OT (maybe not): The art of self deprecation

[Song80s]

In the age of narcissism and social media self exaggeration, this chord should be played

 

http://cdn.trendhunterstatic.com/thumbs/happy-2-b-sad.jpeg

 

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

― Oscar Wilde, The Happy Prince and Other Stories

[Song80s]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2463131/Self-deprecation-the-key-to-the-art-of-seduction.html

 

During the two-year study, women students listened to tape recordings of men talking about themselves, and we asked to score the men on sexual attractiveness.

 

Lead researcher Gil Greengross, of the University of New Mexico in the US, said: "Many studies show that a sense of humour is sexually attractive to women but we've found that self-deprecating humour is the most attractive of all.

 

"People who used this humour were considered to be far more desirable as mates."

He added a note of caution however, saying: "It is a risky form of humour because it can draw attention to one's real faults, thereby diminishing the self-deprecator's status in the eyes of others.

[cphollis]

Works extremely well in the business world also. Helps you project an image of confidence and honesty. People want to work with you as a result.

[Song80s]

Works extremely well in the business world also. Helps you project an image of confidence and honesty. People want to work with you as a result.

 

I think folks can sense if a person is genuine. To be able to poke a little fun at yourself shows a humble side.

 

Most CEOs in business , especially in tech, have massive egos . I don't recall if they showed a self deprecating side.

[harmonizer]

I think a self-deprecating sense of humor can work if the negative thing you are kidding about seems minor. But I believe it is not the case if it is about something that really matters, or seems to reflect a lack of confidence in one's self overall.

[cphollis]

Well, I have a whole list of attributes that I'm not especially proud of. So I openly admit my shortcomings in conversational banter.

 

For example, when it come to music, I'm not paper trained. Heck, I find it hard to play a piece two times the same way. Improv boy here. So I openly admit this, and joke about it.

 

I have this other habit that when the guitar player decides to get loud, so do I. It drives them nuts. I make it a joke, as in "hey, I thought you wanted to turn up, so I did too!"

 

Lots of other examples, including poking at the fact that I'm an aging white guy. Diversity R Us.

 

If you can't poke at yourself, who can?

 

 

[theGman]

The art of being able to laugh at yourself is available to everyone, but is rarely used, and then only used by the genuine, secure person.

 

That's why Ronald Reagan was loved by so many; it's the "teflon" effect.

 

Those insecure, sensitive, thin skinned, fragile people with huge egos need not apply, and won't! There seems to be more now than ever before, in my memory.

 

[Song80s]

I think a self-deprecating sense of humor can work if the negative thing you are kidding about seems minor. But I believe it is not the case if it is about something that really matters, or seems to reflect a lack of confidence in one's self overall.

 

you make a good point. There is a line, if crossed, brings ' diminishing returns' on being a chick magnet.

 

To add some context, to invite self pity, ( whoaa is me) is over the line. Personally, I don't think much of folks who routinely play the drama chord.

 

Better to keep it light-hearted and some universal truth of the human condition.

 

 

[Song80s]

 

Those insecure, sensitive, thin skinned, fragile people with huge egos need not apply, and won't! There seems to be more now than ever before, in my memory.

 

 

I agree- which was my shot at social media- some folks are enamored with themselves and are regularly puffing up

[Song80s]

Well, I have a whole list of attributes that I'm not especially proud of. So I openly admit my shortcomings in conversational banter.

 

 

we could start a list for fun

 

I am frugal and cave in to daily cheap white wine. Barefoot chardonnay.

 

When we have guests for dinner, that is hidden and we show off the expensive $7 stuff

[slowtraveler]

I think self-deprecation is appealing when it genuinely reflects a person's willingness to admit their own shortcomings and signal to others that it's safe to do the same.

 

IMHO it's best received when offered in moderation. People who do it all the time tend to come across either as insincere, or as needy and depressed. People who never ever do it tend to come across as a**holes.

[J. Dan]

I think self-deprecation is appealing when it genuinely reflects a person's willingness to admit their own shortcomings and signal to others that it's safe to do the same.

 

IMHO it's best received when offered in moderation. People who do it all the time tend to come across either as insincere, or as needy and depressed. People who never ever do it tend to come across as a**holes.

 

Best answer so far, couldn't agree more!

 

Let's face is, as musicians nobody wants somebody cocky or dramatic. You need to be humble enough to both not take yourself too seriously and be willing to always learn and grow, but still confident enough to sell your performance when it counts. Sometimes that can mean splitting hairs. But when it's genuine and well founded, it just works.

[PianoMan51]

I'm just not good enough at self-deprecation to add anything of value to this post.

[Song80s]

I'm just not good enough at self-deprecation to add anything of value to this post.

 

Clever. Thats the 1st step in mastering self-deprecation.

[Rusty Mike]

I think self-deprecation is appealing when it genuinely reflects a person's willingness to admit their own shortcomings and signal to others that it's safe to do the same.

 

IMHO it's best received when offered in moderation. People who do it all the time tend to come across either as insincere, or as needy and depressed. People who never ever do it tend to come across as a**holes.

 

Best answer so far, couldn't agree more!

 

Let's face is, as musicians nobody wants somebody cocky or dramatic. You need to be humble enough to both not take yourself too seriously and be willing to always learn and grow, but still confident enough to sell your performance when it counts. Sometimes that can mean splitting hairs. But when it's genuine and well founded, it just works.

 

In my professional life, I used to do a lot of interviewing. One of the questions I would always ask centered around what the person thought was their biggest struggle or most significant technical/professional deficit related to the job. I actually didn't care what the answer was, but I would looking to see how sincere the interviewee would be in answering the question. There were always certain stock answers, and the number of times I got actual sincere answers was minimal.

 

It's important to be honest about how you understand yourself and project that to others. It's even better when you can do that with humor. To me, the right degree of self-depreciating humor is actually a sign of confidence.

[Song80s]

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It's important to be honest about how you understand yourself and project that to others. It's even better when you can do that with humor. To me, the right degree of self-depreciating humor is actually a sign of confidence.

 

 

hah. It depends on the profession. I worked mostly in finance. 95% of the time you are expected to be dead serious. If you smiled , acted relaxed, and OMG, made a slight attempt at humor, the interview was over.

 

But I agree with your comments. If you/we are ' comfortable in our skin ' that is a sign of genuine confidence.