So I quit the band (again)

[The Geoff]

I hope you are doing other things (musically) between those gigs?

 

G.

[EddiePlaysBass]

I bought Jay Hungerford's "Walking jazz lines for bass" book, and contacted the bass teacher I found last year, to see if he'll have me back (he will). Also got a lead on a blues jam band with a guy I know, but I'm not sure if he has or does not have a bass player for this band and I don't want to steal away anyone's position (also not sure if he's a good guitarist - I heard he's not).

 

And there's some rehearsals in between with the pop band ...

[Seamy ALB]

Man between these 2 threads I would be running so fast away from this they would be calling me flash! Get out man stop wasting your time doing stuff you don't enjoy.

[EddiePlaysBass]

This is what I don't get. 87 days? As in 3 months? Seriously? I would give maybe 30 days - and even that is pretty generous as far as notice goes.

 

yep

 

Man between these 2 threads I would be running so fast away from this they would be calling me flash! Get out man stop wasting your time doing stuff you don't enjoy.

 

Okay, I need to vent a wee little bit: the main reason why I am staying on as long as I am, is because I've always (always) read on this forum as well as "the other forum" that you should honour your commitments. It's the right thing to do.

 

Yet here I am, honouring my commitment to play the three remaining gigs I signed up for, and everyone (here and "there") is telling me I'm crazy? Explain yo'selves!

 

Edit: Not singling out Imogene, Ross or Seamy, just using them as examples cos I'm lazy.

[Ross Brown]

You should do what is right for you. But 87 days...? Are they planning on replacing you? They should be able to have your replacement ready well before 87 days.... They are not serious about your leaving... (or perhaps about continuing after you leave...)...

 

Just my opinion.... but I am right..

[Ross Brown]

I don't mind being singled out....

 

[jeremy c]

87 days is more than many bands actually last.

 

Surely they can find a new person before at least some of these gigs take place.

 

It doesn't seem as they are motivated to replace you.

[Imogene]

The commitment period seems excessive. Can't imagine a situation quite like yours. It would seem that if you were motivated to be leaving, they'd be motivated to find a replacement.

[Cthulhu Fhtagn]

87 days is more than many bands actually last.

 

Well, some guys I know and I just formed a jazz-fusion band yesterday to take advantage of the winery gigs ... wait ... nevermind, the horn section just quit.

[J. Dan]

Define your commitment.....play all the gigs already booked? If I did that when I quit my old band, I would have been committed for another year and a half. Most people will give a month or 2 notice.

[Griffinator]

Define your commitment.....play all the gigs already booked? If I did that when I quit my old band, I would have been committed for another year and a half. Most people will give a month or 2 notice.

 

This. Emphatically.

[jeremy c]

If I said I wanted to quit a band, I don't know why the band would want me hanging around for months. I mean, "I just told you guys I don't want to be in your band! Don't you get it?"

 

Also if I were fired for a band and they gave me a month's notice, I wouldn't want to play with them for a month knowing that they didn't want me there.

[EddiePlaysBass]

79 days remaining!

 

You should do what is right for you. But 87 days...? Are they planning on replacing you? They should be able to have your replacement ready well before 87 days.... They are not serious about your leaving... (or perhaps about continuing after you leave...)...

 

Just my opinion.... but I am right..

 

You are always right, Ross. I have come to accept this as a universal rule :grin: Frankly, I do not care what happens after I leave. Whether they soldier on or disband, it will no longer be my problem. The singer did say shed talked to someone who knew a bass player. Could be the one they seek. I will mail her to ask whats up with that.

 

Define your commitment.....

 

I did: 3 gigs, and help them out with the vocalist auditions.

 

Most people will give a month or 2 notice.

 

I gave three

 

I know it seems excessive, and I agree that most bands would / should be able to find a replacement well within this time-frame. This band, however, has never been good at finding (and subsequently keeping) bass players.

 

The band leader founded the band in 2011, and between that time and when I joined in July 2013 they went through 3 or 4 bass players (come to think of it, they ARE good at finding them, just not keeping them :grin: )

 

In those 2 years they played two gigs, due to unstable line-ups. With me, theyve played 5 gigs so far in the last year. I want to help them play these 3 additional gigs. They need the on-stage experience more than I do.

 

If I said I wanted to quit a band, I don't know why the band would want me hanging around for months. I mean, "I just told you guys I don't want to be in your band! Don't you get it?"

 

I am leaving on good terms, so to speak. I want to remain friends with the current singer and the non-band leader guitarist cos they and I get along great. I dont like the BL and the drummer on a personal level, and the keys player and I are friendly but not friends.

 

It would seem that if you were motivated to be leaving, they'd be motivated to find a replacement.

 

I have to say, I get the impression that the BL does not grasp the concept of me leaving. He says that as long as I am with the band, I get a say in band matters (like the new vocalist). So tomorrow I will play my part for the auditions and simply offer no feedback whatsoever. I will also reiterate that I asked a bass teacher if any of his students would be interested in joining.

 

On that side-note: I will be taking bass lessons again come November! I plan on having a few sit-down-and-talk lessons with this guy, so we can determine my needs and wants, and inhowfar he can help with those. Excited about that, I can tell you!

[Seamy ALB]

As Jeremy has said, I would feel really awkward being with a situation that I didn't want to be in. Once I have made up my mind about such a situation I have little tolerance for it. Ed you have a much more patient outlook than I ever could have.

 

I also think that this is holding you back from engaging in something more positive, its a time/energy suck.

[Groove Mama]

On that side-note: I will be taking bass lessons again come November! I plan on having a few sit-down-and-talk lessons with this guy, so we can determine my needs and wants, and inhowfar he can help with those. Excited about that, I can tell you!

And this is precisely why I said that I thought auditioning for yet another band on the heels of -- hell, not having even left the current band yet was a bad idea.

 

You have repeatedly stated how you want to take lessons and work on various things. Unless you have free time to burn, it's been my (albeit limited) experience that it's extremely time-consuming to work on both, say, walking bass lines and also band songs at the same time. Add in the responsibility to attend band practice and also perform and, in most cases, something's got to give.

 

My suggestion is that you take a total break from band commitment -- and band drama -- get with a good teacher and devote yourself to learning what you want to. If you feel the need to play with others, then get together with a buddy or two and noodle around from time to time or partake of an informal blues jam night or whatever.

 

Then after six months, reassess your goals and seek out a new band or continue your studies. You just seem like one of those people who leap from bad relationship to bad relationship without ever looking at what you want to change about yourself so you can ultimately end up in a good relationship.

 

Tough love. Just my 2 cents based on my admittedly limited musical experience.

[SteveC]

I'm debating leaving the band at church. Not for drama, but because of time. Most Sundays, all morning, takes away a lot of time from the family. My wife has said she wishes I was home more, or we had the opportunity to do leave for a weekend, etc. While that is possible with enough lead time to get a sub, it isn't the best situation for the band.

 

I have been doing it for over 10 years. I like it, but it may be time for a break. No drama or anything, just a continuation of my frustration/lack of motivation in general. Lack of a real "scene" around here. New bands playing the same stuff over and over. Same reason I left my jazz group a couple years ago.

 

I would/will miss playing with real people who are great musicians. There is no one locally to take lessons from. I may go back to teaching upright/legit lessons to younger kids again. Not sure what I should do.

 

Oh...got off on a tangent there. I think I'd say I'll do the next gig but after that I'm done. Then get some lessons or just stop for 6 months and see where your head is at after a break. Of course, I can't decide what to do with myself so I'm not sure what good my advice is.

[Eric VB]

Yet here I am, honouring my commitment to play the three remaining gigs I signed up for, and everyone (here and "there") is telling me I'm crazy? Explain yo'selves!

I would play the 3 gigs but wouldn't feel committed for anything else unless they were close, personal friends. Similarly, if -- by some miracle in this case -- they found another bass player and canceled me for the 3 gigs that wouldn't be a big problem.

[EddiePlaysBass]

Alright, 75 days to go til the last gig

 

As Jeremy has said, I would feel really awkward being with a situation that I didn't want to be in.

 

Yes, I can definitely understand that. Truth be told, for me its a matter of pride now, more than anything else. Most of you dont know me well enough, but those that have been around for a while wont be surprised when I say I am not the type of person to see things through. I wish I could say I always bring things to a good end, but the truth is I rarely ever finish anything. Heck, Ive been learning Dream Theaters Erotomania for 7 years and its not even that difficult a song. I seem to let go once I get too close to actually finishing something.

 

So I have decided I wanna see this through. I gave em my word for three gigs, and a mans only as good as his word. If my epitaph were written right now, I would not be remembered as someone whos always kept the word he gave. Time I change that.

 

I also think that this is holding you back from engaging in something more positive, its a time/energy suck.

 

Yes, it is. At the same time it does keep me busy and keeps me playing bass. Ever since the blues band ended (and it ended in drama) I had a creeping suspicion that I would move away from bass and only get back to it years from now. My first reflex was to find a different band, and I found one in this band. In retrospect, it was a bad choice and some of you saw it from the very first time I posted recordings from the first rehearsal I did with them.

 

But its not been time wasted. Ive learned a lot about how not to run a band (see also the Singer Audition thread for some dumbass moves by the band leader) and I learned to play with a pick. I used to be able to do that at home, but never in a band setting. Now, a year into playing with this band, I am a lot more comfortable with it, and my pick playing is a lot better. Theres time where I think I should switch to that technique full-time, as I seem to play better when picking. But thats probably down to focus / attention :-)

 

And this is precisely why I said that I thought auditioning for yet another band on the heels of -- hell, not having even left the current band yet was a bad idea.

 

I am glad you chose to expand on your initial comment, Nancy. It is tough love as you mentioned, but I really do appreciate it. And no, I definitely do not have time to burn. Truth is, I am afraid of progress. Im afraid that when I take lessons, Ill find I dont have the heart to actually work on the material. I tend to pick up new skills relatively easily, and those who are like me will know this means you dont really have to work too hard or bother too much to be above average. Its a terrible skill to have if youre inherently lazy, which I am too

 

My suggestion is that you take a total break from band commitment -- and band drama -- get with a good teacher and devote yourself to learning what you want to.

 

Yes. I am setting those wheels in motion. Ive contacted the bass teacher I found last year. I am not seeing him now because of what you stated above (and what Seamy alluded to): I have a prior commitment to this band, and I wanna see it through. Once that is done, I will dive head first into taking lessons. Ill discuss it with Nick (the teacher) but my preference is 2x per month so I will feel some pressure to actually work on what we deal with in the lessons. And no bands at that time.

 

You just seem like one of those people who leap from bad relationship to bad relationship without ever looking at what you want to change about yourself so you can ultimately end up in a good relationship.

 

No, not really. I think this was my rebound period from Dusty Dollar ending so sourly. That was my biggest musical disappointment ever. Not so much because we were close to actually becoming a name in the local circuit, but finding out that even though I could hang with the better kids, in the end I was more or less tolerated rather than appreciated. Its taken me all this time to actually get over it, but I am now. In that sense, too, this band was good for me while my time with them lasted.

 

I'm debating leaving the band at church. Not for drama, but because of time. Most Sundays, all morning, takes away a lot of time from the family. My wife has said she wishes I was home more, or we had the opportunity to do leave for a weekend, etc. While that is possible with enough lead time to get a sub, it isn't the best situation for the band.

 

Sometimes you gotta think about what is good for you, and not the band. I am sure when I leave, the non-band leader guitarist will leave, too. And the way things are progressing with the singer situation, the current lead singer may end up leaving, too. But frankly, I really do not care. For me, the time has come to quit, and this is MY life. Just like your life is yours, Steve, and you should think about that first.

 

Similarly, if -- by some miracle in this case -- they found another bass player and canceled me for the 3 gigs that wouldn't be a big problem.

 

Id clap my hands and be ever so grateful if that happened! It wont, but its nice to pretend this would be an option :grin:

 

[EddiePlaysBass]

57 days to go.

 

I mailed the guitarist (the one who also wants to quit) to ask if any details have been discussed about the gig we're playing two weeks from now. To the best of his knowledge, nothing has been discussed. Everyone in the band is on a shared smartphone chat app, but I don't have a smartphone so sometimes I miss out on certain updates. It's always been that way and never bothered me.

 

He did go on to say that the question was raised when the two new members will be told that I am leaving the band. The band leader suggested it be done after the November gig (57 days to go) but the rest disagreed, and now they apparently want me to tell it to the new kids after the October gig. Officially I do not know all this, and no one has approached me about it yet.

 

I wonder if they realize how this will go over. I don't plan on lying: if they want me to tell it, I will tell them that I quit at the beginning of August and agreed to help out the band for the remainder of gigs and the auditions. At that point they'll be likely to realize they were lied to from the get-go ...

[J. Dan]

First of all, time to ditch the Nokia and step into the modern world.

 

Second, you carry your integrity for life. Don't sacrifice it. Tell it like it is.

 

Third. You should have already bailed.

[Danzilla]

First of all, time to ditch the Nokia and step into the modern world.

 

Don't do it, Dave! I, too am still on a 10+ year old, pay-as-you-go, talk & text only dumbphone. Happily so. Sure, you can't watch cute kitty cat videos on a super small screen while walking down the road and nearly getting hit by other pedestrians and oncoming traffic, but you CAN disconnect from the drama of the world for a few minutes. And this whole smartphone thing is a fad- hold out for the affordable smart watch. Or shoe-phone.

[Cthulhu Fhtagn]

First of all, time to ditch the Nokia and step into the modern world.

 

Don't do it, Dave! I, too am still on a 10+ year old, pay-as-you-go, talk & text only dumbphone. Happily so. Sure, you can't watch cute kitty cat videos on a super small screen while walking down the road and nearly getting hit by other pedestrians and oncoming traffic, but you CAN disconnect from the drama of the world for a few minutes. And this whole smartphone thing is a fad- hold out for the affordable smart watch. Or shoe-phone.

 

... but I can't get the Iggle's games on the dumbphone. Or call up the f#@king tab program the guitar is using to show him where the f$@king tab is wrong and that he should listen to the damned song FIRST! Smart phones have their uses, and the plans are getting cheaper all the time. Just don't upgrade your i4s with the iOS8. Bad things happen. BAD things.

 

... and yeah, should have bailed way back when.

[EddiePlaysBass]

I'm holding out for smartpants (iPants?) with auto-skidmark removers.

 

Just got a mail from the band leader for the gig in two weeks: set up and soundcheck at 5:15Pm, then tear down again and start playing at 11:45PM.

 

Yeah, no.

 

Just told them I will not be attending sound check and will be there around 9PM / 10PM at the earliest. I really hope he makes a big deal of this - I am one excuse removed from a bona fide ragequit

[Eric VB]

set up and soundcheck at 5:15Pm, then tear down again and start playing at 11:45PM.

To my knowledge none of the cover/bar bands do a sound check 6 hours before a show. Not even the top bands with 40+ channel mixing boards, IEMs and separate mixes for each member.

 

"Then tear down again" ... as in, take all your gear with you after sound check? And then bring it back again 5 hours later just to set it up again? That sounds like a monumental waste of time and energy.

 

I know I've played at least one venue where they requested we set up several hours early to avoid getting in the way during their dinner rush, but we didn't sound check.

 

The only times we've sound checked "the right way" (before the audience shows up) were private parties and weddings.

 

On a typical bar night we have about 5 minutes after we're done setting up and before we start to sound check. It's pretty much the same on a festival stage or a club with a sound guy (especially when four original bands split the night).

[5 string Mike]

I'm holding out for smartpants (iPants?) with auto-skidmark removers.

 

 

I'd be afraid to put them on vibrate- my butt would fall asleep...

[Russkull]

I'm debating leaving the band at church. Not for drama, but because of time. Most Sundays, all morning, takes away a lot of time from the family. My wife has said she wishes I was home more, or we had the opportunity to do leave for a weekend, etc. While that is possible with enough lead time to get a sub, it isn't the best situation for the band.

After my daughter was born a few years back, I stepped back from playing two or three Sundays a month to just one. But I am fortunate in that we had another bass player who was willing to take up the slack. I still haven't officially stepped it back up, although lately it seems like I'm playing more.

 

Don't know how big your church is Steve, but maybe a serious discussion with your worship leader about cutting back and bringing in someone else would help. I'm sure that he/she would really like to keep you on board, even if you're playing way less, as opposed to losing your skills completely if you leave the band.

 

(Off the original topic, sorry...)

[jcadmus]

There is no such thing as a smart phone.

[EddiePlaysBass]

Ha! Word is out amongst my old peers that I am quitting music altogether ... How strange, this thing called gossip Does that mean, when I hit the stage again in Belgium, I can call it a come-back? Or am I a has-been already?

 

The (original) singer told me today that one of the two new singers (try and keep up!) knows a good few bass players. Also, she's been "softening the blow" by already telling the new kids how busy I am with work, building the house and travelling to and from work/rehearsals (all of which is true).

 

Apparently the plan is to tell the new kids this Friday, that I am quitting / have quit the band. I find it funny that the BL himself has told me nothing of these plans - but it's kind of indicative of his typical communication style, I guess. He never did get back to me re: the 6 hour pre-gig set up. Whatever.

 

In the meantime, I have decided to play the next gig on my 4-string Squier Precision. The only song where I'd need a low D is "Summer Of '69" so I'll just octave-up everything and be done with it. I actually had a bit of a blast going over some of the songs on the set list yesterday, just cos I was sporting a 4-string again

 

54 days to go, and counting.

[Ross Brown]

You don't need Low D for Summer of 69....

 

 

[Cthulhu Fhtagn]

You don't need Low D for Summer of 69....

 

It's the Disturbed cover.