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Your biggest flattulence?


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A month ago, I did let loose with a pretty smelly fart during rehearsal. I owned up to it and apologized, but it was embarrassing. Your turn.
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Well, let's put it this way. The Wabash barbecue down the street has the absolute best barbecue beans in the world. To die for...sometimes literally. I was there earlier tonight, eating barbecue beans and drinking Boulevard Wheat. You do the math. You wouldn't want to be the chair I'm sitting on right now.
"Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine"
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beans beans the magic fruit the more you eat the more you toot the more you toot the better you feel so eat some beans at every meal Beans beans the magic stuff it can be mean it can be rough it can be good but seldom is ugh pew ain't mine it must be his about beans beans the magic fruit some land's flat some land's slopin' be thoughtful say excuse moi' and keep the window open

Frank Ranklin and the Ranktones

 

WARP SPEED ONLY STREAM

FRANKIE RANKLIN (Stanky Franks) <<<

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I attended college with an ROTC scholarship, which involved assembling for marches and formations every Tuesday night in a large metal Armory. One night after we were brought to attention, the drillmaster shouts out, "In place, SOUND OFF" and a trumpet plays. This time, though, right after "In place, SOUND OFF" some wiseacre in the back row let loose a good, loud one, and the reverb in that cement-floor, metal building was superb. We all fell to the ground we were laughing so hard; the rest of the night didn't go too well....

Botch

"Eccentric language often is symptomatic of peculiar thinking" - George Will

www.puddlestone.net

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I was walking through a crowded store with my friend Rachel, when she suddenly decided it would be funny to leap into my arms. Well, the sudden weight increase caused me to let loose with a particularly loud one. Rachel was laughing so hard I had to drop her where she writhed on the floor cracking up at me. Other customers tried to preserve my dignity by averting their eyes, but none could hide tehir smiles and snickers. I just count myself extremely lucky that I didn't have a prairie dog at the door right then, if you catch my drift...
Andrew Mazzocchi
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I don't think farting is funny. This thread must STOP!!!! It's just a bodily function. Barfing's not funny, peeing's not funny, ear wax isn't funny. Why is farting funny? What I want to know is how much is Tedster getting paid to endorse Boulevard Wheat? Hey Teds, belated Happy Birthday, I think I missed the party.
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...and it's funny when animals fart, especially if they get annoyed by the smell afterwards... Flatulence brings joy, excitement & embarrassment when you least want/expect it. /Mats

http://www.lexam.net/peter/carnut/man.gif

What do we want? Procrastination!

When do we want it? Later!

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This one isn't about a fart so much as it is about a shit-related-incident (SRI.) We were running late for a gig out of town, so we had to load our gear onstage the moment we got to the venue. It was a rush deal -- we really had to boogie. I barely had time to digest the hot wings I had eaten earlier in the last town. We set up and took the stage. We started playing, and I felt an unwelcome rumbling in my belly. It felt like gas, so I let a little go. Um... it wasn't exactly gas. Yep... it was something else a little bit um... wetter. I immediately clamped down on all my butt muscles and played the rest of the set in extreme ass discomfort. After the set (1 hour), I had to break down all my gear and load out before I could hit the bathroom and survey the damage in my trousers. It wasn't pretty. Since we'd already been without showers for about four days, I told the guys we needed a motel room that night. I washed my pants in the shower and wore my spare trousers until the others were dry. Not quite flatulence per se.... but an interesting story, right?

\m/

Erik

"To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."

--Sun Tzu

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Good one CMDN! Ever heard of a band called The Soundtrack of Our Lives? The previous incarnation of that band was called Union Carbide Productions. At their first major festival gig the lead singer, Ebbot, who probably was quite drunk after nervously waiting many hours to go on, shit his pants on stage. And it was a big dump. It was very easy to tell what had happened, and those who missed it could read about it in the paper the next day! I've never shit on stage but I did puke once and the fact that it was a live recording also made it a lot more exciting! /Mats

http://www.lexam.net/peter/carnut/man.gif

What do we want? Procrastination!

When do we want it? Later!

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[quote]Originally posted by TheWewus: [b]I don't think farting is funny. This thread must STOP!!!! It's just a bodily function. Barfing's not funny, peeing's not funny, ear wax isn't funny. Why is farting funny? What I want to know is how much is Tedster getting paid to endorse Boulevard Wheat? Hey Teds, belated Happy Birthday, I think I missed the party.[/b][/quote](Whispers) shhh..I'm cutting you in on the profits from my Boulevard endorsement. They said it would be much better if I was a sports star, but, they'd have to settle for this... Hey, Wewus dude...don't worry about the birthday wishes. We'll have a better party down the road, when everyone feels like partying. Any gym types here? Anyone worked out on a leg press machine? Ever done any [i]heavy[/i] leg presses? In my opinion, they should always put the leg press machines in another room, with the squat racks and such...away from the gorgeous women. Because, if you're doing heavy leg presses, and really pushing to get that last rep...well, you'll get a few RIPS with your REPS...if you catch my drift. (Training partner) "C'mon man, one more"... (Tedster) "UNGHGHGHG" THPBPBPBPBPBPBPB!!!! (Training partner, holding nose) "That's it, just one more, dude!"
"Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine"
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[quote]Originally posted by Mats_Olsson: [b]Good one CMDN! Ever heard of a band called The Soundtrack of Our Lives? The previous incarnation of that band was called Union Carbide Productions. At their first major festival gig the lead singer, Ebbot, who probably was quite drunk after nervously waiting many hours to go on, shit his pants on stage. And it was a big dump. It was very easy to tell what had happened, and those who missed it could read about it in the paper the next day! I've never shit on stage but I did puke once and the fact that it was a live recording also made it a lot more exciting! /Mats[/b][/quote]Yeah, I like that band, they've got a song called "Sister Surround" or something. Great tune. Haven't heard any of their other stuff. Funny they should have an incident like that associated with the name Union Carbide, the company who's flatulence killed hundreds in Bhopal, India. Erik, I had something like that happen once, only I was in the comfort of my living room, thank god. It was the onset of stomach flu. Not good.
"Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine"
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The trumpet section in a jazz band I played in would let 'em rip constantly. That stench made my job as a bass player hard... ...hard to keep a strait face... ...hard to groove, and it was like in timed intervals too, every 4-5 mins. The band leader later bough a mini can of air freshener, helped a little, but they still overpowered.

groove, v.

Inflected Form(s): grooved; groov·ing

transitive senses:1a.to make a groove in;1b.to join by a groove;2.to perfect by repeated practice;3.to throw (a pitch) in the groove

intransitive senses:1.to become joined or fitted by a groove;2.to form a groove;3.to enjoy oneself intensely;4.to interact harmoniously

- groov·er noun

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Q. What does Michael Jackson and a guy with a bad case of flatulence have in common? A. They both blow bubbles in the bath! :D
"WARNING!" - this artificial fruit juice may contain traces of REAL FRUIT!!
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I was at work a couple of weeks ago and was positioning my ass on my chair in my cubicle for a fart. It was very quiet in the work area because it was near the end of the day. So I was trying to get into position to muffle it into the chair the best I could. Unfortunately the fart went up my back with a loud [b]Quack![/b] Oh my god! A back-quacker! I heard someone clear their throat so it was heard loud and clear.
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A nurse working at an old folks home sees old Mrs. Smith sitting in her chair, leaning to the right. The nurse walks in and straightens her up. A few minutes later, she strolls by the room and sees old Mrs. Smith leaning to the left. Again the nurse walks in, straighens her up, and leaves. She passes the Smith family in the hall, going to visit grandma. Her son asks, "Well mom, how do you like it here?" Mrs. Smith snaps "Fine, but they won't let me FART"
"Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine"
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