Keyboardists' Hell

[The Real MC]

Keyboardist's hell is finding a dead battery and all your patches wiped out before a gig (you DID bring backups of your data, yes?).

[Andre Lower]

Not only keyboardists, but any band member's hell: Bandmates that do not realise that...

 

1) ...the frequency spectrum should be cautiously divided and criteriously shared between all those yielding any sound in the band. (AKA everyone ends up "cutting through the mix").

 

2) ...dynamics variation can be the key to making your music work in a gig situation.

 

3) ...they should listen for the band as a whole, not for themselves .

[zephonic]

I have never been able to figure out why guitarists buy expensive fx-units with cd-quality sound only to put them through a 10" or 12" Marshall or Fender amp.

 

This for real: I was once rehearsing Autumn Leaves (...) with a bassplayer who is sort of a local hero, and he kept playing a major fifth on the half-diminished chord and major thirds on the minors.

When I told him that he shouldn't do that as the chord was minor, he confidently replied: "Eh, this is a bass, it doesn't have majors and minors".

[Dreamer]

Originally posted by Jack Kent:

My (least) favorite was the drummer who was somehow morally opposed to monitoring. Fought like a tiger to keep anyone from "pointing a speaker at him." His solution was to just stop playing a couple of times during each tune so he could hear the band, then catch up.

I bet that this added an interesting twist to the songs...

[Analogaddict]

Originally posted by zephonic:

I have never been able to figure out why guitarists buy expensive fx-units with cd-quality sound only to put them through a 10" or 12" Marshall or Fender amp.

Yeah, and then some of them proceed to tweak the sound during the first two tunes since 'the prescence of an audience' messed their sound up... I bet that a lot more guitar solos would be heard over the PA if the instrumentalist were to EQ him or herself better for the situation and play a bit more dynamic. Some of them are like living compressors!

 

Originally posted by zephonic:

This for real: I was once rehearsing Autumn Leaves (...) with a bassplayer who is sort of a local hero, and he kept playing a major fifth on the half-diminished chord and major thirds on the minors.

When I told him that he shouldn't do that as the chord was minor, he confidently replied: "Eh, this is a bass, it doesn't have majors and minors".

LOL, Beautiful!

[moj]

At a classic rock band gig a few years ago:

 

- Guitarist, yelling to the soundman during a song "There's too much keyboards coming thru the monitors. Turn down the keyboards, I can't hear myself play!"

- Soundman replies "How much should I bring it down?"

- Guitarist sez "All the way down! I don't want any keyboards in the monitors!"

- Guitarist has a big grin on his face then goes into his long solo.

- Keyboardist then yells (very loudly) to soundman that he can't hear worth s***! "Bring up the KB in the monitors!

- Soundman brings up the KB volume to keyboardist satisfaction.

- Guitarist gets p** off and abruptly ends the song then leaves the stage to talk to the soundman.

- He comes back to start the next song and keyboardist quicky notices there is no keyboards coming from the monitors AND main speakers!

- Keyboardist begins yelling at the A-H and soundman, then walks off the stage and starts breaking down his rig during the song!

- The band quickly ends the song and the guitarist tells the crowd "We'll take a short break, our keyboardist's needs to fix his keyboards. I think I need a beer."

- Keyboardist goes to the mic and sez to the crowd " Our leader also needs to go drop another hit of LSD." Crowd erupts in laughter, while the guitarist is looking really dumb-struck for a reply.

- Keyboardist packs up the rest of his gear and leaves. End of story.

[MidLifeCrisis]

Originally posted by mojazz:

At a classic rock band gig a few years ago:

Damn. I've had that happen a few times, except with me it's usually the drummer. It's a constant battle that baffles me everytime it happens.

One thing that helped solve this was to bring our own monitor system to every gig. We have different zones set up to let everyone hear their desired mix. Some soundguys freak out and insist we use their system. This is when you get the above situation.

[niacin]

Originally posted by Music*aL:

Originally posted by niacin:

Actually now I come to think of it, singers who can't for the life of them count a song in. What's up with that?

Try a drummer who can't... Beats (pun intended) the heck out of me!!!

 

aL

Ah yes, the drummer who counts in, and then plays at a completely different tempo, obviously thinking that "4" is just when you start ...

[kad]

Originally posted by Cydonia:

Keyboardist hell?

 

Having to fix one of these at the last minute before a concert.

 

http://www.synthesizers.com/mok1l.jpg

You gig with a Mellotron!?!? You know, there's a new technology out called sample playback - you might find it handy.

 

Just kidding - I'm guessing you mean "back in the day". When I was a kid, owning a Mellotron was my dream. When I turned 16 and started driving, my POS car got hit in a parking lot one day. The insurance company sent me a check and I went strait to the music store and bought an Arp Omni. Short of a Mellotron, it had the best strings you could find at the time.

 

I still have the Omni and it still works...

 

Kirk

[Blue JC]

A drummer who only has two speeds - fast and slow. It doesn't matter how fast you count off a tune, it's going to end up the same speed as every other tune by the second verse.

[Mr. Nightime]

I played a gig with a guitarist that had no idea of proper volume control. One day we played a festival, everything going through the supplied PA. When we did our sound check, the guitarist was at a mellow volume, like he was on all rhythem parts. If fact, you had to strain to hear him. The sound man had him dialed in at that level. Then, on his first solo his volume went from inaudible to KILL! People 500 ft away were holding their ears. I thought the sound man was going to physically kill the guy. He was so loud he nearly blew the mains.

 

 

Keyboardist's hell is finding a dead battery and all your patches wiped out before a gig (you DID bring backups of your data, yes?).

I had this happen to me at an outdoor gig. Luckily, I DID have a backup for the data. Unfortunately, the power supply to the band was fed through an extremely long extension cord, so every time the bass player hit a low note, my Hammond XB-2 would reset. I had to load my patches back into my M1 4 times that day because of it.

[Finale]

Originally posted by kad:

You gig with a Mellotron!?!? You know, there's a new technology out called sample playback - you might find it handy.

 

Just kidding - I'm guessing you mean "back in the day".

Thank God now I can rely on a Kurz PC2XL to get the exact same sounds.

 

But indeed, about a decade ago, I used to carry my M400S and from time to time glue some little numbered dots near certain notes... Not because I needed to know if they were C# or Bb but to remind me some of them were shorter than the usual 8 seconds.

 

Talk about developing a weird technique to play certain chords.

[sudeep]

Originally posted by mike g:

Sven, I think I played with that singer LOL! Band members who think you should play the horn, keyboard and bass parts while filling in with some tasty percusion all at once.

And then wondering why you cant play 3 different keyboard parts even though you have a 2 keyboard setup!!!!!!

[Spaceboy92]

haha... they aren't "wrong notes" either, they're "Jazz notes". Just adding a little more to the mix, right?

 

Here's one from my orchestral days:

 

How do you tune two piccolo players?

 

Shoot one of them.

[Mr. Nightime]

Originally posted by sudeep:

Originally posted by mike g:

Sven, I think I played with that singer LOL! Band members who think you should play the horn, keyboard and bass parts while filling in with some tasty percusion all at once.

And then wondering why you cant play 3 different keyboard parts even though you have a 2 keyboard setup!!!!!!

Yeah, and a band leader (bass player) I worked with insisted that since I had 2 hands, I should be able to play 2 parts all the time. I basically told him that since he had 2 hands as well, when he started playing 2 parts all the time, so would I.

[zephonic]

I used to play with this brilliant guitarist, couldn't read a note and didn't know the first thing about theory, but somehow managed to pick up a lot of Jazz by ear only. However, as an electrician he was decidedly less brilliant, he had a way of solving cable problems in a very off-the-cuff manner with utterly horrendous results.

To make it worse, he considered himself to be equally proficient at both disciplines. There was not a single gig or rehearsal where we would not encounter a disturbing hum or loud cracks emanating from his gear, which he maintained himself.

So the band started calling him 'fundi' (which means something along the lines of expert or craftsman in swahili)and 'bad cable'. On one big outdoor gig, we were told to come with our instruments only as the PA rental company would provide us with a backline. I was silently glad, knowing that there wouldn't be any electrical problems with our beloved 'expert'.

We arrived, hooked up our instruments following the directions of the PA-crew, and you can imagine my exasperation when the guitarist switched on the amp with a loud bang followed by a hum.

[Spaceboy92]

okay okay, this one is a little dirty, but so true...

 

 

how is sheet music like condoms?

 

It's much safer with, but WAYYY more fun without!