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I think I need help


keyClicker

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Hey guys,

 

Sorry to add another OT thread here, but I've decided to write because I'm lost.

Maybe someone else went through what I'm going through, ot at least knows someone that could help me...

 

It's been a while since I've been feeling this way. For about two years or more, I've been feeling like isolating myself from the world, avoiding human contact, and I feel really bad if I have to go to places with lots os people. And besides that I've been giving up on a lot of things that once gave me joy.

I was not like this... I used to have ambitions and lots of things that made me trully happy...

 

I'm about to give up playing music. I loved it so much... but now just the thought of leaving the house makes me tired.

I gave up bodyboarding, which I loved very much.

I'm distancing myself from my old friends and even my family...

Long story short, I pretty much try to reduce human contact if possible!

And, the weird part is... I don't feel scared of it... for example, talking in public. I just dont feel like it. I just want to be left alone.

I teach software programming in college... I could not afford avoiding human contact being a professor... but this feeling is getting so strong that I actually thought about giving up on education too.

 

This desire of isolation increases every day. It got a lot worse with time.

Do you know if there's something I could do or someone that could help me reduce this feeling?

 

I tried therapy already. I did not tell anyone I did it, not even my family... But it doesnt seem to be helping much.

 

I know it sounds stupid... "He wants to avoid human contact, but he's asking how NOT to"...

Well, I just know this is not healthy (whatever that means).

And, while I can still rationalize some, I'm asking for help...

 

 

Thanks...

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Hey, my brazilian comrade...

 

Honestly? i don't think this is the best place for you to get help, look for a real profissional (even though that one didn't help you much). I think most of us had that feeling once or twice, music has always worked as a therapy for me but when it doesn't, i travel.

Maybe you need some time for yourself. If you have the money and want to, i'd advice you to travel somewhere nice, no internet, get in touch with nature, we all need our time out once in a while.

 

Hope you feel better, man...don't give up on music or friends/family, we only live once, get your time out and try to get your head back in the game.

"The purple piper plays his tune, The choir softly sing; Three lullabies in an ancient tongue, For the court of the crimson king"
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You seem depressed. Been there myself and I learned you cannot work out of it on your own.

 

Not telling your family that you reached out seems counterproductive. How can they help you if they do not know what you are doing to help yourself?

 

As suggested (and I am sure others will suggest as well), continue getting professional help. If one approach doesn't seem to be working try another.

 

Hope this helps somewhat.. :wave:

Steve Force,

Durham, North Carolina

--------

My Professional Websites

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I tried therapy already. I did not tell anyone I did it, not even my family... But it doesnt seem to be helping much.

Just one small piece of advice, having looked at your profile and seen that you are a foreign student living in the U.S. ... Here, unless a therapist is a psychiatrist, s/he cannot prescribe prescription medication. Based on how you described your situation, if your therapist is not a psychiatrist, I would suggest finding one who is. Some therapists may not make that suggestion because they may overestimate what they think they will be able to accomplish with talk alone; it's also possible, in these hard financial times, that a therapist could even be hesitant to "give away" a patient if s/he is not sure it's completely necessary. Psychiatrists need to be licensed to practice medicine, but anyone at all can hang out a shingle and call himself a therapist. That's not to say there aren't plenty of good therapists (or, I'm sure, plenty of bad psychiatrists, for that matter), but in your situation, I think you would want to be working with someone who at least has the option of being able to combine the talk with meds.

Maybe this is the best place for a shameless plug! Our now not-so-new new video at https://youtu.be/3ZRC3b4p4EI is a 40 minute adaptation of T. S. Eliot's "Prufrock" - check it out! And hopefully I'll have something new here this year. ;-)

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There's probably something deeper bothering you. Whenever I get in a mood (some may say what you're experiencing is more than a mood. I don't mean to demean it, I'm just using the word for a description), it's always that there's something that's bothering me that I've been ignoring or neglecting.

 

Good luck whatever you do.

"I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck

 

"The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI

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I know man, I know this is not the place to look for help.

But, I just needed to say it. Write it down a little...

 

And yeah... Some nature sounds great.

The city I live in looks like a construction field... it's growing so fast, so noisy, so crowded. I actually thought about living somewhere else.

Every tree we had turned into a grey concrete building with more people and more cars and all.

So, yeah... I thought about moving to a small town where things don't seem so noisy and I could take time to breathe and get my sh*t together.

This thought about moving to a small town often tempts me. I used to live in a really small university town in the US and I was happy back then.

Oh, and... my profile here must be out of date. I graduated already and I'm back to my home country. That was 5 years ago... damn!

 

So... yes, I do think I'll try someone else to help me (professionally). And yes, I'm aware that I may have to take some meds. I know it will probably change me, but hopefully it will make me healthier and happier.

 

Thank you!

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You seem depressed. Been there myself and I learned you cannot work out of it just by yourself.

 

Not telling your family that you reached out seems counterproductive. How can they help you if they do not know what you are doing to help yourself?

 

As suggested (and I am sure others will suggest as well), continue getting professional help. If one approach doesn't seem to be working try another.

+1

 

And keep in mind that therapists are like pants: sometimes you need to try a few on before you find one that is the right fit.

 

For the short term, be active. Keep your mind occupied so that you're not dwelling on the things that are troubling you. Don't sleep too much. Eat well (things such as coffee and blueberries can boost your mood). Tell your friends how you're feeling; you need a rock-solid support system. Listen to music that makes you feel good.

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I agree with the other posts. It sounds like depression. Talk to a real doctor. If you are put on meds,it will change you, but in a good way. I have had problems with depression. (Very bad childhood)With the medication and therapy it is easier to deal with the bad that occurs in life. While I am not a trained professional, I know it does help to talk about it. Stay strong, friend.
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Please go see a psychiatrist; meds may not be the answer, but sometimes these things are physiologic in nature, not just behavioral.

 

Be strong brother, and reach out to your family and friends. Let them know what is going on; they will be crushed to be left out of your life.

Hitting "Play" does NOT constitute live performance. -Me.
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Just find the right medication.

I really don't want this thread to turn into a debate but I have to say that this statement is misguided. The solution is not this simple. Medication is an option, not the only option, and certainly not a fix-all. I think we all agree that seeking professional help is the right course of action for the OP. It's then up to him and the professional to decide whether or not medication is appropriate.

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Hello.

 

If I had known as a pre-teen what I know now, I am sure that I would be a lot better off.

 

I can tell you that depression is real and it sucks. I can also tell you that it's hereditary.

 

The symptoms aren't simply that you're sad. Nope. Add to that anxiety, low self-esteem, lack of focus and an inability to concentrate, and thoughts of suicide. These thoughts of suicide don't mean that you will actually do it - you just have thoughts in that this would get you out of the mess you believe you're in. (Of course it will, but then what are you going to do next? - nothing... you're err, no longer alive.)

 

I can tell you that although there isn't a cure, there are things you can do to help yourself. The first thing is to consider talking with a good doctor who can prescribe medication. You've got to go through a few medications until you find one that works well for you with the fewest side effects. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can be nasty in this regard. Wellbutrin (bupropion - generic) seems to be the answer for me - as well as my brother (remember, I said depression can run in families). This is a personal thing though. I'm sure it has a lot to do with body chemistry.

 

Once you take care of that, you have to consider other things - Are you getting quality REM sleep? Are you drinking too much or partying with other street drugs? Are you getting sunlight and exercise? Lack of Vitamin D is a contributor to depression. I have a helluva time with the change of seasons - not winter in and of itself, but the change from summer to fall to winter. I find that there are lots of people who are affected with the change of seasons as well. Of course, there's Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and that can possibly be a factor. That's why you'll never hear of me moving to Seattle. :cool: (Why do you think so many musicians have homes in Hawaii?) :cool:

 

Also, you have to remember that so much of what you are feeling - all those negative thoughts - are a distortion. Check your facts with someone you trust - a really good friend, a significant other, a doctor (of course). I constantly have to remind myself that what I'm feeling is not based on reality. Once you are able to separate logic from feeling, you can more easily discern which decisions are being biased by the chemical imbalance in your brain.

 

So, I make a huge effort -daily- to opt for the positive side of things. If people say that I smile too much or am silly, that's OK. Because if I don't concentrate on making my daily life more positive than negative, my thoughts default to negative/critical thinking. And that's an awful way to live.

 

Giving up on music and not wanting to go out with friends is common. Again, I have to force myself to look at all the fun I'll have when I go play a gig, not the drudgery of hauling the equipment or being there when I otherwise could be in my comfort zone somewhere else, etc. This is a huge challenge and one that is a definite GOTCHA! for me.

 

Finally, I tend to think about things over and over and over again. This is anxiety - and I've got it. I do this so intently that I cannot make decisions - simple decisions. This is called Analysis Paralysis and it sucks too. :mad: Every day I have to write down my goals on a fresh "To Do" list. And most days I will copy items from yesterday's "To Do" list. It gives me great pleasure simply to scratch through a task that I have completed. I've found that by encapsulating my tasks/fears/problems by writing them down on paper, I can more easily control and/or confront them. People who don't have to worry about this are probably scratching their head now. But for those of us who have to deal with it - you know what I'm talking about.

 

I've been working on getting better for many, many years. Luckily, I have good friends who help me out - because they understand. Unfortunately, as you age, depression symptoms will get worse. This won't fix itself on its own. You've got to get your ass out of bed and find someone who can help you. (And I say this because there have been many days when I've come home, crawled into bed, and pulled the covers over my head in hopes that all this bullshit would go away. It's real and it's a terrible bitch to have to live with.) :mad: ...oh, sorry. :rolleyes: I got carried away thinking about it. (See what I mean?)

 

The good thing is that there are lots of people - especially creative people like keyboard players - who have to deal with the effects of depression. You are not alone. You've come to the right place to discuss it. I can guarantee you that many folks here experience the symptoms I've described above. And many would benefit greatly by a bit of understanding along with the correct medication. Smoking dope can be a way of self-medicating. And although it may help tamp down the symptoms of depression, it's a vicous circle. If you come home every night and smoke a bit after work, it helps. But the problem is that you come home every night and smoke a bit after work... and any other time that you think you need just one toke... Saturdays, Sundays, and then perhaps even before going to work... And that's not good.

 

Sorry for the long post, but I care quite a bit about the friends I've made here on KC. For many this is an 'elephant in the room' topic and is not often discussed. From your post I can tell you're hurting. I want you to know that I understand. Try to find someone who can help you. The pain you are feeling isn't just a "bad mood". These symptoms are a lot more common that you realize.

 

I hope you get to feeling better very soon, keyclicker.

 

Tom

 

 

 

 

"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo
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Only to validate your feeling of isolation in a job that ironically requires you to interact with people all day: it is easy to withdraw from real human contact as a professor. While it is very possible to have meaningful connections with your students, the job doesn't require at a minimum anything but superficial contact either with students or other profs, and being surrounded by a constant sea of people can make a lack of meaningful contact seem even more isolating.

 

I think programming probably requires even less meaningful interaction than most scientific/technical tracks, and the students who are drawn to programming as a career in general tend to be more self-absorbed than average. The larger the university, the more depersonalizing. I don't know anything about your background, but from what I've seen I think it's harder yet for international students and faculty, especially from certain cultures (although often spouses are even more affected).

 

Good luck as you seek help!

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I hope you try some other things before taking meds. Some people do need to take them. Psychiatrists are doctors trained in (among other things) the use of prescription medicines, they will have a bias towards that.

 

I was depressed for a couple years in college. The cause, it turned out, was that I was just on the totally wrong path. I was trying different science majors and none of them got me excited enough to study hard, my grades were bad, I was trying drugs in search of some kind of solace and/or revelation, it was vicious cycle. The day I said "fuck the future and other people's expectations" and decided to major in philosophy (which I knew I loved), my life turned around. It was that simple, but it took me more than 2 years to realize it.

 

Well, things do get more complicated when it's not as easy as changing your major. But I guess my point is to search for the underlying cause. As Tom says, it might be hereditary/chemical, but you should try to explore other possibilities before concluding that.

 

I got through my depression with exercise. I didn't know enough to understand what my problem was, but I knew that I felt 100 times better after a long run or swim, and then I'd be so tired I'd have no choice but to sleep. Cardio is especially good. Plus, I looked good, and people are more drawn to people who look good. It was a positive uplifting cycle and it was as simple as committing myself to doing some kind of workout every goddamned day no matter what.

 

Writing/talking about your situation in a forum where other people care and will listen could be very helpful. We care about you, but even so, this forum won't work for that.

 

Good luck, Keyclicker.

 

edit: Interesting that this forum won't let me spell out "fuck." WTF!

Gigging: Crumar Mojo 61, Hammond SKPro

Home: Vintage Vibe 64

 

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Tom,

 

Thanks for that "confession." I know it can be a lot to put that down publicly. I think it may help people here more than you realize.

 

Also, I had no idea you were going through that. This is one of those things that gives you perspective. There have been times I had the feeling from a post that things weren't okay with you. Now I know why.

 

Be well, brother. :thu:

"I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck

 

"The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI

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Like you said... It's amazing how many members mentioned they experienced something similar to what I described.

 

Not just members, man...society. The way people are living their lives now are driving them straight to those diseases, it'd be amazing to find those who are actually okay. :laugh:

"The purple piper plays his tune, The choir softly sing; Three lullabies in an ancient tongue, For the court of the crimson king"
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Some good stuff in this thread. Tom, your post is very informative. More often than not (Id say at least 50% of the time) depression is accompanied with anxiety. It makes a degree of intuitive sense....how anxiety can emerge when we experience low self-assurance.

 

When I have a client that presents with depression, I first attempt to rule out any situational variables. For example, it is normal to experience feelings of depression when one experiences a profound loss (e.g., family member, job). I also try to rule out any co-morbid medical condition. Some thyroid disorders present with substantial depressive symptoms (e.g., hypothyroidism). As Tom also mentioned, I inquire as to any family history of mental illness. As with other inheritable traits, there is often a genetic contribution to depression; the person has inherited brain chemistry which makes them vulnerable to depression. We all respond to stress (i.e., life) in different ways. Some individuals experience high blood pressure, others develop stomach problems, heart problems.....and sometimes brain chemistry breaks down.

 

As a mental health professional for over 15 years, one of the most challenging elements of my job is that we often cant see a mental disorder like we can someone with a physical disability, or a broken bone revealed in an x-ray. But the good news is that with advances in medical technology, we can now see depression. Take a look at these SPECT scan images of a depressed brain:

 

SPECT Scans for Depression

 

If these scans dont represent convincing evidence that there are biological components associated with depression, well then the world is still flat, weve never been to the moon, etc....

 

It has been my experience, as in other areas of the medical arena, biological regulation often must occur to support the effectiveness of other interventions. For example, for many individuals with diabetes, diet and exercise will be only modestly effective until they are placed on insulin. To share a personal story, I tried diet and exercise for several months to lower my cholesterol, but it wasnt until I was placed on Lipitor that my cholesterol levels fell in the normal range. Once I regulated the biology, diet and exercise became effective interventions.

 

For the record, I usually recommend a conservative approach: Try counseling first, before considering medication. However, if you have tried counseling and it has not resulted in substantial improvement, this represents diagnostic information....perhaps suggesting the need for biochemical intervention. Once the brain chemistry is regulated, this often enables compensatory interventions (e.g., therapy, behavior change) to be effective. The referenced SPECT scans support this contention. Take a look at the scans before and after medication. There is also a plethora of research utilizing meta-analysis (a statistical technique that quantifies the results of many, often hundreds, of studies) that suggests optimal improvement in depression is realized through a combination of therapy and biochemical regulation.

 

Psychotropic medication intervention is a sort of double-edge sword. As with just about any medication, it will come with side effects, which are usually most evident during the first two weeks of treatment. This becomes especially challenging because many of the SSRI medications dont reach therapeutic level for up to 30 days. This often results in a situation where the person experiences side effects but little improvement in symptoms. So you have to be willing to ride this out. I also echo those who have mentioned the need for patience when approaching psychotropic medication. The good news is that there are many options available (which increases the likelihood of improvement with the fewest side effects), but it may take some time to find the medication and dosage that is most effective and best tolerated.

 

Below is an online depression screener recommended by the counseling department at the university where I am employed:

 

Depression Screener

 

Good luck!

 

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."

- George Bernard Shaw

 

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as you can see, this Forum may be the right choice. as noted above, feelings of depression/anxiety & so on are quite common in players (as well as artists, poets, writer, & so on)We may be like any other person you see out there as far as being BIOLOGICAL members of the Human SPECIES, but are we just like 'them?' I don't think so. People ARE different. a mild medication may help you MANAGE the symptomologies a bit better, but they won't CURE you, any more than a therapist, shrink, or Doctor. I know I deal with many of the same problems you mentioned (a quite a few others) . Pain (whether in the Soul or the Body) is often source of something underlying it - for me, it's either sleeping off earlier intense, creative endeavors, or the the prelude to new ones. You could look into daily Meditation. The Artist or Player MAY need a mild medication,to make things more manegable (assuming they are prescribed by a creditable source) but really it is really the Free Human Will (with a little help from others) that helps you WORK THROUGH the problem, sometimes creating something both unexpected _ and sublime.
robert w nuckels
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Hey KeyClicker,

 

Thanks for the thread, it has certainly helped me to read it. I have had 6 months of feeling just awful. I cant drive at the moment or I get panic attacks. The result has been depressing, although I wouldn't say I am depressed, I certainly have anxiety issues that surface every once in a while, usually after a big change, and I just moved country! My family has these issues too, and some drugs I took when I was a teen have contributed to my sometimes sketchy brain. I count myself lucky to be alive these days, I had it rough with the booze too. Regarding anxiety, and depression to a lesser degree in my case, I have been through a lot of these periods throughout my life, and they do pass. Things do get better, they really do, and MUCH better! I am actually feeling much better the last couple of months now that I have settled down. There were days this summer when I could only go for a walk around the block. Then I bought a bike and began pedaling every day.

 

My last dose of anxiety and depression came about 4 or 5 years ago when I left Canada for Spain. Previous to the move there was a three month period of depression and stress being unemployed. I sat around and hung out on the computer all the time, spending my days indoors. By the time I got to Spain, I was completely debilitated. I could barely work, and was downing sleeping pills to get through bad moments at work! I knew I was in deep waters so I started jogging and swimming. I did have the time to work out hard, people around to play tennis with, and a swimming pool, so it was ideal. The first day I went in the pool I actually walked 5 lengths because I was too freaked out to swim, that's how bad my anxiety had gotten. I was shaking and hallucinating, thinking at any second I would drop dead. I built up an extra length every day until I was doing 60, about 1.5KM. I lost weight and started radiating health which helps when you look in the mirror. I became super upbeat, confident, relaxed and outgoing, and basically felt like "myself" again. Unfortunately now I am in University and I am too busy to do anything that hardcore at the moment, but if you have the time and the inclination, I recommend trying it out.

 

Asides from that, its great to see all the support and empathy you've received from fellow musicians. There have been some amazing posts and I have enjoyed reading them all, seems like a keyboard forum isn't the worst place to share your mental health issues!?! Its a fact we are a sensitive lot, its seems to be the price we pay for getting to be so creative. Some days it doesn't seem worth it, but if you can take action, and get through this, sunny days await you.

 

Sorry for the long post, but I give a shit how you are too, just like everyone else here.

We are all slave's to our brain chemistry!

 

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Hello.

 

If I had known as a pre-teen what I know now, I am sure that I would be a lot better off.

 

I can tell you that depression is real and it sucks. I can also tell you that it's hereditary.

 

The symptoms aren't simply that you're sad. Nope. Add to that anxiety, low self-esteem, lack of focus and an inability to concentrate, and thoughts of suicide. These thoughts of suicide don't mean that you will actually do it - you just have thoughts in that this would get you out of the mess you believe you're in. (Of course it will, but then what are you going to do next? - nothing... you're err, no longer alive.)

 

I can tell you that although there isn't a cure, there are things you can do to help yourself. The first thing is to consider talking with a good doctor who can prescribe medication. You've got to go through a few medications until you find one that works well for you with the fewest side effects. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can be nasty in this regard. Wellbutrin (bupropion - generic) seems to be the answer for me - as well as my brother (remember, I said depression can run in families). This is a personal thing though. I'm sure it has a lot to do with body chemistry.

 

Once you take care of that, you have to consider other things - Are you getting quality REM sleep? Are you drinking too much or partying with other street drugs? Are you getting sunlight and exercise? Lack of Vitamin D is a contributor to depression. I have a helluva time with the change of seasons - not winter in and of itself, but the change from summer to fall to winter. I find that there are lots of people who are affected with the change of seasons as well. Of course, there's Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and that can possibly be a factor. That's why you'll never hear of me moving to Seattle. :cool: (Why do you think so many musicians have homes in Hawaii?) :cool:

 

Also, you have to remember that so much of what you are feeling - all those negative thoughts - are a distortion. Check your facts with someone you trust - a really good friend, a significant other, a doctor (of course). I constantly have to remind myself that what I'm feeling is not based on reality. Once you are able to separate logic from feeling, you can more easily discern which decisions are being biased by the chemical imbalance in your brain.

 

So, I make a huge effort -daily- to opt for the positive side of things. If people say that I smile too much or am silly, that's OK. Because if I don't concentrate on making my daily life more positive than negative, my thoughts default to negative/critical thinking. And that's an awful way to live.

 

Giving up on music and not wanting to go out with friends is common. Again, I have to force myself to look at all the fun I'll have when I go play a gig, not the drudgery of hauling the equipment or being there when I otherwise could be in my comfort zone somewhere else, etc. This is a huge challenge and one that is a definite GOTCHA! for me.

 

Finally, I tend to think about things over and over and over again. This is anxiety - and I've got it. I do this so intently that I cannot make decisions - simple decisions. This is called Analysis Paralysis and it sucks too. :mad: Every day I have to write down my goals on a fresh "To Do" list. And most days I will copy items from yesterday's "To Do" list. It gives me great pleasure simply to scratch through a task that I have completed. I've found that by encapsulating my tasks/fears/problems by writing them down on paper, I can more easily control and/or confront them. People who don't have to worry about this are probably scratching their head now. But for those of us who have to deal with it - you know what I'm talking about.

 

I've been working on getting better for many, many years. Luckily, I have good friends who help me out - because they understand. Unfortunately, as you age, depression symptoms will get worse. This won't fix itself on its own. You've got to get your ass out of bed and find someone who can help you. (And I say this because there have been many days when I've come home, crawled into bed, and pulled the covers over my head in hopes that all this bullshit would go away. It's real and it's a terrible bitch to have to live with.) :mad: ...oh, sorry. :rolleyes: I got carried away thinking about it. (See what I mean?)

 

The good thing is that there are lots of people - especially creative people like keyboard players - who have to deal with the effects of depression. You are not alone. You've come to the right place to discuss it. I can guarantee you that many folks here experience the symptoms I've described above. And many would benefit greatly by a bit of understanding along with the correct medication. Smoking dope can be a way of self-medicating. And although it may help tamp down the symptoms of depression, it's a vicous circle. If you come home every night and smoke a bit after work, it helps. But the problem is that you come home every night and smoke a bit after work... and any other time that you think you need just one toke... Saturdays, Sundays, and then perhaps even before going to work... And that's not good.

 

Sorry for the long post, but I care quite a bit about the friends I've made here on KC. For many this is an 'elephant in the room' topic and is not often discussed. From your post I can tell you're hurting. I want you to know that I understand. Try to find someone who can help you. The pain you are feeling isn't just a "bad mood". These symptoms are a lot more common that you realize.

 

I hope you get to feeling better very soon, keyclicker.

 

Tom

 

 

 

 

Post of the Year, without a doubt!

 

Bravo, Tom! :thu:

 

Good luck, keyclicker.

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This may not be the best place to look for help, but I say look anywhere you want and everywhere you can think of. Just looking for help can help, sometimes.

 

I have a tendency to get depressed, too, but in my case I'm convinced it's behavioral -- it depends on what I do, and if I do the right stuff and don't do the wrong stuff it's all good.

 

I strongly suspect that for many other people, it can be based on deep-seated issues. And for many others, I'm sure it's biochemical. I mistrust any generalizations, other than "get help and good for you to try".

 

... and definitely pay attention to what Tom says above.

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Hey keyclicker,

 

Actually, I think it's a great thing you're reaching out to us here on the forum. It must feel safe enough for you to do that, and much better than keeping it all to yourself all the time. So, I'd like to commend you for doing this.

 

I agree completely with Moonglow that a combination of treatment through meds and therapy is most often the best course of treatment. As one who has worked in this field for many years, it has been my experience that psychiatrists are not usually the best therapists. They come from a medical background and are more focused about your response to various meds and combination of meds. A GOOD psychiatrist would admit that psychiatry is at least - if not more - an art, than a science. So sticking with a therapist (psychologist or licensed counselor)that helps you (yes try different ones), and a psychiatrist for meds is the best, most likely to be successful, scenario for you to become more healthy.

 

My heart goes out to you. As you can see, so many of us - willing to admit - have struggled with similar experiences too. Keep doing what you know is best for you, even if you don't want to. Things will break for you (of course for the good!) in due time. Best wishes my friend.

Yamaha C2, Yamaha MODX7, Hammond SK1, Hammond XK-5 Heritage Pro System, Korg Kronos 2 61, Yamaha CP4, Kurzweil PC4-7, Nord Stage 3 73, Nord Wave 2, QSC 8.2, Motion Sound KP 210S,  Key Largo, etc…yeah I have too much…

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I don't really have anything significant to add but to say I do suffer from depression and anxiety on and off. It is nasty stuff and it is not at all uncommon. A lot of people do deal with this. It is really complex and what works for one person does not work at all for another. I myself have to be outdoors as much as I can and getting lots of natural daylight when I am going through depression. At night I have to have complete darkness. I should actually do that when I am not suffering as it does help. Like I said YMMV. All the best.
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As someone who's been through severe depression myself, I'd echo Tom's advice. First off, get to a doctor and get some proper medication to help bring you back to an equilibrium. Do NOT feel bad that you have to take some medication. It will not make you into a grinning idiot, it will just make you feel "normal" again.

 

Once you have that in place and you're feeling better, then seek professional help to address the root causes of your depression. In particular, you may find cognitive therapy helpful.

 

Above all, don't surrender to the inclinations to increasingly isolate yourself. And don't give up playing - that can be the best therapy of the lot.

Studio: Yamaha P515 | Yamaha Tyros 5 | Yamaha HX1 | Moog Sub 37

Road: Yamaha YC88 | Nord Electro 5D

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Sorry to add another OT thread here, but I've decided to write because I'm lost.

 

Maybe someone else went through what I'm going through, ot at least knows someone that could help me...

 

First off keyclicker, you may not realise it right now,

 

but you've made a BIG first step by bringing your worries out into the open.

 

Bottling it up isn't going to help at all.

 

Now I'm not a professional in this field like Moonglow, but I can offer my advice based on experience.

 

You could do far worse than reading & re-reading the posts by Tom (ITGITC) & Moonglow -

 

both of which are excellent.

 

The symptoms you describe scream out depression, & I FULLY sympathise with you.

 

You have to realise that this is a genuine illness - not just feeling 'pissed-off' or down-in-the-dumps.

 

I have been through it myself since approx 2003, & for the first year-or-so,

 

there was no way I could even see the slightest prospect of any light at the end of the tunnel.

 

You are obviously aware, & coming to terms with the situation, so I won't dwell on that...

 

all I can offer is my personal take on it.

 

 

1st - Although medication can be very helpful, be aware that what works for one person may do nothing for another.

 

You may have to try several different ones before you find one that suits you.

 

Also, anti-depressants usually take 3 or 4 weeks before they start working - there is no 'quick-fix'.

 

 

2nd - Do not underestimate the importance of (even gentle) exercise.

 

I was at a point where I couldn't face getting out of bed - let alone leaving the house.

 

When I started clambering out of the trough I was in, I got myself a rescue dog -

 

she needed me as much as I needed her.

 

This gave me no excuse, 'cos the poor little thing needed taking out for walks,

 

& within a matter of weeks I felt SO much healthier, physically AND mentally.

 

 

3rd - Express your concerns to your close family & friends.

 

They are probably as baffled as you have been as to why you are so different recently.

 

If you don't tell them how you're feeling, how are they supposed to know?

 

They might be jumping to all sorts of conclusions (eg: 'he's on drugs/drinking/gambling' etc).

 

They will no doubt offer you support if they know what's going on.

 

 

4th - All is not lost. Once you work your way through it, you will have a new zest for life.

 

 

You will also, no doubt, find out who your REAL friends are - the 'hangers-on' will become apparent.

 

Knowing that is a valuable thing.

 

 

Lastly, for now, I sincerely wish you all the very best -

 

& feel free to contact me if you think I can be of any help to you?

 

 

John.

John.

 

some stuff on myspace

 

Nord: StageEX-88, Electro2-73, Hammond: XK-1, Yamaha: XS7

Korg: M3-73 EXpanded, M50-88, X50, Roland: Juno D, Kurzweil: K2000vp.

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2nd - Do not underestimate the importance of (even gentle) exercise.

 

I was at a point where I couldn't face getting out of bed - let alone leaving the house.

 

When I started clambering out of the trough I was in, I got myself a rescue dog -

 

she needed me as much as I needed her.

 

This gave me no excuse, 'cos the poor little thing needed taking out for walks,

 

& within a matter of weeks I felt SO much healthier, physically AND mentally.

Pets are also remarkable in helping people feel less lonely, often a major component of depression. If someone can't be home enough to provide a good home for a dog, a cat will do, even without the benefit of forced exercise you mention. In addition to helping people feel less lonely, a pet can provide some physical comfort and an increased sense of purpose. (This all assumes, of course, that we're not talking about a person who dislikes or fears animals, or might in any way mistreat them.)

Maybe this is the best place for a shameless plug! Our now not-so-new new video at https://youtu.be/3ZRC3b4p4EI is a 40 minute adaptation of T. S. Eliot's "Prufrock" - check it out! And hopefully I'll have something new here this year. ;-)

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Wow everybody. Tom and Mike Corbett, great posts. How crazy that so many here has suffered through depression. I also have had my bouts with depression, though I must admit there are some here who have had much more severe cases. For me, college was the best of times and the worst of times. I was amazed to see Adan's story of casting around trying different science majors before totally switching to a philosophy major. I myself never made the switch, but had the same struggle with a structural engineering major - a subject that I was seemingly well suited for, but that really didn't tickle my passion the way I thought it should. Looking back I have so much regret over my lack of initiative in going to talk to a counselor at school. I could have gotten a great deal of things straightened out and had a much more fulfilling college experience if I'd had. As it was, I squeaked out of college after 5+ years, barely getting my degree. I still have nightmares about forgetting about a damn final or midterm.

 

I'm so glad that people are sharing here. Keyclicker, my heart goes out to you and I commend you for your courage and your ability to crystalize your own thoughts and share them as words. You are an intelligent, self aware dude. Good for you. I'll echo the advice of others that you should keep looking for a psychiatrist. It takes effort, but it will be worth it. I'll also say that everyone seems to think that exercise helps, so get on it! Find a way to run a little bit, or use the gym on campus. Humans were designed to live a life full of motion! Our modern lifestyle takes that away from us and so it's no wonder that restoring movement and exercise can do wonders for your mood.

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