Patron Small Talk / Chat

[cassdad]

I have an upcoming gig where I’ll have to roam the venue (winery) doing small talk from table to table during breaks (I’m playing solo piano).  Based upon the many years of experience of many on this forum:  Any suggestions on what to say / not to say?  Topics to discuss?   How to make a good impression with small talk?

 

I’d like to NOT get song requests, as I’m playing some unique songs / arrangements, and am NOT interested in playing requests…. so I do NOT want to say “what would you like to hear?”.  How do I steer the conversation so I don’t get requests for Sweet Caroline?  😀

[J.F.N.]

2 minutes ago, cassdad said:

I have an upcoming gig where I’ll have to roam the venue (winery) doing small talk from table to table during breaks (I’m playing solo piano).  Based upon the many years of experience of many on this forum:  Any suggestions on what to say / not to say?  Topics to discuss?   How to make a good impression with small talk?

 

I’d like to NOT get song requests, as I’m playing some unique songs / arrangements, and am NOT interested in playing requests…. so I do NOT want to say “what would you like to hear?”.  How do I steer the conversation so I don’t get requests for Sweet Caroline?  😀

 

If they ask you for a specific song, make a joke about how lousy you are and that you only know a handful of songs, etc. 🤪

 

Winery, small talk, gotta be a lot about the wine to chit chat about I assume?

 

 

[J.F.N.]

If it's the right type of people at a table, you can even say things like "oh no not that song, it's terrible, they'll fire me!", or "oh dear, you and my ex wife would get along really well, she loved that song!", people love silly situational humor, especially after a couple of glasses...

 

 

I could go on, "Unfortunately that one is on the list of prohibited songs from the Union", another one, "I can't play that one, it's way too popular and played too many times, the ASCAP rates are too high, I will get less paid if I do that..", and on and on...

 

Re: Sweet Caroline, "Oh that's not possible, people are starting to become more than tipsy here, and as last time they will start singing, the neighbours will call the police, and we will have a situation again..."

 

😊

[Delaware Dave]

Why do you feel you have to roam table to table and make small talk?  Is it a requirement for the show from the venue or just something you want to do?

[JamPro]

I prefer to let them do the talking.  So I ask these kinds of questions:

Where are you from?  Did it take long to get here?

Are you here on vacation? 

(for couples): How long have you been together?

Tell me about your kids (or grandkids or pets).  How many?  Hold old?  What do they do?  Do you like their music?

What do you do for a living?  How did you get started in that?

 

I find people love to talk about themselves to I give them an opportunity to do that, and then prompt them to talk some more about themselves. 

 

[Adan]

I don't mean to sound rude, but if you have to ask for help with how to make small talk, you may not be the type of person who should be making small talk. On the other hand, the only way to get better is to do it.

 

JamPro hits the nail on the head with just asking questions and getting people to talk about themselves. As you eyeball the crowd, look for people who are not already engaged in conversation. Maybe it's a man and wife married for a long time, looking around and not really talking to each other (because they're married, duh). Those are the kinds of people easy to get talking.

 

I always enjoy chatting up the crowd at gigs. On solo gigs, it usually ends up with them asking for requests, which I welcome.

[Reezekeys]

I need to understand: walking around and making small talk during breaks is a requirement of the gig? Are you a featured attraction or just providing audio wallpaper? I've been at this game for more years than I want to admit, and never encountered anything like this (the requirement part, I mean). I would feel uncomfortable if I was eating out with friends or family, then suddenly approached by the pianist, saying... what? "Hi, hope you enjoyed my playing"? "I bet you didn't see that tip jar up there"? "Try the veal"? Actually I'd feel a lot more uncomfortable if **I** was the one doing the approaching! I probably wouldn't agree to do this kind of gig. That's just my deal because making small talk is a skill I lack! Not to mention that break time is my time. That's why it's called a "break." 🙂 Best of luck navigating this. I hope the bread is not "small." 🙂 

 

I'll just add that if I know people at my gigs, I have no problem talking to them during breaks! Don't want to come off as an unsociable curmudgeon any more than I usually do! 🙂 

[El Lobo]

I share the concern about this being a requirement of the gig. If so, what does management want you to accomplish? What's their deal?  If it's simply something that management encourages, you can make a minimal attempt. I always thank people for coming. "Hi. Nice to see you. I hope you're enjoying it. Which wine are you drinking? The merlot? Good choice. That's my favorite." It's what every server learns to do to maximize tips. "Requests? No, I don't do those. I can only play what's been planned." "Are you on vacation?" "Celebrating anything - birthday, anniversary?" Etc.

 

And I share Reezekeys' concern: do people want to be approached? I think you have to use the stage hypnotist's technique of looking around the room to see who might actually be interested in talking to you. I've been in situations where I know the player(s) and want to talk to them. I've also been in situations where, if the musicians approached my table, I'd want to run screaming from the room. (Oh please, don't come towards my table. I'll look away and down at the floor.) You need to suss out the situation and the patrons to see who might be easy to talk to and welcoming of your attention. 

 

Edit: and always ALWAYS thank people for coming. Most of the time, that's all you need to say. 

[Lindaru]

I personally would not approach anyone unless they are looking your way and seem to want to speak to you.  They might indicate with their eyes and hand, much like when trying to get the attention of a waiter, that they would want you to come over.  Otherwise, quietly meandering the room, drink in hand yourself, would make people more comfortable.

As for what not to say, as my Mother always told me and she was right, keep religion and politics out of it.  If someone does start that topic, nod politely, excuse yourself and say that someone is summoning you from elsewhere and you have to go.
 

[jazzpiano88]

Unless you can do a slam dunk Billy Crystal impression and you’re going to be the highlight of their evening that they’ll remember for years, I wouldn’t even think about walking around the dining room interrupting people with “conversation”.  What will you say if they say, “who are you and why are you interrupting us?”    Waitstaff interruptions are bad enough to a lot of people as a necessary evil.  
 

if you’re forced to do it by the management, the only thing that makes any sense to me is , “Hi, I’m ____ playing the piano this evening. I hope you’re enjoying your dinner.   Let me know if there’s anything you’d like to hear”.    That’s probably what the management is expecting this to be anyway.  Nothing dangerous that could possibly put anyone off.   

[Thethirdapple]

Are they looking to hire Victor Borge, his schtick was all that!

 

 

 

PEACE

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[Reezekeys]

For me, solo piano gigs are gigs where I play what **I** want to hear! 🙂 You want audio wallpaper? Fine, leave me alone to do my best Bill Evans impressions and we'll get along just fine! I guess I'm not much of an "entertainer", although if someone requests a song I like to play, I'm happy to do that. If there's a decent piano to use, I actually prefer the wallpaper gigs where I'm off in a corner, as isolated from diners' conversations as possible. I am not seeking interaction. Of course I'm polite to everybody but I'm also more than OK if I remain totally anonymous. Walking up to strangers as they dine and chat... nope.

[MathOfInsects]

I, too, am having a hard time getting my head around this. I would think they'd want the piano-player as out-of-sight out-of-mind as possible on breaks. Do they have some picture in mind of the old-school Catskills-style schmoozer and party-maker? Are you supposed to be selling wine for them? What's the end-game for this walk-and-talk?

Is it possible to elaborate on what they asked?

 

[Moonglow]

The “required” component seems to be a (very) “old school” type of thing. I recently watched the movie, The Rat Race (1960) where Tony Curtis plays an aspiring sax player who eventually lands a gig on a cruise ship where he is required to “mix” with folks in the crowd.

 

I never minded doing this sort of thing, but it was not required at any venue I played. Back in the day (circa 1980s) I often did it to promote our band; we called it “hustling.” Read the room, and as EL Lobo suggested, express appreciation. I usually keep it short and simple, “Hi, I’m Chris, I’m in the band, and just wanted to thank you for sharing your evening with us.” I try to keep moving along, but will certainly talk more if they engage in reciprocal conversation.

 

[RABid]

The last time I was at a restaurant and a musician playing there stopped by my table to talk, he tried to hustle me into paying $20 for a requested song that my lady would like to hear. The lady happened to be my sister and neither of us would even consider paying $20 for a song request. The entire mariachi band was working the tables, hitting up patrons to pay for request. We never went back to that restaurant.

[Reezekeys]

39 minutes ago, RABid said:

The entire mariachi band was working the tables, hitting up patrons to pay for request.

 

I remember a thread here a while back where it was pointed out this is SOP for mariachi bands that play restaurants (or maybe this was in one particular town?). The other thing that comes to mind is the "pass the bucket" gig, or the "bucket on stage." I might be mistaken but I believe the latter is SOP for bands playing in Nashville on Broadway Street downtown. I've only been there once in my life so I could be very much mistaken, but that's what I saw at the places I walked by. IIRC I was told during peak tourist season the nusicians can actually make a decent payday. I'm not sure if they get a guarantee plus bucket bread, or only what's in the bucket.

[Stokely]

Odd that this is part of the gig, as in you were asked to do that?  Our singer and guitarist tend to do that, while I'm the anti-socialite that goes and cools off in my car with the AC, or finds a quiet table with a beer   

I'd say stay away from politics, though in my experience they like to hit you with it whether you like it or not.  Which is another reason to go hang in my car    

[cassdad]

21 hours ago, Delaware Dave said:

Why do you feel you have to roam table to table and make small talk?  Is it a requirement for the show from the venue or just something you want to do?

No, not a requirement.  However, some consider it good business practice, as well as simply being an opportunity to better relationships for the venue and/or for myself.  (Consider the standard practice of the manager or chef at a good restaurant going around table to table.)

[cassdad]

16 hours ago, MathOfInsects said:

I, too, am having a hard time getting my head around this. I would think they'd want the piano-player as out-of-sight out-of-mind as possible on breaks. Do they have some picture in mind of the old-school Catskills-style schmoozer and party-maker? Are you supposed to be selling wine for them? What's the end-game for this walk-and-talk?

Is it possible to elaborate on what they asked?

 

It is not a requirement, apologies if I mislead.  It’s simply a consideration, and considered good form by some, but apparently not all, based upon many of these responses.  Which is also very good input!

[Adan]

A good ice breaker is simply to start with "why are you here tonight?" Maybe don't be so obvious about it, but the idea is to start with the here and now.  There's a reason they're here, and most likely they want to talk about it, which will naturally lead to other topics. Again, keep the focus on them. And again, you're looking for people who want to be entertained, who want to have a conversation with someone they didn't come with. There's always going to be a substantial percentage of the crowd in that category. These days I play a lot of gigs in the resort town where I live, so there's lots of people who are on vacation with each other and have been spending countless hours in each other's company -- they're hungry to talk to anyone else, so that's very fertile ground and it's not hard to spot those folks. Another strategy is to connect people, like you just talked to a couple across the room who enjoy Korean food, and here these people do also, boom, you can create bond between these folks.

[cassdad]

Thank you all for the very excellent input and considerations.  It’s a “family” type environment, meant to simply be friendly and welcoming, not hitting anyone up for money.

[jazzpiano88]

9 hours ago, Adan said:

A good ice breaker is simply to start with "why are you here tonight?" Maybe don't be so obvious about it, but the idea is to start with the here and now.  There's a reason they're here, and most likely they want to talk about it, which will naturally lead to other topics. Again, keep the focus on them. And again, you're looking for people who want to be entertained, who want to have a conversation with someone they didn't come with. There's always going to be a substantial percentage of the crowd in that category. These days I play a lot of gigs in the resort town where I live, so there's lots of people who are on vacation with each other and have been spending countless hours in each other's company -- they're hungry to talk to anyone else, so that's very fertile ground and it's not hard to spot those folks. Another strategy is to connect people, like you just talked to a couple across the room who enjoy Korean food, and here these people do also, boom, you can create bond between these folks.

If they’re looking to be entertained, can you try some light comedy?    “How much for the children?”   Then again, not sure comedy and food go together if it could be a choking hazard.  A line like that could generate a huge guffaw.  

 

 

[Reezekeys]

Now that you've said it's not a requirement - I say go for it if you're comfortable. If nothing else, making yourself known to patrons at a restaurant or bar might come in handy if you're booked at other spots around town and that's publicized. If people know you by name and enjoy your playing it might lead to more gigs (or less gigs if they don't like your playing 🙂 ). I'll still say - I've never seen this at anybody's gig I've been to. Of course I see band members socializing during breaks, but it's always with friends or others who've approached them. For one thing, I'd be hesitant to approach a table where the guests seemed to be engaged in serious conversation.

[Stokely]

Gotcha, so not some requirement (we have some gigs where we are asked to NOT mingle, these are ones with a green room type thing where we spend our breaks.)

At the less "formal" ones, our more social members just say hey to people as they go to the bar/restroom/whatever, and often get into conversations.  From those I've heard, it starts and sometimes ends with "hey guys, thanks for coming out".    This is completely natural for our guitarist, who also sings some lead.  He gets fantastic tips at his solo gigs and it's not because of some zany show, and he runs no tracks nor does anything all that special.   it's just a persona thing, people like to listen and they want to talk to him.  Maybe pheromones     I'm the other end of the spectrum     Part of getting hired for more gigs is networking and gaining a following, that also includes other bands' members that we (well, I don't) recognize, so it's not a bad thing unless as I say the gig says not to.

[El Lobo]

6 hours ago, Stokely said:

"hey guys, thanks for coming out"

+1. That's all you need to say. If more chatter happens from there, it's all good. 

[MathOfInsects]

14 hours ago, cassdad said:

It is not a requirement, apologies if I mislead.  It’s simply a consideration, and considered good form by some, but apparently not all, based upon many of these responses.  Which is also very good input!

Ok. In this case, I would check with whoever hired you to see if they want this. Most places would like us politely out of sight when we're not playing. They might even specifically NOT want their piano player going table to table when he's not playing.

In terms of requests, go ahead and let people ask for stuff. You're solely "the entertainment" as far as anyone at the tables sees it, so anything they'll really have to say to you is going to be related to the job you're there doing. Same as if the chef came out front--they'd expect to talk about the food with him or her. 

 

You can always say, "Let me see if I have that one. If not I'll play something close to it and I can try to have that one for you next time." And you never know, someone might request a song you were going to play anyway, which they don't have to know happened, and you might get to look like a wizard.

[jazzpiano88]

12 hours ago, MathOfInsects said:

Ok. In this case, I would check with whoever hired you to see if they want this. Most places would like us politely out of sight when we're not playing. They might even specifically NOT want their piano player going table to table when he's not playing.

 

Exactly!  However, sometimes the pianist has a special secondary skill like sculpting ice statues of eagles with a chain saw in real time.    This is where the management wants you to interact with the patrons table side. 

 

Or doing magic tricks like making your table mate disappear.   Or blowing up balloons like Cookie and Bozo the Clown.  If they can't do these activities, the piano player could driving patronage away and effectively unknowingly closing down the establishment. 

[El Lobo]

"I don't know that one, but I'll play another one with a lot of the same notes."

[jazzpiano88]

Also, always make sure that you're in the right place when evaluating any assumptions and requirements or non-requirements, either self imposed or non-self-imposed for the gig ....  i.e.  "This is the place".

 

 

 

 

[Jonathan Hughes]

12 hours ago, cassdad said:

No, not a requirement.  However, some consider it good business practice, as well as simply being an opportunity to better relationships for the venue and/or for myself.  (Consider the standard practice of the manager or chef at a good restaurant going around table to table.)

I don't think the chef going around table to table is that common. Manager yes, chef no. Maybe I just don't go to fancy enough restaurants. But unless you know someone, I wouldn't do it. I'd be really uncomfortable and a bit annoyed if someone came to my table and I was forced to0 converse with them instead of whoever I was with.