Heh, asked a grrl out.

[Super 8]

Originally posted by Phait:

She said no, but I guess waving the gun around didn't work as I expected it to.

Gosh, that's odd. I've always a good luck using guns to get women to do what I want.

 

Maybe you were doing too much waving and not enough pointing. Know what I mean? Makes you look kinda wishy-washy.

[KenElevenShadows]

Originally posted by Phait:

My best friend is dating an Indian, and he is half-white and half-black. So, it's possible, but I have considered the cultural boundaries.

So is she really "traditional" or more Westernized?

 

There is, of course, a lot of pressure in many Indian families to marry into a good Indian family, although I must say that in India, a lot of Indian families are very receptive to marrying Asians or whites (as some of you know, I've spent a lot of time in India and have numerous friends who are Indian).

 

Either way, I wouldn't get too hung up on this. If she's into it, she'll let you know, and if not, then move on.

[Phait]

I believe she is Westernized. From what little I know, she had a rough upbringing or family ties, something... been here since she was like 3.

 

After all this I went to the mall for some shopping and struck up a little chit chat with an Asian named "Kip" at a piercing place where I bought a ring. She did have a boyfriend though, but I could tell she was real sweet.

 

As for wanting a "woman", I think that's pushing it. I realize that in most (fortunate) cases a woman isn't 30 years old and older... but, I want someone not high-school (legal) ditzy of course, but not overly mature or more serious than myself. Just a plain ol' girl, how else can I put it. When I think "woman" I think somebody who has gotten to the point where they are ready to settle down and maybe commit to motherhood. Right now I'm not so sure I'm even looking for a relationship, just people to be around and companionship(s). I feel that I need to fix myself before I get into any serious relationship.

[Anifa]

Phait,

 

There's nothing wrong with feeling a desire to have a companion in your life; whether or not you are ready to settle down makes no difference on seeking to fill a void.

 

I spend a lot of time alone because I've determined that a lot of the problems I've had in relationships in the past are as a result of "settling" instead of going after someone that "clicks"

 

I'm extremely introverted when it comes to a guy that I'm attracted to. Either that or I try to be non-chalant and end of making the guy think that I'm not interested. Problem is, the guys that attract me are those that are shy also. Hence, my shyness has always resulted in getting frustrated with a lack of progress coming from a shy guy. What usually happens is some feisty girl will start coming on to a guy I like and if he appears to enjoy her persistence, I'll back away and end up dating a man who is persistent in pursuit of me...... then I get trapped into a dead end relationship with a guy that I knew wasn't right from the beginning. I've been married and divorced twice, so I avoid potential traps.

 

There's a guy at the Post Office that has been in my head for over 5 years now. He's an intellectual, and he's also quite shy. It's been one of those attractions to where you constantly question things that happen, but when you don't see each other very often, it's hard to determine whether there's a true interest. Just about the time that I think the guy doesn't know that I'm alive, he does something that really, REALLY blows my mind. I've not really talked much to the guy lately, but back during Christmas, one of his very best friends that is a mutual friend of mine made a comment that really made me think. Brian, the friend, was talking to me one day and out of the blue said, "Do you want to know who I think would be a good match for you?", I replied with curious eyes and a nod, and then he said "Dave Billings"... I just looked at Brian and said, "I forced up just enough nerve to hand him my phone number on a piece of paper about 4 years ago and he never called; I just figured he wasn't interested." Dave was working 2 jobs at that time, and his schedule was completely opposite from mine. I wrote the interest off as the impossible quest.

 

Since my conversation with Brian, David has been locking the eye contact every time he sees me and it really makes me wonder what he's thinking. A few days ago we were in a position to work together momentarily and we exchanged some casual chit chat about careers. We were standing side by side while I was looking in the opposite direction and he placed his hand on top of mine.... intentionally or by accident I'm not sure; but I freaked out and jerked my hand away while apologizing to him. I was just so nervous that I reacted.... Still I don't know if he placed his hand on top of mine by accident or if he was searching to see how I would respond. He's been on my mind non-stop since then.

 

I've always been attracted to this guy, from day one, and there are times where I "think" he's really interested in me; but ...... how to get past the barriers is beyond me. I gave him my number once, and that's ALL I will do... especially since it took every ounce of courage I had to do that much.

 

Back during the beginning where there was a real strong chemistry working both ways; the ex-boyfriend picked up on the attraction and started making a bee-line towards me every time he'd see David approaching me.... although I had absolutely no interest in the ex; the conflict was still there and David backed away. Maybe he thought that I still had involvement with the other guy; I don't know.... It's pretty obvious that there's no chance whatsoever for the other relationship to be rekindled, so who knows what???

 

Sorry to jump on your thread Phait, but I didn't feel my thoughts about this guy were relevant enough on their own to start a thread about.... maybe we could make this a general thread about how to break the barriers in dating and overcoming shyness.... Learning to say the right things at the right time.

[teh dri]

Jeff Da Weasal nailed it up there... shaving off all the "omg wanna bed you so bad" elements of asking someone out, i think its good to be able to express that you are interested in someone in the true sense of the word. They are interesting! People love being interesting!

 

How you do that is the magic of who you are (cue mystical music). Seriously though i would have dragged the Ask out a few more instances though, in plain english would have had a few more non-confronting chats with her to look out for a spark, and at the very least have her be able to have formed a mental image of you.

 

On the flipside ive been approached by females in the workplace (well not this one, but much previously) who i have no idea who they are... its a bit odd. More power to you for trying though, its a sad world that doesnt communicate, and a lost world that doesnt love!

[Phait]

Honestly, I'm not that interested in sex. My friend goes on and on about it and I'm like "yeah... uh huh... yeah... right...".

 

I long more for someone to be around, hold, watch movies with, fall asleep with, etc. So, my approach with Kavina wasn't intended to be suggestive, and definitely wasn't.

 

If I want to get laid ASAP I could network and find some parties. But I'm not much of a partier either.

[Programgirl]

Oh. My. God.

Eighty-two thousand lines of advice just to tell Phait not to be so 'creepy'?

 

Just kidding you guys, it's all very good advice, and also wise.

 

Phait, at the end of the day, if asking a girl out makes you nervous just remember - we're only people. Would you be nervous asking a stranger for the time, or asking a friend to help you move?

 

Don't worry so hard about trying to impress. If you can't be yourself when you ask her out in the first place, how's she going to take you down the road? Think about how you would like to be asked out and then do it (with modification if necessary). The right girl will say yes.

[Phait]

I realized a long time ago I'm "not the only one" when it comes to insecurity, nervousness, etc. So it's helped me lighten up a bit.

 

I think I'm making headway though. There have been a few girls I kicked myself for not talking to when I clearly had the chance and wanted to.

[Keysking]

Phait... 10 points for trying and actually doing something about it... but dude... Chillout! nothing scares a gal off quicker than an INTENSE guy!.. if you have the attitude of "if it happens good.. if not.. good." much better!

[Lee Knight]

DONT'T ask her out... hang out. Show her you dig her. Pop your head in her shop, smile, wave, and move on. Next day pop in and talk for 30 seconds... move on. Buy her a candy bar, smile, say something stupid, and move on. Just show her you dig her without any expectations. Don't talk about being interested... BE interested.

[TrancedelicBlues]

Phait--why don't you try writing down the url of this thread:

 

http://www.musicplayer.com//ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/1/t/024541.html

 

on a piece of paper, then hand it to kavina, saying, "Here, I started a discussion about you on the internet."

 

That might get you somewhere

[Wewus432]

posted by Phait:

Honestly, I'm not that interested in sex.

Well... never heard a 22 year old guy say that before. WTF? I think you might be in denial, or have very low hormone levels that need to be checked.

[Dak Lander]

Ya shoulda been wearing some nice cologne.

[Brittanylips]

Reading this thread is painful. I don't why. All the advice, chest pounding, and scripts to follow, it just makes me cringe.

 

Phait -

 

The answer is don't listen to any of this.

 

Just be yourself, as creepy, insecure, and stutteringly charming as you probably are, and that'll work better than any prescription you get from anyone else.

 

-Peace, Love, and Brittanylips

[Lee Flier]

[Base]

Originally posted by fantasticsound:

The straight guys that everyone assumes are gay have an incredible time.

Also, this is crap, it just means your friends g/f's don't bother setting you up with their single friends!!!

[shniggens]

Tell her -

 

"Hey! Weren't you at my winning lotto party!?!?!"

 

or

 

"Is that a keg in your pants, because I sure would like to TAP that ass!!!"

 

or

 

"Will you suck it if I wash it???"

[Jeff Klopmeyer]

Originally posted by TrancedelicBlues:

"Here, I started a discussion about you on the internet."

 

That might get you somewhere

Great idea.

 

- Jeff

[Wewus432]

Originally posted by Jeff Da Weasel:

Originally posted by TrancedelicBlues:

"Here, I started a discussion about you on the internet."

 

That might get you somewhere

Great idea.

 

- Jeff

Then hide behind a tree, and right before she gets to where you are jump out and scream "HEY!".

[offramp]

Perhaps we should assemble a list of pickup lines for Phait?

[offramp]

Originally posted by Phait:

Honestly, I'm not that interested in sex.

http://homepage.mac.com/echohaus/.Pictures/Yoda.jpg

 

You will be.

Yessssss.....you will be.....

[KenElevenShadows]

Originally posted by offramp:

Perhaps we should assemble a list of pickup lines for Phait?

Uh oh......

[Dan South]

Originally posted by shniggens:

Tell her -

 

"Hey! Weren't you at my winning lotto party!?!?!"

 

or

 

"Is that a keg in your pants, because I sure would like to TAP that ass!!!"

 

or

 

"Will you suck it if I wash it???"

And stare at her chest while you're at it.

[Ernest Buckley]

Congrats Phait for making the effort! First steps to success!

 

I must say, this girl doesn`t know you from John Smith so...your approach this time was a bit off. However, find something you BOTH have in common. Talk about that. Conversation is key!

 

Unless its all about sex,

Ernest

[Franky]

A girl I knew in college once told me that I should work out, because girls like guys with muscles. I don't think having nice muscles is required, but I think it helps.

 

I need to get back to lifting weights more regularly again. I used to be in awesome shape, with a 6 pack. Now I'm a skinny guy at 5'11" 153 pounds and 8.7% body fat. The good thing about this is that muscles I gain will show up fast, since I don't have a big layer of fat covering them.

 

I remember talking to Phait about exercise on a previous thread. An important thing about lifting weights is to lift every other day, because muscles grow during the period of rest between exercise, not during the exercise itself. You should check out your local YMCA. Tell them you are a student or low income and you will get a much cheaper membership fee. Your local YMCA may also offer a few free personal training sessions. Also, If a college in your area has a personal training progam you may be able to get training sessions at a free or reduced rate with a student trainer.

 

Books and Magazines can be good. I think anything published by Men's Health magazine is good, which you could likely find at your local library. But I think that personal instruction is best for showing the proper form for how to lift weights.

 

I think that exercising can be easier than trying to change your personality. Lifting Weights also increases testosterone levels and makes one feel more confident.

 

Dammit, I need to get back to lifting weights. I miss having those muscles!

 

Also, there will likely be a lot of girls around when you go back to school. I've noticed that there are a lot of good looking girls in the Graphic Arts program at my school.

 

And girls love musicians. I think it would be cool to burn a CD of some of your music and give it to girls that you meet. Have your contact info printed on the CD.

[KenElevenShadows]

Originally posted by Dan South:

Originally posted by shniggens:

Tell her -

 

"Hey! Weren't you at my winning lotto party!?!?!"

 

or

 

"Is that a keg in your pants, because I sure would like to TAP that ass!!!"

 

or

 

"Will you suck it if I wash it???"

And stare at her chest while you're at it.

: "Waddaya say you sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up?"

[Phait]

Hey Frank

Yeah, I'm going to begin working out next week on Monday and I am determined to keep doing it now. I generally felt better the last time I was working out. I do need some muscle anyway.

 

I could burn a CD of my music, but I'm not certain it's the best idea. I have a little "audience" but I'm not up to the level of skill I'd like to be yet.

[KenElevenShadows]

Originally posted by Franky:

A girl I knew in college once told me that I should work out, because girls like guys with muscles. I don't think having nice muscles is required, but I think it helps.

Probably doesn't hurt. And regardless, as a bonus, you'll be healthier and exude more confidence.

 

And I think showing that you are confident (note that I didn't say arrogant) as well as fun, funny, slightly unpredictable, and are genuinely interested in what she does are helpful. A sense of humor helps. She should have an idea that you already have a life. She should be challenged a little (in other words, you shouldn't come off as a spineless pansy who will do anything to please a woman). Having some interests, hobbies, etc. helps.

 

And not saying things like pretty much any of these pickup lines will help you immensely...!!

[Bbach1]

Phait, I'm trying to figure out if you are looking to get laid or seeking a life mate. If it's a life mate, well, that takes luck. You gotta be out there, but it still takes luck. Be patient and maybe that will happen to you. If the goal is sex, well listen up: Selling is nothing but a numbers game. Anyone can sell. Some will close 1 out of 10 deals while others only 1 out of 100. All you have to do is keep asking women. Sooner or later, you will get laid. You might have to ask 20 women out, or maybe 2000, I don't know, but sooner or later, you will get laid.

Now, remember, trying to get laid does not get you ranked highly on the "life mate" chart by women. So, recognize what you are after and then act accordingly.

[KenElevenShadows]

Originally posted by Bbach of Bismarck, son of Peter:

Phait, I'm trying to figure out if you are looking to get laid or seeking a life mate. If it's a life mate, well, that takes luck.

It also takes a realistic approach, a series of steps. You know, it just might be sensible to try and find someone cool to hang out with first, and see if it develops into anything. I think a lot of people who take this whole "meeting women" thing way too seriously get caught up in the "gotta meet a soulmate" kind of thing. That's cool, sure, but first, find a woman or two that you enjoy spending time with first!