Chad Thorne Posted January 9, 2004 Share Posted January 9, 2004 ...and brought to you by a guitar player, so feel free to respond in kind. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So they can park in the handicapped spot. Johnny says to his mom: I wanna be a drummer when I grow up! Mom: But, Johnny, you can't do both. Why did God make a drummer's IQ 5 points higher than that of a horse? So he won't crap in the street when he's marching. What do you call someone who likes to hang around with musicians? A drummer How can you tell when there's a drummer at the door? He doesn't know when to come in Did you hear about the guitarist that was going to a gig and locked his keys in the car? It took him two hours to get the drummer out. One friend to another: Why do you hang out with that drummer? Beats me. How is a drum solo like a sneeze? You can tell when it's coming, but you can't do anything about it. What does the average drummer get on his IQ test? Drool What do you call a drummer that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless How can you tell the drum riser is level? Drool comes out of BOTH sides of the drummer's mouth How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Five. One to screw it in and four to comment on how Neil Peart would have done it better. How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Twenty. One to hold it in and nineteen more to drink until the room spins around. What did the professional drummer say when he got to his day job? Would you like fries with that? What's the last thing a drummer says in a band? Hey, guys, why don't we try one of my songs? How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one as long as the roadie finds a ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in place. Why is the orchestra intermission limited to 20 minutes? So you don't have to retrain the drummers. What do Ginger Baker and coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream. Did you hear about the drummer that finished high school? Me neither. How is a drummer different than a vaccum? You have to plug the vaccum in before it starts sucking. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality What do you a call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they have a machine that does that now. Hey, buddy, how late does the band play? About half a beat behind the drummer Why do bands need roadies? To translate the drummer Why is a drum machine better than a drummer? You only have to punch information into the machine once. A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native casts about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops." At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off. After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!" "Bass solo." - A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordian." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay". - Why are bad drummers better than drum machines? You don't have to plug 'em in to get something stiff, mechanical and uninspired. - I lady walks into a store and tell the man behind the counter she would like some musican brains. "Alright" he says, "What kind?". "How much do they cost?" she asks. "Well, those there are trumpeters at $5 a pound, those are french horns at $7 a pound, and those are conductors' at $10 a pound." He replies. "What are those way back there?" she asks. "Those are drummers brains. They cost $100 a pound." He replies. "GOODNESS!!", she exclaims, "Why are they so expensive?" "Lady, do you realize how many drummers it takes to get a pound of brains?!?!". - Q: How can you make a drummer slow down? A: Put a sheet of music in front of him Q #2: How can you make that drummer stop? A: Put notes on it! - How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jode Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit? "Will the defendant please rise." How do you get a drummer off your porch? Pay him for the pizza. "I had to have something, and it wasn't there. I couldn't go down the street and buy it, so I built it." Les Paul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adam b_dup1 Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 yea well you know what im a drummer, and im a little offended how drummers are always thought of as big dumb not even muscians who just pound on drums and all....lol im just kidding man! .....bonham Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
comfortat Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 Very very funny. But ummm... these must not offend drummers, they're not responding. Either that or they're trying to find guitarist jokes somewhere and can only find links to "Bad Company Guitar solos". If you don't wanna be nibbled, don't play with the bunny. God created Eve and me, not Steve and me. - Adam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drumtek Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 As a drummer, I'm not offended in the least. Some of them are actually funny. My response to those that perpetuate the 'stereotype'..? I play. Oh, they still got jokes when the song's over, just not about my playing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adam b_dup1 Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Whats black and blue and lying in a ditch?...a guitarist who told too many drummer jokes! bud-duh-tahh! .....bonham Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adam b_dup1 Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Whats black and blue and lying in a ditch?...a guitarist who told too many drummer jokes! bud-duh-tahh!.......... .....bonham Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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