Were your parents supportive of your 'music habit'?

[Rod S]

Ok, another of those 'cocktail hour' topics. Just curious what people's experiences were.

 

I started thinking about this after reading a thread at the drum forum, where the kid couldn't play in a band because he had no way to get to practice (ie his parents wouldn't take him)

 

Personally, my parents were always very supportive. My first memories of actually playing was with my dad at a hotel lounge when I was about 8.

 

My dad drove my brother and I to band rehersals without ever bitching about it. They also went to our shows as often as they could and as long as it was cool. Too bad there were no portastudios when he was younger, my mom said he used to write some pretty cool stuff when they were dating. (Turned into a workaholic later in life, unfortunately).

 

The only time my 'music' every got mentioned in a professional publication was when my dad was interviewed by a magazine e.g. business week, and he talked about 'his kid's rock band' http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/biggrin.gifhttp://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/biggrin.gifhttp://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

 

Last year, when I was home, I found out my dad had gotten a whole bunch of video tapes of old shows that we had lying around professionally restored (they had been getting moldy because of the heat and high humidity where they live) so we could still watch them. How cool is that? He could have just forgotten about it or thrown it away.

 

My interest in music and growth in it wouldn't have been the same without my parents support.

 

What was your experience?

 

This message has been edited by Rod CA on 07-29-2001 at 04:23 AM

[soapbox]

My parents have been incredibly supportive over the years. They bought a piano for me when I was six and drove me to lessons for ten years until I could drive myself.

 

They paid for my college tuition and supported the idea of me being a music major.

 

They came out to watch me play in bars after I graduated from college; and years later, they still want to know all the details about what's happening in my career. They even listen to me without yawning when I tell them about my new gear!

 

I've been very lucky!

[Tedster]

In my case, not really. My Mom did put up with me having a bunch of loud music coming from the back room, but she never made any pretense about liking what I was doing.

 

My Dad played drums in what was then termed a "dance band"...but he passed away in the early 60s, so I never really knew what he would have thought. My Mom liked ballroom dance type music and musical scores...had no use for rock or jazz. Never came to any of my gigs. There was a big generation gap there. Not like some folks with younger parents.

 

On that note, I've tried to be supportive of my kids' musical interests, but, for the most part, they're not really active in music...at least not like I was. My oldest son plays a little drums and keys...could be a decent piano player if he'd work at it. My youngest daughter plays clarinet in high school band and a little guitar, but she doesn't seem to be dying to pursue it either. Ahh well, one poor musician in the family is enough. But it does piss me off. Here they are, they've got a supportive parent, have all kinds of gear laying around that I would have KILLED for when I was their age, and they take it for granted.

[Krakit]

My parents were the opposite. I was discouraged.

 

I begged for lessons and never got them.

 

When I was accepted to conservatory, I was refused financial aid because my father was still declaring me as a dependant and his income was over that which would qualify me.

 

My father did say that he would pay for my education if I majored in engineering at a school of his choosing.

 

I took my life savings and paid for my first semester at conservatory myself. I tried to find work but failed to generate enough income to continue.

 

So with a 3.8 GPA I dropped out because I was unable to pay. I had hoped that my parents would see my seriousness and fortitude and break down and pay for the rest of my education.

 

They didn't.

 

Carl

[mojosaur]

Ted:

 

I can relate to that totally......the environment is so important and people are so critical should I say jealous of musicians.....plus few people understand how repetitive learning is, especially if you have to listen to it.....a supportive atmosphere is the key for kids-- and like you say some are just not into it.

 

When I started getting back into it my wife didn't want to hear about it, her ex was a drummer, but once I got on the keys and started to show I could make noises that passed as music LOL, she loosened up.....but it is tough when your relatives and friends show little interest or are negative.

 

Andy

[joegerardi]

Well, my parents did and didn't support, in a kind of convoluted way.

 

I was born with Bronchial Asthma and Asthmatic Bronchitis. I was basically "the boy in the plastic bubble" and wasn't supposed to live. I had Last Rites 3 times by the age of 2, and lived in hospital until the age of 5. When it was decided that I was healthy enough to leave, (basially just to make the doctors liars, I think) and was released from the hospital at age 5, my parents thought that piano would be a way to keep me in the house and not run amok like most 5 year-olds. I took to it like a duck to water, but still ran amok like a typical 5 year-old. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif

 

I loved classical music, Bach particularly, and was going the performance pianist route, doing all the rectials, etc, and then 2 albums changed me forever: Switched On Bach and Emerson, Lake and Palmer. I was really taken with what the new technology was capable of, and though my father hated the fact that I played very little popular music (by his standards, popular music was Johnny Mathis and Frank Sinatra) he saw that I was comitted, and bought me a Hammond C3, and an Arp 2600, but I was not allowed to have band practice at my house, and always had to cart the equipment elsewhere for rehearsal. (My parents had divorced by this time - 1971 - and my mother took our house in Pennsylvania. I stayed in NY.)

 

So, whilst he supported me by giving me the tools to follow my dreams, he never once came to any recitals, concerts, or gigs in all the years I lived with him, or in NY. Now, in his defense, he owned his own business and worked gonzo hours.

 

Additionally, he would not pay for my college degree in music. It was his plan that I become a lawyer and work out of his insurance brokerage, and eventually take over his business, but I had other plans. I took student loans, and when my mother, who was having a rough time of it, moved back to NY, I had to quit school and get a full-time job to help support her and my younger brothers.

 

That's why I say there was and wasn't support. My mother simply wanted me to do whatever made me happy, and my father, well, he obviously had his own agenda.

[Steve LeBlanc]

My Dad was on the Road through most of my childhood...we didn't have much of a relationship until I was an adult working musician...we worked together in the same band and got to know each other best during that time. Also my parents were divorced when I was 12 years old...

 

Anyway, I digress... http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/wink.gif

 

My Mom was extremely supportive when it came to music...I started learning to play the piano mostly on my own when I was 4 years old. I was playing chords and writing silly songs...my Mom told me if I was going to play music I had to learn it right.

 

She paid for private piano teachers and forced me to practice 1.5 hours everyday on my lessons (with an egg timer) before I could jam my pop/rock stuff. She'd sit and listen to me play very proudly. This went on until I was 16, sometimes she'd really have to go through hell to make me practice.

 

btw, we were really poor so the lessons/schools were a major sacrifice

 

She took me to recitals...always looked for better teachers as I progressed...enrolled me in several music schools throughout my teens and even supported me when I stopped playing classical and chose Jazz/Rock...I was allowed to Jam loud in my bedroom any day of the week, and every year she would help me buy a new piece of gear...one year she bought me a Roland D50 when it was still a fairly new and popular synth.

 

There's so much more to the story...she was incredibly supportive. The support she gave me was amazing but to be honest I often hate her for it because later when I worked as a professional musician with my Dad playing Country and Rock music...with the ups and downs that come with that. And then Rap, R&B working with 40 ounce drinking, Weed Smoking gangsters...well all of her support went away.

 

She encouraged me to get into computers and stop playing music...it didn't matter how much money I was making really...for some reason she suddenly hated music.

 

Even when I started working for more respectable musicians she wanted me to quit. What hurt the most (and still does) was when I was doing my own music she wouldn't even take a minute to listen...and basically told me I was wasting my time.

 

Well a lot of time has passed...I've talked a lot of this stuff out with my Mom, she tries to be supportive of the music I do now...and it's obvious she's proud but I still can't get 5 minutes of her time to listen.

 

I've just been really mad at her sometimes because she spent so much time encouraging me to love music and be the best just to tell me later that it was all worthless. Talk about a mind trip...whatever most of us come from disfunctional families...I love her more than it may sound like in this post http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/wink.gif

 

Nice group therapy session, http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/biggrin.gif thanks.

[steadyb]

My experience has been very similar to Soapbox. My parents have alway been and still are extremely supportive of me and my music. My dad even was a "invisible" concert promoter of sorts, giving me the money to buy out the Roxy in Hollywood on a Saturday night back in 1984 so my band could put on a showcase there without having to deal with promoters possibly screwing with my band the day and night of the show. There have been numerous incidents like that, helping me get that "must have" keyboard, or a road case, etc. I'm extremely lucky and grateful to them for ALWAYS being there for me.

 

steadyb

[marino]

Good thread! Great stories!

Here's mine:

 

In short, my parents were delighted to discover that I had some musical talent, and did all they could to develop it; but when they discovered that I wanted to be a pro musician, they did absolutely everything in their power to STOP me.

 

When I was a child, they sent me to a very good choir, and bought me an organ; but when I started to beg for piano lessons, it took me a whole year to convince them. In the end, they rented an upright piano for me.

Seeing me spending all my time on the piano really alarmed them!

 

Then, when I announced my intention to be a musician, tragedy erupted. From that moment on, it was war. Mother said, "You have to be a Conservatory grad", probably trying to discourage me. But I passed the exams to get in, and they finally *bought* a piano (we weren't rich, you know).

 

Fortunately, Conservatory is free in Italy, you only have to keep an annual program of study. But I was subjected to the worst negative pressure you can imagine. The message was always, "You'll never make it".

I was tough, and I took it as a challenge, like, "Let's see who's right", but as you can imagine, this didn't help our family togetherness...

 

Anyway, I did started working with music, so I waved goodbye my parents, and the conservatory too.

From then on, I went thru good and bad times, but I've always been a working musician.

 

Why did they try so hard to stop me? It's not very clear to me to this day. I think they were very worried about my chances to earn a living as a musician; they're both from poor families, and my mother worked really hard to take an University degree (Dad tried also, but he was stopped by the war - tough times!), so they saw the insecurity of a musician's life like a step backwards from what they achieved.

 

Strangely, having to deal with that kind of opposition made me even more sure of my decision, and also hungry to learn and become good. I understood that, not coming from a musical family , I was at a disadvantage of some kind, so I worked very hard to compensate! (I mean, my parents loved music, but it's just not the same)

 

Thanks for the opportunity to tell this story... And keep them coming, it's great reading!

 

marino

[Mark Zeger]

When I started piano lessons (at age 13), they want a nice "piano as furniture" for the living room, likely to be a spinet. I wanted a less decorative Rhodes. Rhodes won. Still have it.

 

My parents wish was for me was not to become a "starving musician" like the ones from whom I took lessons. My best compromise was to attend the University of Rochester, get a "real" degree in Economics, and study as the Eastman School of Music.

[sudeep]

amazing experiences!!! well my parents HATED the fact that i played so much and still do...when i was 12 i had to BEG for a guitar...then i had to beg for lessons...then i had to beg them for money...then i had to beg my mum to take me...it just got too much...so i just learned from book and developed my ear...but even then it was always "youre playing too much music...you be studying"...anyway i ended up doing what they wanted (engineering)...and it was once i started earning i was REALLY able to indulge myself (and took up the keys)...and even now i think they are a bit annoyed when im constantly going off to rehearsals and gigs...sometimes i wish i had more encouragement as a child especially when i sit there for hours trying to improve my sight reading!!!...but its not their fault...they are actually GREAT parents...but from their back ground in india music was just a luxury for the rich or musical families...so encouraging kids musically was just not natural for them.

[b3fiend]

My mother worked 3 jobs at times to keep four kids in private lessons at MacPhail Centre for the Arts in Minneapolis. We were forced to take the first 5 years, and then it was up to us if we wanted to continue... we all did, for between 6 and 15 years.

 

My father, on the other hand was constantly annoyed by four kids practicing piano. We didn't practice when he was around.

 

-Gregg

 

 

 

This message has been edited by b3fiend on 07-29-2001 at 11:14 PM

[industriac]

My parents were pretty supportive of music and still are.

 

They actually put me through piano lessons (it wasnt my choice) for a few years. I stopped because my parents thought it was sort of a waste because

I would not really practice and my piano teachers moved away. I regret not practicing now because my chops aint really good, and still today I dont practice (not enough motivation).

 

In middle school, I took up playing clarinet and my parents always came to my school's winter and spring concerts. I played for 8 years, and, now that I am going to college, I dont know if I'll continue.

 

During high school, that was when I encountered my first synth, the KORG O1W/FD (3 years ago). I am heavily into electronic music and I have always been interested in keyboards. So, I started to fiddle around with it during my spare time. Then, my band teacher upgraded to a KORG N364 and I went on using that. I wrote 4 songs for my school's battle of the bands and I needed to write up 1 more. But, my school would not let me take out the N364 over spring break.

 

So, I told my parents my dilemma that I need to finish writing and recording my songs and that it would not be a good thing if I had to drop out. I found an N364 used for like $800 at the local guitar center and I was about to get one because I was used to it. But, that was when I discovered the newly released KORG KARMA and I was blown away. Being the supportive parents they are, they shelled out an extra $1000 and bought me the KARMA as I really wanted it.

 

My parents tell my relatives that I write my own music and theyre all fascinated that I write my own music. My parents even came to see me perform at my school's Battle of the Bands.

[Magpel]

Good question. The basic answer is yes, supportive, but with many caveats and warnings about the dangers of music (or art, or theater, or creative writing) as a career choice. Depression-era mentality that stresses the importance of having a solid and respectable career "to fall back on," which is, actually a timeless theme I suppose.

 

The more influential musical dynamic in my family is/was that between my older brother and myself. He staked out music when he was about 8 years old and formed his first band. He essentially informed the world that he would never do anything but music, and he's been true to his word. Presently he's a composition professor and small studio owner in the Midwest. Now he was very supportive of my tenous musical leanings when I was young, gave me a stratocaster, let me sit in with his bands, but more significantly, he kinda got there first, built a reputation as the hotshot guitarist in our town, sort of claimed music as his and I never felt, growing up, that it was a very viable identity for me, living in his shadow and such. So I dabbled, played in bands, picked up a half-hearted music degree in college to go with my creative writing major, but didn't actually discover myself as a musician until I bought a four track in the mid 80s. Multitracking saved me, and I've sallied forth confidently with my own musicial idenitity ever since, not the chopsy guitarist that I might have wanted to be, but the composer/arranger/experimenter type. I love it. And my brother still supports me, and my parents understand that it's my passion, reagrdless of what I do for money. So, yes, supportive environment, but not without its dangers and mixed messages.

 

John

[Steve123]

This is a really neat thread topic and I've enjoyed reading the replies - although those that did not get support and recognition from parents saddened me. Anyhow, here's mine:

 

My parents are both very accomplished musicians. My father plays trumpet (classical as well as jazz). He was a band director (elementary school) by profession and that's how he put food on the table. If you have seen the movie Mr. Holland's opus, his career spanned approximately the same length of time as the movie's character (late 50's to late 80's). My mom is a trained mezzo soprano and before she had kids was quite active in local opera productions in the Chicago area. My parents have had season tickets to the Lyric opera since before I was born (41+ years). It would have been very easy for them to push me into music, but they didn't. I was drawn to it like a magnet.

 

I started piano lessons at age six and clarinet lessons in the fourth grade. We always had a piano in the house and parents bought me a very nice Buffet clarinet. At age 10, I began playing dixieland and swing in a small combo with childhood friends. Sometime during puberty, primordial instincts took over and I began playing rock"n"roll. Mom and dad worried that Jimi Hendrix was becoming God to me, but didn't discourage me. After much begging and pleading, dad bought me a Fender Rhodes and a P.A. even though this was an enormous expense. Our band began to annoy the neighbors during rehearsals. No more polkas and Italian love songs: Chicago, the Rolling Stones, and the Beatles now ruled.

 

I played in the high school jazz band (piano), orchestra (bass clarinet), and band (clarinet). I also played football, basketball, and ran track. I played on the chess team. My parents were supportive and positive about everything I tried to do including music as long as I kept my grades up. I credit them for instilling a sense of accomplishment in me.

 

Upon graduating from high school, dad (not wanting to spoil the fun, but concerned about my future) issued an ultimatum: "Son, if you want to go to college and study to be a doctor, lawyer, engineer, or businessman, I'll be behind you 100%. If you want to go into music, you're on your own!" I know that many of you might think this is unusually harsh and at the time it seemed like it, but you had to know where he was coming from. He grew up during the great depression. He had seen the musicians union crushed in the forties and radio and recorded music eliminate thousands of jobs for live musicians. He had made a very good living playing with big bands in the 40's and early 50's. By the mid-fifties he went into teaching to survive. BTW, he also thought that Chuck Berry and Elvis represented the end of civilization but thats another thread entirely. :-)

 

Anyway he had a point, if he was going to sacrifice to invest in my future (and college tuition was a big sacrifice because I had three younger sisters he had to support as well), I would have to come out with a marketable skill. The logic was simple: musical talent is a buyer's market and in all probability, even if I possessed great talent (I didn't) and desire (I did), a career in music would be a monumental struggle. On the other hand, if I had the skills to land a secure, well-paying job, I could pursue music to my hearts content in my spare time.

 

I went to school and studied electrical engineering. First a B.S., then an M.S. and later a Ph.D. I easily supported myself through my master's and Ph.D. with engineering work. I do enjoy music very much and I play whenever I can. Music is a marvelous, healthy escape for me. I thank God that my parent's instilled a love and appreciation for music in me, and had the wisdom not to let me fall prey to vagaries of the music business. I also don't mean to imply by relaying my life's choice any disrespect for those that choose a career in music. I profoundly respect and admire professional musicians that are so gifted and remain so creative while having to compete in such a brutal marketplace.

 

Regards, Steve

[coyote]

Mom played organ. Not seriously or for performance or anything but she was pretty good - had the melodies, the left-hand chords, AND the bass pedals! So....

 

Big brother & I were encouraged (read:forced) to take music lessons. He took up guitar, and I chose drums. Now fast-forward a few years.... Dad & Mom divorce. I'm drumming in a few bands and learning guitar in high school. Dad has always said he'd pay for college. I choose music as a career & for college - suddenly his promise to pay for college evaporates and he says "it was only if you chose a serious subject".

 

 

Originally posted by Krakit:

My parents were the opposite. I was discouraged.

I begged for lessons and never got them.

When I was accepted to conservatory, I was refused financial aid because my father was still declaring me as a dependant and his income was over that which would qualify me.

My father did say that he would pay for my education if I majored in engineering at a school of his choosing.

So with a 3.8 GPA I dropped out because I was unable to pay. I had hoped that my parents would see my seriousness and fortitude and break down and pay for the rest of my education.

They didn't.

Carl

[Rod S]

Thanks for the responses. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif

 

Well, I think a lot of the responses echoed what I figured people would say. It seems in general parents are supportive of their kids being involved with music and as long as it's a hobby; they flip when it becomes a career.

 

I've often wondered how my parents would have reacted if either my brother and I have gone into the music business. I never thought about it for a moment, but I know my brother did (My brother always has the 'problem' he can't do anything halfway. He either doesn't do it or he goes to the end). In any case, my brother and I followed the 'accepted route' and both go degrees in engineering, which although my dad never said it, I'm sure he was pleased with our decision.

 

In a way my situation is very different. Back in Brazil it's MUCH harder to make it in the music business. I remember being in high school and playing in gigs with semi-pro's (well, whatever you wanted to call them; people older than us which were trying to survive with music full time), and we had better equipment (we were all a bunch of spoiled private school brats http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/biggrin.gif )

 

My parents wish was for me was not to become a "starving musician" like the ones from whom I took lessons. My best compromise was to attend the University of Rochester, get a "real" degree in Economics, and study as the Eastman School of Music.

 

I went there too! 90-95. I still kick myself for now having gotten more involved with the Eastman school of music stuff. How freaking dumb. When were you there?

[midispaceho]

My parents were supportive of my music...to a point. My folks let me be in band and choir and stuff, however when I showed interest in taking it further, they became less that supportive. They refused to pay for college if I majored in anything artistic - I hated that, because I really wanted to try to go to Berkeley. I ultimately became a doctor. I am happy it turned out that way too as I probably did not have the raw talent to go into music. I love being a doctor and now I make enough money to have fun with music and eat as well.