People that can't make it to rehearsal frustrate me

[Ross Brown]

My Friday venting

 

I am tired of people that cant seem to make it to rehearsal at the last minute (day). I keep my schedule clear for Friday (or any other day) practices and have made this a priority in my life. My wife is cool about it, the kids are cool about it. I cant seem to get four people in the same place at the same time. Everyone talks about really, really wanting to get out and play, yet I dont get the feeling that they understand what that takes. Of course these "creative" people can seem to come up with reasons that it doesn't suit them to practice that I can't argue with. I guess it is the old linebacker coach in me, but either you make the tackle or you don't, no excuses. This way of thinking has worked out very well for me, but I am feeling alone right now...

 

Disclaimer: I know this is a common complaint and I dont expect sympathy. Just venting and whining. Jump right in!

[moot]

I'm with ya on this one. At least 24 hours notice is reasonably courtious.

I have been having problems with our drummer switching days on us. Okay, so you got a new job and alright it's a management position so you have to be flexible but dude, calling me on Tuesday an hour before rehearsal and wanting to switch to Wednesday doesn't cut it. Not like I have this outrageous social life but I think it is just rude and self-important to expect people to drop what their doing and rearrange their life for . . .

Anyway, I feel your pain Ross. It is frustrating when you're amped up to go and then somebody either calls and cancels or just doesn't show up. Not everybody has the level of comittment that us serious guys but that's no excuse for rude and thoughtless behavior.

Kick 'em in the ding-ding!

[Seamy ALB]

Book some gigs Ross, there is nothing like must do!!

[Tom Capasso]

The thing that I find difficult is when someone proclaims a level of desire that is clearly at odds with their ability to show up (or be prepared). This caused us to separate from our keys guy. There were repeated discussions, but it became clear that there was a mismatch in desire (though I don't think he was ready to admit that at first).

 

We have had minimal problems with people showing up. The aforementioned keys guy only stiffed us for half a time once. One of the guys warned us that our Friday night rehearsals were not a good fit with his job and travel (to go home and get his guitars takes extra time). We tried it, and sometimes he was OK, sometimes late, sometimes a no-show (always with a call). So we discussed and switched from Fridays. The only other time we had a no-show was genuine illness (we rehearsed anyway). Oh - and one of the brother-teams in the band had an issue - one didn't show, the other cut the time short. This due to their mom having a cranial surgery (she's OK). We understood.

 

Ross - somewhere in the past someone suggested writing a "what it means to be in the band" doc. Sounds like a good idea for you.

 

Best of luck.

Tom

[jcadmus]

In the immortal words of Woody Allen, 80 percent of life is showing up.

 

Stuff happens, but if it's a chronic issue it may be time to find some new bandmates.

[Mudcat]

Originally posted by Tom Capasso:

The thing that I find difficult is when someone proclaims a level of desire that is clearly at odds with their ability to show up (or be prepared). This caused us to separate from our keys guy. There were repeated discussions, but it became clear that there was a mismatch in desire (though I don't think he was ready to admit that at first)...

I left a band for this specific reason. I was the person who was not as comitted as the others and I made it clear that I wasn't (other prioities in life at the time). After trying to hang in there for a couple of months it just made more sense for the band to find a replacement. I left on good terms and ended up doing some recording with them at a later date. People just need to make up their minds as to whether they are really as committed as others in the band. If not, they need to move on.

[Tom Capasso]

Originally posted by Mudcat:

... I left on good terms ...

Of course you did - you did the right thing.

 

Reading this reminds me of how I started playing in church on Sundays. I knew the music director at the time (we'd played together in a theatre group), and he was playing alone (keys). One Sunday we were talking before Mass and I showed some interest in playing. He said "too bad you don't have a bass with you". I did, ran to the car, and played that day. I asked about the future, explaining that I could not attend any rehearsals, and that I'd understand if that wasn't good enough. He said it was fine. I've made my situation clear to the two music directors that have followed, and would understandably bow out if they wanted more than I could do. So far, so good

 

Tom

[The Great Dictator]

I know exactly where your coming from. My band has this sort of semi percussion guy. He plays this thing thats so annoying to transport. It's this overly big thing he constructed. It's basicly made of junk. A neiborhood watch sign, some crappy out of tuned toms, some trash cans that he aquired when setting up the show Stomp, some saw blades, and some various junk. Now while it looks cool, it isn't worth the pain in the ass it brings. Anyway, the guy never shows up to practice, AND HE LIVES WITH ME! And we play at my house!!! The singer (who also lives at my house) and I always tell him ahead of time. We had a show last saturday. So we decided to have rehearsal on Friday. But Mr. Percussion guy can't make it. He has to "return" something and he had no idea about it untill the last minute. Which I know was a load of bull shit. Because I told him the day before. And he said he could make it. As a matter of fact, I had four days off that weekend, and we were planning for months to practice all four days. So he knew damn well about it. He was just making excuses.

 

But thats not the worst of it. The day of the show comes. And he's always late to shows. Not too late, just shows a half hour before we go on, which is silly because it takes practically an hour to set up that giant piece of crap that he can barely play. But this time he shows up right as were supposed to be going on. I'm right as the band before us takes off there last set of equipment. And he had no reason to be late. The only reason he was late, was because he was putting these stupid fake dreads in his hair. Now this would be fine if it was just once in a while, but it's all the time, and he can't play the songs at all. He just jams to them. And he sucks at it. And we have this one song with these really tricky time signatures. The section right before the chorus is in three differant time signatures. The first measure's in 7/8, the second is in 10/8. So it's going, 123 1234 123 123 1234, and it raps around. Then on the very last measure, right before we go into the corus, we take of two beats of the 10/8 section making it into 4, or 8 or or however you want to look at it. So it goes 123 1234 123 123 12 1234 1234 then into the chorus which is in four. No how can you catch something like that if you dont even really know how it goes? I'm not saying it's hard, just saying it takes some practice to get it right.

 

Personally I want to kick him out, but my band keeps giving him chance. He's a good musician, but he insist on playing that stupid thing, when he's a bad drummer, and doesn't show up 90% of the time so he can barely play the songs we have. THe only songs he can play are the songs that are like a year and a half old and we don't really like playing any more and are slowly weeding them out of our set. I hate that crap.

 

For me, when your in a band, you sacrifice everything for that band. You cancel all plans,You lose sleep. You do what you have to make it work. Now I make exceptions. But I take my music very seriously, and I dont appreaciate this guy screwing my music up. And I dont take his excuses either. I played in three bands at one point in time, while having a full time job, and going to school. I wouldn't sleep for three day's sometimes because one of my bands played late night jams at this studio we rented, but I did it because I want to play music. I just dont think he takes it seriously. And I dont want someone like that in my band. And as far as I'm concerned, showing up 2 minutes before we have to get are crap on stage is unacceptable. It was the last straw for me. Espeacially when your just putting some stupid crap in your hair. To me it isn't worth it.

 

Sorry this is just a problem I've been having for awhile and this topic was perfect for me to vent about it. I'm pretty frustrated.

[JonathanD]

Yep, if people dont have the balls to say they are not able to commit at the same level the band expects... then this means they have enough balls to treat the band like crap and expect to be treated as an equil. I will not take that. Its a personal thing, and maybe I have missed oppertunities to play out or gig. But I have enough respect to be upfront with people and expect the same of them.

Way to go Tom and Mudcat. what you guys did is so much easier than having to make up reasons for missing, and ruining relationships.

 

I know that sometimes when you really want something to work its easy to give breaks to people. But in my mind it would be better to start a new project with people that show up. And maybe at the old group would have been falling apart the new group would be getting reay to gig because it can get everyone to practice.

Jonathan

[Mr. Knowitall]

We had been having the same exact problems with our ex drummer (some of you may remember a thread I made about it a few months ago). Not showing up to practice, canceling at the last minute, etc. And when we asked him what he really wanted to do in life, the band or basketball (which we knew he played), he said he wanted to be on varsity the varsity team by sophmore year (and he might be able to do it), and be in the band. This all came about at our last practice together. We were so pissed at him for not just coming out and saying it. And both the guitarist and I had bent over backwards to accommodate his needs for too long, a lesson I won't soon forget.

[alexclaber]

Me too. I've had nightmares in the past but fortunately my current line-up seems to be very reliable - long may it continue!

 

Alex

[Rowbee]

I used to have this problem too which affects you financially if you're paying for a rehearsal room. Most places over here have a 48 hour cancellation policy where you pay for the room if you don't give them time to rebook it.

 

I also left a band a few years back because I dared to question the guitarist and singer about where they'd been when they were about 45 minutes late for a Sunday morning rehearsal. This was booked for 10am and was their choice of day and time - they were both individually late and didn't arrive together. They told me where to go, so I bit my lip and later calmly told them the same.

 

I disagree with what the Great Dictator says in that you sacrifice everything for the band but perhaps I'm getting older and have more priorities in my life these days. However, if you book a time to get together and genuinely want to be in a band and do gigs, there is hard work to be done. If you cancel at the last minute with a lame excuse or turn up late, you imply that your time is far more important than the time of everyone else which is downright arrogant.

[alexclaber]

Originally posted by Rowbee:

I disagree with what the Great Dictator says in that you sacrifice everything for the band but perhaps I'm getting older and have more priorities in my life these days. However, if you book a time to get together and genuinely want to be in a band and do gigs, there is hard work to be done. If you cancel at the last minute with a lame excuse or turn up late, you imply that your time is far more important than the time of everyone else which is downright arrogant.

Absolutely. In fact I believe a band is more likely to be successful if you allow a more balanced outlook, otherwise the pressure will tend to make things crack.

 

Alex

[Ross Brown]

Yes, it needs to be balanced in your life. I pay a lot of attention to the "ripple effect" my band activities and even more so, changes in plans, have on other aspects of my life. I expect to rehearse once a week and/or play out about once a week. Not asking a lot of someone who claims that they really can't wait to play out. i could play/rehearse every night but that doesn't fit the rest of my life. The guitarist came to rehearsal once right after a bout with pneumonia. He always shows. There are good reasons not to come to rehearsal but they don't really occur very often. It is all about choices and priorities.

[The Great Dictator]

Agree'd. I sounds more hard edged than I really am. I'm totally more relaxed than that. It's just music is the only thing I really do. I mean i read, I have an interest in the Vetrinary medicine of reptiles, but mostly I eat sleep and breath music. For me having fun is sitting around till two in the morning, drinking coffee working on music. when I'm not playing with my band I'm either at work, or practicing or composing. But I mean, you know things come up. I dont expect people to make it to every practice, no one ever does. But I do expect everyone to share the same level of commitment. I mean I totally agree with you about balance. When I said sacrifice everything, I guess I didn't literally mean everything. Dinner dates with your girlfriend that you see everyday, can be put off. Going to the movies can be put off. i'm just saying, when comes down to band practice or a show, or something you can easily do the next day, the band comes first. Espeacially when the practice has been planed ahead of time. I mean in my band, we have pretty random practices. but I always call everyone in the band, and ask if this day is good for them. if even one person say's they can't, we don't do it. but if it's all decided, and then at the last minute, "Oh I forgot, I have to go to dinner with my girlfriend," that crap doesn't fly with me. And believe me, I've put up with it for a year. Cause I like the guy. But it's too much. I want players who are dedicated to there craft, not somebody who's just doing it because he likes the thrill of playing shows. THe shows are awsome, but without the practice, then there is no show.

 

But I wont lie. I don't due much else. I don't have a life outside of my band and my girlfriend. Those are the two most important things in my life. As I said, my idea of an ideal friday night, isn't going to a club or partying, it's satying up till dawn playing with my band drinking coffee, and writing music. Sharing ideas. It's the composition that thrills me. Even more than the shows, it's the music itself. And there is no music without a band. And there is no band without rehearsal.

 

I hope thats a little clearer. When I write on forums, It's all pretty spontaneous for me. Like a solo you know? It just sort of pours out of me. But here and ther I hit a sour note and say something using to litteral of a context, or bad word choices.

[dcr]

Let's not put things quite so black & white.

 

Things like dates (going to dinner or the movies) can be put off...but no partner wants to be the thing that always gets put off. That means that, sometimes, these things just can't be put off. It is very important to understand that.

 

That said, El Generalissmo Grande, it sounds like the problem with your percussionist is not merely that he's in a relationship that requires him to sacrifice other things from time to time. If that was all it was, you could live with it, or else you'd just be unreasonable (and I doubt you are). It sounds like the problem is that he's basically not working out. If coming to practice is an exception for him, then even with the best reasons in the world, he won't work out. The best excuse for being absent is still no substitute for actually being there. And it sounds like he's clearly NOT working out, & the music is worse for it. From what you've said, I don't see it really improving. It's time to part ways.

 

If you go that way, I'd be as matter-of-fact about it as possible. Don't make it an issue of his not having good reasons to be absent; he'll just come back at you on that, & anyway it doesn't matter whether his reasons are lousy or terrific. What matters is that he can't play the music & is making gigs difficult, so the band is going to have to go in another direction, without him, wishing him the best of luck.

 

Hopefully that's pretty good advice generally. If it's not working out, then that is the issue to focus on. Blame just muddies things up, even if it's totally deserved.

[Rowbee]

I agree with everything dcr says, it's time to part ways with the guy if you're not only unhappy with his attendance but his musical input.

 

I would also say though, and I think we've had discussions of this nature on the board quite recently - that if you agreed a rehearsal day and he GENUINELY had already arranged a date with his partner and it had just slipped his mind, that his date should come first.

 

Apologies for the length of the sentence and I don't necessarily expect everyone to agree with me, but I think there are sacrifices you have to make in life, otherwise you just won't have a life.

[TimR]

I find that there are a lot of people who find it hard to say no. Personally I always think hard whether I really want to do something (or should) before I say yes to it. I know one or two people who will say yes to doing something, and then when something they would rather do comes up say yes to that. They then have to drop out of the original appointment. It happens in all walks of life where people are trying to juggle too many things. Its hard to understand if all you do is play in one band, and maybe have a nice 9-5 day job as well. But not all people are like that.

 

Its not generally a problem, but not everyone understands the effort that goes into coordinating a rehearsal or gig. We have two members who are in higher management jobs where they can't always walk out the door at 5pm. We also have a mum whose husband is self employed. If he can't get home then its a no show from her as well. All of which can happen in the hour before we are due at the studio. We all have kids, so weekend rehearsals are not going to happen.

 

The secret is to have plenty of ideas up your sleeve for other things to do if the whole band are not there, other areas of the songs to work on etc. Maybe have one rehearsal every 2weeks, 1 month or whatever where everyone agrees that they will be there come hell or high water.

 

Scheduling practises and rehearsals only when necessary is another good thing to do. I have been in bands where we practised every week whether on not we had any gigs lined up. Which gets very boring and frustrating unless new material is being played.

[dcr]

TimR raises a good point. There's no point putting together a really ambitious rehearsal schedule if people aren't going to come. One way to handle that is to have fewer rehearsals & make them count. In my band, we rehearse every other Wednesday (more if needed), & the advantage is that it's a low enough load that each of us can keep those Wednesday nights "sacred." It's less frequent than the optimal, but the optimal schedule won't/can't be kept. So this way we rehearse regularly & attendance is totally solid. Less stress, less frustration. It works.

 

Less can be more. Something to think about.

[Sylvester]

I wonder if there are people who successfully made their life as musician while spending a lot of time for daily job. Or music must have the top priority? Well, I just need more good stories..

 

In my case, the major problem described in this topic is always taking place.. But in the last six month all the band members finaly realised what music means to them. And we'd found our way.. That's good!

 

Good luck, and give your bandmates some time to think before kick them out!

[TimR]

When I was young all the guys in the band had temporary jobs, we could choose our hours and when to work fairly easily. A lot of actors work like this as well. But we all lived at home and had fairly supportive parents who would yell at us lots and ask us when we where going to get proper jobs.

Another way to go is self employed. Most of the proffesional musicians I know, still have to teach during the day to make ends meet.

[The Great Dictator]

I agree with everything you guys are saying. And I do that all the time. Today we were supposed to practice. But i didn't happen because my drummer had some plans that he couldn't break. And thats cool. We didn't practice. My guitarist and I got together for a few and went over a couple things. Everything your talking about is exactly what we do.

 

For instance, we all work totally differant scheduals. Which makes it hard to practice. What we came up with, is that we said we'll always asume that there will be a practice on Saturday, but never expect it or be dissapointed if we can't. Then the rest of the week, we try to do it when we can, say me and the guitarist will get together, and just go over a couple of things, or me and the dummer, so on and so forth.

 

I canceled practice once because I was going to the dessert with my girlfriend. Other people because they had established dates with there girlfriends, etc. etc. Were all very flexible, and do are best to accomodate to each others scheduals and life.

 

DCR I thank you, because you give very good advice. I appreaciated the message you sent me the other day. What your suggesting is exactly what my guitar player and I are thinking of doing. He's just not doing anything for us. He's always going on about these gigs at these places that he's going to get us, that never come through.

 

He has a recording degree from fullsale (i'm not sure how to spell that), and won't record us. And when he does he totally goes half ass on it. I think he's only in it for the shows. For me the last straw was are last show. And the only reason he was late, was because he was making his hair look "pimp".

 

I see what you mean about not complaining about it. It won't solve anything and your right. My guitarist thinks the same thing.

 

It's just that in are minds his excuses just seem to convienient. This is a guy who never does anything, untill we got to practice. And always tells us at the last minute. And then he talks about how much this band means to him. But his words don't reflect his actions at all.

 

I really dont mean to be winy. It's just somehing I've been needing to vent about. It's been very frustrating. It's been going on for like a year now. He always say's but never does. Like he's friends with this Stop Motion genius. The guy is great at what he does. Well my percussionist was lucky enough to score one of his short films, something I believe I'd be very good at. Well this guy owes my percussionist a music video. And he gave him till this febuary to give him something solid or he wasn't going to do it. Because Lagsamillion, was taking too long, and the guy got picked up by new line cinema (he's now working on the Venom costume for Spider Man 3) wasn't going to have the time anymore. I mean that was such an oppurtunity we missed. That would have done so much for are careers. It would have given us such a boost. But he never did it. We had recordings. And I never understood that. Because he always talks about how much this band means to him.

 

Wow I'm going way into this. I'm sorry. I'll stop really. But I rarely get to talk about this outside of my band who I dont' see as much outside of the band as I would like.

 

But DCR, I agree with what your saying. I dont want to attack him, I care about the guy, I live with him for christ sake. BUt this was a guy that when I was 15, I really looked up to. No 8 years later the guy shows up, and joins my band. And It just sort of shattered my vision of what I though he was. Ehh... I'm being way to personable. I'm sorry. ERrrr. palalala.

[DavidMPires]

Book the studio and make them pay in advance.

 

No one likes to lose money.

[The Bishop]

Yeah, book a gig. "put out or swim" as one of my favorite comics once said..You'll find out who is serious and who just wants to relive a teenage dream.

 

200 years ago I used to drive 2 hrs from where I was going to college to rehearse with my band. I was taking valuable time away from my girlfriend, and oh yea, my studies, to work on what I thought was just as important to the rest of my mates as it was to me. WRONG. It seemed llike we were spending most of the day driving around picking people up and buying strings. You'd think they could get all that crap done before I got there so that we could concentrate on music. But instead we spent more time TALKING about what we were going to do then actually doing it. AAAUUGH!! Opening old wounds stings a bit. If it doesn't work out, find other bandmates.

[theTragicRich]

... I'm at the end of my ropes as well. I want so bad to go off on a 10 page rant, but I know I'll read it tomorrow and just delete it. But I don't see myself sticking with this current band much longer if the last minute gigs and constant schedule changes continue.

 

As much as I hate "routine", I like knowing that every Tuesday at 7pm is practice, or whatever. Not sitting idle by the phone wondering, waiting, hoping I'll get a call to let me know what's going on, then having to spring up and get ready.

[dhomer]

Almost forgot how it was to actually rehearse. The band I had been playing with the past 2 and a half years got together for rehearsal TWICE in that time span. The first one was my audition, the last one was to work in a new player. But then the band is booked 40+ weekends a year, so it wasn't like we fell out of practice..

 

Recently though I have made a commitment to a touring country band out of Indianapolis, about a 4 hour drive from where I live. I've been busy doing my homework as they've been emailing me chord charts (country music ain't brain surgery, its just a matter of starts, stops, and adapting to the band's way of playing). We have a one night gig in Indy next Saturday, and they asked me if I could come down a couple days early to get some rehearsal down. I don't consider that an unreasonable request.. This is what these folks do full time for a living, and there's some terrific potential upsides with this particular band. I have always believed professionalism extends to rehearsals. you commit to the band, you commit to everything that comes with it.

[jeremy c]

My situation is like dhomer's. I haven't been to a rehearsal in years.

 

There are some people who develop the habits of cancelling out of rehearsals.

 

Some of these same people back out of gigs at the last minute. In the circles in which I hang out, these people never get hired again.

 

Your friends are developing bad habits.

[El Bajo]

Our drummers an absolute pain in the bumhole. For a year hes been cancelling practice on a regular basis and times not even showed up. Also he just doesent hang with us outside of practice and he made the immortal comment when asked the question 'what direction do you want the band to go in?' his reply - 'I just want to record some stuff then we will see then'

How much are drum machines again?

[Ross Brown]

I like a regular scheduled rehearsal day and time. Everyone can plan and you don't have to check your calendar when making other plans. My wife knows what I am doing every Friday at 6pm and so do I.

 

I agree that once we get out playing regularly the schedule will change and probably be as needed to work out new songs or fix problems.

 

There are times that someone really needs to cancel, ie their own death (just kidding) but that should be a very very rare occurence, especially the day of rehearsal. I have always been willing to change the day to ie Saturday or whatever, with enough notice. It is really about commitment. To get a band on the road and gigging, in my mind takes a ton of work to get tight enough to play professionally. I know that some musicians don't need as much prep as me or the type of people I play with. The guys I play with are good, actually very good, but not superstars. We need rehearsal.

 

Personally, I would like to see us devote two weeks of every night or every other night rehearsing to get the dang thing going. I might suggest it but it probably won't fit everyones life, understandably.

 

Every time I have been successful in my life, there has been a lot of up front committment and work involved. I wish I could teach that. It works.

 

Thanks for all of the stories and thoughts. I am sure that this will work out, or something like it will. Thought about just joining another established band, but I suspect that this crap is not unique to me. I would rather be proactive and in control... that's right, in control

[Tom Capasso]

Originally posted by Ross Brown:

There are times that someone really needs to cancel, ie their own death (just kidding)

I find these people never call or let you know. The only "up" side is that you don't have to fire them for their misdeeds.

 

and again from Ross Brown:

Personally, I would like to see us devote two weeks of every night or every other night rehearsing to get the dang thing going. I might suggest it but it probably won't fit everyones life, understandably.

I guess this is an expansion of the "8 Days A Week" idea? Seriously - two nights a week is a lot for some people. It would never fly at home for me.

 

there's more from Ross Brown?:

I would rather be proactive and in control... that's right, in control

Two ideas here. We often think we're in control when we're not. Those of us who lead must do so in such a way that we get others to see what we see.

 

And we also must be realistic about what we can accomplish and manage.

 

Quoth Peter Gabriel from the bridge of "DIY":

When things get so big, I don't trust them at all

To find some control, you've got to keep it small

Best of luck going forward!

Tom