zephonic Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 is: * a drummer who's habitually late and can't remember song titles. * a bassplayer with leadsinger aspirations. * a guitarist who doubles as on-site electrician. * a singer who never knows the keys of the songs she does, hums the first line for you to establish it only to discover that she can't hit that high note in the middle-eight. I know it, I've lived it. Anyone? local: Korg Nautilus 61 AT | Yamaha MODX8 away: GigPerformer | 16" MBP M1 Max home: Kawai RX-2 | Korg D1 | Roland Fantom X7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zephonic Posted December 19, 2005 Author Share Posted December 19, 2005 or a guitarist with a new amp or effects-pedal. local: Korg Nautilus 61 AT | Yamaha MODX8 away: GigPerformer | 16" MBP M1 Max home: Kawai RX-2 | Korg D1 | Roland Fantom X7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prague Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 A seemingly accomplished guitarist, as long as tabs are available. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trill Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 " I don't like Jazz" ( hidden meaning-I can't play that stuff or won't play it or even try it ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MidLifeCrisis Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Originally posted by Trill: " I don't like Jazz" Also thinly disguised as "We can't play that, people wont dance to it". Steve A Lifetime of Peace, Love and Protest Music www.rock-xtreme.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Iverson Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Well, since I only barely understand "male vs. female plugs", I as a guitarist cannot be accused of giving the keyboard player hell as "onsite electrician." But of course I give them hell in other ways... comes with the territory! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Loving Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 I didn't think any singers knew what keys were. "Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niacin Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Originally posted by zephonic: is: * a drummer who's habitually late and can't remember song titles. * a bassplayer with leadsinger aspirations. * a guitarist who doubles as on-site electrician. * a singer who never knows the keys of the songs she does, hums the first line for you to establish it only to discover that she can't hit that high note in the middle-eight. I know it, I've lived it. Anyone? We have a guitarist who doubles as on-site electrician. Bloody handy if you ask me. Worse: * a drummer with leadsinger aspirations. * a bassplayer who never remembers the keys of the songs he does. Gig keys: Hammond SKpro, Korg Vox Continental, Crumar Mojo 61, Crumar Mojo Pedals Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niacin Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Actually now I come to think of it, singers who can't for the life of them count a song in. What's up with that? Gig keys: Hammond SKpro, Korg Vox Continental, Crumar Mojo 61, Crumar Mojo Pedals Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cliffk Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 * a bassist who secretly (and not so secretly when he 'accidentally' tramps his bass wah pedal???!!!) fancies himself a lead guitarist! * a drummer who needs someone else to count in; otherwise he'd start the same song every night with a different groove . Originally posted by daviel: I didn't think any singers knew what keys were. Oouuwch! Of course we mustn't overlook the tech-head 'always fiddling with his board's innards' keyboardist whose 'skillfully-engineered' multi-layered sequences suddenly start protesting in midi-freakout vulgarity - resulting in flanging whistles and shrieking synth hell where the softest of strings should be - and sending the few surviving mature cruise passengers to an earlier pension than they'd expected when they opted for the floating-jazz afternoon! YouTube music Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cnegrad Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Asking a sax player on a gig to the play *the melody* to a tune that they've been soloing on for years, and they look confused and ask, "How does that one go?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaviaMech Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 * Sitting in with or subbing for a band that has supplied you with a set list, only to play only half those tunes at the gig and not given so much as the changes to spontaneously called songs ... * A guitarist who says "just play through the PA" in lieu of a keyboard amp, then asks you to trust that the FOH is going to give you a good monitor feed ... * A forgetful drummer who switches the feel of your original song is 3/4 or 6/8 at the gig ... * A horn player who argues with you over the proper voicing for the horn parts in a cover tune ... * Anyone who has to stop rehearsal to write down something cool they pulled off during a solo ... ClaviaMech info@nordusa.com Nord USA What objectivity and the study of philosophy requires is not an 'open mind,' but an active mind - a mind able and eagerly willing to examine ideas, but to examine them criticially. -- Ayn Rand, Philosophy: Who Needs It Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cnegrad Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 A drummer that doesn't know the difference between swing and a shuffle. A drummer who thinks that playing swing means quarter notes on the kick drum. A guitarist who's amp doesn't go below 11. A keyboardist playing left hand bass with reverb on it. A live sound man who insists on judging the quality of the mix thru headphones. A bassist who doesn't know that you can't play tenths on Sus chords. String players in general (classical). They show up at the last minute and complain about everything from the temperature of the room, the chair conifguration and the lighting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Iverson Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Then there are the drummers who only know how to play a bad backbeat - because that's all they know! (If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail!) I swear some of them would play a bad backbeat to a waltz, or Take Five - with a coprophagic grin on their face, of course! I never played with a good violinist (although my mandolin teacher is one). I always thought it would be heaven.. maybe I'm forgetting that not all violinists are on the level of Yehudi Menuhin or Stephane Grapelli... Maybe you could ask them next time to bring a diagram of the suggested chair configuration, in order to save time.... Oh and then there's the beginning mandolinist who is bored with guitar (at least on those tunes) and wants to play mando on everything. That was me, but it was a short-lived state of affairs. My bandmates JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND, the heartless bastards! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sven Golly Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 My pet peeve... a singer who fancies himself a soundman, and fiddles with the rehearsal P.A. for 30 minutes at the start of every rehearsal, with at least a dozen incidents of 120dB squeals of feedback... because he continues to both cup the mic and also stand with his vocal mic pointing straight into the speaker... Somebody shoot me... SG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cnegrad Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 There's a famous high-society bandleader named Peter Duchin. He once turned to his drummer and said, "Ok, we're gonna play a waltz. Roll Off!" The drummer looked totally confused, as a roll off is something you play at the beginning of a March, which is usually in 4/4 time. Duchin yelled, "C'mon let's go; Roll Off!" So the drummer did as he was instructed: "BumBum...BumBum...Buuuuuuuuuuuuuum......BumBum" And then they proceeded to play the Blue Danube Waltz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bloodyMary Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 a leadsinger who 'never hears himself enough' so he keeps cranking up the gain, volume, amp gain, compressor gain, all the EQ knobs to max on rehearsals and still complains he's too quiet.. Stage: MOX6, V-machine, and Roland AX7 Rolls PM351 for IEMs. Home/recording: Roland FP4, a few guitars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MusicaL Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Originally posted by niacin: Actually now I come to think of it, singers who can't for the life of them count a song in. What's up with that? Try a drummer who can't... Beats (pun intended) the heck out of me!!! aL Gear: Yamaha MODX8, Mojo 61, NS2 73, C. Bechstein baby grand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kad Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Q: How do you make a guitar player turn down his amp? A: Put a piece of sheet music in front of him. Chet Atkins says: "I announced to my band that the next song is in A flat - you could hear capos sliding for miles." I can get away with that because I play guitar and bass in addition to keyboards. Kirk Reality is like the sun - you can block it out for a time but it ain't goin' away... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridog6996 Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Originally posted by zephonic: or a guitarist with a new amp or effects-pedal. Funny, in my band it's the guitarist that the tone purist, and I'm the one that always experimenting with effects and trying to get my keyboard to sound like a spaceship. How do you know if a singer is at your door? They can't find the key, and they don't know where to come in. My YouTube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Byrdman Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Originally posted by niacin: Actually now I come to think of it, singers who can't for the life of them count a song in. What's up with that? Worse than that is singers who can't end a song! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Iverson Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 You guys are being grossly unfair to some of your fellow musicians! It's not "playing in the wrong key" - it's POLYTONALITY! It's not "playing in the wrong time signature" - it's POLYRHYTHMS! It's not "forgetting the lyrics", it's IMPROVISED FREE VERSE! I hope that sets the record straight! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trill Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Originally posted by Eric Iverson: You guys are being grossly unfair to some of your fellow musicians! It's not "playing in the wrong key" - it's POLYTONALITY! It's not "playing in the wrong time signature" - it's POLYRHYTHMS! It's not "forgetting the lyrics", it's IMPROVISED FREE VERSE! I hope that sets the record straight! That gives a whole new meaning to the term PC musician (politically correct) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessica T Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 A guitarist who is a very good friend of mine offered to jam with me in a few days. So I asked her, "What key signitures do you like?" She seemed perplexed by the question. I could follow along with her by ear and figure out that she likes D a lot... and E.... AAAAH! Regards, Jessica http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=33304014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cliffk Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 I'm laughing so much I can hardly concentrate! I knew this guy once who fancied himself a Jack of all Trades (lead singer/musical director etc etc ), who'd bore us with endless anecdotes as well as tell the band the whats, whens and hows of how a song should be done. Anyway, one night (in spite of this guy) the gig was hot, and the dude was building up to a real [ahem] bad-ass climax. So we're heading into the last chorus when suddenly he wheels round to the band and shouts: 'Ok guys, let's go for the big one. Syncopate! Syncopate, man! Cliff, whatcha gawkin' at: I said SYNCOPATE, man!!!' Needless to say, that song ended in a cacophony of ill-tempered clashing polyrhythms (thanks Eric Iverson) !!! YouTube music Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Iverson Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 I had a pastor once who confused "crescendo" and "modulate". The choir couldn't be made to understand either concept, however, so it made little difference! Luckily, I mostly worked with the English band and choir, who were good musicians. Sometimes we'd play behind the Spanish choir along with the Spanish band, but we couldn't hear the choir at all, so their "polytonal" notes didn't bother us too much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Kent Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 My (least) favorite was the drummer who was somehow morally opposed to monitoring. Fought like a tiger to keep anyone from "pointing a speaker at him." His solution was to just stop playing a couple of times during each tune so he could hear the band, then catch up. jk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike g Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Sven, I think I played with that singer LOL! Band members who think you should play the horn, keyboard and bass parts while filling in with some tasty percusion all at once. Step out of the box and grow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finale Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Keyboardist hell? Having to fix one of these at the last minute before a concert. http://www.synthesizers.com/mok1l.jpg Even though most drummers carry a tambourine that can become handy, it doesn't sound quite as dramatic when you use it to replace the Mellotron part. So it was best to carry the usual emergency kit (scissors, scotch tape and a scotch bottle in case you failed repair it). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Nightime Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Originally posted by ClaviaMech: * A guitarist who says "just play through the PA" in lieu of a keyboard amp, then asks you to trust that the FOH is going to give you a good monitor feed ... I absolutely refuse to play without my keyboard amp. I played with a band for a while where I went through the PA, and almost got in a fight with the bass player. I finally got to a level where I could hear every 4th or 5th note, and I was told that I was entirely too f**kin loud. After that, I will force other to move if I have to in order to get my amp onstage. "In the beginning, Adam had the blues, 'cause he was lonesome. So God helped him and created woman. Now everybody's got the blues." Willie Dixon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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