Weddings just plain suck

[FnB]

Weddings... The happiest day of your life... Well not for me. As a DJ I bloody hate 'em. They're the lousiest gig in the world and here's why... For most gigs you're entertaining people who want to get drunk and mingle with members of the opposite sex. Not your wedding gig. You get people who are determined not to have a good time, people who were made to come otherwise their absence would be noted, people who don't drink and don't want to enjoy themselves, people who think the music is too loud and people who think it's not loud enough... Then there's the fact that you can normally tell the age range who are going to be there just from the venue, so you know roughly what the people who go there are looking for : Teenie-boppers disco music, rockers, 70s disco queens... tell me the venue and I know what goes down well there. Not your wedding gig. You've everyone from 8 to 88 there all wanting their music to be played... now! Of course when you play their music do they dance? Do they f**k! Play dance music and the rock people complain... Play modern and the old folks complain... And vice versa.... So you just try and get the women up dancing and hope the men will follow.... Then there's the fact that normally the only person you really have to please is the bar owner - get people through the door and buying alcohol and that'll keep them happy. Not your wedding gig. Factor into the equation the Best Man and Chief Bridesmaid who are determined that *their* friends are going to have the best wedding in the world... ever (Part 2). And suddenly they think they own you. Floor packed full of women getting down to Abba's Dancing Queen... Enter very drunk best man. "Play this (dodgy downloaded copy of a) Creed CD, mate, for the groom"... "Umm it's a bit too rawk for this crowd"... "Just stick it on, it'll go down a storm".. "Umm I have to play music to suit the crowd and I'm afraid this just wouldn't fit"... "Look - who's f**king paying your wages?!?" Cut to dance floor packed full of women scattering and being replaced with 3 blokes moshing on their own. I like Creed but does it suit a wedding crowd. Nope in my opinion - maybe if the guy came to me sober before hand and sorted it out as a request at the start of the night before the floor was packed full of people... Then there's the Chief Bridesmaid - filled with her own importance, in your face and just as bad. "Hard house dance music..." Half an hour of 4 to the floor dance music - nobody up dancing at all - even the Chief Bridesmaid is sitting back at the table with the Bride so I switch back to more middle of the road stuff.... You can hear the scream from the other side of the room... "WHAT ARE YOU DOING????" Note that the Bride and Groom never usually complain. The main culprits are the Best Man and Chief Bridesmaid who are convinced that *their* music is what everyone wants to hear. Am I a jukebox? No. I'm good at what I do and I just try to please as much of the crowd as possible to get as many bodies on the floor and keep them there, and for a wedding that means cutting through a lot of different genres of music over the space of the night... If someone requests something and I think "Yep that would work" then I play it and it usually does... If I don't think it will then I'm usually polite and (lie and) explain either that yes it's a good song but I don't have it... or yes that I agree it's a good song but I don't think the rest of the crowd would like it. At a wedding though you get people who think that all I am is a jukebox - they don't realise that there's more involved in reading the crowd as a whole and what they would dance to... I hate it when women just treat me like an object for their own pleasure - it's so degrading :) Then finally when they're all plastered and we finish the night up and start breaking the gear down - *now* they want to use our PA system to make drunken speeches... Now we get the abuse from the uncle who hasn't seen us all night in our booth and who thinks we've crashed the wedding and must have eaten a meal on their money (we never eat or drink with the guests anyway cos we're too busy working) - "Who the f**k are these guys?!?" You know, this 300 watt speaker that I'm carrying is usually a giveaway that *maybe* I'm working here.... So, take my advice - if you're getting married or are sorting out someone else's wedding and you're over inflated with the responsibility of being best man or whatever - Invest the dj money in borrowing a decent stereo system and making up your own CDs with the music that you think people want to hear - it'll save you money and you get to hear what you want to hear over the night and you won't have to give some poor bastard like me a hard time when he's just trying to do his best for you. Just as a foot note - I don't play weddings any more. I've a regular slot for some teenie boppers now for the same sort of money - they're far easier to please and out to enjoy themselves. (Glad to get that off my chest - this forum is better than therapy....) :)

[djwayne]

I dj'ed one wedding, and never again. They insisted that I play country music, so I bought a few country cd's, I get there and they want Frank Sinatra, The groom was a complete control freak, and wanted to dictate each song all night, after all it was his "Special Day". Another DJ I heard of, got into an arguement with one of the guest before the reception, The guest slugged him and he said "That's It" and cancelled the show. The bride and groom then took him to court, and sued the dj for $10,000 for ruining their "Special Day", and won !!!! Who needs the aggrevation ?? Go hire a band, and don't complain when you get a $1,000-2000 bill.

[doc taz]

Maybe learn an instrument? :D I'm not against DJ's however. I've done gigs side by side with them, and they do make a great addition. It also lowers my pay, though. Sorry to hear that your wedding experiences have been less than stellar. The crowds in band gigs tend to do pretty much the same thing: get drunk, and maybe fuck their mates' brains out after the show. I dunno... I usually go to a diner afterwards with the band mates. :)

[alcohol_]

I'm not even going to read the whole thing. I've done my share of wedding gigs. I'd say about 1500 over a twenty year period, and I've had a great time playing for 99.9% of these gigs. But I'm not a DJ, I'm a keyboard player . We' always get these people dancing.

[shniggens]

I'm really nervous about my wedding. I don't dance. I don't want to dance. I know people are going to want me to dance. But it's MY f'n wdding and I don't want to dance, dammit!!!!!!!!! What do I tell the DJ?

[djwayne]

Just don't dance that's all. Of course your guests will demand to dance, and he play dance music..so just relax and enjoy the reception. Some dj's have no problem doing it, but it's just not something I enjoy. You really have to play music that appeals to people in all age ranges from Grandma's to kids, and no matter what you play, somebody will complain. Some friends of mine play in a wedding band, and my sister hired them for her wedding, all she did was complain all night about the songs they played. I thought they did a great job, but it was her "Special Day" and she was expecting music from heaven I suppose, and kept complaining. Go figure.

[Super 8]

You can't please everyone. If you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen.

[FnB]

Hmmm, that's a tough one because the convention is that no one else from your families will get up to dance until after you've made an appearance on the floor for the first dance. When I started out djing (oh and I'm a musician too, I play in a band as well so don't hate me :D ) I stupidly started to play some slow songs at the start of the night before the bride and groom were ready for their dance - some other couples got up to dance and you could hear the murmour of people whispering about how the bride and groom should be first up... So basically - you've two choices : 1) Arrange with the dj that you're not going to have a first "bride and groom only" dance and get him to announce this, but this is really unusual (I've never seen it before) and you'll probably get heckled up anyway by your families so you'll not get out that easy or... 2) Pick a really slow tempo song and practice dancing to it with your significant other in private before hand... you don't even have to move your feet much (if at all) for a slow song... I've seen couples just stand and hold onto each other for 2 to 3 minutes then bolt back to their chairs with a "Thank God that's over"... It's all purely symbolic anyway - standing in front of your friends and family and showing them that this is the person you're in love with - isn't that the point in getting hitched? ;) Ah I'm an old romantic... My advice - talk to the dj first - if you're not comfortable with it then tell him and he can cut the song shorter with a "Give them a big round of applause" or some other such cheeze.. :) It'll be fine - you'll see :)

[shniggens]

Thanks for the support FnB. I'm comfortable with the obligatory first dance, since it will be slow. I am also comfortable with the dance with my mom, since it will probably also be slow. I'll just be releived when it is all over. And I definately don't want my wedding to turn into a dance party since that's just not me. I'm just too damn shy. Hopefully I can find a DJ that can relate. Are there other things that wedding DJ's coordinate, like maybe some games or something (cheesy)? Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your thread.

[ITGITC]

Shniggens you can find a dj or a band that can relate! Hell, YOU (or your family) are the one who's paying. You tell THEM how it's going to be done. This should be covered up front and perhaps in a contractual written agreement BEFORE the wedding. When I was in a wedding band, we played a variety of Top 40, Country, Funk, Oldies and special songs for the Groom's dance with his mother and the Bride's dance with her father. This was expected and agreed upon beforehand. We also played light jazz/standards/dinner music when the crowd arrived and were milling around & talking with family & friends. Wedding gigs can make a band plenty of money. It just takes preparation and a good understanding of what the audience is going to want. Shniggens, if you don't want to dance any more than the special dances you have described, I don't see anything wrong with that. It's YOUR (and your wife's) day. Make it be just what you want it to be by setting expectations and getting verbal (and written) confirmation that the people you hire will do exactly that. Best of luck to you and yours, Gas :cool:

[coyote]

A good DJ ought be equipped with some hundreds of CDs, and "set lists" for given circumstances. Unless you're the brridesmaid's cuosin and you were hired for $250 for the night.... Just like a professional clubdate band, a professional DJ ought have a vast array of material at his disposal. EVERY DJ who does weddings ought have a set of each (perhaps making your own custom CDs?): irish jewish italian polka disco new wave classic rock hiphop swing rock&roll 50s hits 60s hits 'dinner' music etc. There's absolutely no excuse for a DJ to not have those at his immediate disposal. And he ought be familiar with BOTh directions of that volume control. Yeah, weddings have their share of frustrations. But I played 'em for over 10 years, and that is the one gig you can count on to get people up on the dancefloor. Most wedding attendees want to have a good time - and any band or DJ who gets their own ego out of the way and bothers to 'read' the room will be able to facilitate that. If you can't do that, you have no business calling yourself a pro.

[Tedster]

I feel your pain, FnB. I used to play a lot of weddings in the old days, with a band, and I've DJ'd a few. Same thing. Everything you mention is true. Plus, for us band types...playing clubs, the band (substitute DJ if you wish) is kind of the "party focus". Let's boogie with the band. With a wedding, the focus is on the bride and groom, Aunt Sara's backbrace, cousin Vinny paying too much attention to cousin Mike's wife...all that shit. The band is basically on par with the rest of the servile staff, caterers, photographer, etc. Can be good money, but some of the lousiest gigs I ever played were weddings.

[strat0124]

Weddings and funerals.......same terrible flower arrangements, same freaky relatives that come for the free food.

[antimatter]

Free Bird!!!

[djwayne]

Naaa, they want the Chicken Dance.

[lrossmusic]

This letter was sent to Howard Devron from Fred Powell, after Fred did a wedding gig for Dev’s office: “Dear Pops, I appreciate your vote of confidence in letting me lead a gig for you. All in all, the job went very well, that is except in the very beginning. I was the first one at the gig and the other guys were all late, so I started playing some ruffles and flourishes and rudiments so no one would notice that the other fellows were late, and the hostess came over and started complaining about the ‘banging noise,’ and I told her I was playing ‘Stardust’ and she said she certainly knew that, but could I play it a little softer. Well, finally, the other guys showed up and the gig really started going good, that is, until we took our first break. There was a long table in the middle of the room and naturally, we thought it was the ‘band table’ and we were sitting there eating when the hostess came over and said it belonged to the wedding party. Well, we got up and played another set and things really got rolling along, that is until the bride and groom came over and asked for some real dumb song for the first dance and we all knew the song, but we felt it was such a dumb choice on their part, that we just played a few choruses of ‘Perdido,’ and if I do say so myself, the band really swung and the guys had a ball. After playing 8 to 10 minutes straight, I took another break because I didn’t think the hostess wanted to pay for any continuous music. During the break, I took a small piece of the wedding cake before it was cut and the hostess made a big thing about that, I don’t know why, because it was way in the back and unless you looked back there, you [i]could not[/i] see it. Well, now it was time to throw the bouquet and garter and the bride wanted a fanfare an announcement, but we happened to be on our break, so I told her to go to the kitchen and ask someone to bang on some pots and pans to get attention, and she got mad, but I was only trying to help. Well, things calmed down a little and halfway through the next set, I just stopped the music because only about 6 of the 300 people were dancing, and it just seemed like a complete waste of time and talent to me and we only had 45 minutes to go, and the hostess and her husband came over and complained about [i]that[/i] . Pops, after all, I’ve been in this business a long time and with the experience I’ve had, you do acquire a certain feel of how to handle a job properly, and I used that judgement and expertise in handling this job. As we were leaving, the hostess said something about being dissatisfied and that she did not intend sending you a check, and I told her right then and there that I realized that she was uptight with the pressure of the wedding, but our band plays for some real ‘biggies’ in town and we didn’t need her ‘one time ‘ gig to make a living. So, I told her if she ever had another party, just don’t call us, and in that way, Pops, you and the guys in the band won’t have to put up with all this pettiness. So, as you can see, all in all, things did go pretty well, and if I do say so myself, I thought I handled myself in a very professional manner with the hope that you will again let me lead for you in the future. Sincerely, Fred :D

[FnB]

Ok well that's me told then :) My point was, that in a wedding situation you're trying to please everybody there and it's impossible all of the time because of the age range and tastes. Somebody is always pissed at you because right that second you aren't playing what they want and you have to grin and bear it. And for the record I have done. I can honestly say that I haven't done any of the things in the above letter and I know it's sounds like I was being a musical snob by saying that I wouldn't play a track for someone. But when you've met with the bride and groom months before hand and sorted out their songs and what they do and don't want to hear - and they say middle of the road cheese please - no heavy metal or rave dance music... Then on the night you get someone who isn't paying me giving me grief because they think they own me and their music is what has to be played now - when it's obvious from experience that it's not - then you get out of the kitchen as was mentioned above. So I'm out of the kitchen :) I have a lot of respect for people playing weddings though - I don't think it's possible to please everybody... and you can't put down the hecklers...

[Tedster]

Lincoln Sr... That made my day!!! :D :thu:

[ani]

I've not read the whole thread, but you might consider having a set list written in stone and signed by the contracting party. If they want to leave open a few spots on occassion for requests, then let the beasts in the crowd battle amongst themselves as to WHO gets to hear what tune. By far, divorces are much worse than weddings. I think that we all ought to hire the Wedding Singer to come in and sing LOVE STINKS :D for all weddings.

[djwayne]

A signed song list doesn't work, as the guests always want something else. Even in clubs, people will drive you crazy demanding you play their favorite song, whether you have it or not. You'd be surprised how nasty some people are. Try dj'ing for awhile, and you'll see what I mean. hehehehe......

[lrossmusic]

Posted by DJWayne [quote] [b]You'd be surprised how nasty some people are. Try dj'ing for awhile, and you'll see what I mean.hehehehe...... [/b] [/quote]You are sure right about that. I had a guy come back to the front of the bandstand only to hold my business card up in the air and tear it into little pieces all over the floor while mumbling some foul expletives because I hadn't played his request soon enough. :wave: Posted by Tedster Clause [quote] [b]Lincoln Sr... That made my day!!! [/b] [/quote]Yeah Ted I was ROTFLMAO when I first saw that. Actually I got that from our Musician's Union monthly newsletter some time ago and I saved it with all my musician jokes. :)