Joe Muscara Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I think each person should do what is right for them. We are indoctrinated to think we're supposed to get married, have kids, etc. and that's not right for everybody, just like college isn't right for everybody or a day job isn't right for everybody. "I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck "The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philip Clark Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I think each person should do what is right for them. We are indoctrinated to think we're supposed to get married, have kids, etc. and that's not right for everybody, just like college isn't right for everybody or a day job isn't right for everybody. Yes, but you don't sign a legally binding business contract assigning the other party half of your shit to go to college or work, do you? Soul, R&B, Pop from Los Angeles http://philipclark.com Cannonball Gerald Albright Signature Alto, Yamaha YC73, Fender Rhodes, Roland Juno-106, Yamaha MX61, Roland VR-09, MicroKorg XL, Maschine Mikro, Yamaha Reface CP, Roland MKS-50 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichieP_MechE Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Yes, but you don't sign a legally binding business contract assigning the other party half of your shit to go to college or work, do you? Ask any 20-something about their student loans Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparetime Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Dreamchilde I feel your pain. Me, head of household; her, stay at home mom to our only son who just went off to college. Now, I'm just starting the divorce. Preparing to lose half of everything. She feigned support of my music but it was always fodder for arguments ('everything you say can be used against you'). Starting over at 54 after 18yrs of marriage. Ugh. Those of you happily married, I envy you. Consider yourselves fortunate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Muscara Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I think each person should do what is right for them. We are indoctrinated to think we're supposed to get married, have kids, etc. and that's not right for everybody, just like college isn't right for everybody or a day job isn't right for everybody. Yes, but you don't sign a legally binding business contract assigning the other party half of your shit to go to college or work, do you? Dude, I was agreeing with you. Why are you making me feel like you're giving me crap for seeing your point about marriage being archaic and outdated? "I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck "The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KenElevenShadows Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 What's funny and sad is that most (but admittedly, not all) of the evidence in this thread contradicts what you say here. I'm very sorry to hear that you and others such as Franz are having problems in this regard and I hope you can work it out somehow. Forum aside, in the real world 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce. It's my contention that, in this day and age, marriage is an archaic and outdated concept. And there is no benefit whatsoever for a man to get married. The laws of this country are blatantly skewed in the woman's favor if things go south. But I'm not going to go on that rant. It's not a very romantic notion, I suppose, but it's unfortunately quite accurate. Ken Lee Photography - photos and books Eleven Shadows ambient music The Mercury Seven-cool spacey music Linktree to various sites Instagram Nightaxians Video Podcast Eleven Shadows website Ken Lee Photography Pinterest Page Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KenElevenShadows Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I think each person should do what is right for them. We are indoctrinated to think we're supposed to get married, have kids, etc. and that's not right for everybody, just like college isn't right for everybody or a day job isn't right for everybody. Yeah, pretty much. We just shouldn't feel forced into marriage (or not marrying, for that matter) or anything if we're not feeling it. The laws are unfortunately skewed in a woman's favor to a ridiculous degree that's very unbalanced. And it's not very romantic, but people should seriously consider a prenuptial agreement and couples counseling before getting married. Ken Lee Photography - photos and books Eleven Shadows ambient music The Mercury Seven-cool spacey music Linktree to various sites Instagram Nightaxians Video Podcast Eleven Shadows website Ken Lee Photography Pinterest Page Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blong5150 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Mine is very supportive. Luckily, I am free to spend gig money as I see fit to reinvest in my rig, etc. She figures that we didn't have that income before I started this 'obsession' so it doesn't need to go towards the household bottom line. It also leaves me free to not have to deal with a financial burden should I leave or be asked to leave any given band. She comes out to gigs about once per quarter and even forced the kids to come out for the first time last week. Roland Jupiter 80, Roland FA-08, Yamaha MOXF6, Nektar Impact LX61, Macbook Air Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveCoscia Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 We just shouldn't feel forced into marriage (or not marrying, for that matter) or anything if we're not feeling it. Got that right. Was engaged to the WRONG woman due to pressure and coercion from her parents. Thankfully, I called it off prior to the wedding. Very embarrassing - caused tons of friction and heartache all around. Years later, met the CORRECT woman. Steve Coscia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tusker Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 There are spouses who get your passion, and their some who understand that its your passion, even when they don't quite get it. I'm blessed that my wife deals with my musical proclivities, even when they make no sense to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philip Clark Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I think each person should do what is right for them. We are indoctrinated to think we're supposed to get married, have kids, etc. and that's not right for everybody, just like college isn't right for everybody or a day job isn't right for everybody. Yes, but you don't sign a legally binding business contract assigning the other party half of your shit to go to college or work, do you? Dude, I was agreeing with you. Why are you making me feel like you're giving me crap for seeing your point about marriage being archaic and outdated? My bad, Joe. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. That comment wasn't meant to be as snarky as it was received. Soul, R&B, Pop from Los Angeles http://philipclark.com Cannonball Gerald Albright Signature Alto, Yamaha YC73, Fender Rhodes, Roland Juno-106, Yamaha MX61, Roland VR-09, MicroKorg XL, Maschine Mikro, Yamaha Reface CP, Roland MKS-50 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. Dan Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 When I was married, when things were good, she was supportive of the music. When things were bad, it was just another thing to be added to the long list of complaints. Without getting into too many details, I don't think the gigs were really the problem. In fact, I scaled them back for a while in order to try to work on things. But that went nowhere so I kind of got the mind set of "I'd rather be out making some money doing something I enjoy than staying home getting yelled at". So I played every chance I could. And yes, am now divorced. But again, I think there were other problems. If you blamed it on the things she complained about, then it would also be because the cats shed hair, I travel 1 night a week for work (less than I did when we got married), the kids wake her up and she doesn't get enough sleep (even though I'm the one getting up to tend to them), and the list would go on and on. Fact is, when you're not happy and you have to live in a stressful situation together, every little thing turns into a battle. The moral of the story is to pay attention, a relationship requires compromise and mutual respect. If the only acceptable "compromise" is that you need to give up something you love, that's a red flag. Get to the root of the problem instead of arguing over the symptoms. Dan Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philip Clark Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 When I was married, when things were good, she was supportive of the music. When things were bad, it was just another thing to be added to the long list of complaints. Without getting into too many details, I don't think the gigs were really the problem. In fact, I scaled them back for a while in order to try to work on things. But that went nowhere so I kind of got the mind set of "I'd rather be out making some money doing something I enjoy than staying home getting yelled at". So I played every chance I could. And yes, am now divorced. But again, I think there were other problems. If you blamed it on the things she complained about, then it would also be because the cats shed hair, I travel 1 night a week for work (less than I did when we got married), the kids wake her up and she doesn't get enough sleep (even though I'm the one getting up to tend to them), and the list would go on and on. Fact is, when you're not happy and you have to live in a stressful situation together, every little thing turns into a battle. The moral of the story is to pay attention, a relationship requires compromise and mutual respect. If the only acceptable "compromise" is that you need to give up something you love, that's a red flag. Get to the root of the problem instead of arguing over the symptoms. Love this. Thank you. Soul, R&B, Pop from Los Angeles http://philipclark.com Cannonball Gerald Albright Signature Alto, Yamaha YC73, Fender Rhodes, Roland Juno-106, Yamaha MX61, Roland VR-09, MicroKorg XL, Maschine Mikro, Yamaha Reface CP, Roland MKS-50 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KenElevenShadows Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 It is good. I know it may not be the same for everyone, but any ultimatum to me is a red flag. I'm not going to give up music. Or photography. Or traveling. I can find another woman I love, but I cannot find a replacement for those things. No, what I would love is for a woman to participate in those things with me, but failing that, at least respect who I am enough to allow me to do these things. Ken Lee Photography - photos and books Eleven Shadows ambient music The Mercury Seven-cool spacey music Linktree to various sites Instagram Nightaxians Video Podcast Eleven Shadows website Ken Lee Photography Pinterest Page Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
churchkeybob Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 well said Dan. You were married to my ex wife too? I've been around that block and life got much better when mine became "the ex" Cheers! ~BOB. I'm practicing so that people can maybe go "wow" at an imaginary gig I'll never play. -Nadroj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie Finstad Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I get nothing but support from my wife. She understands that music is not just what I do, but its who I am. No problems with gear or time commitment. The occasional comments I get are about the repitition associated with practice and Im not allowed to play electric guitars upstairs - only acoustic and classical. I find that not taking her or her support for granted goes a long way. Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Muscara Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 My bad, Joe. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. That comment wasn't meant to be as snarky as it was received. Thanks - maybe it was my bad for reading too much into it. We're good. "I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck "The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KenElevenShadows Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I get nothing but support from my wife. She understands that music is not just what I do, but its who I am. No problems with gear or time commitment. The occasional comments I get are about the repitition associated with practice and Im not allowed to play electric guitars upstairs - only acoustic and classical. I find that not taking her or her support for granted goes a long way. Jamie to all of the above. Ken Lee Photography - photos and books Eleven Shadows ambient music The Mercury Seven-cool spacey music Linktree to various sites Instagram Nightaxians Video Podcast Eleven Shadows website Ken Lee Photography Pinterest Page Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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