I'm Reporting our Bass Player to the Clinic

[jazzpiano88]

I'll fill out the form later.....

 

Bass player offenses/fines list

>

> Name of offender _____________________________

> Date of offense(s) _____ / _____ / _______

>

> Musical offenses

>

> Playing loudly during warm up - $10

> Sound-checking amp with funk slapping - $25

> Loud cursing after mistake - $10

> Playing high and fast after mistake - $20

> Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes - $20

> Asking for "E" tuning note - $25

> Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb - $50

> Playing written-out walking line - $50

> Failure to play written walking line - $75

> Writing note names over ledger-line notes - $50

> Writing beat numbers under dotted figures - $50

> Playing eighth notes - $5 each

> Playing sixteenth notes - $10 each

> Playing above 1st octave-immediate dismissal

> Dragging fast tempo - $75

> Dragging ballad tempo - $100

> Blacking out during ballad - $200

> Ignoring drummer's tempo - $100

> Following drummer's tempo - $250

> Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me - $1000

>

> Upright player offenses

>

> Showing up before first downbeat - $25

> Playing audibly - $25

> Faking changes - $25

> Slapping - $150

> Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass - $25

> Excessive sweating - $25

> Pedal point double-stops during horn solo - $50

> Asking leader for a solo - $30

> Accepting solo when offered - $50

> Taking second chorus - $100

> Playing solo arco - $400

> Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune - $25

> Playing "A Train" ending on every tune - $200

> Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune - $500

>

> Electric player offenses

>

> Checking hair between tunes - $15

> Experimenting with odd meters - $25

> Missing root at end of blistering fill - $25

> Playing with a pick - $50

> Tuning during ballad - $30

> Playing Jaco groove on samba - $75

> Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad - $150

> Attempting last word on final chord - $50

> Achieving last word on final chord - $100

> Long gliss down to final note - $200

>

> Equipment violations-electric

>

> Forgetting strap - $10

> Changing strings after every set - $15

> Using electric tuner - $15

> Setting up mic "just in case" - $75

> Forgetting to turn amp on - $40

> Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in

> 1 trip - $50

> Asking horn player for help moving amp - $25

> Bringing custom-made bass - $100 per string above 4

> Bringing more than 1 bass - $100 per extra bass

> Skull decals on bass - $150

> Bringing fretless bass - $500

>

> Criminal bad taste

>

> Telling bone player about all the gigs you get - $10

> Asking bone player about their day gig - $10

> Sitting behind drums on break - $10

> Quoting "Birdland" - $25

> Practicing scales during break - $25

> Practicing scales during drum solo - $50

> Practicing - $150

> Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player" - $50

> Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you

> are "into sequencing" - $100

>

> Basic stupidity

>

> Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt - $10

> Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt - $20

> Asking when the rock set starts - $20

> Continually asking "where are we?" - $25

> Continually shouting "Yeah!" - $25

> Asking bone player where "1" is - $50

> Taking cellphone call during 4's - $100

[Sam CA]

Plumbing never sounded better for a career!

[nursers]

Or nursing - it's just like plumbing but with more white or pastel clothing.

[GRollins]

Clearly I'm going to have to rob a bank in order to pay for all my violations...

 

Grey

[Biggles]

Fess up time.

 

What lists about you do the other band members have?

[skipeb3]

Bass Police... Dial 151

[Mighty Motif Max]

I'm reporting this thread to our bass player.