For Fun - Non-Musos trying to sound like Musos

[Phred]

I am not sure I have seen a thread like this here before, and I am sorry if it exists. I sometimes get a kick out of people how try to use musical vocabulary and have no idea what they are saying. My favourites:

 

- That's a bit high to sing, can you lower it a few octaves?

- I like all the key changes in that song. (when of course there are none)

- Said by my singer, "I like it when you play a real B3, it keeps the tempo of the songs down." My Drummer answered "No, that was me".

 

Any others?

 

[ProfD]

Speaking of a ROMpler, I always get a laugh out of non-musos commenting that my piano has a lot of sounds in it.

 

Even worse is real musos asking if my organ (ROMpler) has a particular sound in it.

 

[stepay]

I had a guy comment on my playing Riders On The Storm by saying it sounded like a real B3 organ. ??? Of course I wasn't even using any organ sound for that song.

[Tonysounds]

I had a guitar player tell a bass player to stay down low as it got in the way of his oc-tAve (long A sound).

 

Another guitar player offering help: it's in B. (Too bad he's actually in Bflat.)

 

Pretty much any advice Paul Abdul gives on American Idol.

[ABECK]

I have a pet peeve about pronunciations, like:

 

Multi Timbral, pronounced as timber, instead of tAmber

MiniMoooooooog, instead of ..mougue

[Phred]

I have told this story here before.

 

About 10 - 15 years ago, my girlfriend at the time and I were out and saw a four piece band, keys, bass, guitar, and drums. The keys player played mostly B3 sounds if I remember correctly, and did some very good solos - however he didn't move at all. Very stone faced, bored looking, and no movement.

 

After the show, my girlfriend at the time tells me, I thought the guitar player with the white guitar played the best solos. I said "uh, that was the bass player". It turns out she thought all the keyboard solos where coming out of the 'white guitar'.

 

A similar story. I was playing a gig to a half-filled bar, and there were a bunch of people on the dance floor dancing. It was near the end of the 2nd night of a double header and I was really tired. Perhaps I wasn't moving around as much as I usually do. Anyway I was rocking out playing the organ solo in Hush, and looking a little too much at my hands. I hear a girl give a "YEEEEAAHH" shout of approval and I look up and raise my hand to say thanks. When I look up I see two girls standing in front of the guitar player raising their hands in the 'rock salute' pose (pointer and pinky finger), staring at the guitar player, obviously believing that it is him that is doing the solo. Pretty funny, but I always try to make sure I move around and do my best to show people that it's me that playing the solo.

[Phil Aiken]

My pet peeve is "Caponics" ie....guitar players who are using a capo and telling me the chords in terms of their hand positions instead of the acutal key.

[ITGITC]

About 10 - 15 years ago, my girlfriend ...thought all the keyboard solos where coming out of the 'white guitar'.

 

I see two girls standing in front of the guitar player raising their hands in the 'rock salute' pose (pointer and pinky finger), staring at the guitar player, obviously believing that it is him that is doing the solo.

 

 

http://www.nps.gov/wica/naturescience/images/deer_eyes_1.jpg

 

Girlfriends Without a Clue (GWaC)

 

 

 

http://images.quickblogcast.com/99223-91953/Jim_Hall_playing_bass.jpg

 

Guitar players who steal your spotlight. (What is that box in front of him?)

 

[Joe Muscara]

My pet peeve is "Caponics" ie....guitar players who are using a capo and telling me the chords in terms of their hand positions instead of the acutal key.

Argh, they do that in print as well.

 

I have a pet peeve about pronunciations, like:

 

Multi Timbral, pronounced as timber, instead of tAmber

MiniMoooooooog, instead of ..mougue

Like it or not, "timber" is an accepted pronunciation of timbre. Whether that's something that's been around a long time or acceptance of a mispronunciation after time, I don't know.

 

I also read an interview once with Bob Moog that I can no longer find where he said the pronunciation of his name WAS Moo-gue, but his wife was a school teacher and they changed it so the kids wouldn't make fun of it.

 

(There was an English teacher in my high school who said her name was La-ma-don-ees, but it was spelled Lemonedes so we all said Lemonades!)

[ABECK]

Like it or not, "timber" is an accepted pronunciation of timbre.

Blahhh - I choose to not like it!

 

I also read an interview once with Bob Moog that I can no longer find where he said the pronunciation of his name WAS Moo-gue, but his wife was a school teacher and they changed it so the kids wouldn't make fun of it.

 

 

I came across this:

 

"In a deleted scene from the DVD version of the documentary Moog, Dr. Moog describes the three pronunciations of the name Moog: the original, Dutch pronunciation ("moch"), the later, German pronunciation (the preferred, rhymes with vogue), and the more common pronunciation in English-speaking countries (with the long o sound).

 

: Dr. Robert Moog: It rhymes with vogue. That is the usual German pronunciation. My father's grandfather came from Marburg, Germany. I like the way that pronunciation sounds better than the way the cow's "moo-g" sounds.

 

Dr. Moog reveals that different parts of his family prefer different pronunciations of the name, but he (and most certainly his wife) prefers the German pronunciation.'

[FunkKeysStuff]

My pet peeve is "Caponics" ie....guitar players who are using a capo and telling me the chords in terms of their hand positions instead of the acutal key.

 

Argh!!! If I were ruler of the universe, people would need a license to buy a capo. (Or a harmonica, for that matter; those things can just do too much damage in the wrong hands.)

[Mr. Nightime]

HARMONICA ETIQUETTE

 

(WARNING: You are approached by a harmonica player who makes it clear that he has a harmonica and is not afraid to use it.

(Please hand him these basic rules.)

 

SITTING IN WITH THE BAND

 

1. Carefully approach the microphone. Do not (repeat) DO NOT wrap your hands around the mic and blow without first knowing it's output level (always test by blowing at a low volume. The band is paid to entertain ... not to cause pain!)

 

2. Pay special attention to the band leader ... Keep your ears open ... and, when given the right-of-way -- knock yourself out!! As a general rule, solo twice around unless you are so incredibly hot and smokin' that the audience jumps to their feet and moves you to solo one more time!

 

--WARNING--

Make sure the audience has not jumped to their feet to exit the club because of your performance!

 

 

3. Never disrespect your fellow musicians by stepping on (playing during) their solo or vocals. This will only prove that you are not listening, and that you are clueless to your surroundings ... If this is the case, it would be a public service if you would retire your harmonica to a more noble purpose, such as that of a door stop (Have Mercy)!

 

4. When your solo is finished ... Shut up! (please) SHUT UP! If the band leader acknowledges and thanks you for sitting in ... Take the cue!... (please) TAKE THE CUE!! because you are finished "Bubba" and now it's time to leave the stage.

 

--WARNING--

Never under any circumstances play your harp from the audience. Words cannot express the blatant disrespect this displays to the very band you hope to jam with. Understand that your knowledge of etiquette goes a long way with your fellow musicians!

 

---REMEMBER---

"IF HARMONICAS ARE OUTLAWED,

ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE HARMONICAS!"

 

 

[gliderproarc]

My pet peeve is "Caponics" ie....guitar players who are using a capo and telling me the chords in terms of their hand positions instead of the acutal key.

 

What's actually rather funny about this, is it's just like talking to a classical horn player. If they have an Eb horn, they won't ask about notes in the song in concept pitch, they'll want it in Eb.

 

So if transposing instruments can get away with it, why not let guitar players?

[FunkKeysStuff]

Horn players have slightly more of an excuse, because they're taught from day one that "this is a C" when it's really B-flat (or what have you). Even still, most of the good ones can transpose more-or-less instantly (because the ones who don't learn to, don't get called as much). Guitarists have no excuse.

[frogmonkey]

I have a pet peeve about pronunciations, like:

 

MiniMoooooooog, instead of ..mougue

 

Lol, I just love the way "Moooooog" sounds when describing an awesome synth, that I'm sticking with it. Sorry, Bob.

[Dave Pierce]

My pet peeve is "Caponics" ie....guitar players who are using a capo and telling me the chords in terms of their hand positions instead of the acutal key.

 

What's actually rather funny about this, is it's just like talking to a classical horn player. If they have an Eb horn, they won't ask about notes in the song in concept pitch, they'll want it in Eb.

 

So if transposing instruments can get away with it, why not let guitar players?

 

I play with a lot of horn players, and this is NOT done much. Most of them transpose on the fly and communicate with other non-horn players in concert pitch. Those who don't, at least say something like "it's in A for me, whatever that is for you". If a horn player does communicate keys in his own pitch, he is very likely to get pissed off WTF responses from the rest of the band.

 

--Dave

 

[ksoper]

"That singer is so amazing--he has an 8 octane range." (Heard this one myself.)

 

K.

[FunkKeysStuff]

That's nothing. I've worked with a singer whose claim to fame (among other things) is his eleven-octave vocal range.

 

(Granted, he is a fictional character. And the guy who played him had a range of maybe an octave and a half, on a good day.)

[Phred]

When people tell me that someone they know has an 8 octave (or octane - that's funny) range, I sometimes say something like 'want to see what that looks like on the piano?' It normally gets some pretty wide eyed looks, when I walk over to the piano and play the the Bottom A and press the wooden end block on the far right side of my piano aprox where the high A would be. I say something like, "unfortunatly I only have just over 7 octaves on this piano".

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vocal_range

 

 

 

 

[NoahZark]

Pretty much any advice Paul Abdul gives on American Idol.

 

Yup.

[FunkKeysStuff]

Heh, I didn't even notice the octane/octave discrepancy; I thought the joke was simply that someone was claiming, with a straight face, that a human being had an eight-octave range.

[Phred]

... claiming, with a straight face, that a human being had an eight-octave range.

 

I thought that was crazy too - then I read this: It's wikipedia, so 'grain of salt'

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vocal_range

[Jason Stanfield]

All mine come from working in music stores ... the highlights:

 

-- People refer to Auto Tune as a vocoder.

 

-- A coworker of mine was once asked how much an isometric paralyzer was. ("Y'mean a parametric equalizer?" "Yeah, one of those.")

 

-- The always amusing request for a MIDI-to-quarter-inch cable.

 

-- "Which one of these machines makes piano beats?" (variation "MIDI beats")

 

-- People would come in and just ask for a MIDI. (A MIDI what!?)

 

[Granted, the "I" at the end does stand for "interface", but the people asking weren't on some kind of nitpicky anti-redundancy (a la "ATM machine", "PIN number", etc.) campaign within the music tech community. Maybe I'm the one who's nitpicky, but that always crawled under my skin. ]

 

-- One of the most memorable arguments I ever had over the phone was someone who thought a time-keeping device was called a barometer.

 

-- It's no urban legend: while at Morrison Bros. in MS, I was asked at least twice if we carried Lesbian speakers to go with the B3, and they weren't joking.

 

-- After becoming the Nord rep, a number of store employees and users would call asking for assistance on a "Clavia Nord", a "Nord Clavia", or some jumble of every product Nord makes, like "Nord Lead Clavia Electro Stage G2 88". The temptation to mess with these people was unbearable, yet a desire to be professional trumped what would have been tremendously entertaining.

[wmp]

PBS just provided a funny one. They're airing a Stevie Wonder show. One of the intermission beggars pointed out that Superstition won three Emmys.

[wmp]

PBS doesn't disappoint. After the set the beggar lady went on and on about how much she loves Superstitious.

 

 

 

[SpaceNorman]

HARMONICA ETIQUETTE

 

WARNING: You are approached by a harmonica player who makes it clear that he has a harmonica and is not afraid to use it. Please hand him these basic rules....

 

Best recommendation I've read on this forum !!!!!!

[SpaceNorman]

My pet peeve is "Caponics" ie....guitar players who are using a capo and telling me the chords in terms of their hand positions instead of the acutal key.

 

I learned long ago that pretty much any chord called out by a guitar player is suspect. I've found it's usually best to ask the guitar player in one breath ... and then ask the bass player in the next breath. The real chord can usually be discerned from their combined answer.

[Pale]

I learned long ago that pretty much any chord called out by a guitar player is suspect. I've found it's usually best to ask the guitar player in one breath ... and then ask the bass player in the next breath. The real chord can usually be discerned from their combined answer.

 

I have found that most of guitarists (not the jazz kind though) have problems with hearing chords that are built on 3rd or 5th rather than on the root. For example, sometimes you have to argue that it's not an E, it's a C with E in bass . But so many times guitarist (and other musos too) listen to bass player and immediately conclude that if the bass player is playing E than it must be an E chord.

[FunkKeysStuff]

Hey, if you're too unsophisticated to recognize an Em(#5) when you hear one, that's not the guitarist's problem.

[wmp]

HARMONICA ETIQUETTE

 

Best recommendation I've read on this forum !!!!!!

 

When I run into one of these animals on a jam, I give the harp player another solo and have the whole band stop playing and clap time. Hang the SOB out to dry.