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How to make a small fortune on stocks...


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Start with a large one! Old joke, I have heard "in the music business" substituted for 'on stocks', but the idea is the same. Day after the rousing speach ment to buoy the market, stocks are wayyyyyy down. All I can say is, ouch.
-David R.
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[b]How to get a million dollars -tax free!!![/b] [b]First:[/b] Get a million dollars. [b]Second:[/b] When the taxman asks why you didn't pay your taxes, tell him you forgot. It's just that simple!!! :) For more great ideas, buy my cash-flow system on 33 cassettes for only $2509. plus a small shipping & handling fee... Hey C'mon, help me out here! I'm livin out of my car for cry'n out loud!!! :eek:

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First, buy into an oil firm. Maybe call it, I don't know... Harken Oil or something like that. Hang out while it does well. Then, when you find out it's about to go under, don't worry about trying to save the company or alerting private shareholders, SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL SELL ..and make a "tidy" profit. The trick is to have buddies in the FEC, and conveniently sort of like "forget" to file that you sold all of your stock until well after the company goes under - otherwise, you'll go to jail for insider trading. Later, you can pay your buddies back by inheriting an even bigger position (in the greater scheme of things), and sort of looking the other way. It's doesn't matter! As our hero Gordo Gecko says, "Greed is good!". Never mind that this person, if he wasn't sitting on his throne, would be in jail had he done things by the book. Never mind that right now he's in a position to approve another cronie to a high governmental position, or to try to put away the bastards at Worldcom, or that his friends (and his underling's friends) at Enron and apparently every large auditing firm in the U.S. are crooks, it doesn't matter, GREED IS GOOD!

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/ "big ass windbag" - Bruce Swedien

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[quote]Originally posted by Grandpa Tedster: [b]Like when I gamble. I could play the slots, but I always at least break even playing the change machine at the car wash. Well, most of the time.[/b][/quote]You even get to play with the hoses, Gramps. Probably the cleanist fun out there. :D Remember when GWB was still a candidate, one of the things he was stumping on was for us to be able to invest [i]more[/i] of our retirement savings in the stock market. Ooooooh, good idea. Uncle Dickey is getting sued, Pres. Georgie is dodging questions about his stock sales in the 90's that got him 800+G's, and his 'personal loans' that he got (and paid back with company stock!). The new slogan should be "Buy high, sell high, be high."
-David R.
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[quote]Originally posted by Chip McDonald: [b]The trick is to have buddies in the FEC, and conveniently sort of like "forget" to file that you sold all of your stock until well after the company goes under - otherwise, you'll go to jail for insider trading.[/b][/quote]You forgot you also need to hire an accounting firm that is skilled in hiding your debts and inflating your revenue. "Let's just move the decimal a few places to the left on this one and a few to the right on that one. Oh, and let's not forget to pay our office machine maintenance people - we're gonna need those shredders in tip-top shape!"

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