Guitar Geezer Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 Ok so I swiped it from the Kinman Pickup site: And now a sneak preview of a top secret new product: Sound Path Innovations Inc. totally new, innovative, revolutionery and at long last improved effects pedals for guitarists: Time Distortion: Makes guitar solos seem longer. (Can also be achieved by wankers.) Blame shifter: Shifts the pitch of mistakes down one octave so that the audience thinks it was the bass player. Depander: Filters out popular cover songs. Overjive: Makes Hootie songs sound like an Auction. Active Pickups: Amplifies "signals" sent to attractive audience members. Fluff Box: Filters out excessive musical substance. Phaser: Phases out un-wanted band members without them knowing. Low capacatance device: Makes low audience numbers appear like a full house. Noise eliminator: Sprays Super Glue over the drummers arms. Noise gate: Automatically shuts the mics off over the drum kit during a guitar solo. Rehash: Stores and plays back your favorite riffs constantly and forever. Feedback Eliminator: Drowns out "constructive criticism." Band Pass Filter: Eliminates sexual advances between band members. Depressor: Changes any chord to E minor. Paralytic Equalizer: Makes you as good as other guitarists by injecting them with a bottle of Jack Daniels. Re-mixer: Re-arranges perfectly good songs so they sound different but are exactly the same. Pitch shifter: Makes the rhythm player's request for more lead work sound like he can actually play. TS-1 (Talent Stretcher): All the above effects in one convenient pedal-pack. Price TS-1 US$12,000 (shipping extra) 13 volt Adapter $456 (inc shipping). To order email email@example.com/not Lynn G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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