KuruPrionz Posted October 27, 2023 Share Posted October 27, 2023 This popped up on Facebook. I thought it was funny so I'm sharing it. 1 1 Quote It took a chunk of my life to get here and I am still not sure where "here" is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Emm Posted October 27, 2023 Share Posted October 27, 2023 I think a lot of us began with Angus Dei in mind, but quickly discovered that what we heard as stately Moog trumpets made other people wonder if dinosaurs were squatting over the house, relieving themselves. To Grandma, resonance isn't fascinating, its an invitation to arrhythmia. 🤨 2 Quote An evangelist came to town who was so good, even Huck Finn was saved until Tuesday. ~ "Tom Sawyer" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 2 Quote Bob "Notes" Norton Owner, Norton Music http://www.nortonmusic.com Style and Fake disks for Band-in-a-Box The Sophisticats http://www.s-cats.com >^. .^< >^. .^< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartinLeo Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 Old but true 2 Quote NS4 73HA, Yamaha CK61, Korg C1 Air, Roland TD1-DMK, Harley Benton TalkBox, Sony F-760 dynamic microphone, Scarlett 2i2 3rd gen, M-Audio Track Duo, MacBook Air M1, Logic Pro X, Kontakt 7, Mainstage, Cubasis 3 (IOS), Korg Module (IOS), Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don't serve minors,” and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom, saying, “Excuse me, I'll just be a second.” A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then, the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, “Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight.” Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: “You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar. 3 Quote Bob "Notes" Norton Owner, Norton Music http://www.nortonmusic.com Style and Fake disks for Band-in-a-Box The Sophisticats http://www.s-cats.com >^. .^< >^. .^< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Emm Posted October 29, 2023 Share Posted October 29, 2023 Horrifying! That one reminds me of an old radio program called "Duffy's Tavern," wherein barkeep Duffy turned the English language sideways in an astounding manner. It was the ancestor of Spoonerisms, such as "If apples were gold, he'd have oranges" or "He's the kind of guy who has a tissue paper a$$hole." George Carlin knew how to surf that area well. 1 Quote An evangelist came to town who was so good, even Huck Finn was saved until Tuesday. ~ "Tom Sawyer" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threadslayer Posted October 29, 2023 Share Posted October 29, 2023 Duffy's Tavern is still aired from time to time on Sirius XM Radio Classics Quote Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. -Mark Twain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted October 30, 2023 Share Posted October 30, 2023 Quote Bob "Notes" Norton Owner, Norton Music http://www.nortonmusic.com Style and Fake disks for Band-in-a-Box The Sophisticats http://www.s-cats.com >^. .^< >^. .^< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KuruPrionz Posted October 30, 2023 Author Share Posted October 30, 2023 A ship is sailing near islands in the South Pacific Ocean. A huge storm comes and the boat sinks. One man manages to make it to one of the islands in a lifeboat. He is exhausted and capsizes on the shore. When he awakes, he is surrounded by the native people who live on the island. They are kind, gentle people and are taking care of him. Their ability to speak English is extremely limited. The Chief of the tribe speaks and understands much more than the rest. From the time the man came to, he heard drums playing in the background. After a few days, he asked the Chief 'What are these drums that play day and night?" The Chief says "BAD when drums stop, VERY BAD!!!" The man thanks him and lets it go for the time being. A few days later he asked the Chief again and got the same answer. Over the next few weeks the man would ask every now and then and always got the same answer "BAD when drums stop, VERY BAD!!!". One day, just before lunch the drums stopped. Everybody in the tribe hurled themselves to the ground, screaming in anguish and fear. The man asked the Chief "The drums stopped and you are terrified, what happens when the drums stop?" The Chief looked at him with fear in his eyes and said "Next come bass solo." 1 1 Quote It took a chunk of my life to get here and I am still not sure where "here" is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Emm Posted October 30, 2023 Share Posted October 30, 2023 "I wish people would stop calling the bagpipes a musical instrument. They are a Scottish breathalyzer test. If you blow into them and don't then want to blow your brains out, you're not drunk enough." ~ Warren Ellis 2 1 Quote An evangelist came to town who was so good, even Huck Finn was saved until Tuesday. ~ "Tom Sawyer" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted October 31, 2023 Share Posted October 31, 2023 1 Quote Bob "Notes" Norton Owner, Norton Music http://www.nortonmusic.com Style and Fake disks for Band-in-a-Box The Sophisticats http://www.s-cats.com >^. .^< >^. .^< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claus H Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 What is the difference between a Rock musician and a Jazz musician? A Rock musician plays three chords in front of a thousand people. A Jazz musician does the opposite... Thank you. C. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmitch57 Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 (I'm allowed to post these because, as you can see from my avatar...) How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb? One to change the bulb, 9 to say "I can do that". How do you make a guitar player stop playing? Put some sheet music in front of him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 Trust me. It'll happen. You're too old to play gigs when: 1. It becomes more important to find a place on stage for your fan than your amp. 2. Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf or Dolly Parton with no bosom. 3. All your fans leave by 9:30 p.m. 4. All you want from groupies is a foot massage and back rub. ... 5. You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of your set-list. 6. Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie. 7. You lost the directions to the gig. 8. You need your glasses to see the amp settings. 9. You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage. 10. You feel like heck before the gig even starts. 11. The waitress is your daughter! 12. You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the speakers. 13. Most of your crowd just sways in their seats. 14. You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case. 15. You refuse to play without earplugs. 16. You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30. 17. You check the TV schedule before booking a gig. 18. Your gig stool has a back. 19. You're related to at least one member in the band. 20. You don't let anyone sit in. 21. You need a nap before the gig. 22. After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early. 23. During the breaks, you now go to the van to lie down. 24. You prefer a music stand with a light. 25. You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon. 26. You hope the host's speech lasts forever 27. You buy amps considering their weight and not their tone or "cool" factor. 28. Feeling guilty looking at hot women at the audience, 'cause they're younger than your daughter. 29. You can remember seven different club names for the same location. 30. You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 days and could physically do it! 31. Your date couldn't make it because she couldn't find a babysitter for the grandkids. 32. The set list has to be in 20 point type.. 33. Your drug of choice is now coffee 34. It seems impossible to find stage shoes with decent arch support. Full disclosure: I've checked a few of them off on this list. 3 Quote Bob "Notes" Norton Owner, Norton Music http://www.nortonmusic.com Style and Fake disks for Band-in-a-Box The Sophisticats http://www.s-cats.com >^. .^< >^. .^< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Emm Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 35. Just listening to The Tubes Live album makes you feel tired, because you can't rock out from behind a walker. 🤨 1 Quote An evangelist came to town who was so good, even Huck Finn was saved until Tuesday. ~ "Tom Sawyer" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Bryce Posted November 4, 2023 Share Posted November 4, 2023 On 11/4/2023 at 7:23 AM, dmitch57 said: How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb? One to change the bulb, 9 to say "I can do that". How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change the bulb, and two to write a song about the old bulb. How many drummers? None. There’s a machine that does that now. Bass players? None. The keyboard player does it with their left hand. Lead singers? One. They hold the bulb and the whole world revolves around them. OT - how many psychiatrists? Only one…but the bulb really has to want to change. dB 2 1 Quote ==> David Bryce Music • Funky Young Monks <== Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
analogika Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 How many sound guys? „Sorry, I’m audio only.“ 1 Quote "The Angels of Libra are in the European vanguard of the [retro soul] movement" (Bill Buckley, Soul and Jazz and Funk) The Drawbars | off jazz organ trio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Bryce Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 How many software guys? Sorry - that’s a hardware problem. dB Quote ==> David Bryce Music • Funky Young Monks <== Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real MC Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 How many nude ladies does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know about you, but if I'm in a room full of nude ladies I'm not worried about the lights. (I actually read that in a BIRTHDAY CARD) 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Emm Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 This one is from an earlier period, but it still works. How do you get the sound guy to punch you in the mouth? Let him discover that the 60 cycle hum he's been tracking is coming from a Mirage sound FX disk. 1 Quote An evangelist came to town who was so good, even Huck Finn was saved until Tuesday. ~ "Tom Sawyer" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ivan May Posted November 6, 2023 Share Posted November 6, 2023 When is a good time to listen to Heart? Never. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notes_Norton Posted November 7, 2023 Share Posted November 7, 2023 On 11/5/2023 at 3:36 PM, The Real MC said: How many nude ladies does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know about you, but if I'm in a room full of nude ladies I'm not worried about the lights. If there are nude ladies in the room, I prefer that the lights are on. On 11/5/2023 at 4:32 PM, David Emm said: How do you get the sound guy to punch you in the mouth? Let him discover that the 60 cycle hum he's been tracking is coming from a Mirage sound FX disk. Why do PA systems hum? Because they don't know the words. Notes ♫ 3 Quote Bob "Notes" Norton Owner, Norton Music http://www.nortonmusic.com Style and Fake disks for Band-in-a-Box The Sophisticats http://www.s-cats.com >^. .^< >^. .^< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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