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How the wife/spouse doing?


Ybyb

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I thought it might be interesting to discuss amongst ourselves how our significant others deal with our music obsession. I am very lucky, my wife lets me have at it all the time. One of my students' wives gave him 20 min WITH a timer daily to practice before resuming family duties..I picked out my apt in NYC because it has a long hallway between the main run and the bedroom, helps alot. I have given her quiet headphones to use at times, that was somewhat effective:)

 

Any good stories out there?

 

Dave Frank

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" Always better to ask forgiveness than permission " ,I used this concept when I just got the MoxF8, had it for a week before I broke the news about getting it. She wasn't too happy at first, but she came around once she heard it, and compared it to the Sk2 pianos etc, as well as the 80's synth stuff she loves. She is very supportive, both emotionally and financially, so Im very lucky, but I don't want to push it either. I think you have to be considerate of family commitments over music, theres times I would much rather be jamming on the Hammond or Rhodes than be having dinner with her friends, but its all a balance, and have to keep her happy too.....Im lucky that my full time job is shiftwork, so all my music stuff happens during the day when shes at work.

"Ive been playing Hammond since long before anybody paid me to play one, I didn't do it to be cool, I didnt do it to make a statement......I just liked it "

 

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My wife is extremely supportive and always has been. I was in two bands in 2013 and finally left one so I could concentrate on other things, but she understands the amount of effort and preparation it takes to attain and maintain a certain level of musicianship and has always given me the space I need to do it.

 

I don't swap my gear out very often, but when I do, I usually talk most things over with her as a reality check. Even if she thinks I'm nuts, it's ok if I buy something. We worked out a system years ago where I have a certain dollar amount every year to spend as a base amount. If I sell some things, that adds to the fund, and when I buy things, the fund goes down. Whatever's in there at the first of the year rolls over. I can basically do whatever I want with it.

Korg Kronos 61 (2); Kurzweil PC4, Casio PX-350M; 2015 Macbook Pro and 2012 Mac Mini (Logic Pro X and Mainstage), GigPerformer 4.

 

My Genesis Tribute Band: www.sellingfairfaxbythepound.com

 

 

 

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Mine is supportive to a good point. Her dad was a pro trumpet player in all the Soca and Calypso bands in Trinidad so she knows a bit about it. The big thing is your money is never hers and her daughter comes first also.

 

Her and her friend booked musical acts also. I just make sure I balance it. I keep gear moving a lot. If she see's something new I blame it on one of the forum members and tell her "I am just borrowing it from (insert name)" :poke::whistle:

"Danny, ci manchi a tutti. La E-Street Band non e' la stessa senza di te. Riposa in pace, fratello"

 

 

noblevibes.com

 

 

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If you have listened to Mr CK, perhaps you wondered , how does this guy stay married. I did, and lo, i discovered he was divorced.

You don't have ideas, ideas have you

We see the world, not as it is, but as we are. "One mans food is another mans poison". I defend your right to speak hate. Tolerance to a point, not agreement

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My wife is great with my playing. We have a master calendar so everybody knows where everybody is and what we're doing. Doesn't mind late hours. Just so she doesn't have to go to gigs! We have both retired, and income is less, so gear purchases are few and far between. I like what gear I have, so it's not an issue.
"Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown."
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As I've mentioned in other threads, I chose wisely with my 2nd wife.

She understood she was marrying a career musician - full time high school music teacher, private teacher, weekend warrior, and freelance musician.

As a matter of fact, our 2nd date was cancelled because I got a call to sub with a band, so she came to the gig.

She comes to all of my shows, unless it's a wedding gig or other private function, and never says a word about music purchases. Going on 12 years. Although she's beginning to question why I need 11 keyboard stands (it's an illness).

Actually, the only music-related issue in our relationship has been with her family - none of whom value teachers and MUSIC teachers and/or musicians are below that. Main thing I hear is that I don't have a "real" job.

I guess the joke's on them, though - I pay my bills, vacation every year, own a few toys, and never work a day!

Muzikteechur is Lonnie, in Kittery, Maine.

 

HS music teacher: Concert Band, Marching Band, Jazz Band, Chorus, Music Theory, AP Music Theory, History of Rock, Musical Theatre, Piano, Guitar, Drama.

 

 

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I was a touring musician when we met, so she had a fair idea of how things were going to go. She recently admitted that my being gone was more difficult for her than she let on, but she was completely supportive and never had a problem with any large gear purchases as long as we discussed it. Anything musical is a deduction anyway and most of the stuff pays for itself eventually.

 

Whenever the holiday gift threads turn up I always have to mention that my wife bought me a Moog Voyager and a number of other Moog toys. She rocks. We'll celebrate our 25th anniversary this coming November.

9 Moog things, 3 Roland things, 2 Hammond things and a computer with stuff on it

 

 

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This is an especially interesting question for me. With my wife of 24 years:

 

Financially: We keep absolutely separate accounts, including credit cards. Each one of us has certain financial responsibilities, based on overall income. If you meet all of your financial obligations (including funding retirement), anything leftover is yours to spend any way you see fit. If I want a Schmidt Analog and I have the extra $20K, that's my business. If she wants to spend $2000 on a Fendi purse, that's her bushiness. Not that either one of us would do that....well....uh....

 

Musically: She has different tastes than I do, and somehow doesn't like anything in a minor key, as well as abhors bending notes (microtones!), whether it is a synth pitch wheel or a guitar string. Now here's the real kicker- she works from home (she is a journalist with a national publication; i.e. it is a real job) and I am not allowed to play out loud while she is working. Especially if she is on deadline, I am not even allowed to walk around the house! As a result, I have a Grand Piano which I can only use rarely, as well as a beautiful set of ADAM monitors with SubWoofer that never get turned on. So I basically play through headphones. Guitar? I wonder if the amp still works- I am experimenting with an Apogee Jam thru an iPad, played in a closet.

 

As far as supporting my music hobby, she has actually been to NAMM on several occasions (she can get journalist passes), and also attends the NAMM dinner with me- she generally makes much more of an impression on people than I do. I get two full days at NAMM (while she works in the hotel- all she needs is internet access and she can work anywhere). The remaining two days are Disney/Anaheim and the SouthCoast Mall. I was having second thoughts about the wait for my Solaris (especially with the financial downturn of a couple of years ago), and had considered canceling my order. She wouldn't let me. Seriously, how's that for a wife?

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Im glad as it seems people have some decent situations but I know some other people where music/gigging is kind of the other woman. Musicians are going to play, its in our DNA whether alone in a room or with a band. Thats something that has to be made apparent.

"Danny, ci manchi a tutti. La E-Street Band non e' la stessa senza di te. Riposa in pace, fratello"

 

 

noblevibes.com

 

 

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Schizophrenic. My wife supports my music. She knows I have to do it to be happy. She believes in me. She likes hearing me play almost anytime, anywhere. But in her ideal world, all my gigs would be "dry," would be over by 9 pm, and there would be nary a pretty woman in the audience. It's the collateral damage from gigging that has caused us problems. A lot better now than it used to be, mainly because the baby leaves me too exhausted to get into much trouble.

Gigging: Crumar Mojo 61, Hammond SKPro

Home: Vintage Vibe 64

 

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I've always found it helps if you met through your music, like she was at one of your gigs, etc. . . Then you can always play the "if it weren't for my music, we wouldn't be together" card. In my case, though we didn't initially meet at one of my gigs, that is how I initially romanced her.

Gigging: Crumar Mojo 61, Hammond SKPro

Home: Vintage Vibe 64

 

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My wife supports my musical endeavors. We've been together over 30 years and I've been playing in bands longer than we've known each other and it's something I've always done and she's never questioned it or asked me to stop.

 

She's a little less accommodating when I want new gear, especially expensive stuff. which is most of the gear I want. Small stuff, under $500, isn't a big deal, but a $2000+ keyboard will get shot down unless I make a really good case for needing it.

Live: Korg Kronos 2 88, Nord Electro 5d Nord Lead A1

Toys: Roland FA08, Novation Ultranova, Moog LP, Roland SP-404SX, Roland JX10,Emu MK6

www.bksband.com

www.echoesrocks.com

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My wife is awesome. She actually started this whole "music as a career" thing for me so she's very supportive. She's also a musician (elementary school music teacher) so that helps since we share the same passion and sometimes we get to perform together. It does put some stress on our relationship since we have totally different schedules, but we just have to work on making date nights and time with the kids.

 

Fortunately, she trusts me with purchases because she knows I'm physically incapable of being spontaneous and impulsive! Plus she finds some my gear to be fun. For Christmas we bought ourselves a conga. Some her friends looked at her cock-eyed when she told them our plan as in "and you're ok with this?"

Live rig: Roland FA-08, Yamaha MOTIF ES 6, laptop for supplemental sounds.
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My wife is sort of unusual in the music department.

 

We both earn our living teaching music in our home. We met when she hired me to teach at a music store she was the administrator for.

She teaches piano, and I teach piano guitar drums and voice.

However she NEVER plays the piano for herself. Ever.

 

I haven't gigged for a few years. I think she prefers that.

She was pretty ok when I did, and certainly liked the extra money. However she once more or less forbade me putting together a duo with a 20 year old female singer (who in fairness was insanely gorgeous) However in most all male bands she was fine with the late hours and so on. She rarely came out to performances though.

At one point I was in sort the THE band in town, and the singer was on TV and radio all the time locally, so I think she enjoyed the pseudo celebrity status I sort of had, though no one enjoyed the singers ego. hahahaha

 

We did perform together a bit......and I hated it.

First we gigged a bit as a sort of new age keyboard duo. I say gigged but she pretty much finger-synched. We did music for a National sports event (Canada Summer games) back in the 90's and for a performance, the TV people didn't want us to actually play. I had done the whole piece via MIDI when it was recorded, and in those days I was using a couple Roland w-30 sampler/sequencers. So we set up two rigs Midi'd up, but turned off the local channels.

She dug the whole idea of performing and not having to practice or stress over it. We did a few gigs that way. For me I HATE relying on sequencers and lived in dread fear one would fuck up and leave us looking like tools (I actually did play for most of these gigs, but all her parts and bass and drum tracks were sequenced. Also in some new age stuff where timing is rather free, if any of it is sequenced, almost all of it has to be in order to stay in time)

 

We also played in a band together briefly with her on keys and me playing guitar and singing, along with a drummer and bass player. It was also not a pleasant thing. She is a classical read music sort of player who never improvised a note in her life. I am the total opposite. it meant that unless I made sheet music for her she couldn't do anything and this just stressed both of us out. She was way out of her comfort zone though and I get it.

I would be the same if I suddenly was the pianist for a choir or something and had to sight read the parts.

 

These days she is more or less ok that I head downstairs to practice at around 10:00 pm and come to bed at 2:00 am. However any hint of buying new gear would require some heavy justification with the teaching job.

I'd like to get back on a stage with some Wakeman stuff I'm working on, but I know she won't be too supportive. I hinted at it one day and she replied "you think anyone would want to listen to that music????"

To do it properly I would have to put a band together (at least for 6 wives...I can cover most of Journey and Arthur on my own, I'd just need a singer and narrator) but again I think she would not be happy having band practices in addition to the band classes I teach.

I think that having her as a manager would work very well because she is super intelligent and organized, but I don't think she has much interest in that at this point, and since I am full on into Prog these days, she has even less interest.

 

Given her drathers, I think she would prefer the music stop when the last student of the night leaves. Actually we would both love to retire from teaching, but for me I am in a bit of a re-birth in terms of musical inspiration.

 

Stage: Korg Krome 88.

Home: Korg Kross 61, Yamaha reface CS, Korg SP250, Korg mono/poly Kawai ep 608, Korg m1, Yamaha KX-5

 

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Women are dreamkillers.

Seriously?

My wife is not at all a friend to my art.

Sorry to hear that response, Dreamchilde. :idk:

 

My wife is the best when it comes to my music. She loves it, she supports it - and pretty much green lights anything I want to do to support it. Whenever she has the itme and we're playing close enough, she comes out with friends.

 

She even bought me a Theremin for Christmas a few years back. :cool::thu:

 

dB

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