Dumbest Thing Ever - Gig/Music Related

[Moonglow]

I posted a tongue-in-cheek snippet of this in MOI’s “Little Things” thread but thought I’d start another thread to see if anyone has done anything equally (or more likely, less) dumb, that resulted in a challenging gig experience.

 

So I’m happily driving to a gig, located about a half-hour from my home. While in transit, I recall observing my vehicle to have more pick-up/acceleration than usual, which looking back, I should have paid more attention to (duh).

 

When I arrived at the gig, I opened the hatch, only to find no keyboards. After the immediate shock/disbelief, I realized I forgot to load them in the truck. I somehow didn’t even see them nicely stacked, albeit on the other side of the garage, when I left.

 

My routine is to keep the keys in the truck between gigs, so it’s a simple “get in and go” type of thing, but on this particular occasion I had removed them (I forget why).

 

I initially arrived at the club about 1.5 hours before downbeat, so I had barely enough time to hightail it back home, load the boards in the truck, and get back to the gig. BTW, there was already a nearly packed house, which racheted up the pressure even more. Fortunately, I caught nearly every green traffic light (n = 15 each way). I also was doing a lot of “box breathing” along the way to help keep myself settled and focused.

 

When I arrived back to the gig, my band mates were waiting like an army, and helped me unload and get everything to the stage. I was ready to go, including line check, three minutes before start time.

 

So there you have it. My dumbest thing ever. Anyone care to share their dumbness?

 

[MAJUSCULE]

This isn’t me, but some high school students I was teaching a few years ago…

 

Thrash metal band, typical teenager shredding stuff. One guitarist who writes all the riffs and can actually play half-decently, another who is really just there for the hang.

 

Guitar 1 is trying to teach Guitar 2 one of the new riffs. After a minute 1 stops and asks if 2 tuned his guitar before starting to play. He most definitely had not. 1 hands him his tuner and asks him to tune. 2 tunes his E string, then his A string, then unplugs and hands the tuner back.

 

”Aren’t you going to tune the other four strings?”

 

”Why would I? I never play them.”

 

I had to do everything in my power to stop myself from bursting out laughing, but even his bandmates were chuckling. He did not last much longer.

[CEB]

I did that once. It was too far to go back and get the keys. Just a stage piano. However I had the guitar stuff and probably 70% of the gig was guitar. I got through but the BL was pissed. 
 

Once I went to the wrong venue. That was pretty stupid. The towns were close enough and I show up early enough there was enough time to make the gig.   I’ve done so many stupid things and mostly played sober my entire career , so recreational chemistry and booze isn’t even an excuse. 

[CEB]

Did you know that after drinking JäggerBombs you can fit the fast descending strings lines from the 1st movement of Beethoven 5th Symphony into Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Maybe.  
 

I don’t drink well. 

[JohnH]

One of my Doors rigs is a midi controller and two Motif XS Racks, and of course I went all the way to Venice, CA 45 mins away without the racks once. A waiter at the venue saved me, he had a cheap Williams Digital piano that could be split and had a passable organ and piano, I made it through the gig. Incredibly lucky May this never happen to us again!

[drawback]

One time I forgot to turn off the transpose button!!!

 

😉 

[EricBarker]

Not so much of a “stupidest thing I did” as just a funny story with tons of dumb.

 

My working band in Honolulu had a Cape Cod drummer. For his 50th birthday, he lobbied for over a year for us all to fly to Cape Cod and play some shows in ProvinceTown. We get there, and he’s also lined up his old College band to open. Venue was super happy to have us, so free drinks all around… little did they know how much Jaeger the singer could put away.

 

Drummer is having the time of his life with his college buddies playing late into the night. Singer is having the time of his life drinking the dive full out of Jaeger, they go upstairs to the drag bar to get more Jaeger.

 

By the time we get on, singer is stumble drunk, singing AC/DC covers a full quarter-note behind the beat and paranoid that the band is trying to F**k with him.

 

I flew halfway around the world to play the shittiest gig of my life. The BL and I flew back together, and he was mad as hell the whole way.

[EscapeRocks]

About an hour after leaving home, my brain did a number on me, so I stopped and did the idiot check.

 

Yep, not only did I forget a stand, I also forgot my bench.

Oops.  I wasn't going back home as I'd be super-late for the gig 3 hours away.

Luckily, where I was, there was a Guitar Center I knew about.

 

Wheeled in there, bought a simple 2 tier X stand, and an inexpensive drum throne.   Made it to the gig on time for load in.

 

[JamPro]

The dumbest thing ever: I used to play in a soul-dance band.  After covid hit, the band took a break.  As summer came, we started rehearsing again at the BL house, but outdoors - the BL was older and had a history of asthma and was very concerned about covid.  We also did a few outdoor shows that summer.  When the weather got colder, the decision was made to forego indoor gigs, but to rehearse indoors.  We discussed this and decided the risks were small; the BL purchased an air purifier for the rehearsal room, and we enjoyed our time together making music.  I decided to wear a face mask at rehearsals, in part because of the BL's concerns about covid and because of my own concerns.  Time passes, the weather gets warm again, and the band takes a bunch of outdoors shows.

 

We got a call from the largest, best-known venue in our area: they had an unexpected opening and asked if would we like to headline a Sat. nite show at the venue.  They called us - we were all excited.  But this would be an indoor show.  I told the band I would be wearing a face mask during the show.  Two days before "the big show" the BL spends 10-15 minutes in our rehearsal to berate me (in front of the others) for my decision to wear a mask during the show.  The BL is pissed and tells me I should not do any singing during the show - no biggie: I am only singing BU vocals on two of the scheduled songs.  But her intent on meting out a punishment me seemed clear to me.

 

The following night we have a outdoors show.  During the break the BL comes over to me and tells me she is very nervous about the next night's show indoors.  She tells me that she would really like to wear a face mask but can't (she plays saxophone).  I make sympathetic noises but I am thinking to myself Aha - now I know why you made such a huge stink last nite about my decision to wear a face mask.  I don't like it, but being in a band means putting up with others' foibles, right?  Go along; get along; all that.

 

The next morning, I get a text at 11 am: the big gig has been cancelled.  I'm thinking we were cancelled because of weak ticket sales.  Later, I learn that the BL had called the club and cancelled the show because of her worries about doing an indoor show.  I was gobsmacked: not only is this the largest best-known venue in our area (whose owner we are hoping to cultivate as a fan); not only have we been rehearsing and stressing that particular show for a few weeks now; but I personally had to get what is now revealed to be a totally irrelevant tongue-lashing because of what I now see as the BL's misplaced compensation for her own fears.

 

This experience wrecked it for me.  I quit the band after the summer ended and the band went back on no-indoors-show break.

[Josh Paxton]

Let's see. I have...

 

• Forgotten to put my board in the car, and had to drive back home to get it

• Forgotten to put my board back in the car after the gig, and had to return to the club for it (either that night or the next day)

• Brought what I thought was one board, but then opened the case and realized it was actually a different one, which required a specific power supply, which I didn't bring

• In a festival situation, mistakenly grabbed someone else's board to bring home, thinking it was mine (though thankfully I realized it as I was putting it into the car)

• Forgotten to put my suit in the car for a wedding gig, and had to throw a bandmate's jacket over my t-shirt and jeans

• Mixed up which band a given gig was with, and consequently brought the wrong gear

• Shown up for a gig one day early

• Shown up for a gig one week early

• Driven to the wrong venue

• Driven to the wrong airport

 

...yeah, I think that pretty much covers the greatest hits of my own personal stupid moves, though I'm sure I'll end up repeating some of them.

[cphollis]

Sustain pedal plugged in where volume pedal goes.  No sound, period.

[MathOfInsects]

Here, this one's fun: I get called for a corporate band gig. It's a tribute. Usually those involve a crap-ton of up-front work, particularly for keyboard players, for the vague promise of "casinos and corporate gigs" down the line, and those never happen, and you never get that up-front time back, so I'm almost always a "no" on those these days.

 

But this is a very-good-paying one with work on the books and I can see the path to making it "worth it," practically immediately, so I take the gig. Tons of songs, all with specific parts, very iconic sounds and lines. Literally maybe 60 songs--three sets plus alternates. Buckets of work. A lot of them would be called on other gigs and some of them I already have patches for, so I just go for it.

The bandleader knows it's a lot of material and checks in a few times to see how it's going. I send him little clips of me playing some of the crazy stuff, and show him some sounds I've made. 

I get all my patches made and splits done and make The World's Most Detailed Charts, so I can K to the I-L-L at the first gig and make sure I nab the ones coming up. I chart out literally anything there would be any question about, including which patches are used when and where, where the split points are, when to change sounds during a song, and so on. I notated all the iconic lines and riffs. You can practically hold the charts to your ears and hear the songs from them, they are that complete.

I load them onto my ipad, and then export them as pdfs to email to myself, which I always do, so that if the worst happened I could always just open the email on my phone and get through the gig. 

I load everything into the car and am the first one at the gig. The BL shows up and asks how I feel, and I say I feel good and he should see the charts I made, they are idiot-proof. Between you and me, Corner, I am a chart nerd, and geek out not only on making good charts for myself, but am always interested in how other people make theirs. 

So we set up and I dive into my bag to show him some of my charts. I'm a dummy, my ipad is not there, it's in my keyboard case, where it sometimes goes. 

Except it's not there either. 

It's not anywhere. 

I didn't bring it.

"That's ok," I assure him. "I always send myself pdf back-ups." And as I'm saying it I'm realizing that while I remember exporting the pdfs, I don't actually remember sending them.

 

And the reason for that is because I didn't.

All that work and I ended up playing the gig as if I'd been called that afternoon. I did fine and remembered a lot. But all the searching around for patches, all the slightly not-right lines and riffs...I did not make it to the next round, dawg.

[mate stubb]

1. Carrying my Hammond with 3 bandmates up a rickety outside metal staircase to a 2nd story stage.

- with loose bolts holding stairs to a brick facade

- in winter, with a nice ice coating

 

2. Attempting to play a frat gig on a cheap generator in the middle of a field. Lights exploded, Hammond mooed.

 

3. Driving out to the wilds of Kansas to a gig in a blinding snowstorm on an ice covered Interstate, pulling a trailer.

[jamesgordon]

At set break, because I was lazy and overtired, I tried to adjust the height of my keyboard stand while my Mojo 61 and its lower manual was still sitting on it, completely wired up, turned on, and plugged into the sound system.  I lost control of the side of the stand I was trying to adjust, and the whole rig  came crashing down and hit the floor, making a huge, terrifying noise that brought conversation in a crowded room to a complete halt and resulted in all eyes being on me for several hugely embarrassing minutes as I tried to set it back up. 

Miraculously, apart from a small ding on one of the end blocks,  the Mojo survived intact and fully functional.   I played the rest of the gig on it, and have played many more  on it in the years since.  

Occasionally, I see people complain about the build quality of the Mojo.  I scoff at them. 

[MathOfInsects]

I've told this one before, but probably the dumbest thing to happen TO me regarding a gig was another one with a lot of homework. The bass player was the MD and hired me because the guy throwing the gig had made a specific request for a keyboard player who could play two boards, with his hands on both boards as he played, which is a crack-up of a request. (The longer story is that he was using HIS OWN WEDDING to shoot a promo video for HIMSELF as a musician and singer, and wanted certain things in the promo video, including the two-board thing. Classy, right?)

The set list is crazy, with a whole bunch of stuff outside my wheelhouse, plus my favorite thing (/sarcasm font): me playing all horn parts on a bunch of reggaeton and Latin stuff. Lots of insane splits across the two boards to pull everything off. Again, tons of homework and logistics.

I can't make the rehearsal and the bass player has told me the singers were likely going to change keys, so I ask him to send me the new keys for everything so I can make sure everything is good to go for the gig.

He sends a list of all the tunes and the new keys. For some reason, most of them are in C and Cm, even though the melodies would be far apart from song to song. In some cases it's like a tritone away from the original--very unusual to have keys THAT far from the original, people usually go a step or two at most.

I write him and say basically that--are you sure these are right, it's weird they're all in C. He writes back that he double-checked and they are all right. I finalize my splits and learn all the lines and show up ready to conquer the world.

We play the first tune, in C of course. Except I'm the only one playing in C. It's actually in whatever the original key for that tune is.

Second tune, same thing. ALL the tunes, same thing. They are basically all in their original keys. And because the guy is using this as some kind of promo video, he wants no down time--song to song to song. I'm barely holding on.

I ask afterward what the story is. He shows me his iReal charts. Yep, all "in C"...in the sense that there are no sharps or flats in the key signature, so iReal calls the key "C." So if the chords are Ab-Db-Eb, and the key signature hasn't been set--which is so common as to be a surprise when it IS set--he's calling that in "C."

That was a fun night. The only saving grace was that the whole gig was a cluster duck, so my scrambling to transpose and navigate incorrect split points was the least of the issues by the end.

[Josh Paxton]

Here's one I forgot: that time I missed a week-long gig in Paris because I thought I knew where my passport was, and didn't realize until the day of departure that it was lost. Yup, that one still stings a little.

 

PS: it eventually turned up underneath the passenger seat of my car. This was after I'd moved like four times in the year after hurricane Katrina, so I cut myself a little slack for it.

[Josh Paxton]

18 minutes ago, MathOfInsects said:

I ask afterward what the story is. He shows me his iReal charts. Yep, all "in C"...in the sense that there are no sharps or flats in the key signature, so iReal calls the key "C." So if the chords are Ab-Db-Eb, and the key signature hasn't be set--which is so common as to be a surprise when it IS set--he's calling that in "C."

 

I once said no to working with a band based solely on the fact that they "tuned down a half-step," and still referred to notes, chords and keys as though they didn't. No thank you. I already have enough cognitive dissonance in my life.

 

[TommyRude]

Playing a gig out in the midwest in a large club, early 80s, rock music, 5 sets a night.  Place is hopped up, I can't remember the song, but no keys.  What to do?  Do a strong Will Ferrell on the cowbell of course.  I was rockin' that thing, oh yeah, strutting back and forth keeping excellent time and smashing that thing for all it's worth.  Am I looking at the cowbell as I'm smacking it?  Hell no, I'm looking out at the crowd, oh yeah. 

 

As I'm strutting to the right, I unknowingly strut off the edge of the stage.  It was a high stage, but I think had some steps or something.  I felt air where stage was supposed to be, and down I float.  Somehow, instead of crashing down in a pile, I managed to keep my balance and in a nanosecond I decided to try and make it seem like it was part of the show, so I kept going into the crowd and kept smashing the cowbell.  I kept up a quick trot, smacking the cowbell all the way back to the soundboard (in the middle of the room)... our soundman looked at me like 'what the f***?'  I clocked it a few more times at the soundboard and decided to make my way back to the stage, smashing the cowbell the entire way, where the rest of the band was looking at me like 'uhhh... what's happening there?'  I think I tried to play it off like it was nothing, but I recall being super embarrassed and not making eye contact with anyone for a few minutes there.

 

I've done many many dumb things, but this bit of clownish idiocy stuck with me. 

[MathOfInsects]

11 minutes ago, Josh Paxton said:

 

I once said no to working with a band based solely on the fact that they "tuned down a half-step," and still referred to notes, chords and keys as though they didn't. No thank you. I already have enough cognitive dissonance in my life.

 

I swear to Flying Spaghetti Monster I am not making this up: I once played with a band that tuned down half a step and someone said something about "G," and I said, "So Concert Gb?" and he said "No, it will still be G there."
 

Like, when we play this in a concert, the key will still be the same.

Jeebus take the wheel, I can't do this on my own...

[RABid]

We played Phoenix Hill in Louisville one week a month, every month. We considered it our home base. The stage was about 4 feet high with steps at the back on each side. When the band split Phoenix Hill had a big blowout for our last night and a lot of press was there. After the last song of the last set the guitarist/singer put his guitar on the stand and ran off of the stage. He must have been caught up in the moment because he did not exit the stage in the back where the steps are. Wow, what a crash. I can still see him running and flailing, trying to turn in mid air before we went crashing down. He took out two of those tall bar tables and a few patrons. We didn't have the best relationship, in fact, he was a condescending butt hole. When I saw him trying to turn in mid air and get back to stage I totally lost it. I sat on the side of the stage and laughed for 10 minutes. While I sat there laughing I heard the bass player tell the drummer "best ending to a show ever." 

[Bill H.]

As far as forgetting equipment is concerned, the most recent "Why'd I do that?" moment was a couple of summers ago when I was hired to DJ an outdoor event. This was a big deal in a downtown area with a carnival nearby... all kinds of stuff going on. Once set up I realized I forgot the fog machines, and of course I had to go back to get them - even though this was a relatively minor thing especially outdoors. 

 

Once I returned there were all kinds of people milling about, the owner was sweating bullets, and then an hour later we got rained out. 

 

Too many dumbshit stories from years past to mention, although (warning!) I may go there if this thread has legs.  

[JimboKeys]

3 hours ago, cphollis said:

Sustain pedal plugged in where volume pedal goes.  No sound, period.

That's better than volume pedal plugged in where the sustain pedal goes.  Start playing the first song, then as soon as i touch the volume pedal - Blam! every synth note holds forever at full volume in a huge mush.  Dirty looks from bandleader, kill the volume and just mime playing until the next song.  Start playing, same thing happens, more dirty looks.  Reboot everything thinking there must be a problem with one of my keyboards, no joy.  I pretty much mimed all my keyboard parts until the break when i somehow (still not knowing WTF was going on) got it all working ok.  (I only sussed out what must have happened several days later.)

 

- Jimbo

[analogika]

2 hours ago, jamesgordon said:

At set break, because I was lazy and overtired, I tried to adjust the height of my keyboard stand while my Mojo 61 and its lower manual was still sitting on it, completely wired up, turned on, and plugged into the sound system.  I lost control of the side of the stand I was trying to adjust, and the whole rig  came crashing down and hit the floor, making a huge, terrifying noise that brought conversation in a crowded room to a complete halt and resulted in all eyes being on me for several hugely embarrassing minutes as I tried to set it back up. 

 

Oh, you too, huh. 😖

[analogika]

4 minutes ago, JimboKeys said:

That's better than volume pedal plugged in where the sustain pedal goes.  Start playing the first song, then as soon as i touch the volume pedal - Blam! every synth note holds forever at full volume in a huge mush.  Dirty looks from bandleader, kill the volume and just mime playing until the next song.  Start playing, same thing happens, more dirty looks.  Reboot everything thinking there must be a problem with one of my keyboards, no joy.  I pretty much mimed all my keyboard parts until the break when i somehow (still not knowing WTF was going on) got it all working ok.  (I only sussed out what must have happened several days later.)

 

- Jimbo

 

Also great: a half-plugged in pedal on one of your controllers. Had that at a gig a while ago; drove me batshit trying to figure out what was going on. 

[analogika]

That time I drove out to World's end with my blues-rock band, unloaded Rhodes/Fender Twin/B3/Leslie 760, only to find that I'd forgotten the Leslie cable. 

 

Played the whole gig with the Rhodes and the backup Nord Electro straight to D.I. 

 

Irf.

[David Emm]

Music-related: Went to see ELP and the pals agreed to go for cheap seats in the upper rim of the place. It doubled as a hockey rink and basketball court, so calling the resulting cloud of noise "acoustics" was an immense stretch. However, the band was playing in QUAD, so I heard everything by the power of the Quantum Keith Effect. 

 

The thing is, at this time in music history, the weed component at concerts was so thick, the big Moog looked hazy. I forgot my middle name for a week. 

[RABid]

Went to watch some friends play that were in the same club circuit as us. They had a really good guitarist, but he was the type that would take anything handed to him. That night someone handed him something and he took it. While stumbling around on stage he takes a big step back and his foot goes through the base of a cymbal stand and gets stuck. He keeps jerking his foot and the drummer is yelling "STOP! STOP!" 30 seconds later he gets his foot out but half of the drum kit is on the floor. One good thing came out of it. The band gave him an ultimatum and he stopped taking everything handed to him.

[KuruPrionz]

57 minutes ago, David Emm said:

Music-related: Went to see ELP and the pals agreed to go for cheap seats in the upper rim of the place. It doubled as a hockey rink and basketball court, so calling the resulting cloud of noise "acoustics" was an immense stretch. However, the band was playing in QUAD, so I heard everything by the power of the Quantum Keith Effect. 

 

The thing is, at this time in music history, the weed component at concerts was so thick, the big Moog looked hazy. I forgot my middle name for a week. 

I saw ELP on that same tour but down on the floor. LOUD!!!

 

Meanwhile, back to the topic. I was playing a gig, looked over at the BL and came to the conclusion from watching his hands (another guitarist) that the song was in C. 

I played the entire song in C but it was in G (sobriety was unknown during that phase of life). I did think it sounded kind of spacey... 

[Adan]

Invited current girlfriend and two (2) very recent ex-girlfriends to the same gig, honestly thinking none of them would show up.  They all showed up.  Incindiary situation.  Secrets that must remain secrets so closed to being spilt.  Sweating bullets.  Peter Sellers-esque comic ducking and hiding between sets.  Somehow got out of it clean and believing there's a God in heaven who took pity on me.

 

Strangely, i don't think I've ever forgotten a critical piece of equipment for a gig, which for a keyboard player is almost unheard of.

[CowboyNQ]

5 hours ago, MathOfInsects said:

I swear to Flying Spaghetti Monster I am not making this up: I once played with a band that tuned down half a step and someone said something about "G," and I said, "So Concert Gb?" and he said "No, it will still be G there."
 

Like, when we play this in a concert, the key will still be the same.

Jeebus take the wheel, I can't do this on my own...

I have found discussing the keys of songs with many rock guitarists ends in tears.  I have a colleague who tunes down half a step, which apparently makes the key of any song played in this tuning “Eb”.