Old No7 Posted December 4, 2020 Share Posted December 4, 2020 I sent a drummer friend of mine up in Montreal a collection of drummer jokes... The best ones were: * What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? (A drummer) * What do you call a pretty girl on a drummer's arm? (A tattoo) * How do you know it's a drummer at the door? (The knocking speeds up) Anyway, he's responded by sending me these piano or keyboard jokes below. * Warning -- Not all are PG * Let's see some others too! Old No7 * How does one make a million dollars as a keyboard player? ......(Start with 2 million) * What"s the difference between a professional keyboard player and a large pizza? ......(Only the pizza can feed a family of four) * How do you improve the sound of an accordion? ......(Sell it â and buy a piano) * Why was the piano invented? ......(So that musicians would have a place to put their beer) * What do you call a semi-pro keyboardist who just broke up with his girlfriend? ......(Homeless) * Two people were walking down the street. One was a keyboard player⦠......(The other didn't have any money either) * What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? ......(A flat miner) And saving the BEST for last! * What"s better than three roses on your piano? ......(Tulips on your organ) Quote Yamaha MODX6 * Hammond SK Pro 73 * Roland Fantom-08 * Crumar Mojo Pedals * Mackie Thump 12As * Tascam DP-24SD * JBL 305 MkIIs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodan88 Posted December 4, 2020 Share Posted December 4, 2020 Q: What does a keyboard player use for birth control? A: His personality. Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand. Q: Why did Bach have 20 children? A: Because his organ had no stops. Q: What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline? A: You don't have to take your shoes off to jump up and down on an accordion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnDoe Posted December 4, 2020 Share Posted December 4, 2020 Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand. While performing "Flight of the Bumblebee". Quote "This is my rig, and if you don´t like it....well, I have others!" "Think positive...there's always something to complain about!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Mike Metlay Posted December 4, 2020 Share Posted December 4, 2020 What's the difference between a keyboardist and a pigeon? One has the ability to make a deposit on a new car. Quote Dr. Mike Metlay (PhD in nuclear physics, golly gosh) Musician, Author, Editor, Educator, Impresario, Online Radio Guy, Cut-Rate Polymath, and Kindly Pedant Editor-in-Chief, Bjooks ~ Author of SYNTH GEMS 1 clicky!: more about me ~ my radio station (and my fam) ~ my local tribe ~ my day job ~ my book ~ my music Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajstan Posted December 4, 2020 Share Posted December 4, 2020 ... so the guy explains to the bartender, "The genie thought I wished for a 12-inch pianist". Quote Nord Stage 3 HA88, Nord Stage 3 Compact, Casio CT-S1, Radial Key Largo, Westone AM Pro 30, Rolls PM55P, K&M 18880 + 18881, Bose S1 Pro, JBL 305p MKII, Zoom Q2n-4K Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodan88 Posted December 4, 2020 Share Posted December 4, 2020 Nice, Dr. M.! Reminds me of another joke, which I have conveniently converted into a keyboardist joke: Q: What's the difference between a keyboardist and a U.S. bond? A: The bond eventually matures, and eventually earns money. (It was originally a "jazz musician" joke.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodan88 Posted December 4, 2020 Share Posted December 4, 2020 One more: Q: What's the difference between a keytar and a kaleidoscope? A: One was invented to create mindless patterns for children. The other one, you look into. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Mike Metlay Posted December 4, 2020 Share Posted December 4, 2020 As a keytar player, I am laughing my fool head off at that one. Quote Dr. Mike Metlay (PhD in nuclear physics, golly gosh) Musician, Author, Editor, Educator, Impresario, Online Radio Guy, Cut-Rate Polymath, and Kindly Pedant Editor-in-Chief, Bjooks ~ Author of SYNTH GEMS 1 clicky!: more about me ~ my radio station (and my fam) ~ my local tribe ~ my day job ~ my book ~ my music Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KuruPrionz Posted December 4, 2020 Share Posted December 4, 2020 (drummer joke converted for keyboards) How can you tell if the stage is level? The keyboard player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth. Since accordions have already taken a hit... What is perfect pitch? Perfect pitch is when you pitch a banjo into the dumpster, it hits an accordion and they both break. Did you hear about the keyboard player who was so good he made several million dollars, married a beautiful, successful woman, had several genius level children and lived a happy sober life well into his 90's? Neither did I. Quote It took a chunk of my life to get here and I am still not sure where "here" is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodan88 Posted December 5, 2020 Share Posted December 5, 2020 Full disclosure, Dr. M. - the kaleidoscope joke is actually a re-purposed saxophone joke. Shhhhhh.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real MC Posted December 5, 2020 Share Posted December 5, 2020 Did you hear about the guitar player who locked his keys in his car? It took two hours to get the keyboard player out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazzpiano88 Posted December 5, 2020 Share Posted December 5, 2020 Here is a few more: Bad Keyboard Jokes 2012 I liked this one: "Someone who knows how to play the accordion and doesn't." ~ Al Cohn's definition of a gentleman Quote J a z z P i a n o 8 8 -- Yamaha C7D Montage M8x | CP300 | CP4 | SK1-73 | OB6 | Seven K8.2 | 3300 | CPSv.3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hookie Posted December 5, 2020 Share Posted December 5, 2020 A recent worldwide longitudinal 20 year study of 190,512 keyboardists revealed the average of individual earnings during that time period was $4,113,046.52 (USD), yet 98% of those who participated in the study were living at or below poverty level in their respective countries. How could that be? ....... ........ ........ ......... G.A.S. Quote Yamaha C2, Yamaha MODX7, Hammond SK1, Hammond XK-5 Heritage Pro System, Korg Kronos 2 61, Yamaha CP4, Kurzweil PC4-7, Nord Stage 3 73, Nord Wave 2, QSC 8.2, Motion Sound KP 210S, Key Largo, etc…yeah I have too much… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skipeb3 Posted December 5, 2020 Share Posted December 5, 2020 So, have you heard the one about the accordion/banjo duo that had a New Years Eve gig? They killed... everybody loved them, and the club owner booked them right then & there for the next New Years Eve. And they said... "Great! Have you got a place where we can leave our stuff?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenWaB3 Posted December 5, 2020 Share Posted December 5, 2020 Al lot of those are repurposed guitar player, drummer, etc. jokes. The only one I could come up with that hasn't been shown here is: Q: How do you get a keyboard player to turn down? A: There's only one way. You have to pull out the &^$#@#& plug! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Williams Posted December 5, 2020 Share Posted December 5, 2020 The keyboardist, frustrated about all the romance being associated with the front man and lead guitarist, goes out and purchases a keytar, thinking, "This will get me the chicks." (Technically, the joke could end right here, but let's continue.) First night out, he's strutting his stuff with the wireless keytar, and a beautiful young lady approaches his side of the stage. She gestures "come here" to him, and he bends down to hear what she has to say: "Can you get me the phone number of the guitarist?" Hmm... Repurposing other jokes seems unfair, and in the case of drummers inappropriate, but let's try a couple: Q: How many keyboardists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one -- he holds the light bulb still in the socket, and waits for the world to revolve around him. Q: What is the only real advantage of a vintage Hammond and Leslie over a modern clonewheel and a Vent? A: The Hammond and Leslie burn longer. Quote -Tom Williams {First Name} {at} AirNetworking {dot} com PC4-7, PX-5S, AX-Edge, PC361 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
retrokeys Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 How many keyboardists does it take to change a light bulb.? None. Keyboardists are not afraid to sit in the dark, in the corner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mighty Motif Max Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 Playing music is like driving - if you don"t C# you"ll Bb! Quote Yamaha: Motif XF8, MODX7, YS200, CVP-305, CLP-130, YPG-235, PSR-295, PSS-470 | Roland: Fantom 7, JV-1000 Kurzweil: PC3-76| Hammond: SK Pro 73 | Korg: Triton LE 76, N1R, X5DR | Emu: Proteus/1 | Casio: CT-370 | Novation: Launchkey 37 MK3 | Technics: WSA1R Former: Emu Proformance Plus & Mo'Phatt, Korg Krome 61, Roland Fantom XR & JV-1010, Yamaha MX61, Behringer CAT, Kurzweil PC4 (88) Assorted electric & acoustic guitars and electric basses | Roland TD-17 KVX | Alesis SamplePad Pro | Assorted organs, accordions, other instruments Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyRude Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 Q. Where can you find a young keyboard player? A. 1982 Q. Where can you find a keyboard player at 4:30am? A. Keyboard Corner Quote Some music I've recorded and played over the years with a few different bands Tommy Rude Soundcloud Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stillearning Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 Q. Where can you find a young keyboard player? A. 1982 Or even 1972. Quote I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient and I will get to you shortly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skipeb3 Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 Q: How do you keep a keyboard player busy all day? A: Click here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
232006 Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 Q: How do you keep a keyboard player busy all day? A: Click here I don't seem to be able to open that link........................................................... Joking! (just in case anyone wondered) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenWaB3 Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 In order to not risk offending the sensitivities of some list members or possibly get flagged by the board I'll let the individual reader place their own level of vulgarity, scatological humor or profanity in the sections in parentheses. So here's an oldie but goodie: A piano player went to audition at a restaurant. The manager asked him to play something. He responds with a peace of beautiful music. The manager says, "That's beautiful, but I don't recognize the piece. What is it?" The piano player responds with (insert your own vulgarity here) The manager gets livid and reams out the piano player for insulting him like that. The piano player says, "No, you misunderstand. That's one of my own compositions and that's the title". The manager was somewhat mollified and said, "Well it was a truly beautiful piece. Can you play something more?" The piano player plays something even better than the first one. When asked about the title of that one the piano player responds (insert another favorite vulgarity here). The manager says, "Let me guess. Another one of your compositions?" The piano player responds positively. The manager says, "You really play beautifully and I would love to hire you but we have an older conservative clientele here. If you were playing one of your own compositions and one of them asks what it is could you just say nothing, smile and nod your head?" The piano player agrees & is hired . On his first night a little old lady comes up to him and asks what lovely piece he is playing. He just smile & nods his head. She repeats the question and gets the same response. Thinking he may be hard of hearing she leans over to speak into his ear, but when looking down she gasps, her eyes get very wide and she exclaims, "Young man, do you know your fly is open & your pecker is hanging out?" He replies, "Know it? Hell, lady, I wrote it!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real MC Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 Q: How do you keep a keyboard player busy all day? A: Click here How do you keep a keyboard player in suspense? I'll tell you later... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real MC Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 (drummer joke converted for keyboards) They're ALL easily converted by replacing the instrument Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.