OT Gripe: "There's a piano. Play us something!"

[MathOfInsects]

This was an awesome thread by me.

 

Even if you don't see that the accountant comparison was meant to show dissimilarity, not similarity, can we all agree that there are times when us playing would either be inappropriate--like, for example, on the auditorium piano at a middle-school tour--or just not what you really feel like doing at the moment--like, for example, if you are only at a place because you are dropping something or someone off, and you're still in last night's PJ's, and you don't know the people there that well, and it's awkward for a host of other reasons to turn the event into something that is "about you" instead of whatever it actually is?

 

What if it's your kids' concert at school, and it's their time to be featured, and not yours? D-Bag move to play in that moment, IMO.

 

What if you don't know most of the people, and don't really want to be "Guy Who Plays the Piano for No Good Reason" among them, just because someone asked?

 

What if you just don't really feel like playing at the moment, for whatever reason?

 

Everyone seems to be focusing on the times when it's pretty obvious someone would play. But there are lots of times where it is not.

 

In those latter cases, music is one of the only professions where people seem to get angry at you for not doing your job just because someone has asked you to, and just because the tools of it are available. Those moments of being put on the spot and having the no-win situation of having it be wrong to play and wrong not to, are a gripe of mine.

 

The accountant and painter examples are meant to show how absurd it would be to hold other professions to this same standard. Yes, it's because people like what we do. But the leap from, "I like what you do" to "And therefore you will do it now unless you're a selfish and heartless dick," is pretty unique to our profession (though yes, doctors definitely get this too).

 

 

[I-missRichardTee]

i don't understand you at all. any opportunity to play piano is fun, especially to an eager audience. you shouldn't compare to doing a tax report or painting a wall, you've got it all wrong, with due respect.

 

Now that is good sense, unknown in the hallowed halls of academia, these days

[I-missRichardTee]

Were not talking about earning drinks. The OP is talking about being put on the spot to play when you don't want to.

 

Sorry, I was referring to social occasions with friends, family, colleagues. And in situations where I am willing to play. See the post before mine for a list of suggested songs.

 

Regarding the OPs dilemma, I was always (in my sisters words) trotted out like a trained monkey as a kid. Eventually I tried to decline and was hit with scorn and sarcasm until I relented. Once I went to college I flat out refused. My Dad got it. My Mom never did and took it as a personal insult. Today I wish I had just done a quick performance and paid my social dues.

 

Monkey, did I hear Monkey?

 

[video:youtube]

 

OT from this frightening yet frustrating situation of being continuously imposed upon in public by rude ne'er do wells, who don't grasp the unfair imposition upon the one known as MOI . I am thinking we should organize for precisely this kind of injustice, in every form it may take. I am behind MOI all the way.

 

Back to OT That last note of the video clip, is I believe, called a fall... where you hit a note and make that long bending of pitch to a much lower pitch. I used to play sax, and let me tell you, those LA session guys do a remarkable job of that tutti fall. Amazing actually.

[Adan]

Your original post focused only on those situations where you feel it would not be appropriate to play. Other folks chimed in with examples where it would be appropriate. Maybe, rather than disagreeing with you, they were just trying to provide balance?

 

I started my post with the comment "context matters." That was a brilliant post, slicing into the heart of the matter in two words. Wow, I just can't over myself today!

 

I have a problem with your basic thesis: that people asking you to play in transitional situations somewhat "devalues" the work of musicians. Sorry, but that just doesn't ring true to my ears. Not every situation in which someone wants to you play for free is a devaluation. For instance, they may feel that because they picked your child up from school 14 times in the last month, that you should reciprocate somehow, and that this should be an easy way for you to do so. The point is, pay-for-play is not the only valid form of valuation.

 

Rethinking analogies to other professions . . . I dunno. As lawyer I often have people ask me for advice on all sorts of things. I always feel complimented when that happens. Someone is trusting me to help solve their problems. I usually demur because I don't have the expertise to help them (unless they want to sue a polluting oil refinery). It may not be appropriate, I may not have time for it, but I never feel offended.

 

 

[MAJUSCULE]

This was an awesome thread by me.

 

LOL

[I-missRichardTee]

Your original post focused only on those situations where you feel it would not be appropriate to play. Other folks chimed in with examples where it would be appropriate. Maybe, rather than disagreeing with you, they were just trying to provide balance?

 

I started my post with the comment "context matters." That was a brilliant post, slicing into the heart of the matter in two words. Wow, I just can't over myself today!

 

I have a problem with your basic thesis: that people asking you to play in transitional situations somewhat "devalues" the work of musicians. Sorry, but that just doesn't ring true to my ears. Not every situation in which someone wants to you play for free is a devaluation. For instance, they may feel that because they picked your child up from school 14 times in the last month, that you should reciprocate somehow, and that this should be an easy way for you to do so. The point is, pay-for-play is not the only valid form of valuation.

 

Rethinking analogies to other professions . . . I dunno. As lawyer I often have people ask me for advice on all sorts of things. I always feel complimented when that happens. Someone is trusting me to help solve their problems. I usually demur because I don't have the expertise to help them (unless they want to sue a polluting oil refinery). It may not be appropriate, I may not have time for it, but I never feel offended.

 

 

This is great... I get to meet an attorney while teasing my foil.

Hey Rocco, not for nothing, but do you have a middle name... Ro?

[MathOfInsects]

Your original post focused only on those situations where you feel it would not be appropriate to play. Other folks chimed in with examples where it would be appropriate. Maybe, rather than disagreeing with you, they were just trying to provide balance?

 

Right, but those would be completely unrelated to the gripe. Who would gripe about playing in situations where it's utterly appropriate and obvious that you would play?

 

 

Not every situation in which someone wants to you play for free is a devaluation. For instance, they may feel that because they picked your child up from school 14 times in the last month, that you should reciprocate somehow, and that this should be an easy way for you to do so. The point is, pay-for-play is not the only valid form of valuation.

 

Of course. That would be a completely appropriate and obvious context in which to play.

 

I usually demur because I don't have the expertise to help them (unless they want to sue a polluting oil refinery). It may not be appropriate, I may not have time for it, but I never feel offended.

 

But my gripe is not the ask. It's the ensuing, "What the heck? What are you too good for us? Come on! Do it! Why wouldn't you just do it????" that is the gripe.

 

You're also forgetting that legal advice is a thing you can do one on one, without taking over the room. Playing piano makes you the focus of the entire room, for a minute or for an hour. It's not always the right choice...

 

It was just a slow day, and people didn't have much else to disagree with that day. In the mean time the Space Station thread has popped back up so I will have cover soon...

[Outkaster]

Adan as I said most musicians I know hate their day jobs. At least music is something we want to feel we have control over, at least for me it's like that.

[Adan]

If your posts didn't have some worthy intellectual content, they wouldn't even be worth responding to. You can be doing a good job even if all you get is disagreement.

 

"Rocco" is a stage name, which is kind of a joke now because with two small children my stage time has dwindled in quantity and significance.

 

Adan

[Threadslayer]

This was an awesome thread by me.

 

I double dare you to put that on your signature line.

[The Real MC]

http://i.imgur.com/F0TtgKj.jpg

[MathOfInsects]

This was an awesome thread by me.

 

I double dare you to put that on your signature line.

 

I already have a quote on my signature line....

[Threadslayer]

 

I already have a quote on my signature line....

Out of context, pejorative, and possibly libelous

[J_tour]

I know so many songs with a music sheet but very few by heart so, I always have my classic "Misty/Errol Garber" ready, plus a classic boogie in C plus some slowly/faster blue improv at hands....then, usually I stop because they just started to talk together and my next piece is a Chopin's waltz....

If I know there will be a piano,and the guests at the party are "dumb/bad mouth guys/jerk/whatever you call them, I bring my score and play for me....

but if they ask and I'm not in the mood, I said so, "well, not really on the mood today for specific reasons that I cannot tell..." So, they imagine the worst and they don't bother me anymore...

 

That's good, but one thing you must have overlooked: you can always pick out the most offensive possible tune to play.

 

I don't think "Cop Killer" really works as a piano piece, but if some cop asks for a tune, it could work.

 

If a smaller person, or a hefty woman, well surely Spinal Tap" has the right stuff.

 

I'm not thinking of all the right tunes, but I'm pretty sure there's something with no vox, just piano, that would be entertaining to me to play for the right person.

 

Of course I'm a gold-plated asshole, so maybe it's just me.

[I-missRichardTee]

I know so many songs with a music sheet but very few by heart so, I always have my classic "Misty/Errol Garber" ready, plus a classic boogie in C plus some slowly/faster blue improv at hands....then, usually I stop because they just started to talk together and my next piece is a Chopin's waltz....

If I know there will be a piano,and the guests at the party are "dumb/bad mouth guys/jerk/whatever you call them, I bring my score and play for me....

but if they ask and I'm not in the mood, I said so, "well, not really on the mood today for specific reasons that I cannot tell..." So, they imagine the worst and they don't bother me anymore...

 

That's good, but one thing you must have overlooked: you can always pick out the most offensive possible tune to play.

 

I don't think "Cop Killer" really works as a piano piece, but if some cop asks for a tune, it could work.

 

If a smaller person, or a hefty woman, well surely Spinal Tap" has the right stuff.

 

I'm not thinking of all the right tunes, but I'm pretty sure there's something with no vox, just piano, that would be entertaining to me to play for the right person.

 

Of course I'm a gold-plated asshole, so maybe it's just me.

 

[video:youtube]

 

[video:youtube]

[Threadslayer]

 

I don't think "Cop Killer" really works as a piano piece, but if some cop asks for a tune, it could work.

I'm ashamed to say that one time at a high school dance gig, the cops showed up to bust some kids who were watching us set up for drinking beer. I started playing the harpsichord solo from "Piggies" until one of the cops glared at me and told me to shut up.

[jeffincltnc]

This happened to me a couple weeks ago at a dueling piano bar place where my co-workers threw a big stack of cash on the piano to give me the stage.

 

I kept with the theme of the dueling piano bar environment.... Down Under (Men at Work), Stacy's Mom (Fountains of Wayne), Come on Eileen (Dexy's Midnight Runners), Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmmm (Crash Test Dummies), It Wasn't Me (Shaggy), Karma Chameleon (Culture Club).

 

Something that everyone could sing along too, but not too canned like Billy Joel/Elton John. Went over very well with the drunk singalong crowd (especially the females).

[Docbop]

This makes me crazy. Music has to be one of the few professions where people think that just because they like what you do, you owe it to them to do it for them on command.

 

"Hey, you're an accountant, right? Go do that guy's taxes!"

"Hey, you're a painter, right? There's a wall. Paint it!"

"You're a dentist, right? There's a mouth. Go work on it!"

 

And then if and when you say you'd rather just enjoy the time off, they go farther and make it personal. "Oh, too good for us, huh?" "Don't be a party pooper!" "Don't you want the kids to get to see some music?"

 

"Oh, you only work on paying customers' books, huh?" "Don't fail to contribute to the interior refurbishment of this house!" "Don't you want kids to enjoy good dental hygiene?"

 

This makes me crazy. It's one of the many ways people devalue what we do as some kind of lark. And yet, people don't seem to understand that us declining to play, is us asking for a night off, not taking something away that was somehow theirs already, even though we never offered.

 

Just me? You too?

 

I know the feeling from my day gig days working as a computer programmer and later SysAdmin, people always wanting me to fix their home computer or what I hated more was laundry lists of questions about computer applications. They would get mad when I'd tell them I work on servers and don't really use applications that much. Also easy to tell they hadn't even tried to figure out the answer on their own god forbid they read the documentation or even look at hte online help. People like that I refuse to help, if someone asks me a question and you can tell they put a little time in trying to figure it out, then I will help them, but not people who don't even try.

 

Music wise same as the OP, but I didn't mind that as much. What gets me with music being my background is Jazz is people thinking their is a simple answer to improv questions so they don't have to actually put the time in practicing. Sometimes to save my time I would give them an music school type answer, beause I know if you don't put the time in the woodshed that answer is useless to you.

[Ken Beaumont]

 

 

I know the feeling from my day gig days working as a computer programmer and later SysAdmin, people always wanting me to fix their home computer or what I hated more was laundry lists of questions about computer applications. They would get mad when I'd tell them I work on servers and don't really use applications that much. Also easy to tell they hadn't even tried to figure out the answer on their own god forbid they read the documentation or even look at hte online help. People like that I refuse to help, if someone asks me a question and you can tell they put a little time in trying to figure it out, then I will help them, but not people who don't even try.

 

Music wise same as the OP, but I didn't mind that as much. What gets me with music being my background is Jazz is people thinking their is a simple answer to improv questions so they don't have to actually put the time in practicing. Sometimes to save my time I would give them an music school type answer, beause I know if you don't put the time in the woodshed that answer is useless to you.

 

I hate that! It doesn't happen as much anymore. But I hate it when people just expect you to come over and fix their computer issues. Usually it's malware making their windows OS run like turtle racing a sloth! The worst part is I have not owned a windows computer since about 2004! And I haven't done sysadmin work since before that! I used to build and administer unix cluster and servers for an aerospace company. I have an old co-worker that only e-mails me with computer questions or when he needs a new computer he bought setup and wants me to do it! The part that really grates me is they don't even offer to pay!

[Threadslayer]

 

 

I hate that! It doesn't happen as much anymore. But I hate it when people just expect you to come over and fix their computer issues. Usually it's malware making their windows OS run like turtle racing a sloth! The worst part is I have not owned a windows computer since about 2004! And I haven't done sysadmin work since before that! I used to build and administer unix cluster and servers for an aerospace company. I have an old co-worker that only e-mails me with computer questions or when he needs a new computer he bought setup and wants me to do it! The part that really grates me is they don't even offer to pay!

I played that part differently. People would often offer to pay me. I always refused. I'd say, no thanks, if I accept money for it then it is work for hire and I have a responsibility to guarantee it and provide ongoing support. If I do it as a favor, it's a one-off and you will be reluctant to take advantage of my good nature. Some of the looks I got with that one were worth more than the few bucks I might have charged.

[hatricklov]

Math, this is an awesome thread by you.

 

Usually, this sort of thing happened to me when I was a kid at family get-togethers. That whole "your parents pay for your lessons guilt trip, now perform when I ask". Ugh. Not ungracious for what my parents did, and I always happily obliged, but as many have said... I wasn't always in the mood to 'perform'.

 

I got to thinking about another situation where this happened to me in high school...

 

I grew up in a rural area and went to a small school. We had enough numbers for 30-40 people to play in band, but not many lower brass instruments or bass. As a result, our band director had piano-talented students at school play the bass/tuba part. I didn't mind at the time. It was pretty much LH bass and very easy for me as I was considered one of the more talented musicians/pianists at my school at the time. This was early 90s on some ordinary Yamaha board at the time, and I recall the most decent sound for this was Jazz Organ... just presets, no tweakable sounds. Meh.

 

Then came a day when we were having a pep rally in the afternoon. Usually, the whole band played for these. For whatever reason, the band director just wanted me to play. I didn't feel like I had an appropriate set of songs that I could play for a pep rally as I mostly played jazz and ragtime. It also felt very much like a "this guy is our top musician, so he should have to play." ... and that pissed me off to be pressured that way.

 

So, I said I wouldn't do it. I didn't feel like it, wasn't prepared, and I felt guilted into it... and I got quite a bit of grief afterwards for not playing. I was very conflicted feeling obligated to play, but at the same time not wanting to.

 

So was I a tool for not playing? I felt like it a little bit, but I'd like hear forum opinions too.

 

[drawback]

Ah, well my post was somewhat cryptic and who knows how it was taken?

 

My parents did not pay for my piano lessons, or the piano (willed to us.) I have played the piano since pecking out Here Comes Peter Cottontail when I was just tall enough to see over the keyboard.

 

I was invited to lots of parties in primary school, turned out the reason was so I would play the piano for the parents. The kids really didn't know what was going on, but I sensed something negative, like being the star of someone else's birthday, which made me nervous. This went on and on, and I suppose that turned into trust and self-worth issues that remain. Once I got in with some like-minded guys my age, we were able to define the expectations and overall worthiness became clearer.

 

I love to play music. I live there. People really don't get that when I just don't think it's the right situation, and I can dig that it seems arrogant to say "not right now," but it's more complex than that. I earn my living doing it and I love it. But if I do it for free, it just has to be on my own terms and of my free will. I do it sometimes at parties, but that same old thing comes up inside me first, and I have to deal with it, put it away so I can "show some gratitude", "feel lucky", "dazzle them", whatever, etc etc.

 

Awesome thread, Math. Goodonya.

 

 

[Ken Beaumont]

 

 

I hate that! It doesn't happen as much anymore. But I hate it when people just expect you to come over and fix their computer issues. Usually it's malware making their windows OS run like turtle racing a sloth! The worst part is I have not owned a windows computer since about 2004! And I haven't done sysadmin work since before that! I used to build and administer unix cluster and servers for an aerospace company. I have an old co-worker that only e-mails me with computer questions or when he needs a new computer he bought setup and wants me to do it! The part that really grates me is they don't even offer to pay!

I played that part differently. People would often offer to pay me. I always refused. I'd say, no thanks, if I accept money for it then it is work for hire and I have a responsibility to guarantee it and provide ongoing support. If I do it as a favor, it's a one-off and you will be reluctant to take advantage of my good nature. Some of the looks I got with that one were worth more than the few bucks I might have charged.

 

Its not the requirement of pay. Its the assumption that working on someones computer sometimes for hours is expected of me. Offering to pay shows they value you. Its something I was taught before people became entitled.

[The Real MC]

http://www.analoguediehard.com/forum/most_touching_thread_ever.jpg