'.

I've paid enough band mates out of my own pocket over the years in order to get them what they're worth and give the person hiring me what they want, and stayed long at rehearsals, and recorded enough tracks for folks to bank an awful lot of good karma. I'm more interested these days in exploring some clear boundaries to prevent burnout, and to maybe stop enabling exploitative relationships.