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2002 .....A Tabloid Odyssey


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Here are my predictions for 2002. (I [i]know[/i] it's already 2002 but I didn't want to rush into anything.) 1. Michael Jackson will be cast as the lead villain in the next Batman movie. The director will opt to forgo the usual prosthetic makeup. 2. With money from her $15 million EMI buyout,Mariah Carey will release a new album on her "Mariah Mariah" label. The album will go septuple-platinum. 3. EMI will pay $15 million to get her back. 4. Curve and Scott Jones will discover that they are twin brothers separated at birth. 5. Madonna will talk about herself. 6. Osama Bin Laden will announce that he's shopping his "Al Qaeda's Biggest Hit's" album. 7. Interscope will sign him. 8. David Letterman will piss off the pope. 9. Coolhouse will get a major label cut and retain [i]all[/i] publishing. 10. The label will hit up coolhouse's publisher(house of cool songs) for a $50K advance "to help with promotion". 11. EMI will release Mariah Carey's single "Coolhouse Rocks". 12. Coolhouse will change his forum name to no-house. So like whaddya think is gonna happen this year? None of that peace and love crap either! The country won't stand for it. later, Mike [ 01-03-2002: Message edited by: coolhouse ] [ 01-03-2002: Message edited by: coolhouse ]
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13. there will finally be online adult material available via internet for the first time 14. i hope it is not of micheal jackson and mariah carey. 15. people will realize that the piston engine is about 200 years old technology and demand turbine power. 16. people will realize bill gates is about 200 years old technology and will demand better than windoze
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19. Copy protection on CDs will be a dismal failure. 20. Record companies still won't figure out how to take advantage of online marketing. 21. People will surf the net in record numbers, and starting in 2003, all the people who were laid off last year will be hired back. 22. With OS X supported by numerous companies, Apple's market share in the music industry will start creeping up. 23. A new technology will come about that makes plug-ins run much more efficiently. 24. DVD-RAM will start selling like gangbusters once the price hits $299. 25. "Now That's What I Call Music #(whatever)" will be the top-selling CD of 2002. 26. Curve and Scott Jones will join a cult, then subvert it. 27. This forum will be cited in scholarly journals as both what's good about the net and what's bad about it. The ensuing debate will give the site a tremendous amount of publicity. 28. My "Sexy World" CD will finally be released!! It's only been three years...sheesh...
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35. Digi releases a new version of Pro Tools 36. Arguments about native vs DSP continue 37. Craig's album goes triple platinum in Albania 38. Dozens of bands sell platinum, yet still fail to recoup. 39. Craig's album DOES recoup - thank goodness for efficient budgets [img]http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s2/contrib/navigator/usa.gif[/img] Phil O'Keefe Sound Sanctuary Recording Riverside CA http://www.ssrstudio.com pokeefe777@ssrstudio.com
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40. 2002 will forever be known as the year Michael Jackson was genetically tested and found to be of an alien race. 41. No "good" music will break the top 10. 42. Boy bands and girl bands will be replaced by Bi-Bands. You won't be able to tell "who's who" without a scorecard. 43. Big Money wil find it's way into Craig's hands as he wins the NY Lotto... even though he never entered. Later it becomes known that the winning ticket was purchased by an out of work musician who got his job back in 2002 and wanted to thank someone who had predicted it in the first place. 44. The WAR ON TERRORISM will continue... unabated. guitplayer

I'm still "guitplayer"!

Check out my music if you like...

 

http://www.michaelsaulnier.com

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[quote]Originally posted by popmusic: [b]You aren't far off. Rumor has it that Michael Jackson wants to put together a movie about the final days of Edgar Allen Poe... And Michael wants to play Poe. [/b][/quote] quoth the raven, [b]"oh my fucking god!"[/b] [ 01-04-2002: Message edited by: left elbow fade ]
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48. 48 tracks are deemed too many. 49. dick cheney is finally located (in a cave in afghanistan) 50. the strokes sign 30 millon dollar deal with mariah carey's new label 51. fletcher will piss somebody off 52. my new breast implants will look natural, sexy, and flattering. 53. a new crop of bands will tune their guitars UP a whole step or more and use only 4 strings on them. 54. a gun-toting elvis will be spotted in pakistan 55. chuck berry will play "johnnie B. Goode" 56. somebody named fred will buy my new record 57. KORN will no longer rulez. -d. gauss
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59. People will realise that 'Football' is in fact the proper term for 'soccer' and that 'American Football' is not a sport, it is in fact a pantomine performed by steroid-addled muppets in body armour. 60. England will win the World Cup final against Germany 6:0 with a Owen double-hattrick causing Oliver Kahn to commit hari-kiri in shame.
"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." - Banky Edwards.
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61. The Doobie Brothers will reunite and tour...again. 62. A rap musician will be arrested. 63. Roland will release a manual written in English (BWAHAHAHAHA yeah right!) 64. Someone will quit my band. 65. Drug use among teenagers will go up or down. 66. Blue chip stocks will go up AND down. 67. The REST of the Olympic scandals will be exposed.

Botch

"Eccentric language often is symptomatic of peculiar thinking" - George Will

www.puddlestone.net

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68. The price of complex music software will go up, as companies realize just how much stuff these programs do 69. A hardware copy protection scheme will appear that is nearly impossible to break. 70. Propellerheads will realease some extremely cool product that no one's expecting. 71. Native Instruments will release some extremely cool product that no one's expecting. 72. MOTU will go after Digi big-time, and thereby increase their market share. 73. FireWire will be more popular than USB 2.0. 74. DVD Audio will be "just around the corner" for all of 2002, just as was during all of 2001 and 2000 75. Alphajerk will do something to get recognized in the Guinness Book of World Records. 76. A major political figure will be caught doing Ecstasy.
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77. [url=http://www.supergreg.com/]Super Greg[/url] won't bother upgrading his website. 78. Boy bands and teeny-bop female artists will still dominate the pop market. 79. I won't buy any new CD's. Take that record companies! 80. Despite having a solid OS out, Apple won't gain any more market share in the audio field. 81. Digi will release a new native system at the NAMM show to replace Digi001. 82. We won't find and/or kill Bin Laden. I'd love to be wrong though...
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  • 11 months later...
[quote]Originally posted by left elbow fade: [b] [quote]Originally posted by popmusic: [b]You aren't far off. Rumor has it that Michael Jackson wants to put together a movie about the final days of Edgar Allen Poe... And Michael wants to play Poe. [/b][/quote]quoth the raven, [b]"oh my fucking god!"[/b][/b][/quote]Will Steven Seagal do a cameo as Jimi Hendrix?
"Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine"
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94. Diddy will shorten his name to just Didd (d to the iz-i to the double d) 95. He will then shorten it to Di 97.Yup, just call him D 98. He will then be laughed out of politics 99.After being humiliated by Tim Russet on Meet the Press, Prince will give him a reassuring phone call 100.D then signs a bad record contract with himself and legally changes his name to the symbol $ 101. He then joins up with MJ's cloacked baby and Ben Aflec to make a video where they go cruisin' the streets of NY in gold plated Segway scooters with 24" rims (and $ on the hubcap that spins when you stop)
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103. stealth technology will become available to everyone, rendering highway radar obsolete 104. ClearChannel will get the fate that Microsloth avoided-mandated to be broken up into divisions. 105. it won`t matter, because everything they are doing now will be acceptable business within a few years, and everyone on earth will be working for a division of the same company within ten. 106. the final phaseout of cables and wires will begin for all electronic devices. As a result, wiretaps will require medical, as well as legal, permission. BTW, #106 refers to Brainjacking-hacking directly into the ol` CNS. Remote Viewing, Remote Neural Monitoring-goes by several monikers.
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