Could use some prayers....

[Gruuve]

Hey folks:

 

Decided to surface tonight after getting a personal email from Jay aka BottomGottem. I've been very preoccupied with a family-related crisis for the past two weeks, thus my absence here. To make a quite long story short, my old and very eccentric parent's have made some bad choices where their housing is concerned. I've ended up with 20-30 days to find them a new place to live.

 

To my surprise, most of the pieces have fallen into place. I found a small house in my hometown (where they still live), it's a price my wife and I can afford to simply buy for them to live in, I've got an accepted offer on the house for about 20% less than it's asking price, I close on it tommorrow (Monday), it needs considerable renovation, my brother-in-law in a nearby town is willing to do the work for a fair price, I've found some of the appliances that are needed used and very inexpensive...I'm amazed at how all the pieces keep falling into place.

 

Now, I'm pretty good at orchestrating win-win situations...but I really can't take any credit for any of it in this particular case. All the pieces that have fallen into place are not only out of my control...they are completely out of even my influence. It's equivalent opening a box with a puzzle inside, throwing the contents up into the air, and it all lands on the floor completely assembled. I can't help but feel like a higher power is using me to execute a plan that already existed prior to me becoming atively engaged in it.

 

Anyway, this crisis still has plenty of uncertainty around it. If you are a Christian, please remember me in your prayers for the next couple weeks. I need the wisdom to see the right path clearly, and the strength to follow that path steadfast regardless of the circumstances.

 

Dave

[jmrunning3]

Dave, I know how daunting certain things can seem when something like this comes up unexpectedly. I also know how great it feels as things start falling into place. Keep your perspective and hang in there. It sounds like hard work and tenacity is paying off!

[Bottomgottem]

When you are not around, you leave a big hole in the forum. The absence was obvious.

 

Isn't it wondrous how the parent/child relationship undergoes a role reversal as we age. I've begun to notice this (to a much lesser degree) with my own parents as well as my in-laws.

 

Obviously, they raised you up right. You are a good son.

 

I'll light a candle for you.

 

Jay

[davio]

Rock on, Dave. Good on ya!

 

You're in my prayers.

 

I don't have any candles but as Tom Bodett says, "We'll keep a light on for ya."

[ClarkW]

Good luck, and I'll pray for you and your family.

 

Having recently gone through the whole process of finding and buying a house, I am acutely aware of how painful it can be. You have been greatly blessed already, it seems, and I have faith that you will yet see an acceptable resolution to these difficulties.

 

-Clark

[thabottomend]

My prayers also, Dave.

 

coincidence (n) - when God chooses to remain anonymous

[Davo-London]

Faith affirming story Dave.

 

Prayers and best wishes to you and your family.

 

Davo

[kenthemimic]

Dave, It's no mystery or surprise to me what is happening in your life and your parents life. Having been to hell and back and near death, I know that this thing we call life is too complex to be "chance". There are forces at work that we cannot see or touch but exist nonetheless, whether we choose to accept or believe in them.

 

My family will add yours to our prayers.

 

God bless.

[lug]

Though your parents may now be "old and very eccentric", they obviously had their stuff together when they raised you. Keep on truckin' and know my prayers are with you.

[moot]

You're a good son Dave - I am sending some positive vibes your way!

 

The older and more "eccentric" my folks get the more I find myself helping them also. Quaint how the cycle reverses itself with time no?

It is my fervent hope that my son will be there for me when I am the curmudeon I aspire to become.

[Rocky McDougall]

Dave, I know how strong your faith is. It comes out in nearly every post. We have missed you. I have all confidense that God will give you more than you asked for. This is merely a faith building time. You have had many before this and there will be many after this. Give thanks for all things.

In His Name,

Rocky

[bassaddik]

God bless you for loving and honoring your parents, one of HIS greatest commandments. My prayersa go up for you , Dave.

-Adrian

[LLroomtempJ]

When we are weakest, that is when God's working in our lives is much more obvious.

 

I just prayed that God would give you the discernment to make the best decisions throughout this process. I also prayed that God would give you patience for times when things aren't going as smoothly as you'd hoped.

 

It's always encouraging to hear how God is working in the lives of other christians.

 

jason

[owens hound]

Dave,

While I am no longer a Christian or a religious man, my thoughts are with you and your family.

 

Jason

[Ross Brown]

with you Dave.

[Eric VB]

You're on the list, Dave!

[Gruuve]

Thanks to everyone here for your prayers. Here's an update...some of the uncertainty is gone now. My parents can stay in their current residence until at least the end of the October, which gives me the time I need to get the house I've bought for them renovated. I've closed on said house, and my brother-in-law is already in it working. I may have to drive up this weekend and help him, depending on his progress. Anyway, there's light at the end of the tunnel on that front.

 

A challenge I expect to have to face at the end of the month is actually getting my parents out of their current residence. And not even in the sense of physically moving all the crap they've accumulated over the last 40 years. This is difficult to explain, but when I say that at least one of my parents is very eccentric, that's putting it mildly. It may come to this particular parental unit being dragged out of it kicking and screaming...obviously, I don't want that to happen, I think just the experience of voluntarily moving could be emotionally traumatic enough. We are doing some small niceties to the new house in an effort to make it as appealing as possible, so that perhaps the person in question will decide that they would actually like to live there. So, if you're still praying, please direct your prayers in this direction. I would like to make this a pleasant experience for both of my parents rather than a traumatic one. But, if the traumatic way is the only way, then that will likely be the end result (and that's probably out of my control, although I may able to influence it to some extent). In a nutshell, they can't stay where they are now past the short-term.

 

I have so many times asked myself if I'm doing the right thing, making the right choices, etc. I think that I am. Some completely unexpected things have already transpired, and I am trying to make conservative decisions. For instance, buying the little house and renovating it is actually a conservative decision. I can't let my parents end up with nowhere to live, so I have to have somewhere for them to go assuming the most likely outcome does indeed occur. However, if something completely unexpected happens, my wife and I should be able to immediately sell this little house after it's been renovated and get all of our money back, possibly even make a little off of it. That's obviously not my goal, but if things transpire such that the little house is not needed for some reason, we have an exit strategy that's at least acceptable. I'm trying to position it all so that I accomplish the intended goal but do so in a way that minimizes any unnecessary financial exposure to myself and my immediate family, just in case the unpredictable parent does something...well...unpredictable.

 

Dave

[Ace Of Bass]

I'll remember you in prayer bro.......HANG IN THERE!!!!

[jlrush]

Prayers have been, and will continue to be sent your way Dave. It's a great thing that you are able and willing to care for your parents. You are a good son, and may God bless you for that.

May every decision you make and every thing you do in this situation have a positive outcome.

[Bottomgottem]

Based on my understanding of your situation, you are indeed doing the right thing. This has to be a real kick in the pants, not only for your parents, but for you also. Hang in there.

 

Is this going to kill your trip to Conway for the Bass Extremes clinic?

[DC Ross]

Dave,

Here's wishing you & your family the best (even though I'm not christian )

[Gruuve]

Thanks guys. Jay, no I'm still going to the clinic...I deserve that break from reality now even more than I did when my wife bought the ticket for me. I did cancel a work-related business trip to a conference though...if things go according to plan, I'll be moving my parents the weekend that I would have been heading across the country.

 

My brother in-law feels like he's got all the renovation work up there covered, so I'm going to concentrate on some of the other details that need my attention.

 

Like finding the right heat source for that small house. It has old electric baseboard heaters now, so those are coming out pronto. I'm looking for one of the free-standing gas log stoves (looks like a wood stove, but it's a gas heater) that is direct-vent (preferably) or b-vent/natural vent. One of these in the 20K - 25K BTU range along with the ceiling fans we're putting in will heat the entire 670 sq ft house easily. (There's plenty of these stoves available that are vent-free, but vent-free cannot be used as the primary heat source for a home...doesn't meet code AND it's dangerous.) These vented space heaters are around $1200-1500 plus truck shipping, so if anyone knows of a source for one at a better price (new or slightly used), please PM me! This is the one item that is turning out to be a hard find...

 

Dave

[Buddy-Rey]

Dave, my praying muscles are a little stiff from lack of use, but I'll give them some good, long stretches for you!

[Rocky McDougall]

Dave, I think a window A/C with heat pump would be the safest type of heat for an elderly couple.

Avoid any non vented open flame. I assume they are going to live in your area? It does not need a lot of heat for that part of the country.

Rocky

[Gruuve]

Hey Rock...agreed on avoiding ventless heat. With all the crap my parents will undoubtedly try to drag into the place, an open fire is a disaster waiting to happen. These gas log stoves are tightly closed (if not altogether sealed), so that seems like a safe but pleasant alternative. I had considered the window heat pump/AC units, but that won't be nearly as efficient for heating (it will take two of them). However, I might have to reconsider that option if the right gas stove doesn't materialize soon.

 

Dave

[Phil W]

All the best, Dave. You're in my prayers. God bless you!

 

Phil

[Rocky McDougall]

As you probably know heat pumps are a liitle expensive to run. Is the house air conditioned?

 

The stove you are talking about, is that the one that sits out in the room, glass on 3 sides and has a round vent stack that goes through the ceiling? The look neat but do they put out much heat???

Rocky

[Big Red 67]

Hey Matt has got a new FISH!!! hehe

 

In my thought's and prayers. And Dave you don't have to be christain to pray. You don't even have to know how to spell it! hehe

[Gruuve]

Thanks everyone. Rocky, yes what I'm after is a free-standing gas stove. In fact, I got a price agreement on a slightly used one locally...I plan to go pick it up on Sat. Here's a link:

 

http://www.hearthstonestoves.com/gas_stoves/sterling/

 

And yes, many of the modern gas log stoves are quite an efficient heat source...the one I found locally is the B-vent model, which is 20K - 40K BTU input and about 80-88% efficient. That's considerably better than an electrical heat source. I could put something like a highly-efficient direct-vent wall furnace in for about the same price, but I think my parents will enjoy this much more...it'll heat the fool out of that little house and look good doing it.

 

And, no, the house isn't air conditioned. I looked at installing a conventional heat pump/central AC, but that was just prohibitively expensive. I also checked out some of the newer mini-split heat pump/AC systems (you run refrigerant lines to rooms rather than ductwork...much less expensive to install), those do pretty well with cooling, but not particularly potent for heating. Considering that my folks have two window AC units, I think the cooling will be covered (might need one more unit when summer rolls around, but I can worry about that 6 months from now). I'm putting ceiling fans in every room, and that should help drastically with air circulation.

 

In talking with my parents about potentially moving them to this house, the difficult parent has made it clear that they intend to bring their current 40-year old oil heater and two oil drums. Not. It's very effective, no doubt...but, it's horribly inefficient (like in only about 35%). Most of their heating dollars go out of the chimney. And, moving the two oil drums and getting them cleaned out (after stirring up all the fuel oil sediment that's accumulated over 40 years) would cost more than buying this gas stove. It's not gonna happen (or at least not on my dollar). I think after they see this gas log stove, they'll change their mind.

 

I have to say one thing...my brother-in-law is an amazing guy. One of the bedrooms is just unusually large (16 x 21). He tossed out the idea of putting up a wall and splitting it into two rooms, and I said "run the numbers and let's see how much extra it costs". He did, and turns out it costs less to put up a wall than to finagle the carpet necessary to floor the unusually large room. So, my parents will be getting a 5-room house rather than a 4-room house...assuming I can get them into it, of course.

 

Dave

[Seamy ALB]

Dave, I wish you well with what your doing for your folks, it kind of sounds like it was meant to be!!

 

Its better to do than regret not doing.