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Comic Relief - Top Secret New Products

Guitar Geezer

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Ok so I swiped it from the Kinman Pickup site:


And now a sneak preview of a top secret new product:


Sound Path Innovations Inc. totally new, innovative, revolutionery and at long last improved effects pedals for guitarists:


Time Distortion: Makes guitar solos seem longer. (Can also be achieved by wankers.)


Blame shifter: Shifts the pitch of mistakes down one octave so that the audience thinks it was the bass player.


Depander: Filters out popular cover songs.


Overjive: Makes Hootie songs sound like an Auction.


Active Pickups: Amplifies "signals" sent to attractive audience members.


Fluff Box: Filters out excessive musical substance.


Phaser: Phases out un-wanted band members without them knowing.


Low capacatance device: Makes low audience numbers appear like a full house.


Noise eliminator: Sprays Super Glue over the drummers arms.


Noise gate: Automatically shuts the mics off over the drum kit during a guitar solo.


Rehash: Stores and plays back your favorite riffs constantly and forever.


Feedback Eliminator: Drowns out "constructive criticism."


Band Pass Filter: Eliminates sexual advances between band members.


Depressor: Changes any chord to E minor.


Paralytic Equalizer: Makes you as good as other guitarists by injecting them with a bottle of Jack Daniels.


Re-mixer: Re-arranges perfectly good songs so they sound different but are exactly the same.


Pitch shifter: Makes the rhythm player's request for more lead work sound like he can actually play.


TS-1 (Talent Stretcher): All the above effects in one convenient pedal-pack.


Price TS-1 US$12,000 (shipping extra)

13 volt Adapter $456 (inc shipping).

To order email gonad@noworx.con/not

Lynn G
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No, I didn't make that one. IIRC, it's a Big Muff Pi in there, without the Sustain knob. I found the photo at http://www.diystomp.com in a thread about the common question that DIY electronics guys get asked - "DUDE! Are you building a bomb?" :P In post-9/11 America, this question sucks. :(


a.k.a. "El Guapo" ;)


...Better fuzz through science...



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"DUDE! Are you building a bomb?" In post-9/11 America, this question sucks.
Maybe so, but maybe they'll leave you alone if you say "Yes." :cool: (until the FBI shows up that is, I forgot the proper TLA for the new Home Defense League). :rolleyes:



Gotta' geetar... got the amp. There must be SOMEthing else I... "need".
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