Ross Brown Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 My wife has decided to start up her own band. She has a great voice and she loves to sing and is very comfortable in front of a microphone and a crowd. She asked me to play bass. I agreed, but said that my other band is my primary band. When I told my band, the guitar player said that he would be interested in joining us. He is very good and that was good news. The set lists will be similar in that they will have some classic rock and blues, but she will also venture into country rock, R&B and some things funky. She said she doesnt want to recreate my band with the same players but after auditioning other guitar players, she is really excited about having our guitarist join her. I like the other guys and feel a bit strange, like I am cheating on them. Ill get over it but I wonder what everyone elses experiences are being in two bands. I expect the issues to be scheduling and running out of time and energy. "When I take a stroll down Jackass Lane it is usually to see someone that is already there" Mrs. Brown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky McDougall Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 I would just tell my other band members that this is your wife's band, she is choosing the musicans, you really don't have any say in the matter and that they are still your primary band. Rocky "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb, voting on what to eat for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb, contesting the vote." Benjamin Franklin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul K Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 THat's kind of cooler than you think. The key player in the band I play with is married to the guitar player. They mostly don't argue. But to the point, they get to play music and still get some quality time together. And during gigs, one isn't bored to tears hearing the other play the same damn tunes again and again.... Downside is that "He" has to lug around twice as much gear (he already lugs the P.A. and minimal lights...) And key players don't exactly pack light. Most of their arguments involve a problem with communication of music ideas, as neither has enough basic music theory to convey with confidence the point they're trying to make. So neither knows what the other is trying to say; They can't say "Hey, baby; the fourth measure of the bridge as an Am7" 'cause they both don't know how long a bar is. Her cheater charts look like hieroglyphics. In view of that, if you don't mind lugging more gear, and you have good communications skills, and you keep in mind that since it's her band, she's driving the bus, you'll be in for some very good times! Congrats! How's that for a run-on sentence? Things are just the way they are, and they're only going to get worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross Brown Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 Yea... I wouldn't agree to do it if I didn't already know we can work well together. We communicate well and gave up giving each other crap a long time ago. She is carrying her own stuff, but she already helps us load in and out when she goes to our gigs. better than sitting around doing nothing, according to her. The quality time with her is a great big plus, and she is a good singer. She belted out Pat Benetar's Hit Me With Your Best Shot the other day (with and without music)..... wow... I thought it would suck... it blew me away... and there were many others... it'sa so nice. "When I take a stroll down Jackass Lane it is usually to see someone that is already there" Mrs. Brown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenstrum Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 I expect the issues to be scheduling and running out of time and energy. You hit the nail on the head... Tenstrum "Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." Harry Dresden, Storm Front Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EddiePlaysBass Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Whilst not exactly the same, I spent roughly 6 months in a band together with my father, who is an excellent classic rock vocalist. I even contributed backing vocals, and we still got along really well. So much so, that the only reason him and I stuck it out so long, was because of each other. It led to a mutual better understanding and deeper appreciation of each other's musical abilities (dad has that perfect / relative / whatever pitch thing going on, and would be a great musician if he actually devoted time to learning to play an instrument) and we've been talking of repeating the experience ever since. We got close, but work and my current band sort of get in the way Do it, Ross, you will not regret it. As for the multiple band thing, be honest to all parties involved. At the time of playing with my dad, I was technically in 3 bands and juggled hard for time to learn songs for all of them. Ironically, the one band that was semi-nonexistent at the time and mostly an excuse to get together with two friends and play silly poptunes turned out to be my current rockabilly band, the other two are dead and buried "I'm a work in progress." Micky Barnes The Ross Brown Shirt World Tour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kramer Ferrington III. Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 I would just tell my other band members that this is your wife's band, she is choosing the musicans, you really don't have any say in the matter and that they are still your primary band. Rocky I think it's a bit much to expect a bunch of adults to believe that somebody "had no say" in whether they joined another band or not! I'd definitely reassure them that they are still your primary band, but I'd leave out the "had no say" stuff. Band MySpace My snazzy t-shirt empire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danzilla Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Do it, Ross, you will not regret it. So says the single guy! "Am I enough of a freak to be worth paying to see?"- Separated Out (Marillion) NEW band Old band Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimR Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 I think it's a bit much to expect a bunch of adults to believe that somebody "had no say" in whether they joined another band or not! Kramer, I take it you are not married! I've done the two band thing, it's OK as one band is not playing often, but it was a struggle fitting in 2 practices a week. December was manic, even though I only had 5 gigs, because I have to hold down a day job and keep a young family happy as well. Feel the groove internally within your own creativity. - fingertalkin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moot Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Jeez . . . I would hope that everyone is secure enough and mature enough . . . Oh!! We're talking about guitarists and drummers! Pardon. 2 bands is something I have been doing for years and I love it. I am actually getting ready to start a third. "He is to music what Stevie Wonder is to photography." getz76 I have nothing nice to say so . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff B Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 I think you are a VERY lucky guy. I wish my wife would realize that she has a lovely singing voice, and that she could sing in a band, my band. I wish we could spend that much more time together doing something we both enjoyed. As for the "other guys," well, you're not married to THEM. Give them their due, fulfill your responsibilities, and have a great time playing in two good bands. Run with this thing, man, and NEVER look back! Jeff B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross Brown Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 Thanks. The other guys are good guys. i think they are wrestling with it a bit but they will be fine. The drummer wants her to sing with our band, etc, etc it will all play out fine I think. "When I take a stroll down Jackass Lane it is usually to see someone that is already there" Mrs. Brown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bottomgottem Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Jeez . . . I would hope that everyone is secure enough and mature enough . . . Oh!! We're talking about guitarists and drummers! Pardon. I'm in three bands right now. They get the pleasure of my services strictly on a first come, first serve basis. You have to make it very clear that you will never blow off a booked gig. No matter how much you may want to. My whole trick is to keep the tune well out in front. If I play Tchaikovsky, I play his melodies and skip his spiritual struggle. ~Liberace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EddiePlaysBass Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 I think it's a bit much to expect a bunch of adults to believe that somebody "had no say" in whether they joined another band or not! Kramer, I take it you are not married! That was the exact same thought going through my head when I read that :grin: On that note: Do it, Ross, you will not regret it. So says the single guy! Sorry Danzilla, been in a steady relationship for 8.5 years and counting "I'm a work in progress." Micky Barnes The Ross Brown Shirt World Tour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross Brown Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 Thanks. The other guys are good guys. i think they are wrestling with it a bit but they will be fine. The drummer wants her to sing with our band, etc, etc it will all play out fine I think. But the singer enjoys the spotlight and is a sexist.... something that has not gone unnoticed, therefore my wife being the wise one that she is knows that it will probably be best to start her own thing. She also has a need to have more control. Much like me, but I have control of that band. I am the "Band Dad". I guess she will be the "Band Mom" of her band. Is it ok to quote myself...??? "When I take a stroll down Jackass Lane it is usually to see someone that is already there" Mrs. Brown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1111000 Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 I think as long as you don't start shuffling original tunes across the board most people will be happy. I once committed a faux pas by doing a jazz cover in my jazz band of a rock song written by the guitarist of my rock band. He was cool with it ultimately but I realized I had a lot of potential to hurt feelings with that sort of behavior. Having two bands is hard work. How some people pull it off is to either a) have a really shallow involvement; b) dedicate one season to one band, then one to the other, going back and forth (I have done this myself but am no fan of it); c) become insane. Of course, with bass players it's not always such, because sometimes bands just really need a bassist to sub and you can help them out. That's not so bad. Or you can be like the incestuous bands in my town and have the same keyboard player use the same single effect in seven bands while he waves around his long hair and handlebar mustache, and then reform your group minus one member, keeping the other group active, and playing shows together. I'm sorry, that turned into rant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Capasso Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 You've nailed the key conflicts. And I agree that this sounds interesting. I'd be aware of ways to differentiate this band from your "male" band. It will make it more interesting for you and the guitarist. I would just tell my other band members that this is your wife's band, she is choosing the musicans, you really don't have any say in the matter and that they are still your primary band.Rocky While I agree with the sentiment, I'd be careful about putting it too bluntly to start. Otherwise your wife will show up at one of your gigs and there will be animosity. I think you want to say something more like "we're going in a slightly different direction, and don't want to create a clone band - you'd be fine but we want some differences". You may even want to say that YOU want it that way to redirect any bad feelings to you instead of your wife. Just a thought... Tom www.stoneflyrocks.com Acoustic Color Be practical as well as generous in your ideals. Keep your eyes on the stars and keep your feet on the ground. - Theodore Roosevelt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross Brown Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 Yup... thanks "When I take a stroll down Jackass Lane it is usually to see someone that is already there" Mrs. Brown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EddiePlaysBass Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 And in the end, if the styles are compatible, you can do double-bills and you'll be playing bass for 6 - 8 hours straight :grin: "I'm a work in progress." Micky Barnes The Ross Brown Shirt World Tour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil W Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 You know I have a different perspective. Even though I'm resigned to the fact that I'll never be a pro, I treat bassplaying in a professional manner mostly. I know you enjoy the camaraderie of the regular rehearsals and I dig that as I've come to enjoy that in my new project myself. On the whole though, if you are a decent player, other musicians should understand that you will be in demand - unless that project pasys enough to keep you in the life accustomed. Even musicians in major bands have side-projects sometimes. For me. I'm currently in 4. Not enough, obviously, as I haven't gigged in 2008. Everyone must be broke! The drummer I play with in two of the bands plays in at least 5 or 6 projects. He asked me to play with him in a third over Christmas and I'm kicking myself I was unable. The bandleaders have deps for some of the projects that they call if I'm not available. If I agree to a gig with one, I honour it even if a bigger gig comes along. TBH though, I'm not sure what I'd do if a really huge gig came along - I think I'd find a dep and say my apologies. It's a fairly normal thing to have several bands. I wish I could be in a band with my wife. We'd fight a lot, but we do that anyway. It's great to have that in common. My wife and I used to do evening classes together and even had the same profession once. Now we seem to be always doing different things and because of lack of childcare, when we go out in the evening it's almost always one at a time. We spend a massive amount of time together on weekends and school holidays though. This sounds a neat project, I envy you. Go for it. http://philwbass.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil W Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 I love double bills where I get to play in both bands. Haven't done that for a while. http://philwbass.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross Brown Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 Thanks Phil, I do look forward to playing with other musicians. I like playing with these guys, just would like the experience of another band too. I am excited about it. "When I take a stroll down Jackass Lane it is usually to see someone that is already there" Mrs. Brown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerk Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 My wife has decided to start up her own band. She has a great voice and she loves to sing and is very comfortable in front of a microphone and a crowd. She asked me to play bass. I agreed, but said that my other band is my primary band. When I told my band, the guitar player said that he would be interested in joining us. He is very good and that was good news. The set lists will be similar in that they will have some classic rock and blues, but she will also venture into country rock, R&B and some things funky. She said she doesnt want to recreate my band with the same players but after auditioning other guitar players, she is really excited about having our guitarist join her. I like the other guys and feel a bit strange, like I am cheating on them. Ill get over it but I wonder what everyone elses experiences are being in two bands. I expect the issues to be scheduling and running out of time and energy. That is really cool. How great to be able to play and not feel like you're leaving your wife sitting at home. To me, that is the thing I dislike most about gigging, and she was never crazy about it either, although, she was a trooper. But it took, and takes, a lot of the fun out of it, for me, as I feel it should. So, good for you. But, just for fun, let me put out a possible scenario to think about, and how one would deal with it. All can chime in. OK: You are in the band that your wife is fronting, she gets discovered, they are only interested in her, and she is offered a contract to record, but must do the supporting tour. (this assumes that you both were able and willing to go on the road) The contract gives the company control over filling the tour band. You audition, but do not get chosen. What to do. Would you go with her on the tour anyway, or would you stay back and gig with your band. It's just a thought that crossed my mind when I read your post, and thought about what it would have been like if my wife fronted the band I was in. I realize 'MONEY' is the elephant of all the unknown factors, but that could range from just enough to pay the bills, to an amount that you couldn't refuse, so it creates too many variables in itself, to be included. Personally, I would go on tour anyway, as long as they would work me, even as a roadie. Plus, I'd take my fish, just in case the bassist broke a leg or something. (Do I have too much time on my hands?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
picker Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Partner, you are living my dream; your wife is a talented, good-lookin' woman with enough gumption and independance to start her own band, and she loves you and what you can do on your instruments enough to want you in her band. If she's a natural redhead, I'm gonna go to my room and cry... As far as the other band goes, family comes first. I made the mistake of putting a band before my former wife. It wasn't the only reason why she is my former wife, but it sure enough contributed. I'd tell the other band "Guys, I love making music with you, but my wife wants my help, and she's the primary relationship in my life. When she needs me, I am THERE, regardless. You need to know that even if it gets in the way of what this band is doing, I won't hesitate to choose her every time. I'd love to keep on with you guys, but if you need to find another guy to replace me, no hard feelings, I understand, and I hope you do too." You're a piker with both your ol'lady and the other band if you don't. Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross Brown Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 Nice dark red hair.... sorry man.... Also, Kerk. If she were to get asked to do more than play with me, cool. The key would be in being together. That would be important to both, but if she used a different bass player that would be fine. "When I take a stroll down Jackass Lane it is usually to see someone that is already there" Mrs. Brown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moot Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 I love double bills where I get to play in both bands. Haven't done that for a while. It always feels really weird to me - like I'm showing off. The cover band usually either opens for or plays a couple bands before the original band and I always wonder if the guys in the cover band resent it. The other thing I wanted to touch on was, my current girlfriend has a great voice and wants to sing with the cover band and for some reason I keep stalling. My third wife managed a great original band I was in and it put a pretty good strain on our marriage and the relationship with the band mates. Walk softly Ross. "He is to music what Stevie Wonder is to photography." getz76 I have nothing nice to say so . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Sweet Willie_ Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Walk softly Ross. Word. Peace. --s-uu spreadluv Fanboy? Why, yes! Nordstrand Pickups and Guitars. Messiaen knew how to parlay the funk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross Brown Posted February 9, 2008 Author Share Posted February 9, 2008 Wife comes first... We communicate very well. should be fine, one way or another... "When I take a stroll down Jackass Lane it is usually to see someone that is already there" Mrs. Brown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
picker Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Nice dark red hair.... sorry man.... I sincerely hope you realize just how fortunate you are. God bless you and your wife, and may you make glorious rock and roll together on and off the bandstand for the rest of very long lives. Any more like her at home? Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross Brown Posted February 9, 2008 Author Share Posted February 9, 2008 Nice dark red hair.... sorry man.... Any more like her at home? Just three ulgy brothers.... "When I take a stroll down Jackass Lane it is usually to see someone that is already there" Mrs. Brown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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