Scream187 Posted October 25, 2001 Share Posted October 25, 2001 Hey, this weekend we've recorded our first song... its home recorded so its not perfect... We play metal usualy but we wanted to do a softer song... so here it is... I call it soft metal but whatever... Tell me what you think, and be honest please. Comment on the song mostly, because theres not much to say about my drumming... I'm just playing basic stuff, but I think it fits the song better then crazy fills everywhere... I wanted to keep it simple... Anyway, crit away listen to the mp3 (high quality) version if possible... http://www.garageband.com/artist/krypt http://krypt187.tripod.com/krypt_psyko_low.mp3 (2.2 meg) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrummerCafe Posted October 25, 2001 Share Posted October 25, 2001 Putting the performance and production aside, here's my comments. I think the verse melody (with the vocals) is kind of catchy, but you don't have a chorus ... which I think you need. You are using the instrumental sections between the vocal (verse) sections as a chorus. How about coming up with words for this section to create a vocal chorus section. Typically a song needs to have a moral to the story that you are telling musically. What's the moral or the hook that you are trying to convey in your song? Melodically I think your ideas are nice, but you need to develop the song more. Save the instrumental breaks for further into the piece. Having a cool intro and instrumental breaks is nice, but they are just the icing on the cake. You need a chorus section ... more than the instrumental guitar stuff. From what I hear, you've got two verses and a nice instrumental melody (which could be used as a chorus). I'm no metal fan, but I do know something about music structure. I'm not trying to force you into a mold here, but even my ears missed having a chorus section. What's the hook? What's the moral to the story? Music is a language and songs are basically musical stories. What's the story you are trying to tell? Your verses hint at it ... but what's your point? Answer these questions, put it in the music ... and you're done. My two cents ..... ------------------ Bart Elliott http://bartelliott.com Drummer Cafe - community drum & percussion forum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scream187 Posted October 25, 2001 Author Share Posted October 25, 2001 theres supposed to be a chorus... those instrumental parts between verse are the chorus, and there was supposed to be vocals on that... but since we're a metal band, the chorus turn out WAY too heavy for the song since we wanted to keep it kinda soft... Moral of the story was in the chorus, and it helps understand the link between the 2 verses, and what they mean, but well, like I said it was way too heavy, so we're gonna re-write the vocals for that part during the next practice... but I thought I'd post the song for critics anyway... In the chorus it was saying that he just wanted a normal life and everything he never had. which is kind of the moral I guess... the guy doesnt like his life, himself, his past. hehe... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scream187 Posted October 26, 2001 Author Share Posted October 26, 2001 comon guys! give us some feedback! we need if we want to improve!!! I know a lot of ppl are pros and think that we suck but plz say something! even if you don't like it at all! And I think there's not enough ppl posting mp3 of their bands in here! It would be nice if everyone could comment on everyone bands and music... anyway... I hope to get more crits! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve LeBlanc Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 The song is fine...production has problems. My biggest problem is with the guitar sound...it doesn't sound like a guitar, maybe mic it differently and add some low frequencies. What are you trying to acheive with your music...if it's just for the sake of making music this track is interesting enough. If you expect to be a star on MTV and all...keep working...listen to the stuff you really like and try to sound more like that. This is in no way a proper review...just typing some thoughts...all I really have time for right now. Keep jammin. http://www.jamfree.com P.S. To make you feel a bit better...this is our studio: http://www.jamfree.com/freedom.html and we still have major trouble getting radio quality mixes. [ 10-25-2001: Message edited by: Steve LeBlanc ] http://www.youtube.com/notesleb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tachonene Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 how long have you been playing??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scream187 Posted October 26, 2001 Author Share Posted October 26, 2001 uhm, well the drums or the band together? I first started playing drums about 2 years ago, but I didnt had a drumset at home, so I played like 1H every 2 weeks... so I wasnt improving at all... Then last year it was like 1H30 a week... which is still not much at all... So I bought an electronic drumset last june, and I've been playing a few hours a day since then... so I dunno... I would say a few months seriously... I've been playing with the guitar player for a long time, but we've been playing us 4 together for about 1 month... we practice once a week in a garage... So yea that our story... Comon ppl keep giving me what you think! We want to improve the song!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ian1642605905 Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 Considering the amt of time you've been playing and the amt of time the band has been together it is quite impressive. If you continue to work on song structure ie:intro/verse/chorus/bridge/solos etc I think it will get interesting.Think about some more dynamic changes to bring the song to life. I agree that some attention needs to be payed to guitar effects and I wouldn't have the split vocals through the entire song...maybe just the chorus. As was mentioned before, listen to some bands you like and distinguish the various changes in the songs structure.Apply that concept to your material. Continue to record your practice sessions to objectively critique your progress.Don't be afraid to trash a part of the song that doesn't work to compliment the song as a whole. I would liked to have heard some drum fills to help distinguish the changes from verse to chorus etc... It is YOUR art so the only real critique I can give is RE ay attention to Structure and dynamics... ian* ian* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobperch Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 hey scream187, i'll download your song and tell you want i think later on, i'm at work right now and i don't wanna crank up the metal in my cubicle, hehe. but you were saying something about other people putting up their bands' songs and asking what they think, go here: http://www.mp3.com/special_olympians/ this is my band, download the song called Give Up On You, don't download the other one, it gets on my nerves, well you can, but i reccommend the other one. well, there ya go Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scream187 Posted October 27, 2001 Author Share Posted October 27, 2001 ok well first of all thanks for the crits guys... we're gonna work on the song tomorow at practice. About the guitar sound... hmm I guess its a question of taste, but thats the sound we want pretty much, it sounds like the stuff we like (the sound) which is not the most popular stuff usualy, but I dunno its just a distorcion pedal, and some reverb in the intro, nothing special... About the double vocals yea, we're not that happy with the vocals either, we're gonna re-work that, and add vocals to the chorus... I'll probably add a few simple fills before the chorus... And what we're trying to achieve? uhm... first of all have fun and improve and maybe someday get gigs in bars once we get better... O yea and I listen to your stuff bobperch, its pretty good, sounds punk but a bit heavier. both songs are cool. Not much crit to add, sounds good to me. Feel free to add more reviews, or post mp3 of your band in here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tachonene Posted October 27, 2001 Share Posted October 27, 2001 hey scream, i have a year and a little more than a half, i bought a v drum set a few weeks ago, b4 that i just played 1 or maybe with luck 2 days a week 1 hour.......similar histories huh???you play awsome for your time keep the good work!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ModernDrummer Posted October 30, 2001 Share Posted October 30, 2001 Scream - I'm most certainly NO expert on songwriting, but I'll throw my two cents in as well. I won't pass judgement on the production quality, etc. as you had already addressed that. And besides, with some tweaks (like more bottom end), it's not bad anyway, IMHO. First, I'm going to have to lean toward Bartman and Ian about needing a chorus, bridge, etc. I know that sometimes the concern (to the songwriters) is that the song will become 'formulaic' and become 'corporate rock'. To me, that's baloney. Personally, I think anyone who writes and performs music is hoping, wanting, needing, blah, blah, blah SOMEONE to hear their music. And I'm guessing that about 10 / 10 times, the writer / performer would like SOMEONE to also LIKE what they've done. That said, music IS somewhat forumulaic by it's very nature. As Bartman mentioned, music is a form of conversational device. It's meant to communicate. And just like language itself, people need to understand what's being communicated in order to appreciate it. Therefore, language AND music MUST by design be somewhat formulaic. 'Cause human nature being what it is, folks want to hear things 'familiar' to them. Sure, it can be WAY different, but there has to be something familiar there for the listener to identify with. So most folks like to listen to their songs in a certain way. A familiar language, if you will. And that's the basic verse / chorus / bridge, etc. pattern that Ian mentioned. Now it can be LOTS of varieties of that pattern. 2 verses, 1 chorus', or 1 verse, 1 chorus, 1 bridge, or NO bridge, etc. But somewhere in there, IMHO you generally want SOME sort of structure (language) that the listener can identify with. Or your group of potential listeners is going to shrink dramatically. Doesn't matter if you just recorded it for the bands own satisfaction and never intend to really market it. But IMHO, if you're going to put it on an album, and expect it to sell, you're stuck at least somewhat of the confines of that formula. Get the hook in there, etc. as mentioned above. I personally LIKE the chord progessions, melody and all. But as mentioned, the song, to me, sounds 'incomplete'. As for the sound of the band (not production), as I listened to the song a few times, I kept asking myself "Where's the bass?" Your link page mentions Pierre-Laurent as the bassist. Where's he? And the bass drum seems to be missing, but again that could be production matters. For me personally, that very guitar sound you chose is fine. I kinda like that guitar tone, myself. But IMO, that guitar sound SCREAMS 'METAL!!', no matter HOW "mellow" you try and make it otherwise. I think that with that sound, at that tempo, with that guitar riff in the non-vocal part, it's absolutely a metal song, period. So you may want to add the verses back in, even if they're even heavier than what you already have. Hey, people are NOT going to confuse that with a John Denver tune, buddy! I think every song sort of has it's own 'life' it's own 'existance', and it's gonna be what it is, IF it's ever going to be thought of as a worthwhile song. So, this is a metal song, let it BE that. And throw those metal chorus' back in there. I agree with Ian about splitting vocals. Perhaps only have one person sing for part of it, and add the other in for the chorus or something, to add a bit of audio variety to the song. I personally would leave out the splash cymbal you use later in the song. From about 1:30 - 1:50 and again from approx. 2:12 to the end of the song. For me as a listener, the splash sound just doesn't fit the driving riff of this song, a metal song. In my mind's eye, I can tap my foot to this and hear heavy bass, booming bass drums, a dark chorus part, a sinister guitar solo in there. Maybe even a tempo or time signature change. But not splash cymbals. O.K. those are my thoughts. I like the song. I think it has REAL possibilities as a saleable song 'cause as Bart said, the melody is catchy. I just think it needs to be 'finished'. And you could have a good seller there. That's MY feeble attempt at critique! J.B. [ 10-30-2001: Message edited by: ModernDrummer ] If you always do what you've always done, you'll always have what you've always had. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scream187 Posted October 31, 2001 Author Share Posted October 31, 2001 Thanks a lot for your long review! The thread was starting to go down and I wasnt expecting any more reviews! Well you said some very valid stuff, and we print every comment we get, this way at practice we can really work on those points. so a chorus is definitly going to be added back to the song. About the bass and kick, the problem was that it was way too loud at first... we could hear the guitar... we're not too good at mixing... and we made a mistake, and we were stuck with the levels this way... so uh... I did the best I could on the computer to fix it, and it ended up with not enough bass... but it was that or the first version... so we chose this one... We're gonna give up the split vocals for sure, because noone likes them, and we dont really like em that much either... hmm what else... yea thats about it, thx for the good words, kinda give us some hope since we're getting ripped apart by reviewers on garage band! haha... I'll post it when we re-record psyko and our next song... Thx everyone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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