dvuksanovich Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Hey all - I remember a few months ago there was a great topic on the "10 Commandments of Guitar Douchebaggery." In somewhat the same vein (part informative, part humorous) I've assembled my list of 25 ways to ensure that you will suck at guitar: http://www.whyisuckatguitar.com/blog/96-25-ways-to-ensure-that-you-will-suck-at-guitar Interested to see what you all think about the content of the list and if you have any items that you think should be added. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zumabebop Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 very well done... & one more: start playing bass instead because you think it would be easier... "All music is folk music; I ain't never heard no horse sing a song."- Louis Armstrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caevan O’Shite Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 There really are some good points made there... Ask yourself- What Would Ren and Stimpy Do? ~ Caevan James-Michael Miller-O'Shite ~ _ ___ _ Leprechaun, Esquire _ ___ _ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billster Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 #25-Quit I had a conversation with a relative of mine last summer, and he claimed "I don't have a creative bone in my body." I told him that actually, the problem was that he stopped himself. He's actually very creative in his own expertise, but got frustrated with music. I always recommend to keep trying. Buy my CD on CD Baby! Bill Hartzell - the website MySpace?!?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkjimiphoton Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 if that's the course, i would fail, and epicly!!! lol well done!! http://www.sweetrelief.org/ https://www.wepay.com/donations/memorial-stone-for-juliane-pocius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dvuksanovich Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 So the punchline is that many of these items are things that I either have been or still am guilty of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dannyalcatraz Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Only learn your favorite 3-6 measures of the songs you like (by ear, 'cause sheet music is fer 'tards, duh)...EVER. That will be enough to have people recognize what you're playing...and they'll just assume you're a killer guitarist after that. Sturgeon's 2nd Law, a.k.a. Sturgeon's Revelation: âNinety percent of everything is crapâ My FLMS- Murphy's Music in Irving, Tx http://murphysmusictx.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dvuksanovich Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Only learn your favorite 3-6 measures of the songs you like (by ear, 'cause sheet music is fer 'tards, duh)...EVER. That will be enough to have people recognize what you're playing...and they'll just assume you're a killer guitarist after that. That's a great one! My parents used to get so mad at me because I could play the intros to about 100 songs but I couldn't play any songs all the way through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winston Psmith Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 They forgot the Zero-th Rule of How to Suck at Guitar - start out assuming that you already know exactly what you need to know, and everybody else is full of it. Most of the rest follow from there . . . "Monsters are real, and Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King http://www.novparolo.com https://thewinstonpsmithproject.bandcamp.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbqbob Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 So funny and so true! I am guilty of at least 5 or six of them myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dannyalcatraz Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Remember, louder = better: Max out all your amp's* knobs and stand right in front of it when playing, practice or gig, and really master the art of using feedback. Over time, this will temper your hearing into a finely honed tone-discriminating system. * number of watts is your primary concern when purchasing your amp- but don't forget that tube and solid-state amps wattages don't correlate directly. Sturgeon's 2nd Law, a.k.a. Sturgeon's Revelation: âNinety percent of everything is crapâ My FLMS- Murphy's Music in Irving, Tx http://murphysmusictx.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
p90jr Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 The old timers who played in my stepdad's horn band used to say "there's one way to suck in any situation: don't listen... don't listen to anything..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dvuksanovich Posted January 19, 2012 Author Share Posted January 19, 2012 The old timers who played in my stepdad's horn band used to say "there's one way to suck in any situation: don't listen... don't listen to anything..." Yup... that's a great one. I think I may put together an addendum (5 BONUS ways to suck at guitar!) based on some of the great comments in this thread. Keep 'em coming! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dannyalcatraz Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 Always practice drunk- that way you'll be ready for when you're onstage. Sturgeon's 2nd Law, a.k.a. Sturgeon's Revelation: âNinety percent of everything is crapâ My FLMS- Murphy's Music in Irving, Tx http://murphysmusictx.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dannyalcatraz Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 To suck at jazz guitar, sit yourself in front of your very expensive amp with your very expensive guitar nd set the controls so you can juuuusssst barely hear it during sound check. Then, when the gig starts, take the same position and turn your volume down so you can't hear it. Sturgeon's 2nd Law, a.k.a. Sturgeon's Revelation: âNinety percent of everything is crapâ My FLMS- Murphy's Music in Irving, Tx http://murphysmusictx.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winston Psmith Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 But then no one will get to appreciate how much you suck . . . "Monsters are real, and Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King http://www.novparolo.com https://thewinstonpsmithproject.bandcamp.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dannyalcatraz Posted January 19, 2012 Share Posted January 19, 2012 By (my) definition, if they can't tell you're good, you suck. It's kind of like the reverse of our legal system: The burden of proof is on the guitarist- you're sucky until proven decent. Sturgeon's 2nd Law, a.k.a. Sturgeon's Revelation: âNinety percent of everything is crapâ My FLMS- Murphy's Music in Irving, Tx http://murphysmusictx.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dvuksanovich Posted January 19, 2012 Author Share Posted January 19, 2012 By (my) definition, if they can't tell you're good, you suck. It's kind of like the reverse of our legal system: The burden of proof is on the guitarist- you're sucky until proven decent. I think that only applies when the audience is made up of musicians. When the audience is made up of non-musicians, I would argue that it's the other way around... you're awesome simply for strapping the guitar on and climbing up on stage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caevan O’Shite Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Instead of playing with taste and careful phrasing that fits the song and works with the other players, just pick harder and play as busy a part as you can- it doesn't matter how sloppy you are. Bonus points for frantic strumming posing as "passion". Ask yourself- What Would Ren and Stimpy Do? ~ Caevan James-Michael Miller-O'Shite ~ _ ___ _ Leprechaun, Esquire _ ___ _ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Fraser Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Solo throughout, especially while the singer is singing. Also, always super high gain regardless of whether you're playing chords or single notes. In fact, take a page from Smashing Pumpkins, you should have so much distortion that all distinction between different chords is erased. Makes it easier to play whatever you want, & eliminates the problem of playing wrong notes. Scott Fraser Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billster Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Always practice drunk- that way you'll be ready for when you're onstage. Ummmm.... Buy my CD on CD Baby! Bill Hartzell - the website MySpace?!?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billster Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Next: Don't think beyond the guitar. If you play it, it has to be the right thing - the other instruments don't matter. Buy my CD on CD Baby! Bill Hartzell - the website MySpace?!?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dannyalcatraz Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Kind of a Nietzschean "Will to Powerchord" thang... Sturgeon's 2nd Law, a.k.a. Sturgeon's Revelation: âNinety percent of everything is crapâ My FLMS- Murphy's Music in Irving, Tx http://murphysmusictx.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winston Psmith Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Know that there is only one true chord - the Power chord - and move around the neck as you feel like. Always remember that it's more important to have really cool gear than to know how any of it works. Also, all those mixing boards and effects racks are just there for ambient lighting - no one really knows what they do. "Monsters are real, and Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King http://www.novparolo.com https://thewinstonpsmithproject.bandcamp.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larryz Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Always remember that there are more than 25 ways to suck at guitar...one good way to fight back is to pick up an acoustic without all the gadgets and try for a really clean guitar sound... Take care, Larryz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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