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Bad Fortune Cookies

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Me and my Sweetie had Chinese food tonight and we were talking about how the fortune cookies are always so optimistic. Thought it might be cool if around half of them were sort of dark and foreboding or downright sinister. Some that we came up with:


Your spouse and your best friend are getting cozy.


The next time it rains someone will run you off the road.


You will go crazy next summer.


You have been worrying about that next flight for good reason.


The next time you wade in the ocean, a jellyfish will become entangled with your genitals.


The IRS will contact you next year.


Your best friend at work is plotting against you.


On your next camping trip, you will be bitten by a bat.


The brakes and steering linkage on your car are about to fail.


If you go to the mall next Tuesday, a large German Shepherd will tear off your face.


Just a few off the top of my head. Oh yeah, instead of lucky numbers on the back, have unlucky numbers to stay away from.


Can you come up with some more? :D;)

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"Some night, after it's too late, you will find you confused Ben Gay with K-Y."


"May you love your own cat as much as you liked ours."


"Do not be surprised to hear your proctologist say, 'WHOA!'".


"Just hope your spouse doesn't ask about the rash."


"Hope you liked dinner. And did you ever wonder why you never see a Chinese funeral?"


"You are in good fortune if you like stomach pumps."



I started out with NOTHING...and I still have most of it left!
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My girlfriend always adds " . . . in bed." to every cookie fortune she gets. Hilarity often results.


To wit:

"Your spouse and your best friend are getting cozy. . . in bed."


""May you love your own cat as much as you liked ours. . . in bed"

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  • 5 weeks later...
Originally posted by Da Mighty Favog:

Heh...I got this one last night. :D




This is definitely the funniest fortune I have gotten!

You must have gotten John Holmes' fortune cookie by mistake...
"Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine"
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