Learning to say no..

[MathOfInsects]

Yeah, not to pile on, and in slight contradiction to my earlier post in this thread, but we don't often have the financial luxury of saying no to work.

[timwat]

And therein lies the rub.

 

Playing a lot of gigs (and doing a good job) leads to more opportunities to play more gigs. Most of the time, this means being less picky about what gigs you're willing to play. The hope is eventually the gigs you decide to keep playing regularly are more fun, more challenging, and pay more money. But there are a lot of "ifs" in that sentence.

 

A lot of us have felt pulled and stretched thin without sufficient level or reward and satisfaction. Every gig takes effort and schlep and time, but not every gig was worth it in the rear view mirror. In the real life of work, there's a reason they call it 'work'.

 

But the more picky we are up front, the less gigs we play and the more we turn people down. The more we turn people down and the less gigs we play, the fewer invites we get.

 

Ain't life funny.

[bennyray]

Yeah, not to pile on, and in slight contradiction to my earlier post in this thread, but we don't often have the financial luxury of saying no to work.

 

Nothing like changing horses in the middle of a race. Just kidding I feel you been there at one time I would take any gig for money but not at the moment for me so cool

 

that we can agree to disagree without being a SA.

[Moonglow]

Overall, I can relate to many of the sentiments expressed here. I don't make my living playing music, it's largely my "release" from a demanding work situation, although anything less than a 100 bucks for a typical local gig is a hard "no." I play out around 3-4 times per month, on average, and anything more would result in me saying no more often. Fortunately, I've sort of naturally fallen into this groove, perhaps as the result of largely playing with musicians with similar needs, goals, objectives, etc. Otherwise, I could see myself landing in the catch-22 situation brother timwat set forth.

 

I'm not terribly picky as to where I play, and while I mostly play in the larger/nicer area clubs, sometimes fun can be had in the smaller, less sophisticated joints around here. Although at age 59 I never look forward to loading/unloading gear, the enjoyment from playing live music still exceeds the schlep factor, and all of the other random issues with which we contend.

 

Of course, health issues might be the ultimate limiting factor for saying no to a gig, and on occasion when I have expressed interest in playing less, my wife provides motivation with some sobering advice by reminding me that there may come a day when I wish I was able to play out. Alternatively, she may just want me out of the house for a while...

[Outkaster]

My problem is thinking something will change or convincing myself that I can look past it. For example a bass player will get better or excusing a tempo problem but little things often become the biggest things. The last side project was like that. I really liked the guys a lot and will still drink a beer with them, we just couldn't play music together.

[El Lobo]

... there may come a day when I wish I was able to play out. ...

Yes, this is the reason I continue to play out, even at what I call my advanced age. I live in fear of not being able to do this anymore. And arthritis may make it come true in the foreseeable future ...

My problem is thinking something will change or convincing myself that I can look past it. For example a bass player will get better or excusing a tempo problem but little thing become the biggest things.

Yeah, I don't do dat anymore. If one of the players is a problem, I either find a replacement or I'm outta there. I learned to say no to players with bad playing, bad timing, bad drug or alcohol problems, bad ego, or just plain bad personality. I like all the players in the bands I'm in.

[Morrissey]

I will underscore nonmusical factors mentioned by several posters: time and duration of the gig. My sweet spot is a three-hour gig that ends by 11pm. I have no problem saying no to the 10pm-2am opportunity.

[nadroj]

Dropping down to part time on the cover band scene was the best thing I ever did. I take gigs now if the money is good, if I like the music, or if it's a good bunch of guys. I'm happy to say no to everything else. If it's original material, assuming the songwriter is decent and isn't a diva, I'm happy to take those most of the time - since keyboard players are in short supply, those jobs are (were) often the ones that led to more work.

 

Now instead of being commited to crap gigs several hours away, playing the same venues and the same songs I've played for a decade I can just pick and choose which ones I want. When offered, if the venue, pay, date or band are particularly good, I'll say yes. Otherwise, I just say "no I'm not available" and have a night at home with the kids, and that's become the most freeing thing ever. Of course the day job helps these days, but no longer having to say "yes" to every crappy, soul-sucking gig available due to financial pressure is a wonderful thing.

 

The result is that I actually enjoy the gigs I do, and playing music live is no longer the chore it had become. It's also freed me up to begin to write more original material, which I may actually have the time to perform now.

[drawback]

I've done gigs where I would rather have paid more money than I'm making to magically undo my decision to be there at all. I always ask myself that question before committing to anything.

[nadroj]

I've done gigs where I would rather have paid more money than I'm making to magically undo my decision to be there at all. I always ask myself that question before committing to anything.

 

Hah. Or the gigs where you spend more money on fuel actually getting there and back than you actually got paid...

[drawback]

I've done gigs where I would rather have paid more money than I'm making to magically undo my decision to be there at all. I always ask myself that question before committing to anything.

 

Hah. Or the gigs where you spend more money on fuel actually getting there and back than you actually got paid...

 

Or bought a $3,000 keyboard to make a hundred bucks. Don't get me started

[nadroj]

I've done gigs where I would rather have paid more money than I'm making to magically undo my decision to be there at all. I always ask myself that question before committing to anything.

 

Hah. Or the gigs where you spend more money on fuel actually getting there and back than you actually got paid...

 

Or bought a $3,000 keyboard to make a hundred bucks. Don't get me started

 

Don't worry, that's only 30 crappy gigs of not enjoying your new instrument that you need to play in order to make your money back!

[Mykhailo]

Ironically, the second I got a day job and quit taking gigs I did not enjoy playing was the precise moment my career really took off, resulting in having to quit my day job. People can feel when you're truly passionate versus going through the motions. Hard to sell your inner talent if just being on stage is a personal struggle.

[eric]

There was a point in time after I'd phased out of my touring original band (which was 15-20 nights per month for a decade). This was back in the late '90s and I was starting a family and all of that. I paused on gigs for 1-2 years and then started some low key and one-off gigs. Given that there are limited gigging keyboard players in my area, next thing you know I'm back in a band and getting calls from all over for sub gigs and a variety of things like studio and festival gigs. In the early '00s I found myself spread thin doing a lot of different gigs for a bit. It was fun, though it was tiring and became less fun over time.

 

I intentionally scaled back from all these things and focused on just one band, a wedding and general business band doing around 4-6 good gigs per month. Fun group of people, decent money, and gigs at fairly high end destinations. I did this for a decade and then we disbanded for a variety of reasons. Suddenly I was getting tons of calls to be the new keyboard player in similar bands and other sub gigs. At this point, I was tired of these types of gigs and I decided to join an even more low key band that is doing '80s and classic rock covers, music I love with cool people. That gig is now going for over a decade and it is the right pace for me, something like 3-4 gigs per month (pre-pandemic) and getting about 2 per month now.

 

If I wanted, there are still options out there and I've decided I'm good for now. My touring band will do a few bigger venue reunion shows every year. I say no to everything else.

[allan_evett]

...although anything less than a 100 bucks for a typical local gig is a hard "no."

 

Same here. Considering that a 'typical local gig' paid 100 bucks in 1991, this is not at all unreasonable.

 

I'm not terribly picky as to where I play, and while I mostly play in the larger/nicer area clubs, sometimes fun can be had in the smaller, less sophisticated joints around here. Although at age 59 I never look forward to loading/unloading gear, the enjoyment from playing live music still exceeds the schlep factor, and all of the other random issues with which we contend.

 

Lots of 'interesting' joints in this region. NW Indiana is almost a small state of its own that sits between the Chicago area and points east; plenty of colorful characters, and not boring by any means. I'm a Chicago transplant (NW side) and like NW IN a lot. My wife is originally from Michigan City, and we're in the process of fixing up a house there. Will be living much closer to the lake than I ever did in Chicago, and for a lot less $$. This part of Indiana is anything but 'flat and boring'; some fun terrain around here.

 

Playing is still fun, no matter the venue. The schlep factor is what it is, though I have been trying to make my rig more efficient in recent years. Working with quick and creative players adds to the fun, too. Speaking of that, my new gig appears worth the extra homework; some well-paying gigs are starting to show up on the schedule.