WWW Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 This was actually on Craigslist Looking for someone special who would kill my drummer for $100.00. Do not fear any negative consequences for this act, any self respecting law enforcement agency would gladly turn the other cheek once they hear this guy "play". I am tired of hearing his 70's style fills put in the wrong spot and ending one half beat early or late depending on how much he's had to drink. I am tired of him standing up behind his drums between songs and ripping his shirt off and flexing his muscles at wedding receptions where we were hired to play Air Supply, carpenters , and ann murray songs because "chicks dig the pecs, dude". I am tired of him showing up 20 minutes late for rehearsals then pouting until someone helps him load in his drums, then taking 30 minutes to set them up and needing a smoke break every 15 minutes, then wanting to leave early because "this chick is so fine, I can't say no, and she knows record people dude, so it's for the band" I am totally done with him calling me up at midnight to play me some damned jazz fusion album from 1981, crying and saying how we shouldn't have sold out to "the man" and asking if I know anyone who can get him some weed knowing full well I smoked twice in 69 and never touched it after that. I am sick of him farting on stage where the drum mics pick it up and thinking this shit is funny. I am tired of kicking off slow ballads at well under 80 bpm only to have them morph into the methamphetimine version of flight of the bumble bee, because that's the tempo he "feels" it at. I am tired of having to carry jumper cables to the gig because "I must have left the dome light on again, dude"instead of admitting his 84 oldsmobile is a worn out piece of crap. I am tired of him asking when he's gonna get a drum solo. I am tired of paying his tab at restaurants because "that chick must have stole my wallet man, but it was worth it 'cause she was a phreak". I will not move my amp again so he can put another new cymbal on the stage, because "when we learn some fusion I'll need this sound".........please somebody kill this motherfucker. I can't do it because he's my brother and mom would be so pissed off even though she thinks the band would probably sound better too. besides, if you are good at killing drummers, you could probably make a lot of money in this town. Hammond C3, Leslie 122, Steinway B, Wurlitzer 200A, Rhodes 73, D6 Clav Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steadyb Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wd8dky Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 http://www.weisersound.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Muscara Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 That was awesome. "I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck "The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Iverson Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Well, like they say, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family! Re: drum solos - they should add "Wipeout" to their song list and be done with it, or maybe "Toad". Of course, he has to be stripped to the waist and do somersaults and other acrobatic tricks, and have plenty of drumsticks on hand to throw to the audience, paid for out of his OWN pocket, not the band equipment fund...... If he can play in 7/4 and other odd time signatures, in a stiff and mechanical manner, in songs in 4, so much the better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Pierce Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I see nothing here that a good, strong-willed, macho timbalero couldn't fix. --Dave Make my funk the P-funk. I wants to get funked up. My Funk/Jam originals project: http://www.thefunkery.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAJUSCULE Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Awesome! Eric Website Gear page Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b_3guy Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Thanks for sharing this!! Steve www.seagullphotodesign.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Fiala Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Hilarious stuff! Here's a drummer joke I heard told at NAMM by Paul Reed Smith himself: Why do drummers put their sticks on the dashboard of their car? So they can use the handicapped parking! Tom F. "It is what it is." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Loving Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 My fave drummer joke is the old one about what does it mean when the drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth? --the stage is level. "Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 ...if you are good at killing drummers, you could probably make a lot of money in this town. That's harsh. I like it. "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BP3 Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Hilarious stuff! Here's a drummer joke I heard told at NAMM by Paul Reed Smith himself: Why do drummers put their sticks on the dashboard of their car? So they can use the handicapped parking! He probably got the joke from Carey Zeigler. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kanker. Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 So many drummers, so little time.... A ROMpler is just a polyphonic turntable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I will not move my amp again so he can put another new cymbal on the stage, because "when we learn some fusion I'll need this sound".........please somebody kill this motherfucker. This line made me laugh out loud. "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NewImprov Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 So many drummers, so few bullets... Turn up the speaker Hop, flop, squawk It's a keeper -Captain Beefheart, Ice Cream for Crow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lightbg Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 So why is this thread listed as OT? Jake 1967 B-3 w/(2) 122's, Nord C1w/Leslie 2101 top, Nord PedalKeys 27, Nord Electro 4D, IK B3X, QSC K12.2, Yamaha reface YC+CS+CP "It needs a Hammond" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Loving Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 OT, here = 'On Target' "Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reidmc Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 So why is this thread listed as OT? Jake I was wondering the same thing. "The Doomer allows the player to do things beyond which are possible without the accessory." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tonysounds Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 So many drummers, so little time.... You are a slippery one Mr. K! Hitting "Play" does NOT constitute live performance. -Me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue JC Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 I played with that drummer tonight. I'll chip in for the hit. Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer. W. C. Fields Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalpozlead Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 So many drummers, so few bullets... genious I'll save this to read in sad times... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muiriled Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 as far as I know hiring to kill anybody, even a drummer is illegal in northern states. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay da cop Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 and this is why I am no longer a drummer..... at least not in a band. I did the morally and socially responsible thing and became a keys player. Jay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff_D_in_MD Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 This was actually on Craigslist Looking for someone special who would kill my drummer for $100.00. I hope you flagged it for Best of Craigslist! Yamaha P2 acoustic, Yamaha P120 digital, Nord Electro 3HP, QSC K10. FOR SALE: Nord Electro 2-61. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jon from oz Posted January 21, 2010 Share Posted January 21, 2010 How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door? He gets louder and faster. JDP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harmonizer Posted January 24, 2010 Share Posted January 24, 2010 I really like the drummer who plays is our covers band. Granted, he does some strange things every once in a while, and his hearing is marginal so that it is mandatory that we put a stage monitor very close and directly pointed at him. But he plays a lot of good things, plays great on ballads, and actually *listens* to and takes in suggestions we make. Sorry to crash the party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real MC Posted January 24, 2010 Share Posted January 24, 2010 as far as I know hiring to kill anybody, even a drummer is illegal in northern states. Not if it is open season Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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