DanL

I chopped my L100 that I grew up playing the same way. Didn't save much weight but made it a little easier to carry. I was REAL close to getting a chop when my dad passed away a few years back and left me a little money. At the time I was doing a couple gigs with horrible stairs and knew I'd never get anyone to help me carry it so I decided against it.

I think I played that same place! Probably not, but it's funny, when I read the 1st post, my story of the gig in the mini mall on the 2nd floor with a B3 up the greasy, icy fire escape, right angle into a narrow pantry sort of place and then thru the kitchen to the stage came to mind right away. We actually did that gig a number of times. The fire escape was always greasy but when it had ice on it that made it that much more fun. Another one was a gig at a big hotel in DC, the "Reptilian Cotilian", a save the earth snobby hippy party. Load in thru a loading dock with no lift truck, thru a myriad of dark passageways, elevator, more passageways, into a ball room that held 2000 people. It was a great gig, but the load in stunk. And when we loaded out, we had Barney Fife the security guard telling us over and over he was going to "shut us down" if we kept making noise. You can tell how that went....

Many years ago we were playing a sorta rough bar on a Thursday. These 2 biker guys come in and set up chairs right on the dance floor in front of us. They had smuggled in their own bottles of booze and were tanked. They would hide the bottles under their shirts and drink out of them- like no one noticed that. Back then we played a lot of CCR, Stones, etc, but we also did the "Peanuts" theme. We're playing this, our one guitar player (who won the Galax bluegrass competition one year) played with a lot of finesse. He's doing a nice solo, one of the guys gets 2" away from his face, and says "You play like a pussy". The other guy had gone back and was sitting next to the drummer making faces at him. We had this huge guy who was our friend and was sort of a roving bouncer at various bars, he never saw what was going on. Finally our sound man, who was a little skinny guy, goes up and tells them to sit down and let us play. We thought all hell was going to break loose, but they actually sat down! To this day, whenever I see that guitar player, I tell him he plays like a pussy, just for old times sake. Worst gig ever though- some club in the middle of Jersey, attached to a dive motel. You played 1 hour on, 1 hour off, from 9PM til 4AM. 3 nights in a row. There may have been 20 people there each night, and they looked mostly like meth whores- seemingly nice looking until you got a closer look and they smiled. At the end of the gig, this guy who looks like he's straight out of the Sopranos comes to pay us out of a cigar box that had FAR more money than that place saw all week. We took our pay and had a few words for the agent who booked us there! A good gig from way back: This girl who I had worked with a few years before came to see us. She asked why I never sang, and I said the rest of the band says I didn't have lead singer balls. She grabs my crotch under the table and says "they feel ok to me". I KNEW I was getting some action that night, and she was about the wildest one I ever had. Sometimes even the keyboard player gets lucky.

What do you call an accordian laying on top of a banjo in a dumpster? A good shot.

Some good ones here! Here's another one along the lines of nolights construction joke. A little boy is driving his mom nuts, so she says, why don't you go across the street to watch those men build that house. So he does, and comes back at dinner time. His mom says "did you have a good time today" and the boy replies "I learned a lot". The mother asks him what he learned, and the boy says "well, I learned how to take the damn door off the frame, take it out back, plane the shit out of it, put it back up, take the fucker down again, plane the shit out of it some more!" Of course, the mother is aghast, and tells the boy that he's going to be in trouble when his dad gets home. When the dad gets home, the mom has the boy tell him what he told her. After hearing the foul language, the dad says, "son, you go out back and cut me a switch" and the boy replies "Fuck that, thats the electricians job!"

A boss, a female employee, and a male employee are walking on the beach and come across a genie in a bottle. After a discussion, they decide the woman should go first, the man second, and the boss last. The woman rubs the bottle, the genie comes out, and asks her for her wish. She says "I'd like to be on a tropical island paradise". Off she goes. The man, seeing how this works, says he'd like to be in paradise as well, with a harem of beautiful women at his beck and call. Off he goes. The boss picks up the bottle, rubs it, and says "I want both of them back after lunch"