duff beer Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hud/677453250.html SERIOUS guitarist looking for like-minded bandmates to make it big. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2008-05-12, 11:13AM EDT Look here, Hudson Valley. I'm tired of answering ads on these pages only to find poseurs, geeks and acoustic folk acts who want me to change my unique playing style to match their style. It's time for a band that is as unique and forceful as I am, and I'm taking no prisoners. This monumental effort will require the cooperation of a thunderous bass player with the mind and skills to keep this beast of a freight train on its tracks while a talented drummer will unleash an unrelenting hailstorm of destruction down upon his kingdom of percussion. The band will need to be as focused and driven as I am, willing to meet two, perhaps three times a week. When I host a practice session, I treat it like an Ultimate Fighter match, where nobody leaves until someone taps out. If you think you've got the endurance and fire to keep up, then bring your best, but be warned... I don't let up, and I don't want to share a stage with anyone who will. As you can see from my picture, I wear chain mail to protect my body from the rigors of extreme playing. When you step up on stage with a true performer like myself, it's like stepping into battle, only instead of swords and arrows, we fight with 32nd notes and pinch harmonics. So in a way, the chain mail is largely symbolic, but my legions of fans have come to appreciate and expect it. You may don similar armor, but only if it fits the theme (no hockey masks or umpire's vests). You are expected to have suitable gear. If you can see the top of your amplifier, don't bother answering this ad. It is expected that you will have a commitment to tone that approaches mine. (would be impossible to exceed, to be quite honest) I have a pedalboard that is ten feet long and would not dare sacrifice a single effect for the sake of portability. My pedals are alphabetized so that I can easily find them in the middle of "battle". Behringer up front, Zoom at the end. When you've been in the business as long as I have, you tend to come up with little time-saving tricks like that. So that is my decree. I know that many of you will mock my demands and continue posting your offers and requests for lesser musicians. You may continue to carry on at your own leisurely pace, hoping for a shot at a coffee house or open mic night. I will not rest until we have our own stadium on the moon, with amplifiers pointed towards the sky's infinite expanses, so that we may truly rock the galaxy. I wish for you to join me on this epic quest. Yours in rock -^v-Riley-v^- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fingertalkin Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 What, no vocals? How do you sign a computer screen? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EddiePlaysBass Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 At least he's clear about what he wants He should quit music altogether and focus on a career in popular literature, if you ask me :grin: "I'm a work in progress." Micky Barnes The Ross Brown Shirt World Tour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saxofunk Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Behringer up front, Zoom at the end. I see his demand for quality matches his rhetoric about his demand for quality. If you can see the top of your amplifier, don't bother answering this ad. "Hello? Yeah, dude I saw your ad. I'm a bass player, I'm 7'5" and I can see the top of all four of my 8x10s if I stack them horizontally. Dude, can I still be in your band?" - Matt W. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davio Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Wow...I hope I can someday achieve that kind of greatness. He must be like a Super Sayian 12 or so by now. Can you imagine how much power he must have driving his speakers if he can push the sound waves of his reality-shifting music through the vaccuum of space? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky McDougall Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Hummmmmm........Interesting! I guess an old, fat, bald, ugly, limited talent bass player with low budget equipment need not apply? Rocky "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb, voting on what to eat for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb, contesting the vote." Benjamin Franklin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davio Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Behringer up front, Zoom at the end. No Aphex because A's are for nerds, bookworms and other lower life forms who will never conquer a single galaxy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenstrum Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! He must play metal! Tenstrum "Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." Harry Dresden, Storm Front Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davio Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 He must play metal! I heard it was a Yanni tribute band. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EddiePlaysBass Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Wow...I hope I can someday achieve that kind of greatness. He must be like a Super Sayian 12 or so by now. Can you imagine how much power he must have driving his speakers if he can push the sound waves of his reality-shifting music through the vaccuum of space? davio too should quit music altogether and focus on a career in popular literature, if you ask me :grin: Love the Dragonball Z reference, by the way "I'm a work in progress." Micky Barnes The Ross Brown Shirt World Tour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeremy c Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Was this guy in the band, Disaster Area, in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? "not only the loudest rock band in the galaxy, but in fact the loudest noise of any kind" If his list of pedals said Aphex at the beginning and Zvex at the end, I might start getting interested. They say I look good in chain mail. Where's the picture? I want to see this guy. Meanwhile, I hear that Michael Anthony is currently available. Free download of my cd!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5 string Mike Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 This guy complains about playing with 'geeks', but alphabetizes his pedals? Someone should put him in touch with that Canadian blogger who thinks he's God's Gift to guitar players. Sounds like this Riley needs that guy's free 'press kit'. Craigslist is like the county fair. You see it all there. "Political language... is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind"- George Orwell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EddiePlaysBass Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Someone should put him in touch with that Canadian blogger who thinks he's God's Gift to guitar players. Sounds like this Riley needs that guy's free 'press kit'. Nominated for Post Of The Day :grin: "I'm a work in progress." Micky Barnes The Ross Brown Shirt World Tour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danzilla Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 I too want to see the picture (just to laugh at it). Is it Guy Mann Dude? Or whats-hi-name, the guitarist who claims to be the ultimate player from the futuer come back to rock us? What a joke. I should tell him I have the ultimate stacks (even bigger than yourlord's); then show up with my Briefcase. "Am I enough of a freak to be worth paying to see?"- Separated Out (Marillion) NEW band Old band Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Griffinator Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Whatever credibility he had left after the "chain mail" thing went out the window when he admitted to using Behringer and Zoom effects boxes. A bunch of loud, obnoxious music I USED to make with friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slinky P Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Whatever credibility he had left after the "chain mail" thing went out the window when he admitted to using Behringer and Zoom effects boxes. +1 "there ain't no faux mojo" jcadmus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
... Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 That can't possibly be a serious ad. I'm guessing someone is just being humorous. And that is pretty damn funny if you ask me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moot Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Cornholio the Great. Oh, yes, I mock. I bet he is a 14 year old zitface who plays a Johnson and sucks. Chain mail? Really? "He is to music what Stevie Wonder is to photography." getz76 I have nothing nice to say so . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
picker Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 That guy sounds like a self-correcting problem. If he keeps posting stuff like that, it is a guaranteed lock that he'll never find anyone who can stop laughing long enough to play with him. Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davio Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 I think he's serious. If I could pick up and move to wherever he is, I would. I would dig up the old "Dream Rig" thread for some shopping ideas if I were to play with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidMPires Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 some people have far too much time in their hands.... www.myspace.com/davidbassportugal "And then the magical unicorn will come prancing down the rainbow and we'll all join hands for a rousing chorus of Kumbaya." - by davio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b5pilot Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 Holy Cow! I guess I need to bring my spear and Magic helmet. Is he looking for musicians or ultimate fighters. This guy appears to have quite an ego. Lydian mode? The only mode I know has the words "pie ala" in front of it. http://www.myspace.com/theeldoradosband Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cthulhu Fhtagn Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 In a universe where Ed McMahon is a music producer .... Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moot Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 Edit Reason: Hard to type without coffee while wearing chain mail gauntlets. You slay me Flank. "He is to music what Stevie Wonder is to photography." getz76 I have nothing nice to say so . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chad Thorne Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 Holy Cow! I guess I need to bring my spear and Magic helmet.Spear and Magic Helmet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
... Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 YES! Spear and magic helmet and I shall give you a sample! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howmanychanges Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 I think you're being unfare! At least he's been taught to keep his gear in alphabetical order. A credit to his parents! I do the same Bass-Amp-Cab ... BUGGER!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeremy c Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 Alphabetical, huh? How about: Brain, Fingers, Instrument, Music? I think he left out the first and last elements on that list. Free download of my cd!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimR Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 That brings back horrible memories of the last time I wore my suit of armour too close to my 8x10. The start of the gig was delayed 4 hours while the fire brigade used a tin opener to free me from the pull of the magnets and I've still got the marks from the codpiece. Feel the groove internally within your own creativity. - fingertalkin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juancarlin Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 Guy Mann-Dude... geeeezz.. it was SUCH a long time without hearing/reading that name!!!!!!!!!! Now, the guy SURELY knows what he's doing.. first Behringer, then everything else up to the Zoom... No matter if Behringer's is a digital Reverb and Zoom's is a Multi Delay and in the middle there are all sort of distortion units, flangers, EQ's, no matter the sorting order... I got used to talk about the signal chain's 3 groups (Gain units, Filters and Modulation/Time-based units) as the "3 food groups". Now it makes sense to me, if this guy pays no attention to "his" groups, he must probably be larger-than-life as he says.. but in some other sense... Brought to you by Juancarlin. www.juancarlinmusic.com http://www.youtube.com/JuanCarlinMusic www.facebook.com/JuanCarlinMusic Instagram: @JuanCarlinMusic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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