Depression and Sadness

[ryst]

I usually don't do this. In fact, I have never spilled my guts out in an internet forum. But I see others having no problem doing it and the support for each other here is great. I am dying on the inside everyday. I have everything but yet I feel so empty. Everything meaning love. I don't care about material things. I have the best parents, the best extended family, the best friends and the best wife in the whole world. Seriously if you met any of them, you would be jealous. Yet, I have absolutely no self-esteem. I have no self-confidence. I don't like anything about myself. I am embarrassed to go out in public sometimes. Especially with my beautiful wife. It's like beauty and the beast. Really. I am so negative about everything. As you can tell. This has been a problem my whole life. Since I was in the first grade. That's the earliest I remember. I have tried to change but everything I do is just temporary. I end up going back to bad mental habits and I feel like I don't deserve anything from anyone. Should I just check myself in to a hospital? In my 27 years this is the worst it has gotten. If anyone has any advise that would be great. I am getting desparate.

[Tim Mayock]

Nathan,

I have had similar mental problems. Guilt is my main demon. Therapy has worked for me. I see a

social worker and that helps to re-align my self esteem. Little things like exercise can also help to make you feel good about yourself. Just know you are not alone in terms of those feelings.

[blackfish]

desparation is like a double edged sword. It can drive you to heroic lengths, or drag you to horrific lows. In cases of severe life-altering depression, professional help is usually best. We can sympathize and empathize, but not really help.

Seek help for what ails you! Tell your prety wife all about it, she should be able to help.

This may be the start of a long road back to "normalcy". Just remember to question if you ever set out to be normal in the first place, so you don't get normal only to decide normal people are nutz! Good luck Nathan.

Peace and Blessings-

BF

[Tedster]

Nathan,

 

I have the same problem. I hide here, because I get along with everyone, and yet I suffer from terrible low self-esteem. Now, folks, don't go off on me, this is Nathan's thread, and what he's feeling is very real to him.

 

Fortunately for me, I don't believe mine is as crippling as yours.

 

The point is to realize that YOU are powerless to stop it by yourself. No matter what anyone tells you, you won't believe it. Whatever anyone says, "they're just saying that to make you feel better"..and it doesn't work. Even if they truly mean it...it's that depressed mindset.

 

But, you HAVE to do something about it, and, the main thing to do is to get help in the form of professional counseling. That's the only thing that will help. Please trust me on this one...and, hey, don't feel guilty about spilling your guts here. I've done it. We're like family here...

[Jeff Klopmeyer]

Open up the phonebook in your town (or get online, since you're already there ) and find just about any therapist or other psychology professional. Tell them exactly what you wrote here, and you'll be a step in a better direction. Also, this stuff is often covered under your insurance, or your company might have additional employee assistance programs that you can use for this purpose.

 

I once went through a bout of depression and anxiety, and it really, really, really sucked. Getting better was a lot easier than I'd imagined it would have been at the time.

 

Sorry you're so down... there are no magic words that make things immediately better, unfortunately, but keep in mind a WHOLE lot of people go through it and most of them do make it out the other side of the tunnel. You can too, with some help.

 

Good luck.

 

- Jeff

[ITGITC]

ryst,

 

Jeff da Weasel and all the others are correct.

 

Clinical depression. Yup. Runs in my family... It's nobody's fault... certainly not your own.

 

You would be surprised how it manifests itself - are you overly sensitive about things in general?... low self esteem?... all your thoughts seem to default to the negative?... You get angry and really shouldn't be?... It's depression.

 

This has come up many times in the SSS. Some folks say 'Hey, just get some fresh air and exercise and you'll get over it.' Or just 'Get over it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.'

 

The problem is that it's out of your control.

 

I won't go into my personal life regarding my experience on this topic. If you want to know the details, send me a PM.

 

Bottom line: through therapy and medication you can feel much better in a fairly short time.

 

Tom

[Dylan]

Id like to echo what Jeff has all ready mentioned which is to seek professional help. I have some very close friends and family members that have suffered from deep depression and its truly amazing what todays medicine and therapy has to offer. I've seen people turn 180 degrees in a very short time. Kudos to you for opening up and trying to make things better, my friend! Just know that you are FAR from alone with this situation and that help is readily available.

[Phait]

Write an introspective collection of songs or song, put your heart and soul into it. See what the result is.

[YourMotherShouldKnow]

Ryst, sorry you;re feelin' bad. I'm personally skeptical about professionals but I can see how it can get so bad that it'd be worth seeing someone. I think the change has to be self-directed and if a shrink can help that happen then great.

 

I was a very unhappy camper in 10th grade. My Biology teacher had the famous Socrates quote up on his wall:

 

The unexamined life is not worth living.

 

That idea slowly helped me look into the things that needed looking into. You have all kinds of untapped potential. I'd bet you are capable of a great many things. You'll have to find out what for yourself. Feel free to PM me if you want to. I'm sure others would be happy to talk with you as well.

 

Keep your chin up!

 

[KenElevenShadows]

Hey, I'm at work and don't have a lot of time to write this but nevertheless really wanted to respond and offer support. I'll check in later. My first response to this is to try and seek a professional therapist. I really feel that a great therapist could really help you out a lot. I'd try that first, and then afterwards, maybe consider going the "chemical" route...but trying therapy first would be a really great option.

 

As many on this forum already know, I have had really severe problems in my relationship with my girlfriend, and we have been going to a couples therapist for several months now. It really helps a lot, and I feel a lot better after going. I don't know if it's going to ultimately save our relationship (keep us together, in other words), but that's not really an accurate barometer if couples therapy is effective. How you change in your attitude and feelings and dealing with your issues and problems and conflicts is, and by that regard, our therapist is helping a great deal.

[Anderton]

I strongly urge you to check for medical reasons FIRST before you consider therapy, as all the therapy in the world won't help if there's an underlying physical problem.

 

I used to have serious problems with depression and tried everything, and after a few decades of it, I assumed depression was going to be a part of my life and I just had to deal with it. Then a few years ago I was at a doctor's for an entirely unrelated reason when we got to talking. I mentioned that I couldn't understand why I was so depressed all the time, because I had pretty good life. He asked me a few questions, then asked if I'd ever had my thyroid checked. FYI, no other specialist I had EVER seen asked me that.

 

Sure enough, there was a mild -- not even severe -- problem with it, and I started taking medication to put it back into balance. Not only did the depression lessen dramatically, but there were other beneficial side effects, like I didn't need to sleep as much.

 

A vitamin B deficiency can also cause depression, so look into that too. I suggest finding a GOOD doctor (of course, it's kind of depressing when you realize how many bad ones there are ), get a general blood panel, and see what kind of chemistry is going on in your body. I bet it will reveal a lot.

 

The only caution I have is that it may take several tries before you isolate the cause of the problem if it's physical, but my hunch is that it has less to do with your psychology than your physiology.

 

If your body checks out okay, then it's time to investigate the self-esteem thing from a psychological standpoint. Meanwhile, let me leave you with this: If you're good enough for people you love and respect, then you're good enough for yourself, too. Just take their word for it!!

[ryst]

WOW. You guys are so supportive here. I don't mind PMing a few of you that offered but now that this is out in the open, I feel the best way to talk is here. I really appreciate the response. I have tried medication in the past. Then I decided to lose weight instead. I threw out my meds and started excersizing and lost 45 pounds. I felt great! I went back to the weight I grew up at and everything was wonderful. I originally gained weight from being depressed. Now I can run 6 miles a day and work out but I am back to being upset. After the meds thing I don't think I will go back. I didn't like them before. Maybe I was on the wrong ones? But my problem is much deeper than a physical issue. I remember in the first grade my teacher wrote on my report card that I gave up too easily. THE FIRST GRADE. I do agree that maybe I should seek some sort of counsling. I called today and left a message with a counsler to set up an appointment. I have 8 free sessions through my employer. Why not? Also, I am aware of certain things in my past that caused me to feel this way all the time. I have forgiven the people that could have caused this. But unfortunatley, I feel like I have been "programmed" at an early age and it's so hard to change. Please keep the advise and stories coming. It is good to know I am not alone and that there is hope.

[antimatter]

Geesh, I know so many people with depression, anger problems, deep anxiety etc., etc. Realizing you have a problem, and then reaching out for help are 2 major steps. Many people seem to have a problem recognizing their faults and problems. You're on the right track in that regard. Don't discount medicines; you certainly could have been prescribed the wrong one(s). Same goes with Doctors and therapists. If they seem disinterested, bored, stuffy, judgmental, or in need of therapy themselves, find another!

 

The list of concerned forumites grows. Good luck.

[halljams]

Originally posted by ryst:

WOW. You guys are so supportive here. I don't mind PMing a few of you that offered but now that this is out in the open, I feel the best way to talk is here. I really appreciate the response. I have tried medication in the past. Then I decided to lose weight instead. I threw out my meds and started excersizing and lost 45 pounds. I felt great! I went back to the weight I grew up at and everything was wonderful. I originally gained weight from being depressed. Now I can run 6 miles a day and work out but I am back to being upset. After the meds thing I don't think I will go back. I didn't like them before. Maybe I was on the wrong ones? But my problem is much deeper than a physical issue. I remember in the first grade my teacher wrote on my report card that I gave up too easily. THE FIRST GRADE. I do agree that maybe I should seek some sort of counsling. I called today and left a message with a counsler to set up an appointment. I have 8 free sessions through my employer. Why not? Also, I am aware of certain things in my past that caused me to feel this way all the time. I have forgiven the people that could have caused this. But unfortunatley, I feel like I have been "programmed" at an early age and it's so hard to change. Please keep the advise and stories coming. It is good to know I am not alone and that there is hope.

I had lunch with an old surgeon a while back.

He is almost 70 now and very active in the medical profession still even though retired. His daughter is also MD. We got on to the topic of depression and he said some very enlightening things for me.

 

Your case sounds similar to the one person we were discussing. His main point was(and he'd "seen it a hunderd times")that if you are chemically deficient ie; you body is not producing certain chemicals that keep you mentally balanced, you can try all you want and be as aware as possible of your state but the fact is you cannot get out of that funk without supplementing the chemicals your brain needs your body to produce.

Some people just don't, for what ever reason, have all the chemistry goin on in there.

 

So you have to supplement what you are lacking.

You have to keep supplementing it forever, till you die, cause your body won't do it.

Maby it would be a matter of experimenting over a year or 2 to find the right drug.

 

Maby this is not the answer for you.

It sounds like a direction you should look into though.

I kept coming up with the argument of conditioning and circumstances and unhealthy thinking habits etc etc as a cause of my friend's state but this surgeon had a strong confidence about his diagnosis.

His reason being that no matter the persons past situations or influences, it is all possible to overcome and by nature we want to and will usually overcome tragic of unhealthy pasts if we are put into healthy enviorments.

 

Anyway i agree with Craig. Make sure to explore possible physical problems or deficiencies first and get that in check before moving on.

 

There is a great book by a great man named Edward De Bono called "The Mechanism of mind".

I would suggest reading that before seeking any profession physcological help. It will explain how your mind works for you and help you help yourself more than anything.

[Slowly]

Nathan, a lot of good advice has already been given to you. Just let me add some prayer. Casey

[deanmass]

Nathan,

 

I don't know where you are geographically, or I would have a friend work to find you a trusted therapist. If you let me know, I will still do so. He is very well connected in the field.

 

1) Find a professional to talk to. Therapy helps me. Not as much as I want or need, but it does help. It validates yours feelings, and helps remove a lot of the isolation surrounding depression.

 

2) Be willing to try medication, but take care to report to the doctor as much as possible OR keep a log of how you feel. I have been trying different combos for almost 2 years, and I think I am getting close to 'the' combo, but it takes time.

 

3) You can run 6 miles? You are the man..! That is a rare thing among people. Physical fitness ALWAYS helps. I foudn exercising helped me alot. After ripping a calf muscle playing raquetball, I stopped going. I re-joined 2 days ago and am starting a 4 day regimen. It HAS to help. Keep up yuor road work. I also find that hitting something (bag/r-ball) helps alot.

 

4) (this is a big one)..My wife mocked me for getting help. Make sure your spouse takes your issues serisouly, or much of what you feel will not go away, because part of what you may need is validation of your feelings from your wife.

 

5) Look at your diet, and make some changes. What do you eat a lot of? What do you eat too little of? Caffeine (my prob) and wheat? Look into it.

 

6) Stay busy in a way that involves other people, at least being around. Wanna surf the web? Don't do it alone at home. Go to a book store and do it. Poeple watching can be a calming thing.

 

7) Write. Email yourself. Write ridiculous things, that would piss people off if they read them, make no sense. Keep them private, but write.

 

8) Know that you are not alone. You are loved by more people than you know, you are liked by people you do not even know, and things are probably much better than your perception. If the situation gets desperate, go see someone immediately. Ignore anyone who does not totally support you.

 

Best wishes with the deepest sincerity.

[ryst]

Dean and everyone else. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. I wouldn't have gotten married if I thought my wife would mock me. And if she did, I would leave in a heart beat. She is amazing. I want to be better not only for myself, but for her. She has so much energy and I have so little. My dad taught me that you can do anything if you decide to do it. It's harder for me than it is for him. But I truly believe I can overcome this without medication. Especially since I have before. At least for a short time. I would almost compare it to being an alcoholic. I know many previous alcoholics and I have seen what they had to go through to get better. Maybe I am addicted to pain and depression? Maybe it's an ongoing never ending recovery? I am not sure. I am just not sold on meds with the experience I have had in the past. As you can tell I am also stubborn. It's funny because there are people who I know at work and people I see everyday who have so much confidence and I don't understand why I can't have that too? It boggles my mind when I see people who have less than me with so much faith in themselves. I have all the love in the world anyone could want and I feel so empty. I can tell that this type of thing affects a lot of people. I will share my experiences here. I should be seeing a doctor this week. If this topic can help others then I would like to keep it going for as long as possible. I wouldn't wish this type of feeling on my worst enemy. Well, maybe my boss.

[nursers]

Hi ryst,

 

There's been some excellent advice given. As far as medications go, you need to make one decision: is your reluctance based on legit side effects or the usual male ego of not wanting to be "weak" by taking medication. If it's the former, then discuss with your doctor alternative meds and give them a try. If it's the latter, then swallow your damn male ego and try meds again

 

Hang in there and good luck

[Raymar]

I usually don't do this. In fact, I have never spilled my guts out in an internet forum. But I see others having no problem doing it and the support for each other here is great. I am dying on the inside everyday. I have everything but yet I feel so empty. Everything meaning love. I don't care about material things. I have the best parents, the best extended family, the best friends and the best wife in the whole world. Seriously if you met any of them, you would be jealous. Yet, I have absolutely no self-esteem. I have no self-confidence. I don't like anything about myself. I am embarrassed to go out in public sometimes. Especially with my beautiful wife. It's like beauty and the beast. Really. I am so negative about everything. As you can tell. This has been a problem my whole life. Since I was in the first grade. That's the earliest I remember. I have tried to change but everything I do is just temporary. I end up going back to bad mental habits and I feel like I don't deserve anything from anyone. Should I just check myself in to a hospital? In my 27 years this is the worst it has gotten. If anyone has any advise that would be great. I am getting desparate.

 

--------------------

Nathan

Sounds like you're going through a spiritual crisis that comes from identifying yourself with your ego which can make you feel very empty because that isn't who you really are. Meds just treat symptoms and they all do a number on your liver, I suggest meditation. Also try reading some Alan Watts . His lecture on 'Self and Other' coincides with how you are comparing yourself with your loved ones and such.

 

Steve

[Super 8]

You definitely are not alone.

Depression hit me seriously when I was about 28. I have suffered from it on and off until about a year and a half ago. Sometimes it was so debilitating that I never left my bed, and literally slept for days. I remember my 31st birthday, I sat in a chair and just cried over who I was when I was born, what hopes my parents probably had for my life, and who I had become. It was the single lowest point in my life. I get choked up just thinking about it.

 

My issues with depression stemmed from feeling like a was basically a failure, and a disappointment to my parents.

 

My depression gradually began to subside -oddly enough- after the 9/11 terrorist attack. It was a moment that I came to a realization, while I watched the horrifying images on TV, and looked down at my 5 month old son, that I was placing far too much importance upon things which don't really matter much, and not putting enough value in the things which matter a lot.

 

I spent about 3 years total taking various meds for depression. I feel that they helped to a certain degree. I think individual counseling is a MUST with or without the meds.

 

I got off the meds about a year ago. I didn't feel depressed anymore, and I decided I wanted to see if I could live without them. So far so good.

 

It's important to note, that for me...the depression may be gone, however, the messed up thinking which created the depression is still there. So I have continued to see a counselor to try and correct this issue.

 

The progress never seems to happen as fast as it should....but ANY PROGRESS is still PROGRESS.

 

I can't speak to your specific situation. I don't know if I am the "brain imbalance" depression type or not. Maybe you are. If so, then correcting the balance may be all that is required to solve your problem.

 

I can tell you that depression is an incredibly isolating feeling. You feel like nobody in the world understands you, or would even want to understand you. It is important to get over thinking that way, because quite simply it isn't true. The truth is that there are many people who know exactly what you are going through, and there are also many people who really do care and want to help.

 

I hope you take action on this and see a professional.

 

Keep us posted. If you ever want to talk, you can add me to this list of people who are willing to listen.

[eh steve]

a new avatar couldn't hurt...

 

feel free to use the edit.

 

http://home.comcast.net/~stpaul19/rysted.jpg

 

[Ernest Buckley]

Dude, I feel ya.

The biggest revelation in my life...came when I helped others beyond reason. Look around, someone could use your help or company. Do something for someone today that they don`t even know about. Walk away without any acknowledgement.

Peace.

[Anderton]

One more thing I forgot to mention: Test for allergies, too. They can drag you down if you're allergic to something common.

[not Cereal]

congrats on opening up. sometimes that can be a big help in itself, i know it is for me and that is why i do it. sounds like you got some good advice. i can only add that a lot of the time i have trouble going to the grocery store, and have never figured out why. sometimes its so bad i just cannot go. your problem rings a bell with me though, and i wish you the best.

[halljams]

In response to "hark the eh steve's" post.... i think your avatar is awesome Ryst.

You look like a fellow who is modest and friendly and down to earth and in fact it makes me happy to look at that pic. Don't change a thing.

[nursers]

Originally posted by The Music Room:

Dude, I feel ya.

The biggest revelation in my life...came when I helped others beyond reason. Look around, someone could use your help or company. Do something for someone today that they don`t even know about. Walk away without any acknowledgement.

Peace.

This is very very true. There is actually research that proves that altruism can reduce depressive symptoms.

[halljams]

Ok Ryst. Please answer this question honestly:

If it turned out that you were shown that the answer to your problem was to supplement with meds, would it be a hard thing to accept?

Would you feel you were lesser in some way?

Is that stopping you from investigating that avenue at all?

 

Also ask your self how much life you have left and how do you want to spend it, happy, or in some sort of state.

I'm not so much pushing for a direction specifically as much i am pushing for you to accept all the possible causes equally and give each one an exaustive investigation.

 

Systematically work your way through, leaving yourself no choice but to get your mind healthy and become a happy person.

It's truly your one and only responsibilty to yourself and those who love you.

It only happens once.

 

On another note, how much do you think about death?

It is important to think about death as much as you have to in order to make peace with it.

 

"Death is life's mirror" Look into it often.

[ryst]

In response to "hark the eh steve's" post.... i think your avatar is awesome Ryst.

You look like a fellow who is modest and friendly and down to earth and in fact it makes me happy to look at that pic. Don't change a thing.

LOLOL. That's not me. I am 27 with short hair. And defenitly not grey. The avatar is a pic of "BOB" from David Lynch's Twin Peaks. He is wearing rubber gloves and is about to take another victim. I just love that picture. I remeber that show scaring me to death when I was in high school. Anyway, I know a lot of you are suggesting meds. I believe they work for some people. I think I have a lot of unresolved issues that meds would not cure. I have to heal from these things. Right now I am trying to take life one day at a time and improve things with "baby steps" I am taking all of the advise here. Everything has been great from you guys and I will PM the ones who have offered. I really appreciate the thoughts and prayers.

[Super 8]

Originally posted by halljams:

i think your avatar is awesome Ryst.

You look like a fellow who is modest and friendly and down to earth and in fact it makes me happy to look at that pic. Don't change a thing.

Too much garmonbozia...

 

Hey....maybe we've outlined the problem here.

[eh steve]

dude,

 

I knew that wasnt a picture of you. in fact I vaguely remember you posting something about it when you changed it awhile back. fyi and anyone else for that matter, I was not mocking you. I was just adding a little levity to a serious thread.

 

the fact that you are taking steps to deal with your issues is good. I hope the best for you.

 

take joy and an inventory of all the good things you have (wife/job/friends/whatever). there are many people bummed out because they don't have these things.