I believe I just got dumped...

[surfmonkey]

:cry:

[Bunny Knutson]

I misread the topic at first. Sorry. I'm sorry if this is really the end of a relationship. One bit of hope that you have is this: Early on in my relationship with my wife (way before we were married) there were a couple times when it looked like it was over. Obviously, it was far from over. Things might work out. You never know. Try not to dwell too heavily on it right now, if that's possible. If your relationship was meant to be, you'll come back together. If not, then maybe there is someone better to come.

[Jotown]

Sorry to hear that.

[halljams]

[quote]Originally posted by surfmonkey: [b] :cry: [/b][/quote]Shitty. :( Sometimes people don't seem to work together. I been in relationships with girls who really loved me and ones who as far as i know just used me at their convienence. I figured out that the ones who didn't exactly seem to be head over heels with me were the ones i couldn't leave alone. When i realized that, i was able to look at myself and work on what MY problems were and why i wouldn't accept the love of a girl who really did dig me. I realized i just wasn't ready to give a woman what she needed and took a couple years off from all that and went hard at music. Then i realized i was lonlely and needed someone to share my life with. Then i started the process of figuring out what the hell i have to share. Basically i had been a selfish little hermit most of my life and never had time for anyone elses shit because i had MY MUSIC etc and all that bull shit. It's hard enough to get by if you want to improve and work hard at music and make some money and live a decent lifestyle. It leaves very little time for relationships. But it is there and it takes some work to find it, good time management will be the key. Ask THE CURVE about that, i believe he is the present master. He probly has a few words on the ladies for you too, he's a bit of a looker you know. Back to me. So i went through a couple attempts at making someone happy and grew ALOT realizing what is needed and finally when i was ready, along she came. The sweetest girl i have ever met. She is not EVERYTHING i have every wanted in a women but she is many of the things and honestly after 2 great years together of us being very open with how we are feeling and communicating regularly about our relationship and how we can improve it, i am finding that i really love being so close to someone. I love her more every month i swear. Keep trying man. The bumps are sure rough. I remember a couple break ups that just paralyzed me. The good thing is it gets easier every time after those ones. Listen to some good music. Write some good music. Hang out with friends. Don't sit around and dwell on it. These things come and go. :)

[Rikia]

Get another girl, and make it better! I think men always remember their X-girlfreinds and always miss them. But, women tend to forget their X-boyfreinds as soon as they broke up, and move to the nest step like nothing happened. Man, this is really unfair.

[surfmonkey]

[quote]Originally posted by dBunny: [b]I misread the topic at first. Sorry. I'm sorry if this is really the end of a relationship. One bit of hope that you have is this: Early on in my relationship with my wife (way before we were married) there were a couple times when it looked like it was over. Obviously, it was far from over. Things might work out. You never know. Try not to dwell too heavily on it right now, if that's possible. If your relationship was meant to be, you'll come back together. If not, then maybe there is someone better to come.[/b][/quote]No, no, don't be sorry...I don't think she liked Gorecki's 3rd either :p What really sucks is that we are very much in love and very compatible, but we live in two different cities. We had dated for about a year and she was planning on moving here to live with me. But, she had a change of heart, and has to stay were she is for personal reasons. She has joint custody of her child in town, and decided that it she couldn't bear to lose time with her kid by being away. I don't have any kids, so I guess I can't completely comprehend making a choice between losing a soulmate and a few more weekends with her child; he would have visited us, but she would have had to relinquish most of her visitation time. Anyway, she decided not to come, and I can't live where she lives, so we are at a roadblock. Anyway, I don't mean to babble about my personal life...sorry.

[Skip_dup1]

[quote]Originally posted by Rikia: [b]Get another girl, and make it better! I think men always remember their X-girlfreinds and always miss them. But, women tend to forget their X-boyfreinds as soon as they broke up, and move to the nest step like nothing happened. Man, this is really unfair.[/b][/quote]Most women are a lot more emotionally together than most men-I think they have plenty of fond feelings about former relationships, they just don`t bang their heads on trees about it. I`m still in contact with, and friends with, my very first long-term relationship. Her and her husband are both really good people. she hasn`t blocked out the past and neither have I-no need to. If anything, I was the idiot. I was so sure that if I had a little more time, I`d be rich and famous and we wouldn`t have to fight about money all the time, that great destroyer of otherwise great relationships. Well so much for that idea. now I have neither her nor fame and wealth.

[Bunny Knutson]

[quote]Originally posted by surfmonkey: [b]No, no, don't be sorry...I don't think she liked Gorecki's 3rd either :p [/b][/quote]Good, I'm glad you took that like a gentleman! Now that I've edited my original post, that will have to remain an inside joke! :D But, regarding your girlfriend, I must attest to the power of parenthood. If I ever had to make a choice between a new girlfriend and my kids, it wouldn't be a contest at all. The bond with one's child can be the strongest imaginable. I think this even surprised my wife and I, after our first baby was born. It kind of blew us away that there could exist this ultra-pure form of love. Beyond even what we felt for each other. Heavy. My point is that, you shouldn't necessarily write this relationship off yet. Unless... You say that it's not a possibility for you to move to her town, right? Well, why not? You certainly don't have anything as significant as a child holding you down. What, a great job, your hometown, your parents, friends, what? If this relationship is meant to be, I think you'll reconsider moving to her town. Otherwise, I don't think her child is really the issue. Right? ...am I starting to sound like Dear Abbey? :freak:

[surfmonkey]

[quote]Originally posted by dBunny: [b] [quote]Originally posted by surfmonkey: [b]No, no, don't be sorry...I don't think she liked Gorecki's 3rd either :p [/b][/quote]Good, I'm glad you took that like a gentleman! Now that I've edited my original post, that will have to remain an inside joke! :D But, regarding your girlfriend, I must attest to the power of parenthood. If I ever had to make a choice between a new girlfriend and my kids, it wouldn't be a contest at all. The bond with one's child can be the strongest imaginable. I think this even surprised my wife and I, after our first baby was born. It kind of blew us away that there could exist this ultra-pure form of love. Beyond even what we felt for each other. Heavy. My point is that, you shouldn't necessarily write this relationship off yet. Unless... You say that it's not a possibility for you to move to her town, right? Well, why not? You certainly don't have anything as significant as a child holding you down. What, a great job, your hometown, your parents, friends, what? If this relationship is meant to be, I think you'll reconsider moving to her town. Otherwise, I don't think her child is really the issue. Right? ...am I starting to sound like Dear Abbey? :freak: [/b][/quote]Yes, well here's where it gets complicated. She lives in a very small town in CA. I am a pretty established player in Los Angeles. The kind of work that I do here, I can't do anywhere else. Moving to where she lives would in effect be throwing my career away. I don't think that I would be very happy with that decision. Thanks for your advice though. And listening to me bitch. :)

[Tedster]

I disagree with Rikia, in that I've known some women to be the worst at constantly dwelling on exes. DBunny is definitely correct about the kid thing. Sorry for the fact that it happened though. Both of you have apparently weighed the pros and cons of leaving your current lives to be with the other, and it kinda seems like she expects you to give up something very important to you in order to continue the relationship. Smile, Surf...it's a blessing in disguise.

[KenElevenShadows]

Sorry to hear that. Yes, it's the power of parenthood, the incredible power of motherhood. Sorry you have to go through that.

[Tom Capasso]

Surfmonkey, Sorry to hear about the split. I also can attest to the parenthood bond. I feel it myself, and can see it strongly in my wife. And if you've decided that you can't give up your life, then I guess that's it. Give yourself some time to grieve over the loss (that's what it is). good luck Tom

[FoxTick]

breakups always suck. :cry: i just split up with a sassy redhead in june. we were together for over four years. at first i was depressed all the time. i just sat around watching TV all day (which is rare for me) never went into the studio, never went out..(remember when i kinda disappeared from the forums for a while?).. then one day i woke up and asked myself "why the hell am i letting myself get like this?....look at all i have....i have my own studio, a good job in which i get to work from home, i still have my health, i have my freinds, i have my family, i have you guys/gals here....i have no reason to be depressed anymore....it's time to move on.." still there are times i get down about the whole thing, but i just keep reminding myself of what i have instead of what i don't have. there is alot of good advice on this thread, i should re-read it after i post this reply...

[BP3]

I just recently broke up with a girl I was with for over eight years. Back in Febuary, I had a chance at getting custody of my daughter. My girlfriend was very negative about it. I fell out of love just like that. To top it off, she then started talking about us having kids a couple of months later. :eek: Well, starting to date aging isn't what I had in mind at 42, but it could be fun. Hope it's fun for you as well.

[Wrave]

Surf, go to her! You mean to say you love this woman and you are letting your career dictate the loss of THAT??? What is this shit that we men always seem to be insisting that the woman give up her friends, her career, her family, her CHILDREN for God's sake, because we've got this male ego that says we cannot manage to make a living other than the way we choose? Ask the guys that have recently lost their jobs and have posted about that struggle here on this forum. They put a certain amount of loyalty into their work only to find that the COMPANY doesn't care. No job will ever care about you the way another human being, WHO LOVES YOU, does. I say chuck it all and go. You can find a way to make money...even in a small town. (Are there such things in CA?) Lots of people do it. And you'll be with her. But, you'll have to want her more than money, status, a job, etc., etc. This just freaks me because I wish I had the chance to make the decision you are facing right now. I know which way it would go.

[KenElevenShadows]

Easy there. It doesn't sound like he was forcing her to do anything. She made a decision to stay there, he made a decision to stay in LA. Isn't he respecting her decision to stay put? If he is an established player -- I'm assuming that means he probably does sessions as a musician -- well, that's not too easy to try and do again, least of all in a small town, where there is absolutely no demand for that kind of thing. And, uh, yes, there are a LOT of small towns in California. I know people think that we're only composed of two cities plus a capitol...

[Wrave]

I was thinking about what I wrote and I hope it didn't come out too harsh sounding. If it did, I apologize. But this is an option and one that is seldom chosen. And I believe that a musician can make music anywhere. As the saying intimates, two together can make the most beautiful music there is. Ah yes, small towns in CA. I drove from San Diego up to LA in the late sixties. I remember going through areas where there was nothing but wetlands. I was back there about four years ago and on the hills on both sides of the highway it was shoulder to shoulder homes on stilts. There may have been a few small towns buried amidst all those houses! ;) Surf, good luck. I hope you don't catch yourself years from now looking back to what might have been.

[FoxTick]

[quote]Originally posted by wrave: [b]...even in a small town. (Are there such things in CA?) [/b][/quote] [url=http://ci.sutter-creek.ca.us/]Sutter Creek[/url] , for one, (population ~2300)..... there are more small towns in Cali than there are big ones...they are all just closer together.

[Rim]

[quote]Originally posted by Rikia: [b]I think men always remember their X-girlfreinds and always miss them. But, women tend to forget their X-boyfreinds as soon as they broke up, and move to the nest step like nothing happened.[/b][/quote]From my experience, this is dead on. Three years later, I still wonder how a girl I went out with turned from being the one and my best friend to someone who doesn't even return my calls any more (not to worry, I stopped calling although I'm freaking still tempted to call! :mad: ) Anyway. surfmonkey, I think it's good she doesn't want to give up time with her child. If I was in your place, I may have been disappointed if she didn't choose to be with her kid. I give her points for that. How far away are the two of you? Can either or both of you move closer to each other without losing what's important to each of you (your career/her kid)? Then again, I'm 36 and single, so maybe I shouldn't be giving relationship advice.

[KenElevenShadows]

[quote]Originally posted by riffing: [b] [quote]Originally posted by Rikia: [b]I think men always remember their X-girlfreinds and always miss them. But, women tend to forget their X-boyfreinds as soon as they broke up, and move to the nest step like nothing happened.[/b][/quote]From my experience, this is dead on. [/b][/quote]Wow, from my experience, both men and women think about previous relationships. I'm obviously not negating what you two are saying at all, just saying that I've experienced something completely different here! It's also an interesting perspective you both are putting forth, since women are stereotypically thought of as the more "sentimental" of the two sexes. But yeah, from my experience, both parties think about previous relationships a fair amount. Surfmonkey, how far away does she live, outta curiosity?

[whitefang]

The kid's not the issue? Don't count that out. After seeing the shit my second wife went through being a stepmother, and all my efforts to put a stop to it fail, I would insist you give it serious consideration. Things are better now, seeing as the "kids" are 30 and 27 years old, no longer snotty teen-agers. But it does require massive amounts of patience on either side. And ultimatums are no way to go! Whitefang

[Rim]

[quote]Originally posted by Ken/Eleven Shadows: [b] [quote]Originally posted by riffing: [b] [quote]Originally posted by Rikia: [b]I think men always remember their X-girlfreinds and always miss them. But, women tend to forget their X-boyfreinds as soon as they broke up, and move to the nest step like nothing happened.[/b][/quote]From my experience, this is dead on. [/b][/quote]Wow, from my experience, both men and women think about previous relationships. I'm obviously not negating what you two are saying at all, just saying that I've experienced something completely different here![/b][/quote]Actually, I started thinking about this and maybe it's true that both do. Maybe some of my ex-girlfriends are wondering how we used to like each other and now they don't hear from me anymore. Of course, none of them have actually told me that, but I guess it's possible.

[KenElevenShadows]

[quote]Originally posted by whitefang: [b]The kid's not the issue? Don't count that out.[/b][/quote]Actually, the kid's the central issue here!!

[Bunny Knutson]

When I originally said "the kid's not the issue" it was in a context that made sense. I was pointing out that SurfMonkey's CAREER is what was keeping [i]him[/i] from moving to the small town to be with his honey. I felt that, rather, he was making the issue into a question of whether the [i]girlfriend[/i] should move to LA. And, the way I see it, THAT is not the issue. The child won't "go away," but the question is whether his career would die if he were to move to Podunk, California. Does that make any sense? I don't mean to belittle the issue of the child (of course it is the central issue!); I merely want to point out that SurfMonkey is the only one who actually has an [i]option.[/i]

[KenElevenShadows]

dBunny -- yes, totally makes sense, and I suspect that this is what Whitefang is probably thinking as well. Well, we're all just trying to pull together and help our very sad friend here. It would be lovely if life weren't so complicated.

[John Brown]

Now see, John Brown says that it is a good thing that you got dumped. It will make you stronger, and give you some nice bluespower. "Get another girl, and make it better! I think men always remember their X-girlfreinds and always miss them. But, women tend to forget their X-boyfreinds as soon as they broke up, and move to the nest step like nothing happened. Man, this is really unfair." Whoever said this must be the one getting dumped. Because when a girl is the one that is dumped, I have noticed that they tend to keep a little spot in their heart for the Dumpee (Even if it is only to get back with them, so that THEY can become the Dumper) There are lots of girls (or boys if that is how it is) but I guess that really doesn't help you too much. John Brown

[Lee Flier]

Yeah, I don't know where anybody gets the idea that women forget about their exes. WE DON'T! Maybe you just don't talk to enough women to realize that, a lot of women would feel uncomfortable talking to men about this. I remember most of my few exes fondly and still am friends with a couple of them. There's one I don't talk to because he dumped me for this total manipulative bimbo who had the IQ of a peanut. That one still bothers me and that was 14 years ago. So there!

[Bunny Knutson]

[quote]Originally posted by John Brown: [b]Now see, John Brown says that it is a good thing that you got dumped. It will ... give you some nice bluespower.[/b][/quote]Now, THAT is just CLASSIC. Yes! It will give you some nice BLUESPOWER! Yes! :D

[Mats Olsson.]

The best songs I ever wrote was after a very painful separation. For all I care, I'd rather have a good relationship than fame & fortune. /Mats