haggard Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Well, it finally got to me too: I am separating from my wife. We shall start the separation in a month, our 2 kids will visit me on weekends. Depressing... Otherwise, music is doing just wonderfully! I left my last band and started with a new one some 4 months ago, and it turned out to be great! Had not had such a rewarding band in years, from the musical as well as the human points of view. Last week I sang for the first time in 10 years. Not planned, I improvised a blues on a party on Dec 25th with a jam band. Brought out an applause! So not everything is gray, life is sometimes strange... Hope I can overcome the depression and keep on turning it into musical ideas. "If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn" Charlie Parker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanmass Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Hang in there. I am more than 1/2 way through my divorce. It is rough on both of us and the kids, and I have more dark days than light, but, I think spring this year will feel pretty damn good. At least I am hopeful that it will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moot Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Hang on haggard. I've been divorced 3 times and music is always what gets me through. Always. "He is to music what Stevie Wonder is to photography." getz76 I have nothing nice to say so . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick Hoffman Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 3 times, Matt? I have never been married. But I live with my gf of almost 3 years(its been 4 months), and all I have to say is, I'm glad I decided to live with her first. My gf isn't into the music thing at all. Not a bit. I can never get into a mood to practice or to create when she is around, even if I'm in another room with headphones. She just brings such a negative energy sometimes... makes me want to kill someone. This would be a great thing if I were in a death metal band or screamo band, but I'm not, so...lately I've been thinking of leaving her. Yea, imagine that? If I would rather choose music over her, then she isn't for me anyway. "The world will still be turning when you've gone." - Black Sabbath Band site: www.finespunmusic.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moot Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 My gf isn't into the music thing at all. Not a bit. I can never get into a mood to practice or to create when she is around, even if I'm in another room with headphones. She just brings such a negative energy sometimes... makes me want to kill someone. Dude that sucks. That insecure attitude and negativity about something that you are accounts for at least one of my 3. "He is to music what Stevie Wonder is to photography." getz76 I have nothing nice to say so . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Capasso Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 Haggard (and deanmass) - so sorry to hear this. I wish you and your kids well. Tom www.stoneflyrocks.com Acoustic Color Be practical as well as generous in your ideals. Keep your eyes on the stars and keep your feet on the ground. - Theodore Roosevelt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butcherNburn Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 Originally posted by Herrrrrrre's Johnny: My gf isn't into the music thing at all. Not a bit. I can never get into a mood to practice or to create when she is around, even if I'm in another room with headphones. She just brings such a negative energy sometimes... Replace gf with wife (2 1/2 yrs), and that's me too. It's amazing how much less motivated and creative I've become. Maybe it's kind of a positive thing because I was always at my best in those areas when I was angry or depressed. But then again I don't think so... Little things get me when I'm playing and she's around (headphones always when she's home). Example: I'm about 4 min. into a 6 min. song she interupts me to say "So you're playing your music, huh" (not even in a nasty or sarcastic way, though sometimes I wish it was). or "There's something I was going to ask you but it's not important". Good luck with all you're going through. Sometimes things happen for the best. The only peice of advice I can offer is that you try to keep on a good talking relationship with your wife, for the benefit of the kids. Also, for both of you, try not to badmouth each other behind each others backs, or in front of the kids. If you think my playing is bad, you should hear me sing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
... Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 Sorry to hear that, man. Things do get better, it just takes time. I've not been married, but had a 5 1/2 year long relationship end and it ruined me for the better part of a year. Not fun. Music, whether playing or just listening, is always a great escape from the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cthulhu Fhtagn Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 I guess I am fortunate. I divorced my first before I got back into music. My current gf plays marimba and is talking herself into learning the flute. Her son plays anything with a reed in it and is very talented. Her sister plays marimba also, and her roomate plays mandolin. My son started playing guitar about a year before I stared bass again. Works well when she plays marimba because I can play the bass lines underneath and 1) it's good practice (IMHO), and 2) I'm not dividing time between her and music. Since I am the only metal head in the group ...(imagine Lemmy on the marimba ) Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tatudbassman Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 I've been in a seperation for 9 months. I have an 8yr old sweetheart and, a 4yr old drummer boy. The seperation from the children is very hard on me (no motivation). Haggard keep you're head up! Email anytime! Chuck Rainey once told me (and signed a pic) to "Press On"! I need to keep looking/thinking about what he told me. PRESS ON! Cool pic Johnny! Oh yea..."Muzak", is like all I have. My basses haven't deserted me ever. Good luck! Email Vince "Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up." ~ Pablo Picasso Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bassaddik Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 this subject hits home for me. i have been divorced for almost 2 years and sometimes it still feels like 2 days. I ADORED the woman... she obviously grew tired and disillusioned with me because at first we were great... then , it seemed NOTHING i did was right. I left the marriage- if i hadn't - she would have down the road. it hurt like hell and to this day i wonder if i will ever find a woman i can fall in love with again... througout the whole thing, music has been my strength. music is the one woman that will never leave you or cheat on you or try to make you something you are not. it sucks to hear you are getting seaparated, but YOU noe have a chance to be YOU. rejoice in your newfound freedom and be more in control of your destiny than you were before. and above all, follow your heart.... it won't be easy - but you'll be ok.... it has taken me quite a while ( she had another man in no time) - i had no desire for a woman for the longest.. now im a dog again!!! Praise ye the LORD. ....praise him with stringed instruments and organs... Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD. excerpt from- Psalm 150 visit me at: www.adriangarcia.net for His glory Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATM Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Jeeze guys, My best to all of you. All I can say is that I was somehow my most creative when I was most depressed. Anybody need an escape to Florida, let me know. ATM http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v506/atmofmn/Bass/DeepThoughtsBS.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gruuve Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Please hang in there. I can say I've never made a change that didn't turn out to be for the better, regardless of what that change was. I hope you begin finding more light days than dark days. Dave Old bass players never die, they just buy lighter rigs. - Tom Capasso, 11/9/2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moot Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Anybody need an escape to Florida, let me know. ATM Better watch that talk buster. The fishin' in Florida ROCKS! "He is to music what Stevie Wonder is to photography." getz76 I have nothing nice to say so . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haggard Posted January 7, 2005 Author Share Posted January 7, 2005 Originally posted by ATM of MN: Jeeze guys, My best to all of you. All I can say is that I was somehow my most creative when I was most depressed. Yeah, that exactly happens to me. One can translate the pain and frustration into music. Singing was great that night I mentioned. I also decided today I consider re-entering music school. I left it after starting the relation 10 years ago. I got prospects from the swiss jazz school today. And I recontacted an old sweetheart at StPaul MN, who got divorced 2 years ago. I may visit her in the Summer. I love women, I love my children, life goes on... Thanks all of you guys for the positive feedback. I don't enjoy others sorrow, but shared sorrow is as half as painful! "If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn" Charlie Parker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie Z Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Hi Haggard, So sorry to hear about your situation. I know that it can be 'heart-wrenching' at times, but will hopefully get better as time moves on. I hope that you are able to maintain a close and non-complicated relationship with your kids. Hopefully they don't get stuck "in the middle." Good luck with your new relationships, and I hope you move on to a full and happy life! And keep on making music! ... connie z "Change comes from within." - Jeremy Cohen The definition of LUCK: When Preparation meets Opportunity! http://www.cybergumbo.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haggard Posted January 7, 2005 Author Share Posted January 7, 2005 Thanks, Connie. Things are going well with my kids, and communication is active with my wife. It is better to move out before there is reason for a war. By the way I'll be attending the John Fogerty's Concert at Basel on March. He was the opening number for a Tina Turner concert not long ago (I went just because of his band ). They are really groovy! I have 2 tickets, so I'll have to invite someone else... If things continue as up to now, the first gig with my new band should take place around June. I'll be taking back vocals over soon, that may slow it up a bit, but it is a challenge. I love it! I won't let the depression take me down! "If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn" Charlie Parker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chito Posted January 7, 2005 Share Posted January 7, 2005 Haggard, I'm sorry for what's happening, but being a musician and being a husband is not an easy thing. A lot has to do with the type of woman you marry and there are not many that share or even understand the passion for music that we have inside. So those of you who have a companion that half understands this, be very happy because many of us would envy to have at least that. In my case, I went the other way. I decided to give up my band and other music related things in order to keep my family together. Before I took that decision, I put everything on a scale and felt that either decision was going to make me terribly unhappy. It was a matter of picking the one that would hurt less. I finally decided that more of me wanted to be a great dad and keep living and loving my compannion of many years, rather than living and loving my music with the same passion. I made some arrangements with my wife and things seem to be working out ok so far. I now feel more comfortable with the decision, but the sad part is that I will always miss the other side, no matter which I would have decided to go for. Anyway, you decided to go the other way and I hope everything works out for you; let's be more positive; I'm sure everything will go well! Lo siento hermano, pero no se puede tener todo en esta vida y a veces hay que escoger. Suerte! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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