"The Road".....A Collaboration

[A McLeod III]

About 2 years ago, I collaborated on a song written by Peter Fokkema of the Netherlands who I haven't seen or heard from in a minute. I think we both thought this was a very good song idea. It needed some tidying up as the original mix was actually done from a mp3 he sent me via e-mail. I finally got around to remixing the song (after two years) and I'd like the forums oppinion on the end result. I guess I'm looking for comments and critiques on the lyrical/melodic content more so than the actual recording technique used. I'm not trusting my own ears right now as the hours spent behind the console today and 2 other rehearsals have given me a bad case of ear fatigue so please take a listen and tell me what you think of the song. It amazes me how two people seemingly million miles apart can cross this electronic divide and come up with a song.

 

Click on the link below and then select the very first song on the page entitled "The Road"

 

Click the link to "The Road" Post your comments on the song

[Eric VB]

Archie,

Congratulations on getting "The Road" put together! We all know it isn't easy, whether it takes 2 days, 2 years or 2 decades. And because this song is based in part on your personal life, I'd like to thank you for sharing a little of your soul with us.

 

You asked for opinions from the forum, so I'll give it a shot. Songwriting can be very subjective, so there's often not a "right" or "wrong". (That is, my opinion will not necessarily be "right'.) I also tend to be rather critical, so do not take it the wrong way if I come across as being mostly negative.

 

The vocals are clear and up front where they should be. The guitar is also very clean and interesting without being over done. Overall it has a nice, easy, gentle flow; a little cyclic, like ocean waves softly breaking along a sandy beach as the sun is setting. It's a nice setting for the idea of "The Road", a soulful, introspective look at navigating our way through a still prejudiced society to the unrealized freedom of Dr. King's Dream. (Pretty powerful stuff, if I read that correctly.)

 

Personally, I'd like more of your personality to show through, like the "HA!" (really liked that) after the 2nd chorus before the little guitar solo. The lyrics talk about freedom, but the melody and singing is very subdued. Maybe it's not your style, but I'd like to hear a little more gritty-ol'-blues singer from time to time, something a little more forceful and intense. If you get burned, you don't whisper "that's hot". But, it has to be real. If a proud, dignified, and softly spoken acceptance of having to walk down that long road is what's real to you, then don't change a thing.

 

Lyrically, there are a couple of word choice issues I have. (That means I actually like all the other stuff; I'm just being nitpicky here.) I'd like to add a word (italicizes) to this line:

"They say our cause is just-we just dont know what were fighting for"

I think it will fit. I like reusing the word just with its other meaning here; there's probably a literary term for it but I don't know it. The big let down for me, however, is the first line of the chorus. "The sky is blue." "The grass is green." The "something is something" form is just not as strong as using an action verb. (At least, that's what I learned in school and I tend to agree.) Here's another way of saying it:

"Cause the road less traveled carries on"

In any case, I'd like to hear the background singing come up a bit after this line and repeat and/or refine the statement: "the road is long, it just keeps carrying on" (or similar).

 

The irony of using the symbolism of dark (bad) turning to light (good) in this song is priceless. Well done.

 

The title. Hmm. I suppose to you someone could say "The Road" and you'd think of this song. To anyone else, "The Road" could mean just about anything, couldn't it? "Hit the road, Jack"? "On the road again"? Now, I'll admit, I'm probably the world's worst "title writer". "Road Less Travelled" is nice, but it's not fresh. Same with "Long Trip Home". Definitely can't do "The Long and Winding Road'. I don't know ... maybe a nod to Dr. King? "Road to Freedom (Land of Dreams)".

 

(Just a little more on the emotion thing.) "FREE AT LAST". It's ludicrous that we need laws to gain acceptance into society, and being accepted isn't the same as being welcomed into society. "FREE AT LAST". The bonds of slavery may no longer be chains, but they still exist none the less, dollars or otherwise. "THANK GOD ALLMIGHTY". They're killing brothers with a smile! With a smile!! "WE ARE FREE AT LAST". Or are we still dreaming?

 

Thank you for sharing with us, Archie, and I look forward to hearing more from you in the future. Keep writing!