What's next? Could use some support.

[Nathanael_I]

19 hours ago, Outkaster said:

 That's the thing though, how do you move forward?  I think we all struggle with that to some extent.....

The loss must be grieved.  It is good to mourn the loss of important activities, people, and possessions.  It is wise to fully acknowledge the good and wonderful parts of our lives, experiences, and relationships.  Present with us for a time, and now removed, we feel their loss as a diminishing of our lives.  And it is true.  All these things contribute to our joy.  Through the work of deeply acknowledging this, we gradually become aware of a deeper truth.

 

While it is a diminishment of our experience, the deep inner core of who we are is unchanged, and undiminished by loss.  It cannot be otherwise.  The inner life can be a bit dinged up at the level of emotions and thoughts.  But our actual identity is older... deeper... and stronger than the hits and shocks that stir the surface.  Often hidden below the surface of our conscious experience, our true selves shelter - waiting to be sought and asked closer to the light.

 

The overlays of bands, projects, etc are vehicles for this true self but don't actually define it.  So when life shatters the illusions that we've built that the vehicles truly represent us, there is a part of us that knows what to do.  That part was never fully expressed in any external manifestation, and so, it remains capable of yet another go.  In fact, it wishes to continue.  To take the learnings and experiences and blend them into a yet richer, and more true expression of the inner condition.  But it will not be the same.  This is deeply OK.  The inner self is wiser, knows itself better, and wishes to express more and remove false images and expectations. 

 

This true North is available to everyone.  Artists often have a unique connection to it and an intuitive flow around it.  But when injured, we all need a reminder. 

 

Grief is part of the pathway to joy.  Just don't stop there.  Grieve until done, and then listen...  Spring comes after winter.  You already have the seeds of the new life inside. 

[MathOfInsects]

Some people say, "Why me, Lord?" Some say, "Try me, Lord!" They are rarely the same people.

[Outkaster]

2 hours ago, Nathanael_I said:

The loss must be grieved.  It is good to mourn the loss of important activities, people, and possessions.  It is wise to fully acknowledge the good and wonderful parts of our lives, experiences, and relationships.  Present with us for a time, and now removed, we feel their loss as a diminishing of our lives.  And it is true.  All these things contribute to our joy.  Through the work of deeply acknowledging this, we gradually become aware of a deeper truth.

 

While it is a diminishment of our experience, the deep inner core of who we are is unchanged, and undiminished by loss.  It cannot be otherwise.  The inner life can be a bit dinged up at the level of emotions and thoughts.  But our actual identity is older... deeper... and stronger than the hits and shocks that stir the surface.  Often hidden below the surface of our conscious experience, our true selves shelter - waiting to be sought and asked closer to the light.

 

The overlays of bands, projects, etc are vehicles for this true self but don't actually define it.  So when life shatters the illusions that we've built that the vehicles truly represent us, there is a part of us that knows what to do.  That part was never fully expressed in any external manifestation, and so, it remains capable of yet another go.  In fact, it wishes to continue.  To take the learnings and experiences and blend them into a yet richer, and more true expression of the inner condition.  But it will not be the same.  This is deeply OK.  The inner self is wiser, knows itself better, and wishes to express more and remove false images and expectations. 

 

This true North is available to everyone.  Artists often have a unique connection to it and an intuitive flow around it.  But when injured, we all need a reminder. 

 

Grief is part of the pathway to joy.  Just don't stop there.  Grieve until done, and then listen...  Spring comes after winter.  You already have the seeds of the new life inside. 

 

 

Your right but everyone's way of dealing with things is different.  Easy to say....very tough to do though.

[Nathanael_I]

Indeed.  It has not been easy to learn.  But it has become strangely easier over time and practice.  It is often deeply uncomfortable to be quiet enough to hear that voice and realize how little it seems to care about the difficulty of change or how its desires push against present reality. 

 

MathofInsects is right.  We all experience it differently.  It is sometimes very hard.  And that sucks.  Except we can come through and are stronger... transformed in some ways, the same in others.  This is a hard choice.  Hard to make and hard to keep, and often impossible to do perfectly. 

 

I do wish you well on the journey.  You are enough and deeply adequate. 

[Old Music Guy]

On 3/9/2023 at 1:18 PM, ProfD said:

The greatest amount of power and control is being able to say "no" to yourself and others.

That is sage advice. "Power is the ability to say, 'No'"

[MathOfInsects]

5 hours ago, Nathanael_I said:

Indeed.  It has not been easy to learn.  But it has become strangely easier over time and practice.  It is often deeply uncomfortable to be quiet enough to hear that voice and realize how little it seems to care about the difficulty of change or how its desires push against present reality. 

 

MathofInsects is right.  We all experience it differently.  It is sometimes very hard.  And that sucks.  Except we can come through and are stronger... transformed in some ways, the same in others.  This is a hard choice.  Hard to make and hard to keep, and often impossible to do perfectly. 

 

I do wish you well on the journey.  You are enough and deeply adequate. 

The two opposing worldviews are "Things are bad" vs "Bad things happen." The first suggests the uselessness of trying. The second makes it requisite. 

[slg1013]

So much great advice on this thread... When I was in my 20s I worked with several songwriters with the hope that one would hit it big and I'd be a rock star, but I was always far too practical to not have a day job and the stability it provided; I was also fortunate that I really enjoyed the work I did. This made a huge difference, so I agree with the other members that say not to give up your day gig. When I got married and we had our first son, I was working 70 hours/week for my day job (this was during the internet bubble) and trying to gig on the weekends. It didn't take long before I completely burned out and stopped playing gigs entirely. It was a difficult, but liberating decision; I got to spend my little free time nurturing my relationships with my wife and son. I continued to play and enjoy music just without the additional stress of playing in a band. Looking back on it, my advice would be to stop doing everything except your day gig. As the time passes, you'll be able to tell what you miss and what you don't. When you start to feel the pull in one direction, talk it through with your wife and decide what will be best for both of you. As others have said, as a singing keyboardist, you'll always be able to find work if you're "jonesing" for a gig. I wish you the best and I thank you and all the other members of this community for sharing your thoughts and giving such great advice.

[Old Music Guy]

11 hours ago, slg1013 said:

I got to spend my little free time nurturing my relationships with my wife and son.

"I wish I had spent more time getting stressed out", said no one ever.

[nursers]

On 3/11/2023 at 7:03 AM, Dr Mike Metlay said:

Sam, I echo a lot of the advice you're getting here. As we get older (and at least a little wiser, we hope), we start to recognize what's really important. One of the things we have at least some control over is choosing what we do that lowers our stress level rather than raising it.

 

To that end: keep the job with the health insurance (you're screwed without it in today's market, full stop), and ditch that band. If it will never replace your day job financially, if you and your wife aren't being treated with respect, if they make more and more demands without considering your well-being and time availability, and they are (in your own words) delusional, then flee. Just FLEE. You can do better and more opportunities will present themselves; if you can't take a deep breath, get out before you suffocate.

 

Just my 5 Lindens' worth.

 

mike

What Mike says here Sam is spot on, as is most of the other wonderful guidance given. It's worth more than 5 Lindens by a long shot (for those unaware, Linden dollars are second life currency and last time I looked 5 of em would be slightly more than 2c at best  )

[stoken6]

16 hours ago, Old Music Guy said:

"I wish I had spent more time getting stressed out", said no one ever.

"I wish I had spent less time with my wife and family" likewise.

 

Cheers, Mike.

[TommyRude]

17 hours ago, Old Music Guy said:

"I wish I had spent more time getting stressed out", said no one ever.

Well... taking chances and stepping into the unknown does come with some stress methinks? 

 

Maybe put slightly another way, "I wished I had spent more time getting stressed out for no good reason", said no one ever. 😊