Way OT: kids' schedules with extracurriculars

[J. Dan]

I'm assuming any of you with kids have dealt with this. I'm just so frustrated right now. My daughter is 8 and just started 3rd grade. She's big into sance and competes, as well as taking guitar lessons and playing several sports and girlscouts.

 

First rant: most of the "office" world works til 5 (as i do). School lets out at 3:45 and if you'll pickup later you gotta pay. I do.

 

Dance class - freakin ridiculous. This week is MANDATORY dance intensives for all competition classes. So i have to take off early, get her and her brother (from a different school), feed them, get hef changed and to dance for 5:30-730 class every day all week. They run long and don't let her out til almost 8pm. We aren't home til 8:20. She has homework of 2 math facts pages, a story to write, memorizing the old testament books by friday, and a few sheets of definitions. Got her to bed at 11pm, normal bed time 8pm. Tomorrow she has soccer and dance. It'll be the same thing. Luckily, wed guitar lesson is cancelled.

 

I really think each of these people - school, dance, sports - all think that their little world is all there is.

[Brettymike]

You're at the opposite end of DINKS - double income no kids.

Luckily nothing lasts forever (actually, that's questionable).

 

Brett.

[stillplaying]

Hi Dan. Mine are 9 and 7. Similar thing here. Judo, gymnastics, swimming, Beavers & Cubs, viola lessons & practising, hockey.

 

My eldest opted out of a very time intensive thing (swimming club & the competition galas) easing things a lot. Everything is workable again (for now).

 

I understand your situation and really feel for your current predicament. Is there anything she'd be willing to drop?

[mcgoo]

Yeah it was nuts for us when our kids were small, and there were 2 of us to handle the pandemonium. I hope your job gives you some flex-hour abilities.

 

The weirdest thing is when they get old enough & learn to drive. Suddenly, they are gone. The only evidence of them still being home is the mess around the house & the empty fridge.

[Rusty Mike]

My youngest turned started driving this past January. Now, instead of shuttling his behind everywhere, we (mostly my wife) worry about him being out.

 

His activities: school, marching band, orchestra, chamber ensemble, p/t job, prepare for college auditions in the winter, girlfriend. His priorities are not necessarily in that order. Fortunately, he came to the realization that he can't run cross country this year.

 

My wife is a hight school teacher, which made it easier for her to be the after school taxi. Since I work from home, though, I was the one who picked my kids up from the nurse's office, dropped off forgotten items, etc.

 

I keep thinking, though, that my tombstone will (hopefully) say things like Beloved Husband or Beloved Father. I can guarantee that the name of my employer will not be there, so I keep a family-first mindset.

[RABid]

I've seen a big change in priorities over the last 20 years and have complained about it to friends and family. Family reunions, 4th of July celebrations, all the big family gatherings have taken a hit because kids are always booked solid. It is not enough to play a sport during the school season, now they have to play summer league. Kids are pressured by coaches and officials to make these activities a priority. Every game and every practice comes before family. If they want to miss a practice to go to a family gathering they are made to feel like they are letting down the team.

 

My nephew has a very good take on this with his kids. They can get involved in any activity with the understanding that these activities are secondary to vacations, family events, and anything else he and his wife consider more important than extracurricular activities.

 

[joegerardi]

Well, I'm donning the asbestos underwear here and asking:

Why?

 

Dance;

Guitar;

Sports (plural);

Girl Scouts;

 

different post:

Judo;

Gymnastics;

Swimming;

Beavers & Cubs;

Viola lessons & practicing;

Hockey

 

When do they get to be just kids?

 

Seems to me that kids today have too regimented lives. They have more things on their plates than they can handle, and parents are in a tizzy trying to run their kids from one appointment to the next.

 

Now granted, my kids are grown (youngest will be 25 in Nov.) so maybe I don't understand, but it seems to me that they're getting pushed from one thing to the next and parents are complaining for having done, and now having to deal with, the pushing.

 

Why not just let them be kids? Homework, playing with neighbors' kids, stickball, (well, now that there aren't any Spaldings - "Spaldeens" that's not really an option) touch football, maybe one or two interests at the most? Why give them a social calendar that runs them ragged?

 

I'm not really slagging anyone here, I honestly just don't understand this.

 

..Joe

[Synthoid]

Why not just let them be kids?

 

Ah, those days have come and gone...

 

[johnchop]

Why?

 

Can't say for sure why some parents do this. Maybe it's a keeping up with Joneses thing. Maybe it's to keep 'em out of trouble. Maybe the kid wants to be involved in everything. ("I'm bored" is a verboten phrase in my house. See the Louis C.K. routine on this. Hilarious.)

 

Mine are 11 and 7. We do family stuff on weekends or they get together with friends. (We're godless heathens, so Sundays are wide open.) School + homework takes enough time on the weekdays. 11-year-old does some stuff at home after school (Spanish, guitar practice), but that's it. 7-year-old expressing interest in violin. Neither interested in team sports. Some idle time after homework and chores. Dinner, play with the dog, baths, reading time, bed.

 

They seem happy and well-adjusted to me.

 

-John

[Karl Sutton]

We've got four kids & only allow one to do something extracurricular at a time.

 

Family time & church take priority.

 

I see so many over-scheduled kids that are seriously stressed out, maybe I'm old school but I agree; "Why not just let them be kids?"

[Outkaster]

I will tell you why, in some cases kids need to be busy. We have the laziest generation out there right now that could use to be regulated a little. Kids need that, maybe some more intensely then others, but they are so disconnected now. Im big with kids being disciplined and maybe its a different argument but activities like Judo and music lessons are great. Multiple activities dont always work so well in conjunction with each other all the time because of the time that has be invested. Kids do need time to be kids but its also a big recipe for them to get into trouble which often seems the case. You never really hear things in the news about kids doing positive things, most of the time it has a negative connotation.

 

The problem with as fast a paced society that is out there now it is hard for two working parents to juggle it all. It gets exhausting and expensive. Even if they get involved in one positive activity though its fine. My problem was, and still is juggling trying to compete and be a musician. They dont go together that well sometimes. I think its great for a kid to get good at an activity and still excel with it later in life.

 

[GovernorSilver]

Kids are kept busy, partly because of the fear that if you let them idle too much, they'll get into drugs, hanging out with gangs, etc. We knew this one family where all the kids were kept busy with tennis and other extracurricular stuff. The kid next door developed a drug habit by high school. We saw her being taken out on a stretcher after an overdose. Too much time on her hands, we guessed.

[Brettymike]

Well, I'm donning the asbestos underwear here and asking:

Why?

 

Dance;

Guitar;

Sports (plural);

Girl Scouts;

 

different post:

Judo;

Gymnastics;

Swimming;

Beavers & Cubs;

Viola lessons & practicing;

Hockey

 

When do they get to be just kids?

 

Seems to me that kids today have too regimented lives. They have more things on their plates than they can handle, and parents are in a tizzy trying to run their kids from one appointment to the next.

 

Now granted, my kids are grown (youngest will be 25 in Nov.) so maybe I don't understand, but it seems to me that they're getting pushed from one thing to the next and parents are complaining for having done, and now having to deal with, the pushing.

 

Why not just let them be kids? Homework, playing with neighbors' kids, stickball, (well, now that there aren't any Spaldings - "Spaldeens" that's not really an option) touch football, maybe one or two interests at the most? Why give them a social calendar that runs them ragged?

 

I'm not really slagging anyone here, I honestly just don't understand this.

 

..Joe

 

You are exactly right Joe.

 

Brett.

[johnchop]

Seriously... what? (in reply to GovernorSilver)

[Brettymike]

We had a Ball of a childhood , making huts , climbing through tops of hedges all day , exploring ancient rubbish dumps , making diving boards and canoes at swimming holes etc etc etc - never a dull second.

 

Brett.

[GovernorSilver]

Seriously... what? (in reply to GovernorSilver)

 

What don't you understand about my post?

[J. Dan]

A lot of stuff is pushed by the school and their friends. Once she played one sport, then all the same girls sign up for the next sport, and the next one - and the parents are all asking "is she going to play _____"?

 

Her first year, she played every sport. After that we made her pick a couple - she does softball and soccer. Normally those aren't too bad since they practice right after school, when she'd normally be in "kid care" (after school care til I get off work) anyway. The exception is when they started practicing softball off-site. Games are Saturdays, which is usually fine....except when they have 2 games in one day and you also have dance class and a birthday party.

 

Dance classes really seem to kill the most time. My ex wife grew up taking dance classes and teaching lessons, so you can guess where that comes from. My daughter loves it, so I wouldn't want to take it away from her, but she's in competition classes (which my ex seems pretty adamant about, and my daughter likes, anyway). So to be in a competition class, there's all these other classes you have to take....like this "Dance Intensives" this week - 5:30-7:30 every night, then they don't let them out until almost 8. She was up til almost 11 getting homework done. If I had the choice, she wouldn't do that - it conflicts too much with school. But if she doesn't do that week long class, then she can't do the other classes she wants to do the rest of the year. They should have that BEFORE school starts. Then when they have competitions and recitals, it knocks out an entire weekend, including sometimes having to take off work. Some of them are out of town. That's the one that just seems to take over your entire life.

 

Guitar is only 1/2hr a week. So far that's been fine. She was asking for a couple years before I finally signed her up - I wanted to make sure she really wanted to do it.

[Synthoid]

We have the laziest generation out there right now that could use to be regulated a little.

 

This immediately came to mind...

 

 

http://leadinghands.org/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/picresized_1245917885_text_messaging.jpg

 

 

[Synthoid]

Seriously... what? (in reply to GovernorSilver)

 

What don't you understand about my post?

 

I'm guessing he was a bit shocked by this:

 

The kid next door developed a drug habit by high school. We saw her being taken out on a stretcher after an overdose. Too much time on her hands, we guessed.

 

[GovernorSilver]

Seriously... what? (in reply to GovernorSilver)

 

What don't you understand about my post?

 

I'm guessing he was a bit shocked by this:

 

The kid next door developed a drug habit by high school. We saw her being taken out on a stretcher after an overdose. Too much time on her hands, we guessed.

 

It was indeed a sad thing to see. She was alive at least, covering her face as they lifted her into the ambulance. The parents of the family living next door to that girl naturally took it as validation of the "keep the kids busy, keep them ou of trouble" philosophy. I babysitted their boys when they were younger, and that girl was allowed to come and play with them too. It was nice at least to see the boys grow up all right.

[Doerfler]

I really think each of these people - school, dance, sports - all think that their little world is all there is.

 

this

 

Dance is the worst, though. Started my daughter at 2 1/2 years old. (She will be 16 soon) My wife pulled her out forever when it got way too suggestive by the age of 10.

[Adan]

when I was a kid, my parents gave me a wet rag to play with after school, and I turned out ok.

 

Seriously, there was a lot of stick ball with the neighborhood kids. We weren't just being athletic, we were nourishing our creativity, making something out of nothing. I'm still better at that than most people I know. I do have other problems, however . . .

[johnchop]

What don't you understand about my post?

 

I read it as you concluding that kids who aren't "busy" will necessarily self-destruct. However, I see now that you were providing an isolated example. I'm sure there are counter examples of kids who did everything and still had a gaping void in their lives.

 

My point is that there's a happy medium between effectively ignoring a kid and cramming full every minute of the day.

 

-J

[GovernorSilver]

What don't you understand about my post?

 

I read it as you concluding that kids who aren't "busy" will necessarily self-destruct. However, I see now that you were providing an isolated example. I'm sure there are counter examples of kids who did everything and still had a gaping void in their lives.

 

My point is that there's a happy medium between effectively ignoring a kid and cramming full every minute of the day.

 

-J

 

"Keep the kids busy, keep them out of trouble" has been something I've heard from a fair number of parents that I've known - mostly parents who live in urban and suburban areas. But I have never claimed this as statistically compelling proof of anything, nor have I ever told anyone what to do with their kids (I'm guessing this was the cause of your reaction) if you go back and read my posts to this thread.

[Synthoid]

Seriously, there was a lot of stick ball with the neighborhood kids. We weren't just being athletic, we were nourishing our creativity, making something out of nothing.

 

Same with our neighborhood... usually a ball game going, or we went hiking, fishing, or flying model rockets. Some of those were actually pretty impressive. Yeah, we got into a little bit of trouble once in awhile, but nothing serious.

 

I often miss those days... sigh.

 

[Tonysounds]

Both my boys played baseball, and they were both REALLy good at it. If your child wants to play high school sports, theyre not going to make the team if theyre playing rec ball. For obvious reasons: Rec-ball leagues typically play 15-28 games a summer; travel teams do over 100 at a higher skill level.

 

In high school, at least at ours, you were required to play a second sport in the off season of the first sport, which is a joke, because at least in baseball (I wouldnt allow my boys to play football, theyre not built for it) if you play travel ball, there IS no off season. In January (actually during Christmas break), baseball practice starts for the high school. Yeah, in Chicago. So they practice and train indoors until about March. Oh, did I mention that practice starts at 5:00 am? Yeah, high school students working out at 5:00 am and then start classes at 8am, and then they wonder why these athletes are sleeping in class by 11am, or after lunch. But thats the only time they can practice because the gyms are occupied the rest of the day. So January through March, they practice in the morning, then go to class. After school, there may be some required activity (laps, weight room, etc.), and then home for dinner. Then shuttle them to travel ball practice, where they either are practicing drills and plays as a team, or in private clinics with pitching, catching, and batting coaches. Get home around 10/10:30pm, and then do your homework and get to bed because they have to get up (as do I) at 4:45am to get them to school at 5am.

 

Its a pleasure when the season actually starts in April (due to Midwest weather) because the crack of dawn pre-sunrise practices cease as games start after school. So for April and May, high school practices generally occur on non-game days, and travel teams typically scale back (but not cease) their practices and get ready for the summer season. Travel season and high school seasons overlap at the end of May beginning of June, but as soon as school is out, the travel seasons fires up hard. Meanwhile, the high school has a summer league for a few weeks, and youre expected to participate, so theyre getting a game in during the afternoon, and then a travel game in the evening, and then on weekend tournaments, youre playing a minimum of 5 games in 3 days, and more if youre highly competitive. (They were.) The travel season seems to end by the 2nd week of August because many kids then move on to football. Mine thankfully did not. So we had ½ of August off to fit in a whole summer, and then usually September would be off too as school starts up. In October, the 2nd sport generally has started, and the travel teams do their fall tournaments, on the weekends, with an occasional weeknight game, and then in November the travel clinics fire back up.

 

Try fitting a part time job in with all of that. And fkng off. Its my sincere belief that kids need a short leash and some spare time to get into a little trouble because frankly, sending them off to college to begin their drinking career is a recipe for binge drinking, scholastic failure (at least for a semester as they learn how to uhparty) or worse. And if we dont learn what the real boundaries are (societal and personal) when were young, were destined to test those boundaries as an adult, where the ramifications are much more deleterious.

 

It seems there is no middle ground: kids are either scheduled beyond our ability to live a quality childhood, or they dont do anything.

 

Again, not to sound communist, but I think all of this changed when someone realized that they could make $$$ from youth sports. And the sad fact is that if your child doesnt play travel sport, the likelihood of making their high school team is poor to none. The coaches dont even bullshit about it.

 

I think about it now, after having gone through it with 2 boys, and I wish we had done it differently. As a grandparent, Ill advise them of same when the time comes.

 

[Outkaster]

Part of what children have to go through is a little harder also than it was when some of us were young here. The social media and smart phones has pressurized them into needing a immediacy for everything. Thats where some of the laziness stems from because they dont have to work for anything. Then theres the bullying and pressure of everything else in school. It used to be if you got into a scuffle with a kids no one knew about it till the next day. Someone might talk about it on the phone but now its on YouTube or Facebook in a minute. My 15 year old daughter saw a fight on the bus and by the time it they got home it was on the web. The kids that did it got a hand slapped and thats it. There are not enough consequences for things and I think it makes some of what we are talking about harder.