DC Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Me and my Sweetie had Chinese food tonight and we were talking about how the fortune cookies are always so optimistic. Thought it might be cool if around half of them were sort of dark and foreboding or downright sinister. Some that we came up with: Your spouse and your best friend are getting cozy. The next time it rains someone will run you off the road. You will go crazy next summer. You have been worrying about that next flight for good reason. The next time you wade in the ocean, a jellyfish will become entangled with your genitals. The IRS will contact you next year. Your best friend at work is plotting against you. On your next camping trip, you will be bitten by a bat. The brakes and steering linkage on your car are about to fail. If you go to the mall next Tuesday, a large German Shepherd will tear off your face. Just a few off the top of my head. Oh yeah, instead of lucky numbers on the back, have unlucky numbers to stay away from. Can you come up with some more? -David http://www.garageband.com/artist/MichaelangelosMuse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tedster Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Those are hilarious... How 'bout... "Stay away from Chinese food" or "The Health Department will want to talk to your survivors in the near future"... This would make a good Twilight Zone episode... "Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitefang Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 "Some night, after it's too late, you will find you confused Ben Gay with K-Y." "May you love your own cat as much as you liked ours." "Do not be surprised to hear your proctologist say, 'WHOA!'". "Just hope your spouse doesn't ask about the rash." "Hope you liked dinner. And did you ever wonder why you never see a Chinese funeral?" "You are in good fortune if you like stomach pumps." Whitefang I started out with NOTHING...and I still have most of it left! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FoxTick Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 "That wasn't chicken." 0096 2251 2110 8105 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PBBPaul Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 I opened my fortune cookie and in it was the guy's check from the next table. I said "Hey buddy, I got your check" He said "Thanks" -Rodney Dangerfield Our new and improved website Today's sample tune: Lonesome One Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Botch. Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 I opened one once that was... empty! I drove home very carefully that day. Botch "Eccentric language often is symptomatic of peculiar thinking" - George Will www.puddlestone.net Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I I mjrn Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Mind is like parachute; must be open to work. Rice to the occasion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wewus432 Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 There was actually a company that did that for a short while, made fortune cookies with bad fortunes. Didn't go over too big. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wewus432 Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 If you look at the history, fortune cookies were inspired by communist agitators. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dennyf Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 My girlfriend always adds " . . . in bed." to every cookie fortune she gets. Hilarity often results. To wit: "Your spouse and your best friend are getting cozy. . . in bed." ""May you love your own cat as much as you liked ours. . . in bed" band link: bluepearlband.com music, lessons, gig schedules at dennyf.com STURGEON'S LAW --98% of everything is bullshit. My Unitarian Jihad Name is: The Jackhammer of Love and Mercy. Get yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franknputer Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Heh...I got this one last night. http://members.cox.net/willowhaus/pix/Fortune.jpg This is definitely the funniest fortune I have gotten! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sp3nc3r Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 "Now would be a good time to update that insurance policy" Cheers! Spencer "I prefer to beat my opponents the old-fashioned way....BRUTALLY!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Base Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Don't Panic, but... Fa Fa FA Fa fa fa fa fa FA fa FA FA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Posted January 3, 2005 Author Share Posted January 3, 2005 You will live a portion of your life in a coma. Your pet or your neighbor's pet will catch rabies. An airplane could crash on you Tuesday if you don't choose your path carefully. A major appliance will set your house on fire in the next two weeks. -David http://www.garageband.com/artist/MichaelangelosMuse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phaeton Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 The ultimate in loaded Chinese Sayings: May you live in interesting times That one's for real. Dr. Seuss: The Original White Rapper . WWND? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt.Hepworth Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 I had a real one that read: "Your worst fears will overcome you." Seriously. Obviously mistranslated! No matter how good something is, there will always be someone blasting away on a forum somewhere about how much they hate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tedster Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 Originally posted by Da Mighty Favog: Heh...I got this one last night. http://members.cox.net/willowhaus/pix/Fortune.jpg This is definitely the funniest fortune I have gotten!You must have gotten John Holmes' fortune cookie by mistake... "Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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